14: Three Days After
Ella
I want to take back what I said about the Norovians. Perhaps they do have some sense of emotion, but not much when it comes to other things besides themselves. It was actually good to smile again. What a more terrible place this would be if I was all alone. I would've probably died of starvation and loneliness if he wasn't there, as much as I don't like admitting it.
I'm growing hungry, but I don't say anything. We don't know how far we are from the road, and even then there is no proof how far away a town may be. The asteroid could have taken out all of the towns in what used to be Colorado, we don't know for sure. The uncertainty is driving me mad. And with that uncertainty comes fear that we're running out of food. We can't have an endless supply of water and peanut butter crackers in that bag.
"How many bottles of water do we have left?" I ask after a moment, the bottle in my hand dwindling to nothing.
"Two," he replies shortly without even looking or stopping to check.
"We're going to run out soon," I breathe, trying not to show how nervous that makes me. We're trying to just drink one bottle a day, but since I didn't drink one the first day, and he didn't drink one today, that basically does the math itself. I'm parched, and after being out in this heat for three days, it doesn't help.
"We'll be okay. We'll find the road soon, Ella, I'm positive." His driven determination, does not ease me one bit. I don't say anything though, I'm sick of picking fights with him, it's not like it gets us anywhere.
The sun has turned into a soft orange across the horizon, and my legs feel like jelly. It's hard enough to walk all day without rest, let alone all day through dirt and sand. "Can we rest, for just a moment?" I request, not having enough pride to suck it up.
"Of course," he sighs, and I can tell he's thankful for the break too.
"You know, if you're tired you can always say something," I tease.
"Yeah, yeah. I just want to be there already." I don't know what's worse, seeing him sad or nervous. He is nervous and that worries me. It could take another three days to get around the edge and find the road, and I don't know if we could survive that.
"If we don't find it soon," I begin, not wanting to bring it up, but it being a necessary topic to mention. "I'm not sure if we'll--"
"We'll make it, Ella," he almost snaps. "I won't die out here, not like this. This is not what I had in store for myself. No, when I die, I'm going to be in a warm bed sleeping next to the my significant other. That's how I'm going to end, not out here in a desert with you." It shouldn't bother me, what he just told me, but it does. I wish he wouldn't be so harsh. I wish I wouldn't be so harsh. I'm just trying to be practical and serious, he doesn't know if we're going to make it, he's only making assumptions. I also can't help but think about the other things he said. His significant other. I never pictured Dean as the guy to settle down with just one girl.
"Your significant other?" I ask, the curiosity getting the best of me. "Have you already found this special someone?" Right when the words leave my mouth, I inwardly slap myself.
"Psh," he scoffs, his yellow eyes darkening. "It wouldn't matter if I did, now, would it? She'd be back there buried under the ruins of our town. Or the ruins of my planet."
"I'm sorry, I didn't even think--"
"You know what? It doesn't even matter. Don't worry about it, it's not like it's important to you." He stands up and brushes the dirt off his pants, before walking away. I stand up and follow him, my defensive side perking up.
"And I jump you for whatever you say?" I scoff. "I am sorry, my mind wasn't thinking. I actually care, okay? Yeah, wow, Ella cares. I know it's hard for you to believe but--"
"Don't," he mutters before turning around and getting as close to me as he possibly can without any physical contact. "I don't want to deal with this stuff today, especially not stuff based on...that topic." His chest is rising and falling in a rhythm and I can tell I've angered him again. I didn't even try this time.
"I was being serious," I whisper. "I am sorry." It feels hotter then it was earlier, and I can't tell if the sun let off more steam or if it's from Dean breathing on my face.
"Don't be sorry about something you know nothing about." He walks away, and the temperature decreases, letting me know it was from him. I then begin to wonder if Dean was in love before the asteroid hit, or perhaps he was in love and never realized it till now.
I begin to think of Brad, and despite how cowardly I was to talk to him, I can't help but miss him. I've missed him a lot on this trip along with my family and Hunter, but it does nothing to help. Dean is right, if you pay attention to the ache, all it does it remind you it's there.
It seems like it was just yesterday that it hit my planet. I can remember waking up and being mad that I wasn't woken up. Peter always rode with his friends to school, leaving me with the bus. I hated taking the bus, but I would have never guessed I would actually miss it. I would ride that stupid yellow bus any day if it meant having everything back that I lost.
We've been traveling for three and a half days and I feel as if we didn't even get anywhere. I can still see the slight dust the asteroid is giving off, and I just want to be out already of here. Out of the desert, out away from the mass dome of destruction that took away everything, out of Dean's present. I'd even take being out of this Earth if it meant reuniting with my loved ones.
I almost wish Dean and I were friends. If we were, it would be so much easier. We wouldn't fight, there would be no hatred, we might laugh, if he hugged me it wouldn't be so awkward, and we would actually know each other. I would have known about his planet, I would have known about his wanting to be a teacher, I would have known that he loved his mother, but no. I had to find out all this after a fight. I hated him so much, that I never realized he has feelings just like I do. He has issues, he has problems, he has emotions. Despite how he acts, he truly has emotions. I don't know where this sudden guilt trip that's flowing through me is coming from, but I don't like it. I don't need to add anymore sadness or emotion to the situation.
I want to ask him why he doesn't like me, and since he asked me that earlier, I think I might. I don't care, I'm just curious. "Why do you hate me?" I ask all of the sudden. "Not that I care, of course, but you asked me that and I only think it's fair if I ask the same."
He reaches up and scratches the back of his head, and I get a glimpse of something behind his hair, making me cringe. I have no idea what it is, but I should have asked him that instead. I actually forgot that the Norovians had that, whatever it is, and it continues to creep me out.
"You're so prejudice about my kind. You think you know us, but you don't. You make all these assumptions and it's just obnoxious. Not to mention that you're annoying and constantly push my buttons over the simple things that I say. Or when you give me that stupid silent treatment and act like a child."
"I only gave you the silent treatment, because you were acting like a douche bag as always." I huff, wishing I never asked. He's so rude, and he doesn't know me. "Did it ever occur to you that you don't know me, Dean? I don't know you, but that's only because in school you were a complete jerk and always acted like you were better than me. Why did you always tease me or pick on me? I never did a thing to you." I have no idea where this sudden curiosity is coming from, but I think since I have no one else, I need to know why he treated me like that.
"I--" he begins before drawing a long breath. "I don't know, Ella, okay? You would get so heated and it amused me. I was only ever teasing you, if you didn't act so angry I wouldn't have kept it up."
"Amused you? You tortured me constantly. Always telling me I did wrong on a test or I got the question wrong or if I answered in class and it was wrong you would always snicker. Or the times I would try to do my tests and you would throw paper at me, making all your stupid Norovian friends around me laugh. How would that make you feel? And you did all that for your amusement? I'm selfish, but your kind isn't? It never entered your mind that it made me feel bad? I would always be angry or hurt by the time I left class, does that not bother you?" I really wish now that I had not asked. He's so ignorant, I cannot stand him. I don't even want to look at him. I want to punch him again, and if it didn't hurt my hand so badly last time, I would.
"No, I never thought of that. Why are you asking all of the sudden? You never thought that it would pick a fight? I'm not going to lie to you, so why ask for the truth when you know it's going to hurt?" I look over at him, only for him to face the other way. I will never understand him, and I don't want to. What I want is for him to leave. I don't care if I die in this desert, I just want to be far from him, far from his face, far from his attitude, far from that stupid smirk he likes to give when he know he's irritating me. I just want him gone. Never in my life have I hated a person as much as I despise him, and I can tell he knows this.
I open my bottle of water, and drink what's left inside, before tossing it aside in the dusty earth. The wind picks up speed around me, and I can feel the sand scraping across my face. The slight pain it causes me reminds me of everything. And I mean everything. School, home, friends, Dean, asteroid, crater, town, everything. I shouldn't have survived. Dean shouldn't have survived, but we did. Why? I would like to have that question answered. Surely, we didn't survive by a mere accident. The cuts on our bodies remind me of that, mine bearing a red tint and Dean's bearing a green tint. I don't want to be reminded, I want to wipe my memory of everything and start new. It would be so much better, and I wouldn't feel as much pain.
The sun is lowering, and it's almost night time. I want to stop, but I don't say anything. I don't want to speak to him. I can't believe all of that was for his entertainment. I mean, yeah, I assumed, but hearing him say that he tortured me all of that time just for himself, upsets me more then I could have thought.
I tap the watch on my wrist, wanting to see the time. I haven't checked my watch since we left town, and I wonder if it still works. Luckily, it lights up and projects the time, 9:02. I'm glad I was wearing my watch when this all happened, at least something other than Dean survived with me.
"We should probably get some rest," he speaks up, just minutes after I checked the time. "We've been traveling all day, and I think it's time to just relax." I don't say anything, if he thinks it's time to stop, then I'll just agree silently. He doesn't check his watch, and I wonder why. Each night he's checked it before we'd stop. He'd never tell me the time, but of course I never asked. What's time when everything around you is falling apart?
He sits on the dirty ground, and pulls the backpack off of his back. I sit across from him, remaining silent, not having anything to say to him.
I huddle my body close to me, the night bringing a bit of chilly weather. I don't like camping out in the middle of nowhere, you never know what wild animal could be lurking. That uncertainty makes me nervous as well.
"Man, it's cold," he mutter to himself, before rapidly rubbing his arms. The past couple nights, it has only been cool, but tonight for some reason, the temperature is freezing. It wasn't so bad when we decided to stop, but now it's getting lower. Both of us only have thin shirts on, and I wished I had searched around for a jacket or something before we left town.
I lie down on my back, hugging my arms, as I stare up into the clear sky. The stars are so alive tonight, and I am thankful that there is still beauty to behold on this Earth, despite how much has been destroyed. What if the asteroid destroyed sections of the country and not just a couple hundred miles? What if it took out the entire East of the country and we're just walking around it for nothing? Or maybe, it took out a region of the north where Canada is? Either way, East is the only way to travel to get around it, and I'm just glad it was only the edge that got us and not the whole thing.
I lie here quietly for a couple minutes, before looking in the corner of my eye and see Dean sitting up, holding his arms while watching the sky as well. It's hard to see him through the now dark night, but I can almost feel the sadness he holds. He's been up near those stars, past them, watched them, he might even have traveled to some, but he knows more about them, and I know he misses being up there, in another dimension where I don't exist. I almost wish I could see North, I bet it was beautiful.
After another few minutes of silence, he looks over at me, and I turn my head to face him. "Don't tell me your giving me another silent treatment, just because I spoke the truth?" I look away, hoping he doesn't catch the hurt that slipped inside.
"No, Dean, there's no reason for the silent treatment, it won't change anything." My voice is but a whisper, but with the silence all around us, he can hear every word.
"Don't tell me that if you had a chance to torture me, you wouldn't?" I can hear him lying down, and the chatter of his teeth when he talks, an effect of the cold.
"No. If you weren't so ignorant, I wouldn't even have disliked you. Why would I have tortured you if I didn't have a reason?" I wouldn't have been mean to him, or pick at him if he wasn't mean back, how dense can he be?
"Oh." Is all he says, and I want to say something sarcastic, but I don't. I don't have the energy to carry out an argument, my energy has either been used up from traveling or keeping my body warm.
My teeth begin to chatter from the bitter cold, and I can hear him rustle next to me, before he speaks up. "Are you cold?"
"No, because it's hot as Hades," I remark sarcastically.
"Yeah," he scoffs. "If you maybe come closer, we could warm each other up?"
"What?" I exclaim, before sitting up and directing my attention towards him. "Are you insane? There is no way that I am letting you warm me up. Do you want me to vomit all over you?"
"Now--" he begins and I can hear him run a hand over his face. "That's not what I meant. I'm freezing and so are you, and it would be smarter if we huddled together. I won't touch you, I swear, I just want to get warm."
"Warm yourself up," I remark before scooting away and laying back down, my back facing him as I rest on my side. I don't know what was going through his mind when he asked that, and I have no idea what is going through his head if he even would think I would agree to such a thing.
"Whatever. If you don't get any sleep tonight because you're shivering from the cold, don't complain the next day, okay? I don't want to make a pass at you, God knows I don't, I just want to get some decent sleep. And I was putting my so called selfish needs aside to even help you, because I definitely don't want to cuddle you, but I was only trying to help." His words are rushed, and for whatever reason, I can't seem to understand why he would even be upset over me turning him down the chance to huddle with me. But then I realize that no girl probably ever said no to Dean Schloric, and that explains everything.
Closing my eyes, I don't let it bother me. I hold my arms as close as I can get and try to get some sleep, despite the things running through my head and the cold trickling down my spine. I can already tell I'll be lucky to just get a few hours of shut eye, and that's okay with me, as long as I don't have to be anywhere near him.
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