Chapter five - Bread Brawl

~*~

"Looks who's there, my favorite niece!" my least favorite aunt yells after she overwhelms me by her vanilla like smelling perfume and lipstick red lips.

"You look lovely darling." I know she is lying, since she's like the evil copy of my mom, who hates my simple look. "And who is this?" She throws me away to take a look at the hot-looking guy behind me.

"Geoffrey," he says, looking at the hand she holds up for him to kiss it. The thought of making an effort to take his hands out of his pockets doesn't even cross his mind.

"Nice to meet you, you look lovely dear." This time she isn't lying. Geoffrey does look stunning. He has on a blue button up shirt, the sleeves rolled 'till just above his elbows.

His dad made him wear that, after blackmailing him. After a lot of negotiating and threatening, Geoffrey gave in.

Now his dad has to buy him a new PlayStation so he has one not only in the backyard house, but also in his room and the living room.

The kid is spoiled as hell but this time, you won't hear me complaining about it. Damn that shirt looks hot on him.

"Whatever," he hisses, brushing past her and situating himself in the corner. Once he made sure that he is far enough from any other human being, he takes out his phone. Of course.

Aunt Sarah looks humiliated for a second, but reposes herself quickly in to her I-am-the-queen look. "Sissy, hi," she embraces my mom in one of her killing hugs before she catches a look of the man behind her. And sends him a wink.

Well, that's kind of disturbing.

I bet Geoffrey noticed so too, seeing that he is doing that stupid crunching his nose thing that makes him look all cute and fake.

"Lorieee," a bunch of blond curls come crashing in to me.

"Happy birthday!" I give her a tight hug.

"I'm five," she holds up all her fingers proudly.

"Whoa you're becoming a really big girl," I say in my child-like voice. Behind me I hear the definition of grumpiness groan.

"That sound that your mouth just produced must have been the most annoying thing I have ever heard."

"Who's that?" Macy asks.

"Don't mind him, he's just Grouchy Smurf's older brother."

"Don't compare me with a fucking Smurf." I shoot him a look, telling him to watch his fucking language in front of my little cousin.

"Are you on your period or something?" The small girl I just lifted onto my left arm asks, holding up her poker face.

"Excuse me?" He groans. I fail at controlling my laughter.

"Every time Charlotte is being nasty, mommy says she is just on her period," she says, crossing her tiny arms over her chest. "So are you?"

"Who the hell is this kid?" he snaps. I send him a dead glare, which would have to explain him that he should watch his language around five years old girls. God knows if he gets that, he's kind of clueless.

"I am her cousin, and you are rude."

"This is ridiculous." He sighs, the anger building in his murderous eyes.

"Then why do you get so worked up about it." I appreciate that, although he is an unmannered son of a bitch, he has the decency to remain as polite as possible.

"Just grow up, Loren." I watch him as he walks away, finally unclenching his fist. I laugh and high five Macy although she doesn't get what was going on.

After putting Macy down, I make my way towards the living room.

Before I can reach my point of destination, my wrists are being taken in a very strong grip. 'It' pulls me towards the wall, making me bump my head in the process.

In front of me is standing Charlotte in all her glory.

She's a gorgeous looking, unnaturally black haired, long legged sixteen year old girl. Although she's a bit younger than me, I've always felt intimidated by her.

"Please don't tell me that's your boyfriend," she says, pointing her slender finger at Geoffrey.

"Ew, no, what the hell are you thinking?"

"Good because otherwise I should have to apologize for kissing him tonight." My mouth falls open. She's kidding, right? Other than that, she doesn't say a word but makes her way over to Geoffrey.

Yep, definitely my mom's evil sister's daughter.

I fish out my phone and text Lana.

Pleeaaaase come kidnap me!

I am sorry, as much as I'd like to pick you up, I'm having a date with the great imaginary Niall Horan at the moment.

You're a worthless best friend.

I am, aren't I? ;)

I sigh. I want to get out of here. I've always hated family gatherings, especially with my mom's side of the family. They were all just so alike.

But hey, my cutest cousin just turned five, wouldn't want to miss that big event, would we?

Lies.

I never even got the thing about birthdays, but that has a very logical explanation. Well, to me it's logical. People like Lana like to label me as crazy and very autistic whenever it comes up.

In my mind, it all starts with the definition of a year. A year includes 365 or 366 days.

What the hell is fun about celebrating that?

It's like, 'hey you just lived another 365 or 366 days, congratulations'.

It always changes and I can't handle that very well. Besides, neither of both numbers is a rounded number, like it would be so much more logical if you celebrated every thousand day you were on this earth, no?

Either way, my cousin turned five.

That doesn't fit right, does it?

Like do you know how long she lives exactly right now?

Nooo, out of those five years one or two years could have counted 366 days. Even if you knew how many years counted 366 days, who can calculate that by head?

If a life-year contained 1000/100/500 days it would be so much easier. End of discussion.

I don't think the governance is up for it, though, since they completely ignored my letter about it.

Anyway, I join my family again to celebrate Macy's birthday.

Well, celebrating is a big word since I'd rather be stuffing my face with popcorn at home, watching another re-run of some series.

But I'd pick that over almost anything so it isn't fair comparing the party to it.

I'm awakened out of my thoughts by the bright light of what seems to be a lightening. "Come on babe, smile a little." My eyes shoot up to meet the bright teeth of my aunt, pointing a way too big camera at my face.

"Really?" I ask, letting my arms fall aside my body, standing in a sloppy way.

"No!" she yells, "I'm not going to let myself get embarrassed by my niece because she can't strike a pose." Luckily, she leaves me alone.

Knowing your enemy is the first step to success!

Enjoying my victory, I make my way over to the living room, where the rest of the family is situated.

"Loren, come here," my grandma motions for me to come over to get one of her bear hugs, which I'll never get tired of.

"We just had the pleasure of meeting your lovely boyfriend." Pleasure? Lovely? There must be another unknown guy running around here.

"Hi grandma, sorry but he's not my boyfriend." Sorry not sorry, only sorry for lying about being sorry.

I peck her on the cheek, being overwhelmed by her amazing grandma-smell before doing the same to my granddad.

"Oh I get it, you've got that thing going on without the thing." Oh no.

"No, Nana you don't get it, we don't-"

''Honey don't be shy, we live in a modern community, it's okay." She smiles. No no no no. I have to get this thought out of her head. No one wants their grandma to picture you having sex with your sexy evil stepbrother!

"Baby, don't embarrass her," my granddad says.

They might be old and shaggy but I can't deny that they are the cutest couple alive. They still have pet names for one another and from time to time I catch them touching each other.

Nothing inappropriate you dirty minded bastard!

I mean gentle touches, like a soothing squeeze on the knee or gentle movements on the back.

I definitely want to follow their example when I am old.

"It's alright sweetie, I'm just messing with you." She smiles, pinching my cheek. "You have good taste though, he looks exactly like your grandfather when he was younger."

I fail big time at suppressing a smile that formed by hearing those words and looking at her ear to ear smile and slight blush on her cheeks as she talks about her admiration for her husband.

Haven't I got the cutest grannies ever?

"Thank you Nana, but he's not my boyfriend, he's Jerald's son," I inform her. A flash of relieve spreads around her face.

"Oh thank god, the kid is an unmannered pig!" she let out, I laugh hugging her tightly.

"I've missed you." My lips plant a small kiss on her forehead.

"Missed you too, sweetie."

Getting all familiar and emotional reminds me of my dad, making me miss him a little more.

I visited him two weeks ago. It was one of the first times after we moved, since he has been really busy at work, having to fly all around the world and not having time for his own daughter.

The meeting was nice but it felt so formal and awkward. It wasn't like it used to be, more like a man and his daughter in law, who were talking because they had to. It was just... Weird.

We cooked something very basic, since it's the only thing he can make, then ate together. Even eating was awkward.

I gained my weird principles from my dad, about the not having a conversation while eating. At that moment I wanted to throw those 'morals' away, I couldn't stand the awkward silence that overwhelmed us.

To start a conversation, I asked if he was seeing someone new and he said no, then he asked if I was seeing someone and I said no, and like no other sane dad would do, he asked me if I needed birth control.

I politely thanked him. An even less pleasant silence overwhelmed us after that.

Neither of us have made an attempt on seeing each other again but at times like this, I really do miss him.

After dinner, all the kids went outside to play and let all their hyperactivity out.

For the first time today, Geoffrey approaches me.

"Where's the bathroom?" he asks.

"Need to make sure you look good?"

"I know I look good," he says. "I just need to shit."

I laugh at that. "You don't shit in people's toilets, that's gross!"

"No it's not, that's what they are built for, you know. Normal people don't use diapers at our age, Loren." He licks his lips teasingly, trying to get a reaction out of me.

"Well, forget it, I'm not telling you where it is so you can go ruin their entire bathroom with your smell."

"As you prefer, I'll just shit on their flowers then." He shrugs as if it was no big deal. Him being himself, I actually see him capable of ruining my aunt's flowers.

"Second door to the left." I point at the hallway. He brushes past me, without a glare, smile or thank you. I guess I was getting used to his nonexistent politeness.

A while ago, we were eating together, all four of us, which rarely happens. "Loren, give me the bread."

"You could always try to ask that in a nice way." I felt my mom tense beside me.

"You're right; I could." He kept on glaring at me with those deep brown eyes of his. I couldn't help but wonder about the mystery they kept hidden.

"Well I could give you the bread." I tugged onto the basket as if my life depended on it.

"Just give me the damn bread," he ordered again, starting to get pissed. His eyes showed fire, steam blowing out of his ears. And then he exploded.

When he shot up of his chair, I pulled the basket away. He tried to grab it out of my hands but I just couldn't let him win. So I grabbed a slice of bread and launched it at him.

It didn't have a big impact, although it did make him even angrier so I threw another one. And another and another.

Until my mom yelled, "Children! Please behave!" She yelped the basket out of my hands, putting it down on the table.

"I'm out for pizza." Geoffrey left.

I received a nice lecture about my childish and rude behavior while Geoffrey received some money to pay his pizza with.

Parenting, they're doing it wrong!