Currently having a mental break down bc England went out of the world come and it's fucked with my heart so bad, I loved seeing them thrive :'( currently crying with Louis. Anyhow, take this update because I may take a long time to update again 

Also, I promised a double update and I've updated twice+a character asks in four days. So, you're welcome! 

ENJOY, MY ANGELS! 

300 votes and comments for an update! 

"Zayn" Harry choked out "I-I'm trying to act normal around him but I don't trust myself" he whispered "I feel sick every time I'm alone with him and I even hired Alberto as a fucking bodyguard" he ranted

"Harry, he trusts you and that's all that matters" Zayn replied calmly

"Did you not just hear me?" Harry snapped "I feel sick when I'm with him" he repeated "I can't even touch him without feeling guilty"

"He forgives you-"

"I almost killed him!" Harry shouted finally "And I can't even remember one second of it"

"He know that you didn't mean t-" 

"He almost died because of me" Harry yelled "I could have killed him" 

"He loves you!" Zayn finally screamed, silencing Harry immediately "He loves you" he repeated after a couple of seconds, his voice quiet and strained

"He- he what?" Harry choked out, eyes wide

Zayn sighed at this, running a hand over his face in utter dismay "He loves you" he repeated once more "Told me so himself" 

"He-" Harry practically choked on his words "He, loves me?" he whispered finally

The word burning his tongue, a fire to his mouth, a poison on his lips; a curse of a word, a malediction with the sole purpose of dragging him into hyper reality. A lie

"That's what he said" Zayn told him 

"He can't" Harry replied finally, blinking at Zayn in utter confusion 

Zayn sighed once more "Listen, I shouldn't have told you that" he stated "It was for him to say" he admitted "But it's true, and I hope it wills you to stop avoiding him" 

Harry tried to do as Zayn said, he really did. He also tried to ignore what Zayn had told him about Louis, though the statement which he tried to believe was untrue, made his stomach feel jittery and his heart flutter

So he read Louis a book, let Louis tell him about some news story he heard that reminded him of the book, he wrapped his arms around the boy, he kissed him, told him that he adored him, played with his fingers, kissed them individually, played with his hair, ran a hand over his scars, promised he'd never let anyone hurt him, made him blush, made him smile. And somehow, amongst all of this, Harry managed to zone out completely 

"Harry" Louis called softly, gently clicking his fingers in front of Harry's face

At this, Harry practically jumped out of his skin, scrambling off of the bed and falling onto the floor in a hurried attempt to distance himself from Louis

"Oh my god" Louis said quickly, jumping off of the bed to get to Harry "Are you alright?" He questioned, kneeling down besides the man "What happened?" He asked 

"Did I hurt you?!" Harry exclaimed loudly, still backing away from Louis "Oh my god, I hurt you again didn't I?" He questioned, panting loudly 

"Harry, you didn-" 

Harry jumped back when Louis reached out to touch him "No, go away!" He shouted, scrambling backwards "Don't come near me" he choked out 

"Harry, you didn't even-" 

"Zayn!" Harry yelled, breathing unevenly as he shuffled away from Louis "Zayn!" 

"Harry, stop it! You didn'-" 

"Stay away!" Harry shouted instantly when Louis moved closer "Please, get back" he ordered, putting his hands up in defence

All at once, Zayn and Liam came rushing in to help them

"What the hell happened!" Liam exclaimed, rushing over to grab Louis protectively "Are you alright?" He asked, hoisting Louis up and wrapping his arms around the boy 

"I'm fine" Louis said immediately, shaken but safe

Zayn rushed straight to Harry, kneeling down besides the man and wrapping an arm around his shoulders "What happened?" He asked "Why did you shout" 

"I-I was spacing out" Harry answered after a couple of seconds "I don't know what happened" he blurted  "I hurt him" 

"No you didn't" Louis replied immediately "I was trying to tell you that you didn't touch me" he said 

Harry frowned at this, blinking at Louis in confusion "I didn't?" He questioned "B-but I felt you beneath me, I-I heard you screaming" 

Louis' lips parted at this "You didn't even touch me" he whispered, blinking right back at Harry 

"I felt it" Harry muttered "I did, I felt it" he repeated

Zayn let out a sigh of relief, rubbing at Harry's shoulder softly "You didn't hurt him, Harry" he said "You didn't" 

Louis nodded in agreement "Didn't lay a finger on me" he promised 

Harry looked between all four of the men in confusion "But I felt it" he choked out in utter confusion; he looked up at the wall hurriedly "A-and the knife" he spluttered out "I threw it right at you" 

"Oh" Zayn said suddenly, lips parting in shock 

"What?" Harry replied quickly "What did I do?" He asked 

Zayn shook his head at the man "You didn't do anything" he answered "Not today, anyway" he explained "You zoned out and remembered pieces of what happened the other day" he stated "You relived it in your mind" 

Harry breathed heavily through his mouth, panting in fright "That was a memory?" He questioned "I-I did that the other day?" He questioned, looking towards the wall that had a dint in it from where the knife had stuck in 

"You didn't hurt me today" Louis repeated firmly "That's what matters" 

"I threw a knife at you" Harry repeated "I-I threw a knife-" he ran a hand over his face "And I tried to slit- I-I tried to slit your throat" he choked out "I nearly killed you" 

Before he'd even realised what he was doing, Louis was crying; curling into Liam's chest and crying silently, the tears running down his face like rain on a bitter cold day

"Please don't cry" Harry begged, tears pooling in his own eyes "I'm so sorry" 

Louis wiped at his cheeks quickly, rubbing his baby blue eyes with the back of his hands "I just want you to forgive yourself" he whispered "Like I forgive you" he added

"I tried to-" 

"I know" Louis cut Harry off "And it's in the past" he said "It doesn't matter" he promised "Don't let it ruin the future. Our future" he whispered "Take it as a gift, a second chance. You almost killed me, but you didn't. Take the chance we've been given" 

Liam squeezed Louis tightly at this, trying to comfort the boy 

"Take it" Zayn repeated to Harry "He's right" 

And Harry nodded because Louis was, just like he always is

***

Harry was broken

Didn't trust himself, didn't want to. Couldn't touch Louis, couldn't talk to him, could hardly breathe around him 

It was torture for the both of them

"Don't go backwards" Louis whispered to him, walking into the bedroom and leaning against the wall "We've come too far to go anywhere but forwards" he said softly 

"How can I trust myself after knowing what I did to you" Harry whispered right back "How can we move on when I can't see the path ahead of me" 

"You don't need to see" Louis told him, stepping closer "Listen to my voice" he said "Trust your heart" he added "You don't need your eyes to see. Just trust me, even if you can't trust yourself"

 Harry could've cried at that, wanting to run a thousand miles from the boy and to engulf him all at once

This time when Louis sat besides him, he didn't flinch and he almost let out a sigh of relief when the boy placed his head on Harry's chest 

Louis wasn't wearing pants, just one of Harry's T-shirts that was far too oversized and was swallowing him up like Harry's arms would. But god did he look beautiful. So beautiful, in fact, that Harry could cry at the sight 

"If I try to hurt you-"

"You won't" Louis said quickly

"But if I do" Harry continued "You need to stop me" he said softly "Don't even hesitate, just kill me"

Louis jumped up at this in shock, folding his arms across his small chest and glaring at Harry "I will not" he said

"Please" Harry replied "If I even try to hurt you, just end me" he said "Life wouldn't be worth living without you anyway"

"You're selfish!" Louis exclaimed "You think I could live with myself if I did that, huh?" He questioned "You're not being a martyr, Harry" he stated "You're condemning me to a life of misery"

Hary blinked, stunned at the accusation "If it comes down to me or you-"

"Then you'll live" Louis said simply "And you can't sway me otherwise" he stated "That's my choice"

"Now who's being selfish?" Harry questioned

"I'm letting fate decide" Louis huffed "You're planning your own murder"

"You cannot let fate decide something like this" Harry replied in shock "Are you absurd?"

"Are you?" Louis snapped "Asking me to kill you is one thing, but expecting me to agree? Are you crazy?" He questioned "Do you not know me at all?"

"Too well" Harry grumbled "You're too stubborn for your own good" he scolded 

Louis scowled at him "You're too pessimistic" he argued "Who the hell plans their own execution?" He quizzed angrily

"I'm trying to keep you safe-"

"Well I'm trying to keep you alive" Louis cut him off huffily "So excuse me for actually caring about you. Because I do care! I care about you more than anyone or anything, so I would die before letting myself hurt you and I know that you don't want to hear that but it's true. So you can be mad at me all you want, but it's not going to change my-"

There was something attractive about the anger in Louis' voice and it made the green eyed man want to kiss him

So naturally, he slammed his lips against Louis' mid sentence, eating up whatever it was that the boy had to say 

Louis squeaked against Harry's lips in shock, but recovered quickly and within a second he was kissing the man back with just as much passion and anger

Harry smirked at the boy once he'd pulled back "You're fucking sexy when you're mad, you know that?" He questioned

Louis huffed at this "Think you're going to sweet talk me into listening to you?" He quizzed

"Maybe" Harry smiled as he spoke, pressing his lips back to Louis' reddened ones

Louis pulled back after a couple of seconds "You're stupid if you think you can change my mind with one stupid kiss" he argued 

"Can give you more than a kiss, sweetheart" Harry replied, still smirking at the boy "If you want" he added, blatantly looking Louis up and down "Can give you whatever you want, baby"  

"Stop checking me out" Louis scolded

Harry hummed at this "Never ever" he whispered, leaning forwards to capture Louis' lips once more

"I'm mad at you" Louis muttered against Harry's lips, the words pressing into the older man's mouth "So mad"

Harry moaned when Louis tugged at his hair in a playful way, pulling at the strands as if it were a punishment for angering him 

"You're so pretty" Harry praised 

"You're so annoying" Louis shot back, pressing his lips back to Harry's plump ones

Harry smiled into the kiss "Shut me up then" he whispered the words into Louis' mouth 

And Louis did. Kissing Harry deeply and putting every bit of madness he had left into the kiss until he was no longer mad at the man, and just wanted Harry to touch him 

It was the deepest kiss the two of them had shared since they'd met; the first time they'd used tongue; the first time Harry had held Louis by the back of the neck to bring him closer; the first time Louis had tugged his hair like this

Harry was drunk on the feeling 

The curly haired man pulled the younger boy closer towards him so that Louis was sat on top of Harry's crotch with his knees either side of the older man's thighs 

The feeling of having Louis pressed against him was unbearable. He wanted more, needed more. Needed to be skin to skin, chest to chest and everything inbetween

"Can I take this off?" Harry whispered between kisses, touching at his own T-shirt

Louis nodded against Harry clumsily, bumping their noses in the process "Yeah, of course" he answered, helping Harry take of his shirt and tossing it to the side 

With this newfound freedom, Harry shifted their positions so that Louis was beneath him on the bed, and he was hovering over the smaller boy and leaning down to kiss him

"Can I take this off?" Harry asked softly, touching Louis' own T-shirt

Louis tensed slightly but eventually nodded "Okay" he answered "Yeah, okay"

Harry slowly pulled off Louis' T-shirt (which was actually one of his own), and tossed it to the side "You're so beautiful" he whispered, leaning down to press kisses to Louis' small stomach "So beautiful" he muttered in repetition "I adore you, you don't even know" he mumbled against Louis' skin

"You're- you're amazing" Louis choked out as Harry's lips hovered above his crotch "Mean so much to me" he whispered as Harry's lips finally touched his clothed crotch; the smaller boy let out a small gasp as Harry's mouthed at him softly "You're not annoying, I p-promise"

Harry chuckled against the boy and Louis felt it, felt the air and the vibrations against him and he whined at the feeling

"Is this okay, baby?" Harry asked quietly, gently rubbing a hand over Louis' bare thigh "You okay?" He questioned

Louis let out a breathy moan as he felt the vibrations of Harry's words "God, yes" he whined, rutting upwards without meaning to

Harry let out a sigh of relief, the air blowing over Louis and making the boy whine softly "What do you want, my love?" He quizzed "Will do anything for you" he whispered

"J-just touch me" Louis choked out, hands going to Harry's hair again "Can you?" He added softly

"Anything" Harry repeated, running a hand over Louis' crotch and feeling the boy shiver "Speak to me, sweetheart" he said gently "Guide me"

"Y-you're- oh-you're g-good" Louis whined out, bucking up into Harry's touch

Harry smiled at this, rubbing over Louis softly "This okay?" He asked, dipping a finger under the waistband of Louis' boxers "Can I touch you, baby?" He asked

Louis took a second to respond but nodded finally "J-just don't take them off" he answered, biting his bottom lip nervously as Harry's hand dipped underneath his underwear and he felt those long fingers against him for the first time

If Harry died in this moment, he would have died happy. Louis was so warm and smooth and flushed against his fingers, he wouldn't need any motivation but this to get himself off. He was so unbelievably gone for Louis, he couldn't even attempt to hide it

For the first time since they'd met ten months ago he was touching Louis. It was like a dream and Harry could feel heavens warmth engulfing him as he his fingers graced the the treasure that was Louis Tomlinson

He was of nonpareil beauty, of paragon kindness, a diamond, a masterpiece. He was perfection, in Harry's eyes at least

It took a couple of seconds to see how Louis reacted, but Harry soon had his hand wrapped around Louis' length

"You okay, baby?" Harry whispered to him "You good?" 

"So good" Louis practically choked out 

Harry groaned at the sound of the boy's voice; it was all too much for Harry to take, he wanted to drink it up, save it in a bottle, relive it all later. Over and over again, like a ritual, his own religion that he would forever follow into the darkness

And then Harry was moving. His hand rocking back and forth around Louis, engulfing him, swallowing him up. Louis wasn't small, far from it, but Harry's large hand seemed to overwhelm his length nonetheless

"Still good?" Harry questioned, leaning further down to press his lips to Louis' thigh

Louis moaned at the contact, face flushed and being covered by his arms "So good, Harry, s-so good" he choked out "Y-you're- oh my god" 

"Keep talking to me baby" Harry ordered gently, softly biting Louis' upper thigh and licking over the mark just to see the boy squirm at the contact

"I-I can't uh-" Louis was cut off then Harry's thumb flicked over his tip "Uh, uh, Harry" he whined, bucking up into the man's hand "I-I'm- you're-" he choke out, hardly knowing what he was trying to say 

"Can you come for me, angel?" Harry asked, muttering the words against the boy's thigh "Can you let go?" He questioned "Let me watch you, sweetheart, want to see you" 

Louis practically whimpered at this "Yeah I'm- oh my god" he whispered breathily "I-I'm going to- fuck- Harry, I'm-" 

Harry bit into his thigh gently, but hard enough for Louis to feel it and it sent the boy over the edge completely 

Harry groaned upon seeing Louis let go, mouthing at the boy's thigh and whispering about how beautiful he was into his skin 

Louis panted softly, chest rising and falling as he recovered from the intense pleasure that had consumed his whole body

"Thank you" the blue eyed boy said softly after a minute or so of he and Harry regaining their composure

Harry raised his head, crawling up so that his lips were level with Louis' own "Thank you" he echoed

"I-I didn't hardly touch you" Louis whispered "I can do that now, if you want" he offered, glassy eyes flickering up to Harry's own 

Harry smiled at this, running his knuckles over Louis' flushed cheek "I came before you" he said gently "The sounds you made, the way you felt, it was enough" he added quietly, leaning down to kiss Louis' dampened forehead 

Louis smiled at this, shutting his eyes without meaning to 

"Tired, my love?" Harry questioned, pressing his forehead against Louis' cheek just to remain that bit closer to him 

Louis hummed in reply, hardly able to open his eyes as Harry kissed him gently before peeling himself away to grab Louis fresh underwear 

"There you go, sweetheart" he whispered, placing the clothes besides him on the bed and unable to stop himself from leaning back down to kiss the boy 

"Thanks 'arry" Louis whispered, voice strained as his eyes fluttered open slightly "What would I do without you?" He asked quietly, taking the clothes in his hands tiredly 

Harry smiled at this "My baby" he whispered "How kind you are" he said gently, before finally stepping away from the boy "Get some sleep, my angel" he added "I'll be up shortly" 

Louis hummed in reply, eyes flickering between open and closed as he offered Harry a sleepy smile 

Harry wanted to stay laid besides him, truly he did. Even though he knew that the boys and Alberto were on call, Louis couldn't scream for help if he was sleeping, so  it was best for Harry to leave whilst he was still conscious to make that decision. He couldn't sleep besides Louis that night, no matter how badly he wanted to

Harry changed his underwear and clothes in the communal bathroom, throwing on a shirt that he was sure belonged to Liam before stumbling down the stairs in a search of a certain somebody

He found Alberto in the study, a cup of coffee by his side and a newspaper on his lap 

"I need to ask a favour" Harry started, sighing as he looked at the man 

Alberto's eyebrows raised at the lack of a greeting but he nodded for the man to continue nonetheless "What kind of a favour" he asked

"A rather big one, actually" Harry said 

The larger man hummed "Tell me" he replied 

"I've been having... hallucinations, of a sort" Harry started, scratching the back of his head anxiously 

"So I've heard" Alberto replied "How can I help?" He quizzed

"They could put Louis in danger" Harry explained "If that happens, I need you to fulfil our agreement" 

The man nodded immediately "Protect him at all costs" Alberto said quickly "Of course" 

Harry sighed once more "And if it reaches a certain extent-" he cut himself off, running a hand over his face "You must kill me"

Alberto's eyebrows shot up at this "Harry, are you-"

"Please" Harry cut him off "If it gets out of control, you must promise to kill me" 

"That was not a part of out agreement" Alberto replied firmly 

"It wasn't my plan in life either, but believe me, God has his ways of projecting the unexpected onto our damned souls" Harry stated "And right now, I just need his safety to be ensured "

"And you didn't ask Zayn for this favour because..?" Alberto questioned

Harry shook his head at this, almost in amusement "We fight like dogs, I know" he started "And he talks a big game when it comes to his love for Louis, but I know that he would always choose me and put my first" he finished "I could bet my life on it" 

"And the other boys?" Alberto asked "They're the same?" 

"They wouldn't have it in them to kill me" Harry replied, shaking his head "They'd let me kill him before they'd put my life at risk"

"How do you know that?" Alberto quizzed

"I just know" Harry answered simply "Now will you do it or not?" He questioned 

Alberto sighed, rubbing at his temples in thought "I'm not overjoyed about thinking of your death, Harry" he said finally "We're friends. We have been for a long time" 

"I brought you here to be of Louis' assistance, not mine" Harry replied sharply "You're here to protect him" 

"He'd probably kill me if I hurt you" Alberto stated

Harry smiled at this "He may try" he agreed "But he doesn't have the heart" he added "Which is why he wouldn't agree to kill me" 

"Jesus Christ!" Alberto exclaimed "You asked your boyfriend to kill you?" He questioned in shock "That's dark, even for you, old friend" 

"I knew that he would decline" Harry told him "Just wanted to put it out there" he said "I'd rather he do it" 

"It would kill him" Alberto said 

"Which is why I'm asking you" Harry reminded

Alberto sighed once more without meaning to "Fine" he agreed finally "Fine, I'll do it" he said 

Harry almost let out a sigh of relief "Thank you" he breathed out "I appreciate this massively" he promised 

Alberto shook his head, not approving of Harry's commands but willing to fulfil them if it would make the man happy and protect Louis. After all, that was his job

FFS Alberto!!

Questions:

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE INTIMATE SCENE? Did it make them closer? Why did Harry touch him but not sleep in a bed with him? Opinions please!

If it came down to life or death, would you support Harry killing Louis or Louis killing Harry? 

Is Harry being dramatic for asking that of Alberto? And should Alberto do it? 

Vote? Comment? Ilygsm. Mwah x