6

"Can we talk about your brother today, Ana?"

"Um no."

She ignored my response and continued on anyways.

"Do you remember what happened that night?"

A foolish question.

Of course I remembered what happened the night my brother killed himself.

I didn't say this, instead I said: "Yes."

She nodded, as if it was a good thing I remembered.

Screw you, I thought.

Too bad looks couldn't kill.

"What were you doing that night before everything happened?"

"I was with my friend, Mel."

"What were you two doing?"

I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

We were 14.

We were obsessing over stupid things that within three short hours would no long matter to me.

Or her, even.

"You know, the usual adolescent things."

"I don't know, actually. Do you want to tell me?"

"No. Not particularly."

She stared at me.

She did this often.

It was as if, she thought, if she stared at me long and hard enough, I would cave and talk.

She thought it worked.

It was never her stare that got me to talk.

It was the unbearable silence.

I was not very accustomed to silence, but there was lot's of it at this group home.

Especially at night.

Which drove me insane and drove my demons closer.

Finally I rolled my eyes and spoke up.

"We were talking about this boy Mel wanted to ask her out."

"Were you two happy?"

"Um yeah. We were 14. There wasn't much to be sad about."

Lie lie lie lie lie lie, my mind screamed.

There was plenty for us to be sad about.

After all, the world was a sad place.

At 14, though, I just couldn't see this.

"I see."

"Do you?"

She gave me what I called "her look".

It was this look she gave me after I would say something sarcastic or snide.

It was like a cross between a mom look and a teacher look.

Everytime she did it, I had to hold back a snort.

"Did Mel go with you to the bridge that night?"

"Yes."

"Are you and Mel close?"

"No. I kidnapped her and she now has Stockholm Syndrome. She's got no choice but to love me."

She gave me The Look again.

I just stared back at her, blankly.

The Look did not phase me one bit.

She sighed and looked at the clock.

"I think we're done here. See you tomorrow, Ana."

I walked out, not responding to her.

Shrieks and laughter echoed from down the hallway.

My curiosity was piqued and I followed the sounds of joy.

I peeked outside.

Everyone was gathered outside, throwing waterballoons at each other.

They all looked happy.

Even the kids who were manic depressants.

They all wore big smiles and were drenched, but no one seemed to care about being wet.

They just seemed to be enjoying the nice weather and each other's company.

Part of me wanted to join them, the other part of me wanted to hide in my room.

The second half won.

I turned around, prepared to make a quick run back to my room, but I had been caught.

Arms wound around my waist, I was thrown over someone's shoulder, my world shifting upside down.

I let out a girlish squeal, kicking my legs in protest.

"Put me down."

"Shhh, Ana. Don't be a party pooper."
I groaned.

Shane.

Of course it was Shane.

Rose's smiling face appeared beneath me, her red hair soaked and sticking to her face.

"Hiya, Ana. How're you doing?"

I glowered at her.

"I'm going to kick you in the boob."

She laughed, only strengthening my resolve to want to kick her in the boob.

"You're really gonna want to leave some marks after this."

Before I could ask what she meant, cold water hit me directly in the face.

I screeched, waving my arms wildly in an attempt to push the person away or at least knock the hose away.

This did nothing to help me.

The cold water was still assaulting my face.

I gasped for air the moment the water stopped coming.

I coughed and sputtering, wiping away water, tucking hair behind my ear.

I narrowed my eyes, searching for the one who attacked me with water.

I locked eyes with a familiar pair of beautiful emerald green ones.

"YOU!"

He laughed and though it was a beautiful sound, I had to push the thought aside in order to keep my vengeance fresh.

Sensing my anger, Shane quickly let me go and him and Rose darted across the lawn to talk to Laurie and Sam.

Gordon was smirking at me, looking smug.

"You look a little wet, Ana Banana. Need a towel?"

"You've got 5 seconds to run. Starting now."

He dropped the hose and began to run.

I counted to three before chasing after him.

"Hey! That was only 3!"

"I know! I counted up to the age that you are!"

"Hey!"

I laughed and chased after him.

We ran all around the yard, everyone watching us, everyone laughing.

We both got hit by many waterballoons, but neither of us seemed to care much.

An hour later, we were both laying in the grass, panting, trying to catch our breath.

Rose pulled me to my feet and wrapped a towel around me.

She was frowning.

"You can get sick, Ana."

I rolled my eyes, even though my heart warmed at the thought that she was concerned about me.

"I'm fine, Ro."

Shane frowned and took his own towel, wrapping that around me too.

"Shane, take your towel back."

"No. You're like a twig, you could get sick easily. Let's get you inside."

I frowned.

I hated that they knew about my eating disorder.

I hated that they knew how weak I was because of it.

They lead me inside and to the living room where they wrapped me up with blankets.

I giggled as Rose got underneath the blanket with me, cuddling me.

I curled up against her, burying my face in her hair.

It smelled like strawberries.

While I had only been in the group home for just a couple weeks, it was obvious Rose and I were best friends.

You hardly saw one of us without the other.

Shane was my other best friend, but I wasn't as close with him.

It was odd that I was even so close with Rose, but there was just something about her that made me feel comfortable.

She reminded me of Mel in some ways, I guess.

And while I cuddled with her, Shane and Gordon sat at the edge of the couch.

Shane pulled me and Rose's feet into his lap, massaging them.

We were used to this and both smiled, gratefully.

"You all look comfy."

We looked up and smiled at Alison.

She too was wet but wearing a wide smile.

She turned and looked at Gordon.

"Time for therapy."

He sighed and got up then left the room without so much as a goodbye.

After he was gone, she smiled again and said: "I'm glad that you guys are spending time with Gordon. He's a good kid, just a bit lonely. You know?"

We all nodded because of course we all knew.

But while we had spent some more time with Gordon, it was obvious we had only made a small impact.

He still spent half the time in his room.

He still didn't smile very much.

He still skipped meals frequently.

But when he was around, he cracked jokes and he smiled occasionally.

I guess we had made some sort of difference.

"Not us, Ali. It's all Ana."

I glared at Rose but she just grinned and shrugged.

"I have noticed that he's taken quite a liking to Ana."

I rolled my eyes.

He barely even talked to me, really.

I didn't understand why everyone thought that his sudden change was because of me.

Maybe he was just getting better.

That was always a possibility.

"I've done nothing. I barely talk to the boy."

Shane grinned and said: "Maybe you should talk to him more."

I gave him a flat look.

"Screw you."

"Actually I think-"

Alison interrupted us: "Alright that's enough!"

I sighed and sunk back into the couch, pulling the blankets tighter, watching the cartoon on the TV.

My eyelids were beginning to get heavy when I heard it.

Not it.

Her.

Ana.

My head snapped up and my eyes widened.

She was standing behind the TV, watching me intently, frowning.

I didn't say anything.

We need to talk.

Though I had told myself a million times I hated her, I knew I had to talk to her.

I murmured that I needed to go to the bathroom and then quickly walked to the empty part of the hall.

She was waiting for me there already.

She looked worried.

"What's wrong?"

I made sure to keep my voice quiet but full of bitterness to get the point across that I still was not happy with her.

Ana, I'm telling you. Your meds are not enough.

I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah. Well, what do you know?"

I know enough.

"Enough to be a murderer? Huh?"

You don't understand.

"You killed my brother."

He killed himself. He committed suicide. And besides, I'm not even a real person.

"To a schizo you count as a real person."

She sighed.

Just trust me.

I laughed bitterly.

"Yes, because that's exactly what I'm supposed to do. Befriend the voices in my head."

You're going to have to if you want to stay sane.

I glared.

"Okay fine. What do I need to do?"

Befriend that kid with the blonde hair and pretty eyes.

I scoffed.

"Are you talking about Gordon?"

She nodded.

Yeah that kid.

"Um why?"

You both need each other's support. Just do it. We'll talk later.

I sighed.

"Fine. Okay."

I slouched against the wall and looked up.

A set of green eyes were watching me intently.

My eyes widened.

I froze for a moment then quickly walked away and back to the living room, pretending as if nothing had happened.

Which was something I was excellent at.

A/N: the pic up above reminds me of a diary entry Ana would write. have a good day. love you.