If you're feeling blue, try painting yourself a different colour.

.

Phil Lester is in love with one Daniel Howell.

It isn't some deep realization that strikes him at midnight when he's alone, trapped in a state between total apathy and energy, with the only comfort being the words and thoughts his wide-awake mind would never do. He does wish that was the case though. This one was always a fan of that fairytale ending with the love at first sight trope. Still, his own awakening happens during Math class when everyone stands from where they're sitting to get a better view at the odd pair of students dressed in matching Christmas' jumpers. It's ridiculous, not only because of Christmas being two months away but also because both jumpers are too much in every sense of the word. And yet it's in that moment that he finds himself staring in awe. It's then when clarity fills his mind and soul and he thinks that he's really in love.

He can't read one's mind but he's positive that Dan doesn't share the experience. He can hear him cursing while Skye who was looking very proud of herself threw her books on her desk. Dan sat next to her and glared his sister for so long that Phil actually feared he would attack her. There's a part of Phil that doesn't understand why Dan is behaving like that. Certainly, the jumpers were not particularly fashionable but they must have been given with love. And everything that was given with love deserved to be cherished.

As if Dan knew he was on Phil's mind, he turned to look at the other boy. Their gazes stayed focus on each other for a while. Phil smiled warmly but Dan continued to look at him the same. Empty. It's never clear what he's thinking but that's probably because he's unsociable. Their staring contest ends when Skye nudges Dan's shoulder making him face her, they whisper something and then Skye turns the other way to grab her pen. Dan lifts his gaze from her and turns to Phil. He smiles. Barely. It's more of a lip twitching but Phil is satisfied.

(And even if every alarm in his brain is buzzing and showing red, Phil knows that everything that follows is beyond his control.)

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The truth is that Dan hates himself sometimes.

Another truth is that self-loathing while wearing matching Christmas' clothing with your sister is not an easy thing to do. Ruins his entire brooding technic, which he also considers part of his charm. Maybe his only charm. "Don't do that."

"What?"

"That," Skye repeated as if that somehow was a proper explanation.

"Gazing."

"Acting like the epitome of angst." Skye explained, "If you feel so terrible about the sweater, take it off."

But surprisingly, this isn't Dan's biggest problem. Wearing this is impractical, yes, but he wouldn't be so vocal about it. Especially to Skye. Not that he could really play the good brother card at times like this. He just had some manners. He didn't really care about being honest and sweet to Skye. If he had, his biggest problem wouldn't be there, to begin with. Perhaps it wasn't too late to tell her. Get on his knees, confess and beg for forgiveness. Beg for help.

No, he couldn't do that. Skye wouldn't help. She would be disappointed at him. Angry, furious, her emotions would get the best of her and maybe she'd have a crisis herself. Could this break her? Her insomnia was very troublesome and although Dan didn't know much about it-Skye wasn't the sharing type-but this sudden reveal could probably damage her health even more. And Adrian? Adrian would be mad, then he would try to be helpful, but he wouldn't know what do. In the end, his parents would have to return. Maybe they would send him to rehab. Everyone would know then. Everyone would be turned out right. And his friends. Oh, his friends would feel betrayed as well.

And Phil.

Phil.

He had made peace with his attachment to Phil. Not to get his hopes up but he was certain that their relationship was progressing smoothly. They talked a little more. Watched each other a little longer. And he, of course, found himself thinking of the other boy many times during his daily routine. He didn't want to ruin things. Not with Phil or anyone else.

"It's not about this." Dan replied"It's about Quinn. I don't know what to get her for her birthday."

"Oh!" Skye beamed at him happily"Why didn't you say so? I could help you out."

"That would be great."

.

The thing is, lying is not simple. You don't wake up one day thinking to yourself; today I'm going to lie. It's the same reason why if you take a moment to remind yourself what was the first lie you told, you'll instantly remember something important. Telling someone how beautiful they are, complimenting a toddler's artwork or petting the most-adorable-little-pup-of-the-entire-world while in reality, you're stroking a hairless chihuahua, these are all lies but not memorable ones. They are the lies that come after one's adopted lying technics.

Dan's mother always admired the subtle art of lying and she had taught her son well. Teach him how to weave webs of lies, how to wave and nod in sympathy when needed. How to bend a situation, even, when he doesn't want to lie entirely. She was the one that taught him that sometimes you need to analyze what the other person expects and craves and then when you lie to them, you give them exactly what they want. You're helping, she had whispered to him, and he had believed her like any naive little child.

Lie to their face. And she had warned him after that once he lies, he shall continue forever. It's deceit for the myths he told once followed by more tales. This is how lying works, it's a never-ending circle that traps you forever. 

And he thinks that maybe he's being a bit too harsh and paranoid, but he fears of the lies to come. Lies that only create more problems and now Dan's found himself in Coal Hill's library waiting for Quinn so he can find out what to get her for her birthday. It must be something thoughtful to excite her and convince Skye that he had put a lot of thought to it. Normally he wouldn't mind but staying up late to school and then having to return home by foot was not one of his favourite activities.

"Hello!"

"Hey," Dan said half-bored as he continued to scroll on twitter. He didn't know what kind of sane person would engage themselves in a conversation at the library but he would ne--wait, he did know one person who would do it. Dan lifted his head abruptly and almost dropped his phone from the sudden movement. "Hi!"

Was his voice always that high?

"What are you doing here?"

"Wasting time."

"And why not do that at home or with friends instead of sitting here?"

Dan could come up with a clever reply. Maybe a flirty remark even. He had spent enough time reading Skye's fanfics, by force mind you, he knew how to be smooth and charming. He should cut straight to the point, tell him that if he wasn't here, he wouldn't have run into him and then wink. No, that was too much. He could maybe--

"It has good wi-fi." or that. If Phil was disappointed with the reply, he didn't show. "And I was waiting for someone."

"Oh," Phil whispered, disappointment clear on his voice.

"Quinn. My friend, Quinn. Quinny-o." 

Had this new made up nickname really escaped his mouth? Was this real life?

"Well, do you want some company? While you wait."

Dan nodded without hesitation. Phil placed himself next to him and the two remained silent. Maybe, Phil thought, this had been a mistake, you shouldn't have pushed it that far. Still, the cat was out of the bag and there was no turning back now.

"Hey, um, you know," Dan struggled with the right words to say"we're having a party on Saturday. For Quinn's birthday. You should, I mean, if you're free of course, you could yeah drop by."

"Yes, I'd love to." Phil smiled widely. He had been invited to a party by Dan. By all laws of rom-com and cliches, that was supposed to mean something.

"Cool." it wasn't cool. Dan's hands were still trembling.

"Very cool." still, nothing cool in this situation.

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