For Prompt Wars: Prompt Three - Your new year's resolution comes true. Literally. | 3141 words

*Warning: This entry is slightly mature due to intense language and mild sexual themes, so if you can't handle that or could get in trouble for reading this, you may not want to read this.*

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I woke up with a pounding headache. When I lifted my head from the pillow, the sunlight flooding through the curtains blinded me. I groaned, holding my head and shielding my eyes as I turned to get out of bed. I noticed that a glass of water had been set on my bedside table, along with a note and three little pills. I moved over to read it.

"Dearest Michelle,

I knew you would be in severe pain today due to last night, so I set out this glass and aspirin for you. If you need any more, there's bottles of water in the fridge and the aspirin is in your medicine cabinet on the left side. I went ahead and cleaned up the house for you as well. I hope you're still up to having the date tonight. If not, no worries - just tell me and we can reschedule.

Love, Janine"

I blinked, wondering how lucky I had gotten to get this woman in my life. I stood up, bringing the cup and the pills with me. I headed into the bathroom, setting everything down before flipping on the switch. I stared at my reflection. God, I was hideous. My face was much too pale, my hair was sticking out everywhere, and my eyes seemed to be sinking deeper into my sockets. I turned on the faucet and splashed my face with cold water. Wiping it down with a towel, I looked at myself again. Slightly better, but it still needed some work. I smoothed out my hair with a brush and grabbed the pills. I swallowed them down with a gulp of water. Cleaning my lips with the back of my hand, I left the bathroom and decided to head downstairs to get some breakfast.

I stopped in my tracks when I noticed there was a man on my couch. A naked man, in fact, making no attempts to cover himself and with his clothes nowhere to be seen as he stared at my TV watching some sort of movie. I stood there for a few moments.

Then I screamed.

He flinched and looked at me, then gave me a look more smug than the look of a cat who had just gotten a treat while the beloved family dog did not.

"Good morning," he said.

When I found my voice, I replied, "One, who are you? Two, what are you doing in my house? Three, why are you fucking naked?!"

"My name is Andrew," the man answered. "I'm here and naked because you wanted me to be."

I took a deep breath and let it out. "Okay, I know I'm bisexual, but I would never cheat on my girlfriend. And I've literally never heard of an Andrew."

Andrew shrugged his shoulders, then leaned over and got his phone from the couch. I wondered how the hell he brought this phone if he was just chilling here naked the whole time and why he was being so casual about this. He held up his phone, obviously wanting me to come over. I hesitated, then shuffled over to him, keeping myself at a distance where I could see the phone but I did not have to bask in his presence. There was a video on the device, and he hit play.

The image was of me with my arm wrapped around someone I didn't know. My other arm thrusted a drink into the air.

"My New Year's resolution," my voice slurred from the video, "is to wake up to a naked guy on my couch!" There were a few cheers, then the video ended.

I blinked. Once. Twice. Then I slowly turned my head to look at Andrew. He grinned. I shoved the phone into his face and he quickly set it down.

"So I'm here because I was at your party last night," he explained, "and I decided to fulfill your resolution."

"Who invited you?" I questioned.

"No one," he replied. "I came because I saw all those cool lights and heard some bangin' music."

"So you're telling me," I began, "that you invited yourself into my house for a New Year's party, saw me get drunk off my ass, heard me make that weird resolution, and then decided to take advantage of how drunk I was and make that resolution come true?"

Andrew nodded, still smiling.

"If I jumped from the size of your douchebaggery to the size of your dick, I could kill myself," I commented.

"Ouch," he said, not sounding or looking hurt at all.

"And another thing," I asked, "how did you make it past my girlfriend while she was cleaning?"

"I hid in the closet," he replied simply.

I could almost feel my blood starting to boil.

"Where are your clothes?" I inquired, trying to keep myself calm.

"I think your girlfriend stowed them away somewhere," Andrew responded, turning his attention back to the television. In a burst of fury, I snatched up the remote and shut off the TV. He started to protest, but I grabbed his ear so hard that he let out a cry for mercy instead.

"Get the hell out of my house," I growled.

"But I can't go out there naked!" he argued.

"I'm sure some lonely grandmother will take you in," I retorted as I tried to drag him off of my couch.

"That's disgusting!" he yelled, trying to pry my hand away from him. I let go of him, but only to slap him. He seethed and put a hand up to his cheek.

"You're even more disgusting," I remarked. "Now get out of my house."

"Can you at least lend me some clothes?" Andrew questioned.

I smiled sweetly. "Sure, I'll give you my frilliest lingerie and my pinkest dress and ooh I think you'd look just darling in my finest eyeliner and lipstick!"

"Oh god please no!" Andrew protested.

"Yeah I wasn't going to let your 2-inch meat stick go anywhere near my best date clothes anyway," I said. "Now shoo."

"I can't, I'm naked."

"How much of an asshole can you be?"

"I can be anything you want me to be." Andrew batted his eyelashes.

"I want you out of my house." I pointed towards the door.

Andrew slunk down in his seat, giving me an annoyed look.

"You know, I don't know why I didn't do this before, but I'm gonna call the police now." I marched towards my kitchen to grab the cordless phone.

"Wait- Ah!" I heard a bang as Andrew fell down from the couch and hit something. I turned and could only see his arm sticking out on the floor. He groaned.

"Please tell me you're bleeding out so I have even more of a reason to get you out of my house," I called.

"I'm fine!" he yelled, making me groan. He got up and pleaded, "Please don't call the police! I'll get out of your house, I promise, b-but...only if you do me a favor!"

I considered it for a moment. "I'm listening."

"See, I'm really lonely," Andrew explained. "My twin brother has a girlfriend, my friends have girlfriends, even you have a girlfriend! But I'm almost to my 30s and I have yet to even lose my virginity."

I snickered despite myself.

He continued, "So if you could just get me a date, I will leave you alone and never come back here again. How does that sound?"

I tapped my chin, a nasty plan hatching in my head. "Y'know, that just might work..."

His face gained hope.

"But I'd have to check through my list of friends and also hear about your interests," I continued, moving back into the living room. I threw him a blanket to cover himself and sat on the chair near the couch. "Tell me about yourself."

"Well, I like...alcohol," Andrew said.

"Yeah that won't sit well with Bella," I retorted, opening up my contact list. "Let's see...Chrissy is more of a loner...Maybe you'd like Danielle- wait, I don't know any Danielles." I looked over Danielle again, checking the picture set for her.

"Who the hell is Danielle?" I muttered aloud.

"Probably a girl from the party," Andrew mentioned.

"Yeah, you're probably right. If she gave me her number she's most likely more interested in me than she would ever be in you." I saw Andrew flinch out of the corner of my eye and smiled to myself. I kept the number just in case she could be a nice friend, then continued through my contacts. "Hmm...Elaine might be a good fit, but she's always practicing her damn violin at crazy hours of the night."

"I only like metal anyways," Andrew remarked.

"Well, there goes Freya as an option," I replied. "Iris likes metal, and she's a party girl, but she has three giant dogs."

"I'm kinda scared of big dogs?" Andrew's voice raised in fear.

I gave a huff in response and continued scrolling through my contacts. "Lilliana is all obsessed with the paranormal."

"I don't believe in that bullshit," Andrew replied.

I nodded. "Me neither, but I like hearing the crazy stories she shares about them. Let's see...Mia has a crush on Dawson, so she's not an option. Nicolette has a boyfriend, Regina has a boyfriend, Serena has her fifth boyfriend this month...And Valentina has a boyfriend too."

"Valentina?" Andrew sounded interested. "I feel like I've heard that name before."

"Yeah, she's dating Matthew," I responded, scrolling back through my contacts to see if I missed anyone I knew much about. "He's sweet, but kinda weird since he collects bugs and all."

"Does he have a lazy eye?" Andrew asked.

"Yeah." I looked up at him. "Why?"

"That's my twin brother." Andrew's eyes shone as he said it.

"Really?" I tilted my head. "Man, he must despise you if he's never even mentioned you to me."

"Yeah, we used to be best friends, but we've grown apart over time," Andrew explained. "Especially since I've been drowning my problems in alcohol while he's actually been, y'know, succeeding in life."

"Depressing," I remarked in a bored tone. "Hey...I skipped over Ashley!" I looked up at Andrew, then back to Ashley's name. I smirked to myself. "Yeah...I could set you up with Ashley."

"What's she like?" Andrew questioned.

"She's blonde and tall," I answered. "Very kind and funny. She's a bit bossy but that's just due to her dominant nature. You like a girl who can hold her own, yeah?"

Andrew nodded, making knots form in my stomach considering how desperate he was.

"Alright, how about this," I began. "I'm gonna call Ashley to come over and meet you. I'll also order you guys a pizza and you two can watch some Netflix. Meanwhile, I'm gonna get ready for my own date with Janine tonight, and you can find yourself some clothes around the house here. I'm sure they're in the washing machine or something."

"That sounds awesome!" Andrew looked happier than ever. It almost made me sad considering my plan, but I had no sympathy for a douchebag like him.

"What kind of pizza do you like?" I asked in a sugar-sweet tone.

"Eh, anything's fine with me," Andrew replied nonchalantly, his attention going to the TV and turning it back on.

I internally cheered, then headed back up to my room to call Ashley. I locked the door behind me and leaped onto my bed in happiness. I pulled out a piece of paper from my bedside table drawer and looked over it, then went into my contacts and found Ashley. I clicked her name, pressed call, and lifted the phone up to my ear.

"Yo, Ell!" Ashley's voice rang through the phone. I smiled to myself.

"Hey, Ashley, think I could get a hand-tossed pizza?" I inquired.

"Ooh, codewords," Ashley muttered. "How many faults?"

"About...three toppings," I replied, sucking my lip.

"Yikes," Ashley said. "Go on."

I looked at the list again. "Anchovies, parmesan cheese, and oregano."

"So uninvited stranger, unwanted advances, and alcohol was involved?" Ashley inquired for clarification.

"Yes ma'am," I replied, slyness tugging at the corners of my lips. I relayed the story to her to make sure she knew what was really going on, since I trusted that Andrew was focused only on the TV.

"I'll be there quick as I can," she promised. "Oh, what's your address again?"

"2939 Marigold Circle," I answered.

"Alright, I'll see you soon," Ashley finished. She hung up and I nearly screamed in joy. What a perfect way to hide the fact that Andrew was going to get arrested now. After all, Ashley was a cop. She had helped me through these problems before, and even gave me those sweet codewords to disguise the fact that I was calling a cop.

I got up and debated on getting ready for my date now. Ashley was quick, so I decided to save it for when she got here. I headed downstairs and settled myself in the chair again, noticing that Andrew had not moved from his spot nor even gotten up to get clothes in the time that it had taken me to call Ashley. That would definitely help my case.

Eventually there was a knock on the door. I leapt from my seat.

"That must be Ashley," I remarked, running to the door in excitement. Andrew seemed excited too. I opened the door and greeted Ashley with a big smile. She stepped in, and Andrew's face deflated. She was in complete uniform, with a pair of handcuffs dangling from her fingers.

"So this is the man himself," Ashley remarked. "Looks kinda familiar."

Andrew looked from Ashley to me, then back to Ashley, then back to me. His brows furrowed and fury replaced his confusion.

"You said you wouldn't call the police as long as you got me a date!" he screamed.

"She is your date." I clasped my hands behind my back and smiled. "She'll be taking you to jail, and your dinner will be well done steak with a side of rotted green beans and cold potatoes. So romantic!"

Ashley laughed at my joke, but Andrew stood up and started marching towards me.

"Whoa, buddy." Ashley grabbed Andrew's arms. "You've already got three offenses, you don't need to add a couple more. You're coming with me now."

As she cuffed him, he didn't even fight. He merely looked down, the fury burning out of his eyes and being replaced by tears of regret. Ashley wished me a good night and I waved. As soon as the door closed, I ran upstairs to get ready for my date.

***

I looked around for Janine at the front desk of the restaurant. I saw an arm raised in the air, waving around. I smiled and ran over, sitting across from her.

"I'm glad you could make it," Janine remarked.

"I'm glad I'm able to see you again when I'm not drunk off my ass," I replied, making her laugh. I couldn't help but laugh along. We continued chatting for a few more moments, waiting for a server to come around.

"Oh my gosh, is that you Michelle?" a familiar voice squealed. I looked around to see Valentina waving at me, with Matthew holding her free hand. I smiled and waved them over.

"Do you mind if we sit with you?" Valentina asked, already pulling a table and chairs over.

"We don't mind at all," Janine answered, helping them arrange the table. Valentina sat next to Janine while Matthew sat next to me. Valentina smiled, cheery as always. A waitress came to our table and took our drink orders. When she left, Valentina immediately started conversation.

"So how's it been?" Valentina asked in a tone that reminded me of a teenager.

"Good enough for the day after a drunken New Year's party," I responded, garnering some laughs.

"Did the aspirin help?" Janine questioned in a comforting voice.

"Yes." I smiled at her. "Thank you for cleaning up, by the way. I really appreciate it."

Janine smiled back, giving me her hand to hold. I clutched it like she was my lifeline. Valentina squealed a bit and I felt heat rise up to my cheeks. Janine and Matthew merely chuckled. The waitress came back with the drinks and took our orders for food. We waited for a few moments in silence, not knowing what to talk about.

"So what was everyone's New Year's resolution?" Janine inquired, turning to the others while still holding my hand.

"Well, if you're gonna ask us ours, at least tell us yours first," Valentina chuckled.

Janine snorted. "Fine. My resolution was to stop spending so much money. I'm such a shopaholic."

"Can part of your resolution be to stop asking for such expensive gifts from us?" I joked. Janine frowned, making us all laugh, but she ended up breaking and laughed too.

"My resolution," Valentina responded, "was to start taking some things seriously."

"I think you can be serious when the time calls," Matthew assured her.

"But if I'm so cheery all the time, nobody will ever be able to take me seriously," Valentina argued. "I can't even really comfort people correctly. I've got all this extra happiness to give away and I can't even gift it right."

Matthew frowned, but didn't continue the topic. Instead, he moved the conversation back on track. "My resolution was to be infinitely better than my brother."

"You have a brother?" Janine looked shocked. I tried to mimic the surprise to avoid any questions about how I met Matthew's brother.

"Yeah, his name's Andrew." Matthew sounded bored. "He's the biggest deadbeat I know, always leeching off of me and my parents for food and money and girlfriends." He shook his head. "I can't even count how many times he's gotten into trouble with the police for his crazy antics."

My eyes widened, and I suddenly thought back to Ashley. No wonder she said he looked so familiar. Janine seethed, ripping me from my thoughts. Valentina looked a bit perturbed, but didn't say anything. After a few moments, the attention was on me.

"What was your resolution, hon?" Janine asked.

I looked up at the ceiling, then glanced out of the window at the city lights. I smiled softly, then turned back to Janine.

"My resolution was to stop getting drunk so much, otherwise someone like Matthew's brother might break into my house."

Janine and Valentina burst into laughter. Matthew couldn't help but break into a smile and chuckle. I couldn't help but join in on the laughter, though I wasn't really laughing because of what I said. I was laughing because who would've thought this mess would start off my new year, and somehow it would end so happily?