Trigger warning- depression, anxiety and suicide.

Also I should let you know the majority of my entries will have LGBTQ+ characters

For round two of the Writer/Cover Hunger Games by Llamapowersactivate

Cover by Emily-Owl

~~~

A shadow tilted its head at me- a spirit in the dark, waiting for me to speak. I won't let her win, I thought. I'll go down quietly.

That wasn't really supported my my twitching and fidgeting. The shadowy entity in front of me narrowed its glowing red eyes, which were all I could see from where she stood in the closet. "Usually you speak by now, Anx.
Find a bug under the bed to practice staying silent with?"

I squealed at the thought, clambering from my usual spot under the four-poster bed to sit on top of it as the fog beneath my glasslike skin swirled and twisted. "There's bugs? What if they're carrying diseases? What if they bite Jay and infect them? If Jay dies then we'll both cease to exist and what if we do, Dee?!"

Perhaps I should introduce myself. I'm not used to introducing myself, I'm scared people are gonna think I'm annoying so I keep to myself. I don't have a name but I'm the physical manifestation of Jay's anxiety, so I guess that's my name? Dee just calls me Anx for short. And Dee is short for depression... I think. I'm not really sure, I don't like assuming things.

We both look human, sort of, but our bodies are different. Whenever I maintain control on Jay, I make them transparently honest, which I guess is represented through my skin? And Dee always makes Jay gloomy and shut off, which makes sense because she's like a walking, talking shadow.

I can't tell what her facial expressions are, I haven't seen her that close. But I can always tell when she rolls her eyes, like she just did. "Honestly, why do you care? I'd be happy for once if I just disappeared, honestly."

"I don't wanna die," I whined. "What about their mom and dad? They'd miss Jay so much!"

Dee let out a long, drawn-out sigh. "Listen, Anx. When was the last time anyone asked Jay if they were okay?"

I bit my lip, rolling it between my teeth. "... A while ago, but that doesn't mean-"

"Ah ah," Dee cut me off. "When was the last time Mom and Dad said they loved Jay? And meant it?"

"... Dee, stop, you're making me worry," I protested weakly, and the shadowy girl in the closet let out a dark chuckle.

"Aw, what's the matter, Anx?" She taunted me as the room went pitch black, suffocatingly dark. All I could see was her bright red irises. "Am I making you freak out? Am I putting bad thoughts in that pretty little head of yours? Am I, perhaps, starting an attack?" She let out a cruel laugh. "Keep it under wraps, Anx, we can't let it loose here," she cooed, ignoring the way I was gasping for air and clawing at my chest. "We should have the common decency to wait for Jay to leave the table. Wouldn't it be a shame if poor Mommy and Daddy saw Jay's little breakdown? Hah! As if they'd care."

I felt a feather light kiss on the tip of my nose, chills racing down my spine. "Don't worry, Anx. At least I love you, right?" She cackled as she retreated back into the closet, turning to glare out of the window. We could see from Jay's eyes, watching their hands shake through blue framed glasses and a blonde fringe as they tried to get through a normal family dinner.

I hated this so much. I used to help Jay be wary and cautious, I helped them through life. Then Dee just showed up out of nowhere, and she ruined everything! She made me worry about every little god damn thing, she twisted me until I ruined Jay's life! And she was too scared to let me see her unless she made Jay's mind dark with shadows?

I hated Dee. I hated Dee. I hated Dee so much.

... But I loved her. How stupid of me.

Dee was evil. She made Jay so terribly upset- she'd push them into a breakdown and then hide again, leaving Jay so confused. They didn't know where the feeling came from so they kept quiet in case someone made fun of them, or thought they were lying, or making it up for attention!

I was still sat in the middle of the floor, staring out of the window between Jay's life and their mind. Dinner was over now, and Jay collected the plates. I glanced over to see Dee sitting next to me, finally out in the open. Her eyes were shut contently, a smile on her lips as I watched Jay.

"I'm gonna have a bath," they murmured, and Mom smiled at them, cupping their cheek.

"Okay, sweetheart. Don't take too long, okay Jackson?"

The room trembled violently, and I gripped onto the striped carpet. Yellow, purple, white and black, representing who Jay was. Dee didn't move, except to smooth out her flowing skirt.

"Yes, Mom," Jay murmured, setting the plates in the sink and heading upstairs. I watched in horror as they locked the bathroom door, opening the medicine cabinet and taking a small bottle of pills. They turned on the tap, the bathtub filling with cold water. I tugged in panic at my short hair, turning to Dee. "What are you making them do?!"

Dee smiled serenely, standing and pulling me to my feet. "We're doing what we were created to do, Anx. Self destruct."

The horrifying realization hit and I started hitting her chest, wisps of fog spilling from my eyes in lieu of tears. "No! Dee, no, we can't do this!"

She just held me close, hushing me by pressing her lips against mine. I could only catch glimpses of what Jay was doing- turning the tap to a slow trickle as it neared the top. Spilling bright coloured pills into their palm. Slowly sinking into the tub fully clothed, swallowing pill after pill like candies with a smile.

Smoky tears ran down my glassy cheeks, feeling shadowy lips press against mine one last time as the world started to fade into darkness.

"Now, we're only falling apart."