Ella

As we walk, I can't help but think about what happened just hours ago between the two of us. I feel bad about his planet, not knowing why him and his species were really truly here, and now I feel like an idiot. But then again, he admitted to hating my species, and I can't help the feeling of hurt come over me more than anger.

I broke down and cried, which I absolutely hated. It was the first time I've cried since I lost everything, and if it was anyone but him comforting me, I would have cried for a lot longer. I just didn't like the idea of it being him, the person I can't stand the most, holding me in such an affectionate way. I am thankful though, a hug from anyone is needed a time or two.

We haven't talked since my outburst and his sudden kindness, making it sort of awkward. I wish I wouldn't lash out as much as I do, but I can't help it. He's so arrogant and ignorant and selfish--despite what he says--and I can't help but point that out. Every other Norovian points out my flaws, so I will point out his if I feel like it.

I do want to thank him though, for just holding me and not asking a million questions like he would have if we were still in school. He probably would have mocked me, laughed at me, teased me, and just made me feel like even more crap. But he didn't. He just hugged me tight and held me. I needed that, just the feel of a hug made me miss the simple things. I miss my family, Hunter, and Brad so much. I was going to talk to him--Brad--and I wish I grew a pair and did. Who cares if he didn't like me? We could have just been friends. I then begin to think of what if he did like me, and I realized that I cared. Sighing, I rub a dusty hand over my face, feeling the scratches and cuts below my finger tips. They're almost healed, and I'm glad. I don't need anymore pain along this journey.

"It's so hot," I complain, mostly to myself as the sun shines it scorching rays down upon me.

"I think it feels nice," he replies. "I have a feeling we'll find this road soon, I think we should be almost around the edge of the asteroid. Hopefully, at least."

"I hope you're right," I mutter. "I would feel a lot better about this whole journey if we did."

"Don't you trust me and my navigating skills?" He asks, and I can hear the sly grin in his voice.

"No, I don't trust anyone's skills when everything looks the absolute same. It's a desert all around us, besides the foggy area over there," I say pointing left where the crater lies a far off.

"I know where I'm going. Do you think I would put myself, above all people, in danger? Trust me here, please?" I roll my eyes. Him of all people, no that's not selfish. Basically if it was just me he would tell me the wrong way then?

"So if it was just me, you would tell me the wrong coordinates then?" He lets out a long sigh, and I can tell I'm pushing his buttons once again.

"As always, you have to jump me for what I have to say. That's not what I meant, okay?" I ignore him, hoping he'll leave me alone if I do, but he doesn't. "Ella, for Pete's sake, I don't like your species but that doesn't mean I'm going to put you in danger on purpose. I would never do that, despite how much I dislike you."

"Don't try to make me feel better, Dean, you're horrible at it. You only make me feel worse with your words. Do you even realize what you're saying? I know you don't like me, I don't like you either, but I don't want to hear it when the only person I have in this God forsaken land is you. Don't remind me of the truth." I'm on the verge of crying, and that angers me. I only have him in the world, and despite how much we do hate each other, I don't want to be reminded of that. He's all I have right now, I don't want to have both the conscious of my family dead and his hatred on my mind.

"I'm just trying to be truthful--"

"Well, for once please either lie or shut your mouth. I know it's hard for you, but please." I can feel the tears begin to fall, and the hatred sinks in. I wish I wasn't so up and down, but losing everything does things to a person, I suppose.

"Don't--" he begins as he runs a frustrated hand over his face. "Don't cry, okay? It doesn't get you anywhere but make you look weak." I don't know if he is genuinely trying to be a douche or if it just comes natural. Either way, it hurts just the same.

"Weak?" I begin, my voice shaking from pain. "I lost everything, Dean, and I know you've lost a whole planet, but I haven't. I might, though. A whole planet after I lost my town and family and bestest friend in the world. And they didn't survive, you did. Of all people, you had to be the one to live. I only cried yesterday after everything and today, and I'm weak? I have nothing, Dean, absolutely nothing. Your species is going to be so happy to see you if we find anyone and you'll fit right it, but mine aren't as accepting. We don't all trust one another, we don't believe in each other the way Norovians do. Just remember that, if we find people, I'll be surrounded by lives but will be entirely lonely." I hate him, so freaking much I hate him. I hate myself too, I hate that I broke down and shared with him some of my feelings, but it's true. If we do find survivors, I'll be lonely among the crowd.

I wipe my eyes, causing them to sting slightly as I get pieces of dirt inside them, and more tears follow. Being with the person you despise the most in your world where you lost the only people you care about, is so lonely. I just want to go home. I want to go home and consult my mother, but she's no longer here. She's in a better place, and that knowledge is the only thing that lets me keep going. I'm selfish to want her back, but I do, and I'll at least admit I am selfish about certain things.

"Ella," he breathes, and I can tell he wants to say something. Spit it out, I want to shout, but I remain silent. "If we find people, survivors, they will let you in and take care of you. The bond you humans have is incredible."

"Are you actually complementing my species?" I whisper as I blink my eyelids rapidly.

"No, a complement is different from a fact. You will fit in, you won't be lonely." I wish he would shut up, I don't want to take advice from him.

"You don't know that," I dryly laugh. "You don't know how I feel, or anything about me for that matter. You don't care, Dean, so don't pretend you do. It hurts more when everything isn't sincere." He nods slightly, his jaw clenching in the process.

"I don't care, Ella? Who found you? I could have left you, hell, I could have found a huge rock and cracked it against your skull. It would have been easy, right? But no, I found you and was I happy? I was so furious that it was you to survive, you can't even believe how furious I was, but I couldn't do anything. I couldn't leave you behind, because that would go against everything I stand for. I don't help humans, Norovians aren't ones to usually help humans, but I seen a need, and when we see a need we try our best to do something about it. No, I don't know how you feel, but do you know how I feel? Do you think this is some sort of game to me? I want my family back, Ella! I want my home back, I want my planet back, I want to live among my kind and eat garbage food while watching the stars. I want to hold my mother and tell her I love her, because I didn't tell her that enough. I didn't tell her I loved her enough and I have this gaping hole in my heart for not being more loving towards her. She knew I loved her, but that doesn't matter when you don't show it. And you don't know me either, all you know about me is that I'm a filthy alien with no planet, who wants to be a teacher, and has mommy issues." We are no longer walking, and I'm glad for the sudden break. What I'm not glad for is the look on his face. He looks so broken, hurt, and as if he may cry. He won't, though. No, Dean would never cry in front of me, but I can tell he's hurting inside.

"Don't put on a show if you hurt, Dean, that's almost the same as lying." I'm still trying to process everything he's told me, but somehow I can't quite wrap my mind around everything. I feel bad for Dean Schloric, who would have ever thought this day would come?

"It's not a show. I just push it to the back of my mind and move forward. After all, showing you're aching inside doesn't heal the ache, it just merely reminds you that it's still there." Who was I kidding? He wouldn't show if he was hurt, but I almost wish he would. I've cried twice now, in front of him, in the same day, I wish he would at least show me some emotion. He is strong, I give him that. I almost admire that about him, but I would never admit that to anyone.

"We're both hurt, Dean, but never tell me that crying is an act of weakness. Crying shows that you have held on too long, and you no longer can hold the pain in. My world might be obliterated, crying is the least weak thing I could do. Weak would be to give up. Do you think I want to give up? Yes I do, but you were there and I couldn't. Despite how much I truly despise you, you gave me a push to carry on." My lip quivers, and I'm trying to stop myself from crying yet again. My cheeks are still wet from tears, and I wipe them against the hem of my shirt.

"I'm glad you reminded me so much of your dislike towards me, I almost thought you were turning soft." He begins to walk ahead of me, and I can't help but smile. And for the first time in three and a half days, it's a genuine smile.