[KINDLE'S PoV]

"Hold still, hold still!" Serpina giggled as she placed a fourth book on Blondie's head.

"Seriously, Pina? One's bad enough!" Blondie pouted.

Blondie's departure for Réalta, the capitol of Lumina, was only a week away. While her dancing had improved—minimally—her general posture and balance were still atrocious.

So, Serpina had the bright idea to make Blondie walk with books on her head. While lasting results had yet to be seen, the process was certainly amusing. When Pina pitched the idea, Blondie had burst into a fit of laughter, saying she thought that was something that only happened in movies.

Half an hour later, after Blondie's unsuccessful attempt at explaining to all of us what a "movie" was, Serpina stacked the books while the rest of us sat off to the side and watched with varying degrees of interest.

Faye shouted words of encouragement, while Inari chanted steadily for the books to fall. Emrys had a soft smile on her face but didn't seem concerned one way or another. She was busy braiding flowers into Inari's hair.

I would forever be amazed by how docile Nar became around her girlfriend. Once, when we were younger, Carlyle had slipped a daisy behind her ear. Inari nearly bit his finger off. Now, she leaned comfortably against Emrys's folded legs and let the dryad weave dozens of colorful blossoms into her blazing hair.

Inari noticed my gaze and shot me a glare, daring me to comment. I knew better and held my tongue. Nar and I had been close for the past decade; we even dated briefly, if a pair of twelve-year-olds holding hands could actually be called dating. That ended when Lydia—only nine years old at the time, but already territorial when it came to me—tripped Inari down a flight of stairs.

"Okay!" Serpina exclaimed, stepping away from Blondie with a bounce in her step. "Now try to walk."

Blondie shuffled along at a snail's pace. In order to maintain her balance, she hardly lifted her feet off the ground.

Serpina crossed her arms and pouted. "Oh come on, walk!"

"I'd love to see you do this," Blondie muttered.

With a confident smirk and a flip of her glossy hair, Serpina grabbed three books off the table and placed them expertly atop her own head. She breezed across the dining hall unhindered. Once she reached the other side, she spun on her heel and sank into a graceful curtsey. The books hardly wobbled.

Blondie's own books tumbled loudly to the floor as she stared in awe.

"Maybe we should just paint over Pina's scales and send her to play with the humies instead." Inari chuckled. "She's blonde and pretty, I'm sure the prince would hardly notice a difference."

Blondie turned to Inari with a playful smile and placed a hand over her heart. "Inari, did you just imply that I'm pretty?"

Inari curled her lips up over her fangs, the muscles in her arms coiling. "Oh shut it, human."

Emrys leaned forward and dropped a kiss atop Inari's head. The fox shifter immediately melted back into her lap. How nauseatingly adorable.

With a sigh, I stood from my place along the wall and stretched my arms. "Alright, you've had your fun, Pina. Let's get back to work."

"I'll try not to stomp on your foot this time," Blondie said as she took my extended hand and moved into starting position.

Now that would be a miracle, but if I said as much out loud, Blondie would probably step on my toes on purpose. "Everyone ready?" I asked, glancing around the group.

It was easier to practice a waltz when others were dancing as well, and it gave Blondie someone to mimic. Faye and Serpina danced together and hummed a simple tune to keep us all on rhythm, while Inari danced with Emrys. Carlyle floated nearby, counting out the beat for only Blondie and I to hear.

Blondie sighed as we finished our third cycle through the dance. "This is miserable."

"I don't enjoy it either," I admitted. "Luminous dancing is hardly dancing. It's stiff and purposeless. Everyone just goes through the motions, there's no heart."

Blondie smirked.

"What's that face for?"

"First baking, now you have strong opinions on dancing?" She smiled up at me with a tilt of her head.

I tensed, cleared my throat, looked away. "Yeah, so?"

"Just surprising, that's all." Blondie shrugged. "It's not a bad thing."

We danced on in awkward silence for a few moments, then Blondie asked, "so what's dancing like where you're from if it's so much better than waltzing?"

"A prayer." I slowed our steps to a halt as I thought about it. The others stopped dancing as well, and suddenly there were six pairs of eyes on me, waiting. I cleared my throat and looked off toward the wall as I tried to put my jumbled thoughts into words.

"In Ignus, dancing is—was—sacred. It was how we spoke to our God, thanked them for a bountiful harvest, begged for the safe passage of departed souls." My fingers absentmindedly traced the pattern of the lace under my hands. "I remember I cried the first time my mother showed me the prayer to Nivekhi. Ignean dancing uses every part of your body, but most importantly your soul."

"Show me," Blondie murmured.

I shook my head and stepped away from her. "No, I couldn't. I haven't ah—I haven't danced since the war."

"I would also be interested in seeing," Faye noted. "Only if you're comfortable with it, of course."

"So would I," Inari added. Traitor.

I ran a nervous hand through my hair. "I can't dance without music. There's a specific song for each dance."

Serpina bounced up and down, waving her hand in the air. "Oh, oh! I taught myself all the Ignean prayer songs!"

I sighed. "Of course you did."

She smiled, either not picking up on my annoyance or choosing to ignore it. "I can't really speak the language—can't get the rumble right, and my pronunciation is a tad off—but singing is easy! Which prayer do you want?"

Everyone watched me expectantly, even Carlyle raised a ghostly eyebrow from his place beside Blondie.

"I can't," I said, surprising myself with the hesitation in my tone. Maybe. Maybe I could. Maybe it would be good for me.

I remembered the last time I danced. It was a prayer to Dorulekhi, the Resolver, on the night I ran. I was twelve years old, alone in a cave in the Ignean desert. Scared. Confused. I danced through my tears, prayed for answers. All it got me was bloody feet.

But perhaps, this time...

"Pina." I glanced down at my hand, slowly igniting each fingertip like the wick of a candle. "Can you sing the prayer to Thragnekhi?"

She twisted a strand of her honey hair. "That's the glowy one, right?"

"The Illuminator," I corrected slowly.

Serpina beamed. "Ooh, right right, that one." She glanced around at the others and said, "sorry if this isn't very good, I haven't had much practice with the Ignean prayer songs," before hitting a bell-clear starting note.

Damn show off.

I faced away from the others and awkwardly began the dance. I'd performed in front of crowds before, but not since I was a child. When you're a child, making mistakes is laughed off as cute. When you're a twenty-two year old man, you're only making a fool of yourself.

But the song caught me, and I soon found myself falling into a familiar, comforting rhythm. Thragnekhi was swift, so too was his prayer. All sharp twists and sure punches. As the spirit of power and battle, Thragnekhi's prayer was more like a choreographed fight than a flowing dance.

Despite the passage of time, my body still knew the movements. I closed my eyes and stopped thinking. The melody and motions carried me home. I let my fire flow through me unhindered for the first time in a long, long time.

"Did I do it right mama?"

"That was perfect, my little one."

"I can't wait to teach Katia how to dance!"

"You might have to wait a few years for that, she's only just started to crawl..."

Serpina sang one final whistling tone, and I ended the dance on my knees. My breath came quick and wild, my heart beating against my ribs. Tears brushed my cheeks for only a moment before evaporating into steam.

I opened my eyes to the others staring at me in stunned silence. I cleared my throat and stood, casting my gaze toward the far wall. "So ah, yeah. That's Ignean dancing."

"I don't want to learn how to waltz anymore," Blondie breathed, her eyes sparkling. "I want to learn that."

Inari snorted. "How to get yourself immediately executed: Perform an Ignean prayer at a Luminous ball."

"Well," Faye said, "that was lovely, but thank goodness the floor isn't made out of wood."

I followed her line of sight to the marble tiles, now marred by dark scorch marks. Oops.

"Do you think a mop will work for that?" She asked, chewing her lip.

We spent the next hour cleaning the floor, a process made even longer when Serpina got the bright idea to dump a bucket of water on herself.

Faye squeaked and hurried away from the puddle. "Serpina! I hope you're pleased with yourself," she said with a disappointed glare. "I'm not going to carry you anywhere."

"Oh relax, my legs'll be back in a bit." Serpina—who did indeed seem very pleased with herself—sat posing in the middle of the floor. She sent a glowing smile towards Blondie. "What do you think? Isn't my tail the most gorgeous thing you've ever seen?"

"Holy—wow." Blondie gaped. She stepped closer. "So this happens any time you get wet?"

"Only when my feet get wet," Serpina corrected, flopping her tail with a giggle. She then grinned slyly at Blondie. "Do you wanna touch it?"

"No no no," Blondie answered quickly, but made no attempt to pull away when Serpina grabbed her hand and tugged her down. Blondie squeaked, her fingers brushing against glistening blue scales.

"Well, this has been a marvelous waste of time," I sighed. Faye and I stepped back in unison as the puddle of water crept ever closer to where we stood. "Pina, dry off and get that cleaned up before everyone comes in for dinner. I'll see you all tomorrow."

"...I'll stay down here and be on guard for you..." Carlyle said.

I nodded.

"Where are you going?" Blondie stood and not-so-subtly wiped her hands on her skirt.

I paused on my way out the door. "Where do you think?"

~*~

Alone on the roof, I contemplated dancing again.

How odd it was. Over a decade without even a passing thought for the God of my people, and now all I wanted to do was dance, pray, and beg their forgiveness. My hands shook, knuckles pale as I gripped the stone wall that lined the roof. Perhaps Naresharakh had forgotten me, abandoned me as I had them.

It would only be fair.

Behind me, the door to the roof opened and closed. For the first week or so I would tense every time, afraid someone—particularly someone tiny and purple—had invaded my safe haven. But by now I was used to it, and Blondie made a lot of noise whenever she showed up, perhaps intentionally.

"Since we have some time, would you mind sitting for a bit so I can match colors for the finishing touches on my painting?" Blondie asked as she methodically mixed drops of oil into the paints that had begun to harden. She glanced up at me. "The lighting is really good today."

I stretched and leaned against the wall. "Sure. Will I finally get to look at it when you're done?"

Blondie made a face. "Well you are the subject, so I guess I should show you, just... don't expect a masterpiece. People aren't my forte."

"Mine either."

She stuck out her tongue. "I meant for painting, you doofus."

I smiled.

A moment later, Blondie stood in front of her canvas with that dreamy look she got whenever she was thoroughly lost in her work. She'd had me take the stool she normally used claiming my usual place on the wall was too far away for color-matching.

I leaned on my elbow, trying not to laugh as I watched Blondie chew her lip and shuffle her feet. As she painted, she moved through the dance steps we'd practiced for hours that afternoon. I doubt she even realized she was doing it.

"Hey Kindle, I..." Blondie's eyes regained focus and she glanced up at me, a blush quickly coloring her cheeks and darkening her freckles. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

I straightened up uncomfortably, feeling my own skin grow somewhat warmer. "Did you know you were dancing?"

Her eyes went round and she covered her face, smearing brown paint above her eyebrows in the process. "I was stressing about the ball and I guess habit just took over."

"No big deal, it was cute." The words registered in my ears a moment after they left my mouth.

Green eyes narrowed at me through the spaces between Blondie's fingers. "Cute?" she echoed.

I cleared my throat and shrugged. "In a pathetic sort of way. Like watching a baby deer try to walk."

Blondie relaxed and put her hands on her hips. "Now you sound like Inari."

"So, what were you saying?" I asked, hoping to change the subject.

Blondie frowned. "Hm?"

"Before you got distracted by my face." I internally kicked myself for yet another unfortunate choice of words. "You'd started to say something."

"Oh!" Blondie looked mildly uncomfortable. She twisted the end of her braid in her hands. "I um, I wanted to apologize for how angry I got. Last month, when you brought me to Seraphim. I didn't understand..."

I raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue.

Blondie took a deep breath. "When I yelled at you for not defending me when Lydia wanted to kill me. I didn't understand at the time why you did it, and I got angry. But after you collapsed in the hall, Faye explained a bit about your relationship with Lydia."

I froze, the air around me seemed to grow colder. "Oh."

Blondie shifted and twisted her hair tighter. "She didn't tell me much because she didn't want to speak for you but um, from what I gathered, I know I was out of line being rude to you that night."

I nodded, words catching in my throat. Why did I feel the urge to speak, to open up to this human who only months ago had been a total stranger? I stood and turned away from her, moving back to sit in my familiar place along the stone wall.

Sometime in the hour or so we'd been up here the sky had clouded over, and now tiny flecks of snow were beginning their descent. Winter didn't exist in Ignus, but I'd grown used to it.

I didn't look her way, but I felt when Blondie came up to sit beside me. She was quiet, waiting for me to speak, or maybe just admiring the sky like I was.

"I'm the last survivor of a nation to the south, called Ignus," I began softly, my eyes remaining on the clouds. "King Jareth of Lumina declared his war on the non-humans by completely annihilating my people. I only survived because I'd run away the night before it happened, after a fight with my parents. It had been a holy day, no one was ready for or expecting a fight. When I decided to return and apologize, all I found was carnage and destruction."

Blondie inhaled sharply, and I cast my gaze toward her only for a moment before I continued.

"I ran for days until I came across a Siaboran war party. The merfolk there were kind to me, and I lied about my age so that I'd be allowed to fight along with them. Faye was one of their nurses, that's how we met. And later I met Seraphim on the battlefield. Seraphim and I were injured only a year in, so we were sent to a shelter for non-human orphans and refugees, called the Embraced Order."

"Here?" Blondie asked.

I nodded. "Once the war was over, and we lost, and King Jareth took everything he wanted, I was left with nothing to distract me from my thoughts. I sank into a deep depression. I wouldn't speak to anyone for months, not even Faye, and I genuinely considered ending my life."

Fury rose in me, and I dug my fingers into the stone wall until they ached. "Who was I to be the only one of my people to survive? I didn't deserve it, I was a spoiled, selfish brat. Why me? I should have suffered and died along with them."

"Kindle—"

I swallowed. "Lydia found me like that. She'd fixated on me since the day she arrived at the manor, and even though by this point she was already married to Seraphim, she still wanted me. She took advantage of my suffering and offered me a way out, and at that point I didn't care what it cost, I took it."

Blondie looked at me, and I could practically see the wheels turning in her mind as she tried to take in everything I'd said, tried to understand. "And now you're in too deep?"

I coughed out a short laugh and dragged a hand through my hair. "Yeah, something like that. Lydia... she doesn't see people as people. To her we're all just objects, pets, playthings—whatever you want to call it."

Blondie grimaced. "Oh trust me, I've picked up on that much."

"Did you know she's not just the queen of this Order, she's also the queen of Nox?" I arched an eyebrow.

"No, pretty much all my knowledge of this world is limited to stalker-level trivia about Lumina's royal family, and whatever I've gleaned from you guys in my time here. What's Nox?"

"The fairy kingdom—sorry, queendom—to the northwest of here. They survived the war almost entirely unscathed, seeing as they sold weapons to both sides. In Nox, rulers aren't chosen by bloodline or vote, they're selected almost at random due to a birthmark that Noxians believe signifies the reincarnation of their Mother Goddess, Movalissa."

"That's an interesting history lesson, but what does that have to do with all this?" Blondie frowned.

"It means, unlike the rest of us, Lydia doesn't need the Abandoned Order. She's revered as a literal goddess by her people. She's here because she wants to be, and she thinks its fun." I bit my cheek to fight back another wave of anger.

"But why?"

"I think part of it is me. She knows I'm devoted to the Order, devoted to Seraphim, and Faye, and everyone else here. So she's here because I'm here." I swallowed. "I try to keep her distracted, keep her happy, because whenever I distance myself from her, she only hurts the others more."

"Sometimes," I paused. This was a thought I'd never voiced before. "Sometimes I think maybe I should just ask her to run away with me, she would agree, I know she would. And then Faye and Seraphim and everyone else would be free to live out their lives safe from her." "

"And then what would you do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Once you lured her off somewhere far away, what would you do?" Blondie pressed. "Would you kill her?"

"Live there, I suppose. With her. Maybe marry her. She does love me, despite everything she does to suggest otherwise. It's a warped, ugly kind of love, but I think that's the only version she understands. And maybe, if we were somewhere away from the Order and away from Nox, she would be kinder."

Blondie looked disgusted. "So you're, what, volunteering as a living shield?"

"She killed Carlyle, Maggie." The ice in my tone and my use of her real name caught her off guard. I watched her breath catch for a moment before returning to its regular rhythm. "And she's threatened to do the same with others if I don't stay in line."

Blondie hesitated. "Do you love her?"

"No," I answered firmly. That much, I was sure of. "No, I don't. I've never been able to see her the way she wants me to. But I have known her since she was six years old, in a way we grew up together. In spite of everything she's done, it's hard not to care for her. To pity her. Faye shares that feeling."

"Let's... stop talking about Lydia," Blondie whispered. The snow had started falling in earnest now, and she shivered against the chill.

I slid closer, and she leaned into me, exhaling a sigh. The movement was so casual. My chest tightened, and for a moment I tensed, but slowly, I moved my arm around her.

We stared at the moons in comfortable silence.