Hello all :)

I hope you're enjoying this so far. I'm literally rewriting and restructuring the whole beginning of this book. When i get to chapter 17ish, I will be re-posting, as those chapters are fine

If you're an OG, you will know that I wrote the first 15 chapters of this book when I was around 13, 5/6 years ago. So obviously, my writing has changed and developed a whole lot since then

Please let me know if you're liking the new chapters :)

Consciousness is a state of mind; neither a choice, nor something you become a slave to. It exists. No awake person is more conscious than the next

So when Louis felt himself gain consciousness, it didn't mean that he was never awake. He simply became aware of his awareness

"Hey, kid, you there?" Zayn questioned for what could have been the second or third time

Louis blinked a couple of times before nodding "Yeah, hi" he muttered, voice groggier than he remembered it being "What happened?" He asked

Zayn smile "You passed out" he answered simply "Right after we were finishing up" he explained "Harry said you just fainted" he added and Louis felt himself wince "It's alright though, he caught you"

Louis couldn't hide the embarrassed face that he pulled; the blush creeping onto his cheeks and all the way to the tips of his ears before he could even stop it

Zayn bit back a laugh "How you feeling?" He asked "You good?"

Louis shrugged, cheeks still pink "Think so" he answered softly, voice still strained

Zayn nodded "Good" he replied "You were only out for a little while, but I'm going to have to take your vitals if that's okay" he said, standing up and cracking his back as he did so

Louis sat up slightly, nodding in allowance and shifting so that Zayn could take a proper look at him. They made small talk whilst Zayn took the teenager's temperature, blood pressure and pulse; all being fine, bar his blood pressure which was relatively low, Zayn told the boy that he was fine

"Do you know why?" Zayn asked a couple of seconds after they'd done

Louis blinked, taken aback a little as he replied "What do you-" he trailed off, swallowing "You mean why I...?" He finished in uncertainty

Zayn nodded "Yeah" he replied "Do you know why you passed out?" He asked "Your vitals are fine, but that stuff is usually related to stress, anxiety and trauma" he explained "I know that it was...intense" he said "But nobody hurt you" he reminded "So why did you..." it was Zayn's turn to become anxious, looking the boy over with furrowed brows "You don't have to tell me" he added upon seeing Louis cringe

"I just...they" Louis almost stuttered out "The last guy..."

"Edward?" Zayn quizzed and Louis nodded "What about him, kid?" He asked

Louis sighed "He's not- I just... I just knew him" he said finally

Zayn let out a sigh, pulling a face "You mean...?" He didn't have to finish in order to know what Louis meant; the look on the boy's face said it all "Jesus, kid, why didn't you say something?" He asked, his tone a little harsher than he'd intended it to be

Louis shrugged "It's embarrassi-"

Zayn cut him straight off "Let me stop you right there" he interrupted "It's not embarrassing for you" he stated

Louis swallowed, cheeks red as he squirmed slightly on the bed "Okay" he murmured, thankful despite how shy he was at that moment in time. There was silence for a moment before Louis spoke out again "Seeing him, seeing it all..." he trailed off, swallowing before he continued "It just reminded me of..."

"Home" Zayn finished, nodding slightly when Louis smiled sadly. The dark haired man sighed, a overwhelming feeling of protectiveness surging through him "You know, the deal we have with Mark, isn't as important as your well-being" he said "Fuck the deal" he muttered angrily "If you don't want to go back then you don't fucking have to" he promised

Louis sniffed, sighing softly "I have nowhere else to go" he murmured sadly

Zayn shook his head in disagreement "You have here" he replied easily "Don't ever doubt it" he added

Trouble is, the only thing that Louis didn't doubt was doubt itself

***

Attachment is a curse

An issue and a obstacle. A distraction; and Harry didn't need that type of baggage in his life

He had promised himself from a young age that he would never get attached. Not to his house, his clothes or any of his friends, because one day he might have to abandon it all. There may come a time where he may have to up and leave everything, and that would be far too difficult if he was attached. He didn't want to have anything in his life that he wouldn't be able to leave if he saw a threat around the corner

Zayn, Liam and Niall were all fully capable of taking care of themselves and if Harry had to choose, he could leave them in an instance and know they would be safe

What he didn't account for, was another human coming into his life and messing all of that up the second that Zayn claimed that he might be staying there for good

"You offered him my home?" Harry questioned incredulously "You hardly even know him" he added

Zayn scoffed "You hardly know him" he corrected "And this is our home, thank you" he reminded

Harry raised an eyebrow "What, so you like him now?" He asked

The dark haired man shrugged "So what if I do?" He shot back "Is it a crime to care?" He quizzed

"As a matter of fact, yes" Harry replied "It could very well be" he said

Zayn sighed "I don't think he wants to stay with you anyway, but I offered nonetheless" he said and Harry sighed "Harry, he was miserable at home, the poor kid fucking fainted just thinking about it"

"I made a deal, Zee" the boss told him "One that I intend to keep, actually" he said

Zayn grumbled a curse before replying "I don't think it'll come to that, but I'm just giving you a heads up" he stated "Anyways, I'm taking him to the training room" he added

Harry fish-mouthed "What?" He spluttered

"I'm taking him to the training room" Zayn repeated, audibly slower

"The training room- why would you-?" Harry stuttered out, confused beyond words

Zayn scoffed "So that he can fucking defend himself when he turns down my offer of staying!" He exclaimed "Jesus" he muttered "Let me know when you find your heart and I'll be right back" he joked bitterly, going to leave the room

Harry rolled his eyes "Might take a while" he warned "Some say I don't have one" he added

"And we both know that's not true" Zayn called right back, leaving the room swiftly after

***

Strength comes in many forms. Those who are strong physically, may have little mental strength, and those who are damaged emotionally may pack a punch

There is a fine line, though, between mental and physical strength. Tolerance, endurance and stamina were all things that the mentally strong may be able to physically withhold because of their emotional strength

Others, not so much

Louis happened to fall into the latter category

Despite being unconditionally brave at heart, he didn't possess the bodily strength to overpower someone physically

Zayn was about to change that

Louis agreed to follow Zayn up to the attic in order to work on his physical strength; that mostly being self defence. Zayn was torn between going easy on the teenager and doing him the favour of tough love

"So" the dark haired man started "The first thing you need to know about self defence is that you need to be alert" he explained, swiftly grabbing Louis into a tight headlock and holding him in place

The boy spluttered in shock, struggling for a moment before huffing in defeat "Wasn't ready" her mumbled defensively

"Well, nobody's going to wait for you to be ready before they strike" Zayn replied, a laugh threatening to come out

Louis tried to struggle out of Zayn's hold again, but none of his petty efforts worked "So what do I do?" He asked shyly

"So with a headlock" Zayn began "You have to move closer" he said

Louis complied, moving as close as he could to Zayn "Now?" He questioned

"Now place your leg behind mine" Zayn instructed "A little closer" he added "Make sure your knee is touching the back of my leg, yeah like that" he said as Louis followed through with all of his orders

There was a moments silence in which the two of them were pressed together "Now what?" Louis asked finally

"Now move you arm, bring it behind me and grab my shoulder" Zayn told him

Louis followed up the instructions, grabbing Zayn's shoulder, the teenager hummed once he was content with his position and Zayn spoke again

"Okay, now pull me backwards, stand straight and trip me over your leg" Zayn explained

Louis hesitated for a couple of seconds before pulled Zayn back slightly, forcing the older man to fall over on to his back

Zayn let out a small groan and Louis' eyes widened at how easy it was "Sorry" the teenager offered a smiled as he spoke, holding out a hand to pull Zayn back up

The man took it, standing to his feet with a sort of grace and charm that only he could manage "No, you did well" he promised, brushing himself down

"Yeah?" Louis asked, pleased at the praise

Zayn smiled "Course you did" he replied easily "Got me down, didn't you?" He quizzed and Louis nodded softly, a shy smile on his lips

Before the teenager had time to process his achievement, Zayn had him in a hold from behind around the waist. Louis let out a squeak of surprise and the gang member bit back a laugh at the boy's response

"So with this one you take a step forward" Zayn instructed and Louis followed up
"Then you use your elbow to hit me in the face"

"I can't do that, it'll hurt" Louis told him

"No you won't" Zayn shook his head "Just hit me" Louis hesitantly elbowed Zayn "Come on, you have to do it harder that that" Zayn laughed as he spoke, despite trying not to

"I can't" Louis said "I don't want to hit you" he admitted

Zayn raised an eyebrow "Why not?" He quizzed "Just a bit harder, I barely felt that" he added

Louis sighed and elbowed Zayn slightly harder; hesitantly so

The gang member rolled his eyes "Okay that'll do" he told the boy "Whoever's grabbed you will hopefully let go but if not then do that continuously, as hard as you can" Zayn told him "You gotta do it hard though, okay?" He quizzed

Louis nodded, hardly knowing if it was worth learning about something that he would never use. He didn't have the heart to, he knew that

"What's up, kid?" Zayn quizzed, eyeing the boy

Louis shrugged "Just dunno when I'll ever have to use this" the boy answered softly

Zayn frowned, brows furrowing and forehead creasing "Anyone ever hurt you again and you do this" he instructed

Louis swallowed "I can't" he muttered

Zayn felt sick in his stomach; remorseful and guilty. He decided in this moment that he was going to save this boy, no matter what it takes

Thoughts so far?

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