THE HARD TIMES

(Summer of 2007)

7th June 2007

Hi Tihomir,

How are you baby? I'm writing just to say that I'm so ashamed of what happened yesterday. I can't believe that idiot took my phone and rang you at two o'clock in the morning. I'm really sorry about that. You know, I went out with some old friends from school. One of them, the guy that rang you, has been in love with me for ages and he always gets so jealous when he finds out that I'm seeing someone. That night he drank a bit too much and did this pathetic thing. He stole my phone from my purse and started calling people randomly, telling them I am still his girlfriend or something like that. Can you believe this? It's crazy innit. Needless to say that I got really mad at him, I nearly hit him with a glass, ha ha, but today he apologized to me and I forgave him. After all he is just a poor sod, annoying at times but harmless.

I hope you didn't get angry or anything at such a little thing. You know that I am only seeing you and nobody else. I tried to ring you a few times but your phone was off. When you read this, please give me a call. I really need to speak with you.

Lots of kisses from your baby. Miss you a lot.

Farah

24th June 2007

Hello Fozia!

How is my favourite sis doing in London? Don't tell Nasira I called you my favourite sister, or she would kill me. Well, anyway, thank you very much for your supportive e-mail and all that. I really appreciate your kind words and advice. I know you really care about me, but I wish things were as easy as you describe them. Yes, it is true that my marriage with 'you know who' is over. Well, I'm saying it as if it ever worked in the past or something. Now I can tell you it's official, but we have struggled since day one, and really grown apart the last two years. Now even mum and dad know it, and they are fine with that... I think. I just told them that the guy wasn't even religious or interested in our stuff, just pretending, and they quickly changed their mind about Mister Right. I know that you also liked the boy but listen, there were so many things that you didn't know about this chap. You might think that he was like a decent, clean-cut university boy, but not everything was as it seemed. This little fella had a dark side too, very aggressive, nasty and insecure at times.

Look, you are my sister and you know me very well. There are certain things that I expect out of life. I don't ask for nothing extraordinary, just normal simple things that any girl would want. A nice house, a car, a real man by my side and some children. Not too many though, but at least one or two. Well, can you tell me dear sis, how many of these things did 'Mr. You know who' actually gave me? Yeah you're absolutely right, nothing at all. I feel that I have been waiting too many years for this little cunt to grow up and act like a man, but he only wants to hide in Spain with his mummy and his pathetic loser friends. Did you know that he also took drugs occasionally and behaved like an animal when he had drunk a bit too much? God knows what he has been doing all these years in his smelly country while I was here waiting on my own.

As I told you, there is only a certain amount of crap that a girl can take, and I think that I have already gone over the limit by far. It is time to move on from that loser and find somebody else. After all I deserve someone better than him, don't you think?

Ok babes, I don't wanna bore you to death with my problems. I'll wait until you come home to have a long conversation. Don't forget that we love you very much and miss you a lot.

Take care.

Farah

05th July 2007

Dear Adnan,

I'm really sorry about the other day. I don't know how that lunatic managed to hack into my messenger, and now I find he's been sending you annoying e-mails. I know that you aren't that interested in this guy's bullshit, but I feel I owe you a little explanation, since he talked about me and said a lot of lies.

Ok, he is not a stranger or a causal friend, as I told you before. I know him very well because we were actually together in a relationship for quite a bit, as he said in his stupid e-mail. I met this bloke, Jack I used to call him as his name was so weird, donkey's years ago. I was seventeen then and I saw him one day in town. He looked at me that day and I thought to myself, 'what a nice chap'. As you know, there isn't that very many decent men in Danetree, and in those days of 1998, that was the year I met him, it was even worse.

I saw this guy, as I told you, in town one day but he never came to me, so I went to him and his friends and introduced myself. I know that isn't very ladylike, but the moron wouldn't do anything and I thought to myself 'well if you don't ask you don't get'. As he was the only boy I liked in the whole town, and he seemed a bit shy, I realized that if I didn't act quick, another slap, you know how bad Danetree girls are, would get him.

After that day the boy and I started seeing each other in secret; You remember how strict my parents are. In the beginning I only wanted to have fun with this guy, go out a bit with him, and maybe something else. I was very inexperienced then. After that, the boy would go back to his country and would not create any trouble. I was really surprised when I actually started to know him. After a few dates I realized he wasn't the typical bad boy who wants to get into your knickers quick, but instead he was, well he pretended to be, a nice, sensible and decent kid. Moreover, he started acting like he really was in love with me or something. I remember he always wanted to see me, bought me presents and things like that. If I had had a bit more of experience I would have thought 'weirdo', but I was so young, and so fed up with my parent's stupid rules, so I decided to give the boy an opportunity.

That was the summer of 1998, long time ago. That year Jack stayed with me in Danetree and we even worked together in a factory or something shitty like that. I must admit that he treated me very well at the beginning, like I was a princess or something, but the best part came after. In the last days of the summer, he invited me to his house in Spain, which was a wonderful villa in the south, with a swimming pool and everything, as he came from a very wealthy family. Well, after all that, what do you think that happened? I was a young girl and suddenly this (then) attractive foreign rich boy takes me to his villa and treats me like no one had treated me before. I could not help falling in love and spending the whole winter waiting for him in Danetree while he was studying at the top university of his country.

The following year he fulfilled his promise and came again to Danetree, to be with me. I never doubted he would, as he spent the whole winter sending me romantic letters, calling me and cheesy stuff like this. We stayed together this second summer and everything was great. He was still the nice, decent bloke who treated me right and showered me with presents and attention, so I started to think more seriously about our relationship.

We carried on like this for a few years, which was sometimes really hard, especially for me. After all, he was at university and could have some fun there, but what about me? I was stuck in this horrible chav town with nowhere to go and no one to turn to. It is true that he was nice with me and I really liked him, but not everything was perfect in our relationship. Firstly, the distance was a really difficult thing to bear sometimes, but that wasn't all. Although my boyfriend Jack was a nice chap most of the time, he was far from being perfect. First of all, he was taking ages to finish his bloody degree at uni, but the worse thing was that in the beginning he promised me he would come to England, to live with me, and then he changed his mind and decided that It should be me the one to go and live in his smelly country. Well I didn't like that very much, as I didn't like some things of my boyfriend's personality. For example, he would get really possessive with me, and very jealous if another bloke... let's say, if another man caught my attention or showed some interest in me. Moreover, I wasn't really one hundred per cent convinced about him, you know. Ok, he was good looking, but not drop dead gorgeous good looking if you know what I mean. Not like you my little friend, but let's not change the subject now. He was also short, something that I didn't like about him, and a bit of a nervous geeky boy rather than a proper man. He wasn't that good in bed either, as he used to get so nervous sometimes, and so possessive. It was like the man couldn't ever relax. Sorry to tell you about these things, I'm not trying to make you jealous (or maybe I am ha ha) but I don't wanna hide anything from you.

Well, as you see, I was not totally convinced about this boy, but it was the only thing going on in my life, and he was so in love with me, that I decided to take him home to meet my parents to see what happened. Big mistake. I never thought that my mum and dad would like that boy so much, and he was also so eager to impress them, that before I could even realize, he had agreed to convert and I was engaged to him. It annoyed me a bit that everyone would be making decisions for me, but in the end I thought "well, he really loves me and treats me right, and is the best bloke I have found so far". You know that I had some self esteem issues when I was younger, so I agreed to marry him as I thought I would never find anyone better.

That was, if you don't remember, the year that I met you, my little friend. Those months that we were together were great, the best time of my life no doubt, so I managed to cancel that stupid wedding by telling my parents some porkies. Ok, that wasn't nice, but my then husband to be didn't actually seem very affected, so I thought' fuck it' and everything was called off.

The day you told me that you had to go back to your country was so sad. I felt devastated, especially as you told me that (at that moment) we could be friends and nothing else. The following months I was angry and depressed, I felt so empty and so vulnerable, that when this Spanish boy started to call me again, I kind of believed that in the end he really loved me, and that he deserved a second chance.

So, we got married and I, reluctantly, went to live in his country. Things didn't work very well for us there. First of all, we lived with his annoying parents because the useless sod hadn't managed to finish his degree, and still didn't have a decent job. Instead of looking for one, he started going out with his mates and coming back home really drunk sometimes. Because of things like this, and because we ran out of money, I decided to go back to England for a while, after a little holiday that we took to go to your country. It would have been nice to see you then, but I had no way to contact you, and anyway I was with my super jealous husband, so it would have been impossible to get rid of him.

Well the thing is that I went to England to visit my family and you know what he did? He cheated on me, I think it was with a prostitute, or a slap or god knows who, and not only that. He also contracted an STD, the poor sod. Served him right for being such a dickhead. Of course, I caught him and told him I never wanted to see him again, but... well, he begged me for forgiveness and I kind of forgave him after he promised me loads of things. He said that he would come to live with me in England forever, that he would get a job and that we would start a family together. He even bought a car for us to prove how committed he was. He was so persistent, calling me a million times a day and things like that, that I was sometimes scared of him. Scared of what he could do if I left him. I came back with him, but I didn't do it only for him. I also didn't want to upset my family by getting divorced, so in the end I let him off. All the promises that Jack made didn't last for very long. Yeah, it is true that he came to England, but he never managed to get a job, a house or even to make me pregnant. Can you believe it? Not even that. What kind of man is he? Well, anyway, when I confronted him about it, he comes out with this story about a treatment he had to do for his hair loss and how it affected his fertility. Problems and more problems with this boy all the time. That was the straw that broke the camels back, so I decided to dump him, although not straight away. For once I needed some time to find the way to tell my family. You know how old fashioned they were with these things. But the worst thing was my ex's reaction. He absolutely refused to accept the fact that I didn't want him any more and started pestering me. Some times begging and crying and some others with threats and other dodgy stuff. What you witnessed the other day was only a little sample of all the shit that I had to go through these days. And that's it. Now you know the whole crappy story of Farah and his maniac ex—husband.

Now he has started to stalk me online, and he texts and rings constantly. Every day I feel more scared of this maniac. I wish I could get rid of him.

Well anyway, enough crap for now. Thanks for listening my horrible stories. I hope this bad incident won't damage our plans of seeing each other this summer. I am really looking forward to it.

See you soon. Lots of love.

Farah

18th July 2007

Hello Meryem,

How are you my friend? I'm awright, not too bad. How are things with your husband? Is it getting better? Well, men, you know how stupid they are sometimes, but at least you have one by your side. Look at me, poor Farah always alone. Do you remember that I told you I was dating someone? Well it didn't work. I think we were not compatible, and anyway, my stupid ex ruined everything telling him we were still married. Can you believe this? It happened when my ex came to England to try to sort the things out between the two of us, and I wasn't firm enough to tell him to stay away from me. I don't know, I kind of felt sorry for him and wanted to speak things face to face instead of dumping him on the phone. Bad idea, he came and he refused to accept I don't want him any more. He went mad, he called me whore and things like that, and he took my phone and started ringing every man I had in contacts. I was so scared of him that I couldn't even say no when he forced me to have sex with him at his hotel According to him that was the proof that we were still husband and wife... Yes, I should report him to the police, but all I wanna do is to get rid of him. If I did, I don't know what he would be capable of. He has already threatened with killing me and many other horrible things if I dumped him, and it is not the first time he has done that.

Yes, I know all this is partly my fault. I made such a terrible mistake sending him that e-mail, telling him I wanted to be with him. Well, that was one month after my 'romance' with Tihomir went to the dogs. That day I had argued with my family and with Adnan on the Phone. You do remember Adnan don't you? The nice Turkish boy I really liked. The one that had to go back to his country. That was such a shame... But anyway, I had argued with him too, because I wanted to go and visit him in his country, but he didn't really want to give me a clear answer. I don't know what happened to me. I was feeling so lonely and depressed. I went mad and I wrote an e-mail to my ex asking him If we could be together like in the old days. I regretted it the next minute, but then all the damage was already done. My ex started calling and pestering me again. He now rings me hundreds of times every day and I know sooner or later he will come here to harass me again.

To worsen things up, I told him that I don't want any more men in my life, that I would just adopt a child, or have one with anyone. For some reason I thought that this might make him understand that I don't want anything to do with him any more, but instead it made him even more angry. He has vowed to come to England and take me with him to his country no matter what. I'm a bit scared for my family, and for what he could say to them. I don't think he will do anything drastic, as he's always been a bit of a coward, but I'm scared in case he does something embarrassing in front of my family. Do you think it would be a good idea to report him to the police? Once you told me you got a restraining order for your ex. How do you do that? Could you explain to me?

Well, I'm sorry for all this crap, but I had to tell somebody and you are my friend. Look after yourself baby and don't forget to give me a call if you come to Danetree.

Lots of love

Farah

24th July 2007

Dear Rashida,

I thought of what you said and I am definitely going to report this boy to the police. Yes, I know, as you said it is a shame really, but things are starting to get out of order and I am a bit scared now. I clearly said to him that I don't wanna ever see his fat face again, but he keeps pestering me. I'm done with him forever. I can't forgive him for all the things he did to me. There are certain things that a woman can't forgive. Cheating, lying and trying to control me. I'm not his property you know.

I'll try to ring you one of these days, I have some things to tell you. Thanks for all your support sis, You know that I love you so very much.

Lots of kisses

Farah