8 years later

Jana lay on her bed, her feet dangling off the edges as she listened to her sister rambling on. Her foot was swishing about as she patiently waited for her sister to quieten down. Her hair was splayed over the bed as she lay on her back, picking at random strands of curls and pulling at any split ends. When she had thoroughly examined her whole head of hair, she started placing random plaits in the strands.

Her niece Reina was still yapping away, her arms creating shadows as she spoke, her hands making erratic gestures. When Jana became bored with the task of managing her hair, she started mentally preparing her outfit. She wasn't sure if she was going to wear her black dress with lace, or stick to her favourite black jumpsuit.

She now had a whole wardrobe of black clothes, thanks to her father. He was the only one in her blasted family who actually understood why she still wore the dismal colour. Like her niece Reina who was wasting her breath lecturing her, her sister Neema and all her nephews who doubled over into her brothers had given her hell for still wearing it.

It had been 2 years since she had chosen to wear black in memory of her beloved husband Jeremy. No one in her family understood why she continued to mourn him for so long. Sometimes Jana didn't know why either. She had only had him for such a brief moment. He was in her life for just over 1 year and she had been married to him for even less, but in that short period of time he had changed her irrevocably. He had brought such joy to her life.

For years she had been on the mating mart, attending soirees and being introduced to too many wolves to remember. Since 14 years old that had been her life, she had spent countless of hours getting pretty for the next batch of wolves she would meet. It was Neema's way of making sure she could be acquainted with her future mate, instead of being blindsided like she had been by her mate khan.

When Jana had met Jeremy at 20 she had counted down the months until she turned 21 and would be able to pick her own partner. It was the obligation of all human females aged 16 to 21 to attend mating gatherings every year so they could find a mate. For Jana she did not really have a choice. She could have said no but being the adopted daughter of  such an influential wolf leader she'd had no choice, there was just no way she could avoid interaction with the species.

So she had continued to attend them even when after her 18th birthday it became abundantly clear to her that she just was not meant to have a mate. That was the case with some humans, her DNA was probably not compatible or whatever the case. Her dad, Khan was adamant that she would though, he had said 'your sister has given me so many strong pups, I'm sure you would do the same'.

Her dad wasn't one who showed a lot of affection unless it was with his wife and mate Neema. All of his children were loved and protected by their fathers strength and loyalty. Neema though, had his undivided love and attention, she was his world.

Jana could not help but feel that she was never going to encounter that earth shattering, world colliding love. By the time she reached 18 she had felt such disappointment with her circumstance that she gad begun to become withdrawn from her family and the society she lived in.

She came from a family of strong men and women so she had always thought that her partner would have to be the same to survive. When Jeremy had entered her life her perception had completely altered. They were complete opposites, but he was the Ying to her Yang. They made sense together. Jana was a loud and boisterous female and Jeremy was a calm and studious man and together they were perfect. One of her favourite things that they had done was going into the forest, she would climb trees or swim in the lake while he would observe the plants. Doodling and making notes in his book about nature.

He had made her see the beauty all around her. He brought method to her madness and she brought joy to his tediousness. No one would have put them together but no one could say they weren't well matched.

If the only chance at happiness she would have was those few weeks she was married to him, she would gladly spend the rest of her life mourning him. It was rare for a person to find someone who touched the depths of their soul. Jeremy was that and more to Jana, he was her greatest companion even in their briefest moments.

"That's why you should wear blue" Reina had finally finished her spiel about jana's clothes and it was such a shame that the finishing sentence was all Jana actually heard.

When Jana looked at her completely unconvinced Reina knew her sister had been away in the clouds. She probably hadn't even heard a word of her whole pros and cons list about the colour blue on her skin.

"Why do I even bother" she huffed, exasperated at her sisters lack of agreement.

"I wonder the exact same thing" sighed Jana as she sat up on the bed.

Her eyes rolling skyward as she prepared herself for a battle. Why everyone in her family was so stubborn was beyond her, she was probably the most laid back out of the whole bunch.

Her sister Reina was the most like Neema out of all her children, she had a determination that was downright scary. Her and her mother together were just a recipe for a headache. The two had been at her for the past year of her life. What started as sporadic complaints had eventually become a daily routine of bedroom visits. Reina had taken it too far, entering Jana's place of sanctuary and solitude to fill her brain with riff raff.

Jana barely used the Aunty card on her but in times like this, she felt that her role of sister and daughter had to be forgotten. Everyone often forgot that they were not biologically sisters.

"Why does it bother everyone if I wear black everyday of my life" grunted Jana.

She didn't understand why her attire made such a difference to everybody she lived with, she was fortunate enough to have clothes. The colour of them should be inconsequential. It was the same argument she had been using to defend herself for the past couple of months.

She thought that they would stop with their interfering when she had berated them for it moths ago.

What a shock she got when the next day they had picked back up right where they had left off. Their drivel about her clothes was a never ending story. It was as if she was speaking in a code no one could decipher.

"It matters because you won't find a mate if you keep wearing black" shouted Reina.

She had a fiery temper that she inherited from her father. When things weren't going her way Reina often lashed out which ended up with her sitting in a corner wallowing in pity and self disgust. No one would speak to her when she got like that.

"I just lost my husband, I'm sorry if I want to mourn him for a little while."

Jana shot up from the bed as she screamed in her sisters face. Just because he wasn't her mate they all dismissed her feelings for Jeremy. She knew full well that if Neema lost Khan or vice versa there would be no coming back for them. Jana wasn't depressed or starving herself, she was the same witty and chatty girl she had been before she lost her husband. She just liked to wear black.

She knew that if she stopped wearing the colour it meant that she was ready to find a companion. She wasn't ready yet, she was still bitter. How could she be ready to welcome another man into her arms when she still felt Jeremy beside her, beneath her, within her. She didn't want to move on because moving on would mean letting all her anger go. Letting him go. She wasn't prepared to do that.

"He is dead Jana! DEAD! He won't be coming back, so will you stop putting yourself on a shelf and live again!"

Screamed Reina, her face was red with anger. Her words held truth in them, but it was the wrong way. As Reina's way always was. She had delivered a blow that Jana always knew was coming but she had dealt it in such a brutal and harsh way. Jana wasn't sure if she could forgive her sister for it yet.

Jana felt tears streaming down her face at the words of her sister, she knew Jeremy was dead. No one had to tell her that to make her believe it. She felt his absence every day. The slow gnawing of the life they could of had and lost. She could see bits of Jeremy in everybody she saw and everything she did. He was dead but that did not mean her feelings for him just shrivelled up and died. He was her dearest friend and her only lover. She would be damned if they made her feel guilty for mourning him.

"One day Reina you will know the pain of loss, and I hope no one forces you to be something you're not ready to be."

She would never wish bad upon her sister but death was inevitable, life was so fragile. Loosing Jeremy had taught her that. She wished her sister never felt the pain of loss but if she did, Jana knew that she would not treat her the way she had been treated.

Shaking her head at her crying sister Reina stormed out of the room, with a glimmer of regret in her eyes. Jana wouldn't hear an apology from her until a couple of days later and that was if she even got one. Reina meant well, she always did but her offhanded ways were always a problem.

Jana was a grown woman and she didn't need her younger sister or niece telling her how to live her life. Nor did she need to be spoken to so rudely and harshly.

A heavy knock strummed along her door and Jana already knew who it would be. They always came in twos and today would be no different.

"Jana, baby it's me, ma, can I come in?"

Her voice was soft and weary, which meant she had probably ran into Reina on her way here. Jana couldn't deal with them anymore. They did not understand how badly she wished she could just be normal again, but as much as she hoped she never wanted to miss out on Jeremy. If that meant her life would be at a stand still for a little while then it was not a problem she wished to adjust.

"Not right now ma, I've had my daily dose of verbal abuse. I won't be listening to anymore crap."

Her voice came out a lot harsher then she anticipated but Neema wasn't a weak woman. Jana's tone wouldn't offend her, it would probably shock her though. Jana usually had a good relationship with her, as of recently it had began to feel a heavy strain. Jana felt as if she was an ant under a magnifying glass the way they watched her every move. It was unnerving.

"Okay" she called out as she popped her head through the door. Her curly hair tied back in a long plait down her back. Some loose strands framing her un-ageing face.

"I know Reina can be harsh and i'm annoying, but we love you hun and we are just a bit worried."

Neema had been Jana's mother for most of her life, even when her mother had come back into the picture Jana still went to Neema for any issues. That was why these arguments were beginning to wear her down. Reina was one of her best friends and confidants and Neema was her mother in all ways except biologically. It was hard to disappoint them but she had to stay true to her self.

"I will see you at lunch okay" she whispered when Jana refused to reply.

The soft noise of the door closing let Jana know that Neema had left the room, she hated being cold to them but Reina's words really hurt her. If she started speaking to Neema she would only be rude.

Jana needed a break from this house, it was starting to feel like a prison.