[KINDLE'S PoV]

Lydia returned two days later, during a storm.

Maybe she planned it that way. The weather was far too cold for me to escape to the roof, and Faye had requested time to lose herself in a new art project and recover from her encounter with Seraphim, so I was alone in my room with my thoughts and nightmares and memories when Lydia breezed in the way she always did. Like she owned everything her eyes fell on, especially me. And maybe she did.

"Tell me you missed me," she began as always. Under her heavy fur coat, she was wearing red, deep and shimmering, and I was sharply reminded of my nightmare.

"I missed you," I responded, willing my eyes to meet her despite their desperate desire to look anywhere else. She had a leather bag with her—gifts, probably. She always brought gifts when she returned from feast days in Nox. Expensive things I never had any use for or any desire to wear.

She set the bag down next to her on the bed as she kicked off her shoes and unpinned her curls. Meticulous, practiced. "Tell me you love me."

"I love you." The words always came so easily. They were just words, after all. They didn't mean anything. What was love to her, anyway? Obedience? I was always obedient if it got me venom, if it quieted the nightmares and the guilt for a few hours.

It had been days since my last dose. My muscles and head were aching, and my thoughts were erratic. There was a reason for me to be on alert. There was something I was expecting punishment for, wasn't there? Now that Lydia was in the room, and I could smell that sickeningly sweet floral scent that always traveled with her, venom was all I could think about.

"Say it again," she pleaded, her gaze intent on mine.

"I love you." The words could have been coming from someone else entirely for how little they resonated. My body moved on its own, opening my arms to her. Venom was next, and then I could get my first decent sleep in a week.

She smiled and wiggled her way into my embrace. Her skin was ice against mine. She was always cold, fairies just were compared to dragons, but her time outside made her even colder. And that was enough to jolt me to my senses.

"Is this the first stop you've made since returning to the manor?" I asked, careful not to sound too interested. Careful not to seem too eager to remove myself from her touch.

"Yes, I was so woozy on the carriage ride, and I just wanted to see you," she purred. "Tell me, what did you do while I was gone?"

"Nothing," I answered. It sounded guilty, but it was true in a way. What, really, had I accomplished in her absence? Seraphim was still under her control. Faye was still beaten down. The Order was no closer to being free.

She nestled her head into the crook of my neck, exhaling contentedly. "Did you dream about me?"

I stared at the far wall. "Always."

Her icy fingers trailed under my shirt, up my chest, and maybe she mistook my shudders for something of pleasure, because she giggled. "Kiss me," she ordered, her free hand tearing roughly at my hair.

I did, but it was just a kiss. Lips, breath, no venom. No numbing rush of oblivion. I kissed her again, harder, angry, thinking maybe I could force it out of her. All she did was wrap her arms around my neck and pull herself fully into my lap, chest to chest.

I pulled back with a growl of annoyance. "Lydia."

Her eyes were sharp when they met mine. "No. I want you alert. I want you looking at me, and saying my name. If you can be a good boy and do that, then I'll give you venom afterwards." Her nails trailed down my cheek and dug in as she gripped my face. "I don't want your thoughts wandering anywhere else, my love."

My stomach rolled. The idea of touching her, of her touching me, without the buffer of cloudy venom thoughts to make me forget was too much. It was too much, too wrong. I shook my head, trying to press down the panic that was steadily welling in my chest. My eyes darted for something, anything to distract her. "What's in the bag?" I asked, wincing against her sharp nails.

She huffed an annoyed pout, but mercifully crawled off of me. I took the space to breathe deeply and settle my panicked heart-rate. I would gladly deal with an angry Lydia.

"You want to do this now? Very well. I was hoping to have a pleasant reunion first." I wondered what she could possibly mean, when she dug into the bag and produced what once had been a beautifully rendered portrait of me.

Oh. Blondie's painting. All those nights on the roof, all that work, now it was just broken wood and slashed canvas. Lydia tossed it onto the bed, then turned the bag upside down to empty its remaining contents. Several rolls of sturdy parchment fell out, each tied with a strip of blood-dyed cloth.

"Are those—"

"From your filthy human, yes," Lydia snapped. Then, reading the next question on my face, she pulled a long, thin chain out of her bodice. At the end was a silver heart pendant. I'd seen her wear it numerous times, especially while traveling. She twisted the top and it separated from the chain. "Your blood, plus an extract to make the scent more potent to ravens. Do you honestly think I would be foolish enough to let you receive letters while I'm away?"

I distantly wondered when she'd taken my blood.

"Jakoby found this," she continued, gesturing to the ruined portrait. "At least I know I have one person I can trust in this awful place. It was all I could think about all Mômonue, made me too sick to keep my wine down, so thank you for that. I have one day of the year where I get to feel truly appreciated, and it was ruined."

She trailed a hand over the canvas, sighing, before climbing back across the bed. All her anger seemed to have faded to sadness, but I was on high alert. My entire body tensed as she positioned herself in my lap once again, her frigid hands on either side of my face.

"It is a wonderful likeness. The eyes especially," she mused, brushing my hair away from my face and tracing the fragile skin around my eyes with a featherlight fingernail. "How long, I wonder, did she have to study to get them exactly right? How many times did she get to see these eyes smolder over her in the darkness? How many intimate, secret moments did you share? I should pluck out these unfaithful eyes."

I didn't dare speak or try to argue that it wasn't like that. There was no point. I stared back at Lydia. Tense, waiting.

She smiled, seeming satisfied with the fearful thrum of my heart. She placed a playful peck on my nose before straightening up. "At least I can take comfort in the fact that she'll be dead soon. Help me with my dress."

I blinked. "What?"

She sighed. "You know there are a million little clasps on this thing. Now hurry up, all this fighting has only made me want you more."

My gaze flicked to the letters strewn haphazardly across the bed. Blondie would be dead soon?

Lydia followed my gaze, her eyes darkening yet again. "Did you honestly think she would be out of my reach in that palace? I have threads everywhere. The ash queen may try her counter-play, but its a waste of what little energy she has left."

Before I could even process what Lydia was implying, she kissed me full on the lips, hard, and with just enough of that pleasant venom sting to distract me from anything else. "There, happy?" she grumbled, then grabbed my hands and pulled them roughly to her bodice.

She moved her own hands to the clasps at the back of her dress and started to undo them herself. "Now, mourn your human while you fuck me."

My vision started to blur with hazy purple edges, but I blinked past it. No, please no, I didn't want this. "No."

I hadn't even realized I'd spoken the word aloud until she reacted to it. My cheek stung where she slapped me. "No?"

"No," I emphasized, moving to push her off of me, but she shifted and ground her knee down on my crotch. My mouth opened, but the scream caught on its way out and was replaced with a dry heave.

Lydia stroked my cheek gently as she resituated herself in my lap as if nothing was wrong."Shall I go back to my room? I'm sure Seraphim wouldn't say no. Would you like to do that to Faye?"

"Please," I breathed. An ever growing part of me shouted to set her on fire. Kill her, end it all. But all that would do is bring the fury of Nox down on everyone in the Order. "Please, stop."

Instead, she kissed me. Horribly, horribly soft. "I will have you. Though I wanted you willing, I will have you regardless."

She kissed me again, and again, and again. Violently. Biting my lip until I tasted blood. And with each kiss she delivered more and more venom until I was paralyzed by pain. The dizzy numbness spread to every corner of my brain, every nerve in my body. And soon I was floating somewhere far away and distant.

Maybe if I was lucky I could float all the way home to Ignus.

~*~

I woke groggy and aching with no concept of what time it was or how long I had been in that dreamless, venom sleep. My lips were swollen and sore. The skin of my chest stung, and when I touched it my fingers came away bloody. I would look in a mirror. Later. For now, all I wanted to do was retreat far, far inside myself and never come out. If only it were possible to incinerate my own flesh.

Another foggy stretch of time passed, and eventually I registered that the bone-white blurs scattered across my bedroom floor were the letters. Blondie's letters. Whatever state Lydia left in, she must have forgotten about them. Groaning, I pulled myself to the edge of the bed and reached for the nearest letter. Blondie's Luminous was rough, but I could still read it well enough.

Kindle—

I just got back from the first night of the ball and while I do have some official things to report, I just have to ask: Can you turn into a giant lizard? If yes, why didn't you tell me??? I mean I thought we were friends, and friends tell friends if they can turn into giant lizards. If I could TURN INTO A GIANT LIZARD I would certainly tell you.

- Maggie

PS. I'm sorry if that sounded rude? I don't know what the proper etiquette is for asking someone if they can TURN INTO A GIANT LIZARD.

PPS. I ruined the pants you let me borrow by falling and shattering your blood vial in the pocket. The cloth tying this shut is some of the remains. I'm sorry. The pants were very comfortable while they lasted.

I frowned, then read the letter over a few more times. I suppose her world didn't have dragons. That made sense, given how she'd reacted the first time she saw me produce fire. I hadn't really thought about it. Carlyle must have told her. In my still-foggy mind, I could picture her shocked green eyes as she conjured the mental image of me in my true form. Despite everything, it was enough to bring a slight smile to my lips.

More letters, then. Read letters, and forget. I reached for the next closest one.

Kindle—

Is it the giant lizard thing? Is that why you're not responding? I already said I was sorry. And even if you do turn into a giant lizard I'm sure its a very nice one, with shiny scales and um... big teeth?

Look. I'm sorry. Really. Please send just one letter. It doesn't have to even be a long one. It can be a word. Or like, a drawing of an angry face just so I get the hint. I miss you.

- Maggie

PS. I miss Faye and Serpina too. Just so you know.

I chuckled aloud. Now that I knew what happened, all my moping over the past week about Blondie not writing to me felt foolish. Of course she was writing to me—what had ever made me think Blondie was capable of staying silent?

The next letter had rolled to the far end of the floor. After a few steadying breaths, I was able to rise from the bed and get it. I winced at the way my body ached when I bent. Before moving back to the bed I grabbed my pants and pulled them on.

Kindle—

So I just realized after mailing that first letter (which I'm sorry about, by the way) I never actually gave you my blood (ew) to mail a reply. So here you go. I think I did it right. I had to empty out a paint jar for this, so use it well.

- Maggie

There was no tiny jar of blood. If not for the writing on the page, there would be no indication she'd sent it at all. That meant only one thing: Lydia had Blondie's blood. Maybe she'd already written back, pretending to be me. Nasty, cruel letters that would make Blondie never want to talk to me again. Or maybe she was saving it for something worse. What, I couldn't fathom, and my head still hurt too much to think about it.

More likely than not, Lydia had just taken the jar to make sure I never got it.

I scooped the last two letters up from the other side of the bed, but before opening them I arranged the ones I'd already read in what I assumed was chronological order.

First, giant lizard revelations. Then blood. Then the one about missing me—and Serpina and Faye, I could practically hear her shouting. Two letters left. Five total. That was a surprisingly large amount given she'd only been in Lumina for roughly as many days.

I opened the next letter. It was far shorter than the rest, and somehow still managed to hit me twice as hard as the others.

Kindle—

I'm in danger. Please write back.

- Maggie

Whatever relief I felt reading the rest of her letters immediately faded. Was this what Lydia meant, about Blondie being dead soon? I had no idea when she'd sent this letter, though I assumed it was last in the line-up. I couldn't imagine Blondie sending this and then casually going back to freaking out about me 'turning into again lizard.'

I opened the last letter, hoping for further explanation. I only ended up with more questions.

Kindle—

Carlyle keeps yelling at me for not sending a single useful letter so far, but you're not responding anyway so what does it matter? Anyway, this is why I'm here, so here we go:

- Humans can gain magic by stealing the powers(?) essence(?) soul(??) from a non-human. I think its a more experimental thing, but it's happening.

- The king is not in Realta. Apparently he's recovering for war injuries in their Northern palace. But like, the war was ten years ago right? How long does it take to recover? Whose running Lumina right now?

- Lumina won't be ready for another war anytime soon. Their military is super small and weak right now, and they only care about rebuilding and keeping the already subjugated magical-beings in check. I think that's good news?

- There's a network of spy tunnels all over the palace. Carlyle keeps getting lost in them, they're that expansive.

- The propaganda in Lumina is nuts. Like, I expected it to be bad but I can't believe the way they try to portray the lead up to the war. I won't talk about it here, I think it would upset you.

- I know you said to watch out for Amaranth but... I think she's the only honest person here. She doesn't seem to like me, but I don't think she likes Lumina either.

- I miss ho- the manor.

- Please, please write soon.

— Maggie

I collected all the letters, folded them, and slipped them into my pocket, formulating a plan as I moved. First, a shirt. Then Faye's workshop. She would gather the others while I prepared for the journey to Lumina. It was now or never. The loyal would join us. Faye, Inari, Serpina and the rest would guide them to Blood and Steel's base, and I would meet them there.

As soon as I rescued Blondie.

But first, shirt. I pulled a white one on first, quickly realizing my mistake as splotchy little strips of red manifested on the front. At first I'd thought they were simply scratches, but given how they refused to stop bleeding even several hours after the fact—at least I assumed as much time had passed. I wasn't sure, and frankly my thoughts hadn't fully returned to coherence yet—I wondered instead if maybe she'd pulled that silver dagger on me. I switched to a black shirt.

What I really wanted was to go to the roof, set myself thoroughly on fire, and burn every trace of her from my skin. But I didn't have time for that. Maggie could already be dead, for all I knew. No time to waste, especially since I didn't know when Lydia might try to "check up on me."

I strode out into the hall, only to smack right into a frantic Serpina. She bounced off my chest and stumbled back, her face red and tear-streaked. I caught her shoulders to steady her. "Pina?"

Her eyes widened and tears started anew. Sobbing to the point of shaking her entire body, she flung her arms around me. "Oh, Kindle, she didn't take you, thank the tides."

"Hey, hey. What's wrong? What happened?" The wheels in my head were turning at a frightening pace, jumping to horrible scenario after horrible scenario. 'She didn't take you.'

"Lydia—she-she... F-faye and Seraphim—oh Gods." Her words came out between choking gasps.

My ears buzzed, my blood ran cold. I spoke slowly. "Serpina. Please."

"She took them." Serpina swallowed shakily, looking up at me with the most frightened expression I'd ever seen her wear. "She took them to Nox."

It seemed Blondie would have to wait.

"When." It felt like my voice was coming from somewhere far detached from my body. My legs shook. We should have left right away. We shouldn't have waited. We should have split from the Order while Lydia was still away. I knew Faye wouldn't have left without Seraphim, but I should have forced her. Now...

"Last night," Serpina said, guiding me toward the wall. I was grateful for its sturdy surface to lean against. Last night? How long had I been out? Was it morning now? Afternoon? Evening? This low in the manor, there were no windows around for me to check.

"I went to visit Faye this morning and the door to her workshop was open. She wasn't there. I thought nothing of it at first, but later Inari went to check on her as well and said she could smell Lydia in the room." Serpina tugged on her hair, tears still falling. "Then we realized no one was guarding Seraphim's room. And Jakoby and most of the noxian Order members are gone too. I was so sure she would have taken you too but—"

I shook my head. As much as I hated it, hated her, I knew Lydia. Probably better than anyone. "She wants me to follow after them on my own."

"Do you think..." Serpina's voice was soft. "Do you think she's going to kill them."

"Yes." There was no point in lying to her. "But I won't let her."

Her lip quivered. "You won't make it in time, she has such a head start on you. Even if you took a unicorn, it would take days to get to Nox."

Despite the situation, I almost laughed. "Pina. I'm a dragon."

"Oh. Right." She nodded, then took my hand in hers. "Please bring them back."

"I promise."

She squeezed a little tighter. "And when I say bring them back, I mean you have to come back too."

That, I couldn't promise.