i was just going to talk about wolves of the beyond but ended up rambling about like twenty book series so i thought i'd put a spoils warning at the top. there is a spoils. bewarb.

DOES ANYONE REMEMBER THE ENDING TO WOLVES OF THE BEYOND? BECAUSE I'M STILL SALTY ABOUT IT.

if you haven't read wolves of the beyond (and don't plan to) the plot twist is that the series DOESN'T really end. like literally they spend six books getting to this "new world", completely destroying the entire established universe of both that series and the guardians of ga'hoole, and then the chapter they get there it just E N D S with some FUCKING HORSE being like "IT'S YA BOI, THE STAR WOLF"

WHO ARE YOU?
WHAT IS HAPPENING?

and then she releases another series about horses i see what you did there lasky

look i already paid you thirty dollars to douse my childhood in gasoline and then throw a match on it i'm not paying for your potentially tangentially related series about horses as well, you have wounded me dearly

Other memories I have of children's book series:

-Redwall

Redwall was where i got the idea to have a chronology all over the map for the dreamland series, but ALL THE REDWALL BOOKS ARE THE SAME*. seriously have i mentioned i read twenty-something Redwall books in one year during fifth grade and only by the time I finished the sixtieth scene about feasting/singing/etc. did I realize HOLY SHIT THESE PLOTS ARE HELLA SIMILAR. I mean I was kind of a slow kid for being such a fast reader but dang

*This does not apply to Taggerung. I may have only hazy recollections of this whole series besides mice getting wasted and berserker badgers but according to fifth grade Chrona, Taggerung was okay.

-The Last Dragon Chronicles.

I've heard my books compared to Warriors plus ???? and I'd say "The Last Dragon Chronicles" falls pretty squarely in that ???. I would consider it one of the biggest influences on how I write today.

However, that doesn't mean I'm not salty about how hard it is to market the series to people. Do you like dragons? Good, the first book is about saving an injured squirrel with light fantasy elements in the background. Did I mention it's left almost entirely ambiguous if the dragons are real or not, making it seem like the Pennykettles might just be complete nutcases?

But then in the second book, if you liked the whole quaint psuedo-fantasy feel, HOLD ONTO YOUR CLAY DRAGONS, BECAUSE NOW THEY'RE REAL AND THERE'S A CRAZY AUNT AND WHAT IS HAPPENING.

Then by the seventh book there are three parallel dimensions, the family tree is worse than the ones on the Warriors website (okay less incest but still very confusing), and the main character has become king of the polar bears. If you think this is less bizarre in context well boy howdy do I have news for you.

When I was in fifth grade this series was literally my life. My friends and I had this whole multiverse set up using the concepts this series uses as a framework, no lie, and we would always find ways to sneak inside jokes from the series into our books. Mainly the cringy ones, like "I. Am. Not. Human." but also just "SOMETIMES" in irrelevant circumstances. Good times.

-Eragon

I read Eragon in sixth grade (during the standardized test season) and even then, as a fledgeling writer whose skill level was below Double Rainbow levels, I could tell you that the Eragon... series... thing... is garbage. The ending is so baffling. Firnen is like six months old and Sapphira is like "yeah i'd tap that" WHAT

and then Eragon gets on a boat because WHAT

and Arya WHAT

They spend four books building up to this epic boss battle and it lasts like fifteen pages wHHAT

remember when Eragon was vegetarian? Neither do the later books? In fact I don't think any character development really happens without just un-happening again...?

why are we on a hundred page sideplot about eragon's half-brother (i think?) doing The War Thing it's not even really relevant no one cares oh my god this is why the series is so long it's because Chris Paolini's editor NEVER TOLD HIM TO TAKE OUT ANYTHING.

I'm sure the ending should be really disappointing to me but it actually isn't because

I don't caaaaaare about any of the characters. They're all generic or just downright confusing motive-wise

-Swordbird

On the other hand, Swordbird was written by someone who was even younger than Christopher Paolini and it's still goddamn beautiful??? Swordbird and its sequels are so good and so pure. How did someone who is sixteen years old (or was at the time, I believe) write this???

it's just very beautiful and soft and a Good Bird book, High Quality.

-Maximum Ride

If you didn't read up to The Final Warning I don't know what to tell you. It is legitimately an experience onto itself. A rite of passage. Never has one book evoked such hate within a fandom. There are more plot holes in this book than "reveals" that Ari has been bought back to life. What is this. Why are there penguins. Why are we in the arctic.

The worst part is that the rest of the series (D Y L A N) is worse than this.

One of the best things about Maximum Ride, as a trainwreck, is the reveals. Angel is the voice. Max's dad is the Voice. Max is the Voice. The Voice is the Voice. Ari is dead. No he's not. Ari is dead. No he's not. (repeat for eight books). I understand it's hard to come up with more than two plot twists but alternating which one is the 'twist' each book doesn't make it better. It makes everything more confusing. I don't think this book works within its own universe. There have to be plot holes somewhere.

That said the first three books were pretty solid. Gimmicky, self-indulgent, sure, but solid.

-Lost

Lost is one of those series that sounds like a good ole fantasy romp (no adults? powers? talking coyotes?) but then by book six the characters are answering to war crimes, someone had a demon baby, and I'm pretty sure there was cannibalism in there somewhere. I was a wee Chrona and was not prepared for how dark this got. Goddang. I will say though that I'm pretty sure I had a Lost OC and didn't tell anyone because of how stupid it was.

-Cinder

The author of Cinder, Marissa Meyer, came to our middle school for our local book club-esque feature and explained how she wrote fanfiction for eight years before becoming a published author with a powerpoint full of memes (including "one does not simply walk into Mordor"). She even gave a friend of mine her fanfiction.net account name and we looked up her Sailor Moon fanfiction later. I do not have many idols, but if I had to list a few people I hope to emulate in life, Marissa Meyer would be one of them.

Also her book is about Cinderella but with CYBORGS IN FUTURE CHINA. It's pretty badass.

-The Mysterious Benedict Society

I don't hear many people talking about this series, despite it being incredible. So clever, great characters, and a lot of legitimate mystery too. I guess it's not as much of a stand-out series?

-Molly Moon

I do not know to this day how time travel and possession constitute legitimate branches of hypnotism.
Also props to Petunia for making me think pugs were a lot cuter than they actually are.

-Fire Bringer

Please tell me that someone else read this book and I didn't just hallucinate a 500 page story using a deer as a Christ figure.

-Silverwing

I learned two years ago that Silverwing has an animated series and it haunts me to this day

-39 Clues
I read all the way until the end of the Vesper arc and then some. No one else did. I don't know if this series is still going though? Does anyone read them?
Most people just read the first book because Rick Riordan.

-The Spiderwick Chronicles
I never read Spiderwick Chronicles but one of my friends was scarily into it and had me sit in the yard with her and wait for fairies. They didn't show up.
"I don't know what's up with her," I later told Rena, "I'm like 80% sure fairies aren't real."
I also confused this with Bridge to Terabithia for at least three years I don't know how or why

-Gregor the Overlander

Yes this was written by Suzanne Collins. Like the Hunger Games. You can tell because half the names are in Latin. Also made me cry over a six foot rat. Good book series. Solid.

-When You Reach Me
Made me cry in fifth grade, seventh grade, and tenth grade.

-Animorphs

i actually just started reading animorphs a few months ago for deja vu inspiration because it's a similar genre and yeah there's a lot of really campy writing and occasional toilet humor but tumblr was right this series is dark as fuck. like i always passed these over as a kid but there's legit psychological torture, PTSD, the protagonists kill people (have I mentioned they're like twelve), all the alien races are bizarre and horrifying, the morality is so many shades of gray you could make yourself a goddamn colorblind rainbow, and yeah i don't know why i never opened these or how they made it past parents as a whole (i blame the large number of books; no one could find #1 and this thing does have legit continuity... i mean it's like tv show tight but still)

-Warriors

Okay I said I wouldn't talk about Warriors but have some Warriors Facts about Tiny Chrona (third grade era):
-I got into Warriors because of the "manga".
-I associate the first three arcs of Warriors with the Beatles because that's what my third grade teacher played during reading time. It works on some weird level.
-My first Warriors OC was Mossfire because of the name generator. My second was Treestar, but my first one in a legitimate roleplay was Daisystar.
-I actually had characters for the Warriors DND-type game at the back of Omen of the Stars and I used to play it with myself.
-My first online roleplay was at milkpaw1.webs.com. I was solely responsible for "DeathClan" and my friends were responsible for "Frappucinopaw". We wanted to see if we could get away with the latter.
We did.
Props to the mod (she was my current age at the time) for putting up with me.