"You are not weak just because your heart feels so heavy." -
Andrea Gibson, "The Nutritionist"

There wasn't anything worse in the entire world than the way I was feeling at the moment. How my heart kept beating but I wished it would stop. Everything in me told my mind to help me learn how to simply not breathe.

Of course, it didn't work. My body was too smart for that. I, Luli Solano, wasn't bigger than my body for one. There wasn't anything I could do to discontinue my existence without separating myself from my skeletal frame.

Acting this way was completely selfish and I knew that. I could stop it but I didn't want to. It was fuel for now to keep going; a reminder that if I didn't do everything that I could that Parke or Kira could end up like Pearl.

Once I turned it into something else, it became so much more.

But, this wasn't living; this wasn't what a real life was. It was simply a survival tool to the emotionally exhausted souls that felt the little they had was too much to lose.

As much as I found myself tired of the old life I lived, I found myself wanting all that I had back then.

My friends, my family, my pets, my house, and other things that weren't physical.

Now, all I have are the blood stained memories that will scar me for life. All the nightmares I'll have to get through every night. Everything that those trials had left behind, it wasn't bad now but I knew it'd get worse.

Pearl was gone.

All the bones in her body were most likely being gnawed on by the wretched creatures that staggered every inch of that place.

My sister didn't deserve any of that. Even if that were true, I've been trying to teach myself not to try and reason with death.

The universe takes who it wants when it wants; it's the most ruthless entity that surrounds us.

I hope Griffith wouldn't become someone it wants anytime soon.

These past hours have been the roughest I've experienced in a while. The waves of grief hit me one by one; each one stronger than the previous.

Griffith Stone was who I needed right now. I didn't expect the man to fix everything with the flick of a finger like the fairy godmother- I just wanted to be near someone who didn't make me feel sick.

A small breath escaped my lips as I focused on the way the leaves crunched beneath my laced boots. My jeans rode up slight each time I walked as if I was already outgrowing them.

Kira walked at the back of the line like she was the alpha; protecting her pack from what dangers that lied ahead.

The blood stained white sneakers of the boy next to me were in sync with my boots causing me to focus on his movements instead.

Parke let out a sigh, his head slightly shook side to side, "At least say something so I know you're okay." He suddenly spoke.

My head turned towards the trees that surrounded us from all directions as I fumbled with the right sleeve of my light jacket.

"Something." Was all I said.

Parke then looked at me as I turned to look at him; our eyes meeting. There was something about the dark irises before me as they begged for a legitimate answer.

"I'm not okay; I'm far from being fucking okay."

That's what I wanted to shout in his face when the teenage boy looked at me with a question in mind. Instead of asking, his head turned back towards the long walk that lied ahead.

He scratched his head, "Uh, maybe we should stop in the next town so we can get things we need. Just in case." He suggested sheepishly yet somehow sternly.

I didn't want to make any stops on our way to the city but I knew it would be a smart choice. It was a day and a half walk, give or take, to get into Atlanta. All we had were weapons; no food, water, or other further provisions.

We have been walking since before the crack of dawn. Our bodies ached from trudging through miles and miles of woods.

My right shoulder was one fire from carrying the large first aid kit. It was the price to pay for not trusting the person traveling with you with something extremely valuable.

If we wanted to make our voyage somewhat easier we would need more supplies to do so which included a vehicle.

I nodded licking my chapped lips, "Maybe get a car and a map." I added.

Parke looked over at me, his eyes glazed over with exhaustion and what looked like worry, "Yeah, hopefully we find one that works." He commented. "I'll drive."

I didn't say anything but simply put my mind to work as I remembered the only time I was ever in a car with Parke Lizano.

It was towards the end of my seventh grade year while the boy was just ending his eighth and he'd move onto high school in the fall.

We met up at a well known park to discuss things that had happened. I did most of the talking if you would even call it that. All of what came out of my mouth that day were mostly lies to get some sort of pitiful feeling I craved back then from the boy.

Why I chose him out of everyone- to this day I still don't know.

Of course, at the time Parke didn't have his license but his parents for some peculiar reason trusted him with driving their car.

I could still feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest as I sat in the passenger seat that day.

Going into his sophomore year, Parke finally got a car, a really nice one I might add. It was his prized possession before the outbreak. Every other week he'd get it washed, waxed, vacuumed, and basically every other thing you needed to do to make a car like his look it's best.

His parents were the ones who bought it for him. No matter what stupid things the teenage boy seemed to get involved in, his parents still really cared about him. No matter how many times he was thrown into juvie, had to go to court, or needed to get another ankle bracelet due to a felony he had committed.

They were always by his side no matter what; never once did they doubt him.

Parke has or had, two brothers, one younger and one older than him. The youngest one was named George while the eldest of the Lizano brothers was named Theodore or as everyone called him, Theo.

They were all very close, breaking most of the laws together was sort of how they bonded but I couldn't blame them; that's how it was with my sisters also.

Anyways, like everyone else all around the world; Parke lost it all. The great home he grew up in with a loving family who truly cared for him; it was most likely burnt to the ground or overrun. His family was most likely eaten alive, shot to death, or died in some other way.

Everything was gone and this was all that's left. All that'll ever be left of humanity. Those of us who have gotten this far, the survivors, we're the ones that will have to start rebuilding society.

Hopefully this time we'd do it right.

"Hey, look." Parke said softly, pointing to something in front of him.

I looked ahead of the trees to see a blue sign sticking out like a sore thumb through the green of the leaves.

A small breath escaped past my lips as I began walking in the direction of the sign until I was able to see what it said.

I pushed through the trees, landing myself on the side of the road, "Welcome to Cumming." I read the sign in monotone.

It sounded like the punchline to a bad sex joke.

A tree branch snapped causing me to jump as I instantly took my gun, pointing it in the direction I heard the snap from. My heart began racing a million miles a minute, the sudden movement I made causing Kira to let out a bark.

Parke raised his hands in the air, "Luli, it's just me." He announced with worry in his eyes.

I let out a shaky breath, "Don't make too much noise.  We don't need to lose anybody else." I reminded bluntly, turning around and walking into the town.

He caught up making me turn around as he looked me right in the eyes, "Who else do we have to lose?" The boy questioned rhetorically before looking forward and away from me.

I simply looked down at the dogs tags that were wrapped around my right wrist. They made a small little clinking sound with every little movement I made.

It was wrong to think that the person we had to lose was Griffith because in a way we had already lost him. But, Parke was also wrong; we still had a lot to lose.

The conversation I had when I first met The Colonel instantly came to mind, "Each other." I heard my own voice say hoarsely before looking back at the boy.

He nodded, looking back at me too, "Yeah, you're right. I'll be more careful- sorry." He reassured.

It seemed like hours were passing by us as we walked down the long deserted road, hoping to find something that will be convenient to us.

Everything was empty. There wasn't a single soul in sight but that's how I imagined it'd be over the fence of the military base. I hadn't been out in the real world for three months and in a way I wished it would've stayed like that.

Except, it wouldn't and I knew enough not to hope for a secure place.

Everyone who never had a chance of survival in a world like this have already died. Children, families, workers; they're all gone.

They didn't get to see how everything turned out in the real world and I'm still trying to figure out if that was a good thing or not.

Once we got into the actual town is when I realized that nothing was really the same anymore. Trash littered the streets, branches pierced through windows of buildings, and the smell of decay lingered in the air.

A shiver ran up and down my spine as I instinctively grabbed my gun, keeping a tight grip on it just in case.

"Shouldn't I get one too?" Parke asked flickering his eyes towards the other in my holster.

I ignored him as my eyes wandered towards an abandoned gas station where plenty of empty cars were left.

"Look," I said pointing towards the rusty looking building making him turn to look as I walked past him. "Gas station."

I dropped the first aid kit next to Parke, turning towards him, "I'll go get what we need. Try to get one of these cars started without making so much noise." I ordered lightly before turning to Kira who was ready to follow me. "Stay with Parke- I'll get you something to eat too." The dog stood next to the boy, seeming to understand what I had said to her.

The boy nodded, picking up the first aid kit, "Be careful." He said beginning to walk towards a car with Kira right behind him.

I felt a lump in my throat as I remembered he didn't have anything to protect either Kira or himself. Whether I liked it or not, they were all I had left at the moment and I had to trust them- especially the boy.

"Parke." I blurted out making him stop in his tracks and look back to me.

"Yeah?"

I walked towards him and the dog, taking out a pocket knife from my bag and then taking off my bullet proof vest, "Here, just in case."

He hesitantly took the small weapon and the vest, his hands shaking slightly, "Thanks." He breathed out before looking at me with his eyebrows furrowed. "Are you sure you don't want me to go with you? Or take Kira?"

I nodded, turning around, not saying another word as I found myself quickly inside the small convenience store. A ring went off from the small bell on top of the door making me jump slightly as the grip I had on my handgun grew even tighter.

Once I examined the inside of the gas station I noticed that dust covered mostly everything. Broken glass littered the tile floor as dirt and dry blood stained everything else. People looted this place but it wasn't as empty as it could've been.

I took my backpack off, opened it up and began stuffing anything that could be useful to us. All I could fit was a flashlight, water, snacks, two cans of beans, some dog snacks, and a fire starter.

There wasn't much of a selection for food or water but nothing good worth finding was going to be in plain sight now.

This was the end; I had to start getting used to it.

I stopped in my tracks feeling a familiar sensation wash over me as I looked over and up from the counter towards the section of cigarettes.

"I'm pretty much dead already." I muttered to myself  as I zipped my backpack back up and threw it onto my back.

I lifted myself up and over the counter landing gracefully on my feet as I reached up, grabbing a pack of Virginia Slims.

My nose scrunched as I smelt the cigarettes that were most likely stale by now.

A pounding sound caught my attention causing me to instantly looked towards the refrigerators where two biters were banging on the glass.

I let out a small gasp feeling my heart accelerate as I put my hand on the counter, ready to leave.

The pack of cigarettes was quickly stuffed into the side pocket of my bag before I lifted myself up only to feel my foot being dragged down.

Loud breaths began escaping past my lips as growls filled my ears making me turn around to the biter that had my foot. My gun had slid on the floor over the counter in the short amount of time.

Whimpers that almost resembled a toddler were coming out of me.

"No, no, no." I murmured frantically as I started kicking the biter not wanting to look at it whilst the others in the fridge continued to snarl and pound on the glass doors.

As I looked back I noticed the biter that had a hold on me was stuck in between to slushee machines. Their hands gripped my boots making me kick it that much harder. It's jaw was loose and it's long black hair was knotty with chunks of it missing.

The longer I stared at it the more it began to resemble Pearl making tears stream down my face.

She could be out there was one of them.

She's probably out there as one of these disgusting fucks.

How could I have let that happen? Why didn't I save her?

"Why didn't you save me?" The biter seemed to growl making my eyes go wide in terror.

Without another thought I kicked it as hard as I could with my foot, distracting it long enough so I could grab the gun in my waistband.

I grabbed the weapon instantly pointed it at the monster before releasing a bullet to silence it for good.

Kira instantly began barking before Parke yelled my name from outside.

Tears streamed down my face as I stumbled to my feet, hearing the glass shatter from the refrigerators. I grabbed my backpack that seemed to have shimmied off of me, jumped over the counter but this time my foot got stuck on one of my bags straps making me land face first on the hard floor.

Growls instantly echoed him every inch of the room as memories from last night came back making me let out a shrilling scream.

"Luli!" Parke shouted this time before bell on the door went off once again.

I didn't pay attention to the other living person in the store as I backed away from the corpses staggering towards me. Aiming the gun at them, I began shooting them down one by one but there was a whole group coming for me and counting.

My legs stopped working as I hid in between the aisles trying to make the least noise possible.

The door was right around the corner- it was just right around the fucking corner.

Sweat slid down my nose as I held the gun almost as if it were a saint in both of my hands.

There were whispers in my ears that kept telling me things; they kept murmuring every fear that I kept deep down. Every weakness I had was being tested as they grew louder.

I knew it was all in my mind but it didn't feel that way- it started to feel more and more real.

The voices overpowered the growls making me clench my eyes shut, "Go away." I stated sternly.

Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder causing me to let go of my gun and jump as it gripped my shoulder tightly. I pushed against it letting out a scream before a familiar voice came through.

"Luli! Luli! Stop, it's me! We gotta go!" Parke spoke frantically.

Without wasting another second I gripped the boy's arms as he helped me up. As soon as I was on my feet I turned towards him with wide eyes. Before I could say or do anything, a biter gripped his backpack causing him to let out a loud gasp.

"No! Luli!" He screamed frantically as he struggled to rip his backpack off. Parke pushed the walker away along with his bag but it wasn't long until the monster fought back.

I panicked not knowing where either of my guns were as the boys screams pierced my ears while the biters were beginning to corner us.

Without thinking about it, I grabbed a shard of glass from the floor and sprinted towards Parke. Blood began seeping out of my from my hand as the thick shard of glass slit a deep gash on my palm.

With all my strength, I plunged it into the biters skull before shoving it off the boy.

My bloody hand gripped his arm as the monsters were enclosing in on us.

We looked at each other in horror after Parke grabbed and put his backpack back on. It's like there was a short conversation between us before we used our only Hail Mary we had left; pushing through the crowd until we could run.

Parke and I both let out grunts as we shoved through the grabbing hands before finally making it to the door. Right before I could run out something glistened from the sun and I made a small step forward grabbing the pearl gripped gun- barely missing the swiping hands of one biter that got too close.

Gripping my bag straps tightly I caught up with Parke outside. I couldn't find my breath as the boy quickly led us to a vehicle that had its engine running ready to go with Kira freaking out in the backseat.

"Get in!" He yelled, opening my door before getting in the drivers side.

As soon as our doors closed Parke stepped on the gas and peeled out of the lot. Soon enough we were racing down the lone road.

I looked into the side door mirror only to see the surprisingly large group of freaks pressing against the glass of the gas station getting smaller and smaller.

I rubbed my face with my hands immediately smearing blood all over it making me gasp loudly in shock.

The car came to a sudden stop causing me to flex my body to keep myself from slamming against the windshield. I looked over at Parke who stared at me wide eyed.

His brown eyes spelt out fear, "Are- are you okay?" He asked with a shaking voice.

My head turned towards Kira who had her face between the two front seats curiously. As soon as she saw blood a whimper rang out before her wet tongue licked one side of my almost as if she was trying to help.

I nodded, wincing as I touched the deep gash across my palm, "Yeah, I just cut myself with the piece of glass." I informed through gritted teeth.

"Shit." Parke cursed turning around in his seat grabbing bandages and disinfectant from the first aid kit. "Let me see it."

I ripped the two things out of his hands which caught him off guard, "I can do it." I snapped, spraying disinfectant on my palm groaning at the sting that coursed throughout my entire hand.

The boy let out a huff, "Why are you mad, Luli?"

I whipped my head around to face him, "Why didn't you use the knife or one of the guns on the floor?" I spat.

Parke's face fell his eyes glancing down for a second, "I-I don't know." He answered timidly.

My eyes narrowed at him, "You don't know? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I scoffed frustratedly. "Parke, I gave you the knife for a reason and I know you saw at least one of those guns!" I scolded.

"You're the one who dropped them." He averted the question. "You have more shit than I do and you didn't you any of it!"

I pointed a finger at him, "You would be dead if it weren't for me!" I reminded him sternly, raising my voice.

"Pearl's dead because of you!" Parke blurted out making my heart plummet.

An ugly sob suddenly erupted from my throat, "You don't think I know that?!" I snapped back suddenly feeling like it was hard to breathe.

I hid my face in my hands feeling my cheeks grow hot with multiple emotions. No tears were being shed as I suddenly hit the dashboard feeling overwhelmed.

My lips trembled immensely as my body shook- I let out an airy whimper trying not to break down. I bit my lip in attempt to stop the shaking.

From the corner of my eye I saw regret instantly replacing the anger in his face as he shook his head, "No, I didn't mean that." He said softly looking down at the steering wheel and seemed to wipe underneath his eyes.

Parke looked up at me, shaking his head, "Luli, I didn't mean that. I was just-." He paused as if searching for the right thing to say. "I didn't- I didn't fucking mean that, Luli. I'm sorry." He tried to take back what he said earlier before reaching out for me.

The minute I felt the warmth of his hand get near me, I whipped towards him like a viper and pushed him away.

"Don't touch me." I seethed threateningly- instantly getting the boy to back off.

Silence overtook the car as I finished treating my hand before reaching into my bag for the map. Parke awkwardly sat in his seat, not doing a or saying a single thing.

I looked over the large piece of paper before setting it down on the dashboard, just in case we needed it later.

"Did you find-."

I interrupted Parke, not wanting to hear his voice for at least a couple of hours, "Keep going straight until you hit the end of this road and then take a right." My neck was strained and my jaw was clenched. "From there, we'll take the highway that leads straight to Atlanta."

The boy put the car in drive, not saying a single word as we continued our troubled journey to the city.