2

"How was therapy?"

"The same."

"That's not a very good answer."

"This isn't a very entertaining conversation."

Mel rolled her eyes at me.

"You're attitude and snarky responses are beginning to get old."

"I'm screwed up. I'm allowed to be snarky."

"Says who?"

"My therapist."

"Your therapist did not say that."

"How would you know?"

She hesitated then glared.

"I just know, okay?"

"You know nothing."

"I know a lot of things, actually."

"Yeah, I know, smarty pants."

She gave me a look which I ignored and instead picked up the remote and changed the channel.

"When are you coming back to school...?"

I shrugged.

She frowned.

"Everyone wants to know where you are."

"Tell them I died. Or maybe that I was kidnapped. A kidnapping sounds more interesting."

"I'm being serious, Ana."

"I'm being serious too."

She grabbed the remote of my hand, forcing me to look at her.

"Ana, seriously. Stop acting this way."

"Acting what way?"

"Like you don't care about life! God, Ana! Wake up!"

I blinked a couple times then took the remote back from her and looked back at the TV.

"I am awake. If I were asleep my eyes would be closed. I thought you were the smart one, Mel."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mel let out a shaky breath and drop her head into her hands.

A pang of guilt went through me.

Part of me felt really guilty for making the people I love deal with this, deal with me.

Then I remember that they're only experiencing a fraction of the pain I'm feeling.

"Did you take your meds this morning?"

"No."

"You should."

"I know I should, but I don't want to."

I could tell I was beginning to upset Mel because she was no gripping the blanket tightly.

I glanced over at her then back over at the TV.

"You need a cigarette."

"What I need is for you to at least try and get better!"

I winced.

Her voice had gotten just a little too harsh, just a little too loud.

She seemed to realize this and sighed.

In a quieter voice she asked: "Have you applied for any colleges yet?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not going to college."

She raised her eyebrows at me.

"Says who?"

"Me... and them."

She narrowed her eyes.

"They said so?"

"Yes. By the way, they don't like you."

"Well I hate them, they took my best friend from me."

"I didn't go anywhere. I'm right here."

"That's where you're wrong. You're not Ana. I'm not really sure who you are anymore."

"I'm still Ana. I'm just not the same."

"You're not the same because you gave up after your brother went off the deep end! Since she gave up, you think you can give up too! But you're wrong! We're not letting you leave us!"

I flinched away from her, my hands trembling slightly.

They began to talk.

Pathetic.

Stupid.

Weak.

Lame.

Fat.

I looked at the last one, waiting for her to say something mean.

I clenched my fists in anticipation, my whole body shaking with fear of what she was going to say.

She looked at me softly and whispered: "Beautiful."

Tears gathered in my eyes and I blinked them away.

I was confused and so were the others.

They looked at her, eyes wide.

The boy I had talked to the other day wasn't there.

I hadn't seen him since I talked to him.

Mel looked over at me, concerned.

"Ana? Is everything okay?"

"She called me beautiful. There was one that called me beautiful. The others were calling me rude things, but she called me beautiful."

I had begun to sob.

I wasn't sure why I was crying.

If anything, I should have been crying over the things the others had called me, not because I had been called beautiful.

They were whispering now, still talking about me, but the last girl was still staring at me.

Her brown eyes were full of concern and sympathy which only confused me even more.

"It's okay, Ana."

I covered my ears and squeezed my eyes shut.

They were all talking at the same time, causing pain to throb through my head.

I could hear Mel shouting, which made my head hurt worse.

Someone was shaking me roughly by my shoulders and I tried to push them away.

My sight was blurry and my head spun.

I was pinned down on the couch and a pill was shoved into my mouth.

I barely registered swallowing it dry.

I nearly choked on it but managed to get it down.

After a few minutes, my heart rate began to slow down and I began to calm down too.

My parents were standing next to the couch.

My dad looked horrified.

My mom was crying.

Mel was straddling me, her head in her hands, her blue eyes wide.

I looked at my parents again and I could see it in there eyes: horror.

They were horrified that they were repeating this again.

First it was Kyle and now it was me.

They would never have a normal child.

I cleared my throat.

"I'm sorry."

My mom began to cry harder and my dad had to hold her up.

"Mel, can you please take Ana to her room? I have to make some calls and calm Colleen down."

Mel nodded, exhaustion obvious in the way her shoulders were now slumped forward.

They were all exhausted.

Exhausted from taking care of me.

New tears stung my eyes and I swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump that had formed in my throat.

Mel climbed off of me and helped me to my feet then took me to my room.

I laid down on my bed and she sat down in my desk chair.

We were quiet for a couple minutes and then I said: "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

"But I really am sorry."

"It's not your fault. Stop being sorry."

"I'm sorry for putting you guys through this. This is why I want to die."

"You don't want to die. You just want to stop being in pain. You want to stop being a burden, but you're not a burden to us."

I sighed then said: "I still remember."

"Remember what?"

"Kyle."

She inhaled sharply indicating that she too remember the tragic event that had occurred 4 years earlier when I was only a 14 year old girl who religiously took her meds.

"You shouldn't think about that stuff, Ana."

"I can't seem to not think about it, Mel."

"There was nothing you could have done. He had been unhinged for a while."

"Maybe I could have tried to be more involved. Maybe if I had pushed a little harder..."

"He was closed off from everyone, Ana. He didn't want help. He just wanted to die. And that's what he got. It was no one's fault."

"I know. I just miss him."

"We all miss him, Ana."

"No one noticed."

"I know."

"How could we have not noticed?"

"I don't know."

Neither of us said anything after that.

Mel ended up staying well past midnight while my dad talked to doctors and therapists.

Once she left though, I was consumed by my voices and thoughts.

Come on, Ana. It won't hurt.

Just do it.

It's just a few pills.

That's right, lock the door.

A couple more pills, Ana. Three won't do it.

That's good. That's good.

You don't need water.

Just swallow them dry.

Shh.

Don't cry.

It's okay.

My eyes slid shut and the voices went silent.

I heard a scream.

Then I heard voices.

Then there were sirens.

More voices.

People were touching me.

I wanted to push them away but I couldn't move my limbs.

Why couldn't I move?

I panicked and whimpered.

"Shh, Ana. It's okay. You're okay. We're going to take good care of you."

I cried out and blinked a couple times, opening my eyes.

All I could see was flashing lights, unfamiliar faces, and the stars.

What was going on?

I was so confused.

You tried to kill yourself, Ana.

My eyes widened and I turned my head.

It was the girl from earlier.

She was looking at me like she was sorry, though I wasn't exactly sure what she was sorry for.

"What?"

It's okay, Ana. You're going to the hospital. You'll be okay.

I wanted to talk to her more, but she disappeared at the same time they rolled me into the ambulance.

I tried to ask the paramedics where my parents were but before I could, a needle was stabbed into my arm and I slipped back into unconsciousness.

I woke up in a hospital bed.

I groaned loudly.

My head hurt and my whole body ached.

There were needles in my arm and tubes connected to those needles.

I eyed them up, wearily.

My mouth felt like the Sahara Desert and my throat was sore.

I frowned.

My eyesight was blurry so I couldn't see far but I could see someone standing in the hall outside my door.

"Hey."

They didn't hear me.

"Hey."

They still didn't hear me.

"Hey!"

The person's head turned and they made eye contact with me.

The person walked into my room and sat on the edge of my bed.

Mel.

She looked terrible.

Her blonde hair was messy and tangled.

Her face was pale and her eyes were red and puffy.

She looked like she had gotten no sleep at all.

"You're awake."

"Yeah. That much is obvious, Mel."

She ignored my sarcasm and looked at me, seriously.

"Do you remember what happened?"

My heart dropped.

I had hoped she wouldn't bring it up.

I nodded slowly.

She let out a quiet sob and dropped her head into her hands.

I didn't know what else to do but look away to give her some privacy.

"Your parents are going to send you away, Ana. I heard them talking. They said they're not going to let you end up like Kyle."

I didn't say anything.

"Don't you care at all, Ana? Now I'm really losing my best friend."

"It's better this way, Mel."

She looked at me, her eyes wide with shock.

"What do you mean?"

"Now you don't have to see me this way anymore. Now you guys don't have to suffer."

"Ana..."

She didn't get to finish because then my doctor walked into my room.

I squeezed her hand gently.

"Everything's going to be okay, Mel."

She didn't look like she believed me but she nodded anyways.

It was okay if she didn't believe me.

I didn't believe me most of the time either.

A/N: girl above is what Ana looks like. btw that girl is Halsey and her music is amazing. give her a listen.