Bens P.OV.

Was I foolish to go back this early? There was no going back from here I guess, but did I want to go back? Did I want to throw away all the training I've spent years on just for this girl?

I struggled everyday trying to be what they expect to me to be what my mother wants what rey wants what the first order wants. Of course I'm willing to go back to the light but it's hard considering I've spent all my life dedicated to the dark and now after only a couple of months being away from the dark I've started acting like I've been with the light all along. But I know I will feel conflict on both sides

I feel a pull to the light while I'm still affiliated with the first order, but I might feel a pull to the dark as i become part of the light

I need a middle ground, something that will bring peace to the galaxy, something to make me a better man

A better soldier

A better husband than my father

And a better dad than my father

And a better leader.

I don't know if I truly can let go of my demons , I feel like they are in my skin imbeded in my bones

The rush I feel when I take lives but the cloudyness I feel in my heart for taking them

I don't deserve forgiveness, after all I was raised to be a monster
It's all I have known

And the lights always been there but for some reason I'm stuck on a fence between light and dark, but when I first saw her something in me clicked but why, why her of all people?
What bond was placed between us, why is it still lasting even after snoke is dead

I hate feeling soft but I'm tired of carrying weight on my shoulders
I let out a rough sigh

Looking down I see the scavenger begin to stir but something doesn't seem right, she isn't at peace in her mind, her eyes twitch and quiet profanities slur out her mouth

I place my hand above her head to ease her into a peaceful sleep, a sleep I can tell she hasn't experienced in many years

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rey's P.O.V.

"Worthless" the voice spits "you worthless scavenger!"

I looked around in confusion "ben?" I whisper

"I can't do this scavenger" ben appears to my right as well as my left.

"Why would you do this to me, you ruined everything, I'll forever be in pain because of you!" He screams

My face contorts in confusion "what-"

He grabs my arms and shakes me lightly "whatever happens Rey you can't leave me, you have to promise me!"
He searches my eyes and scrunches his eyebrows as I try to back away.

"Promise me!" He screams louder

I nod my head frantically tears threatening to spill, what's going on here?

It's not real Rey, wake up. The voice whispers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I jolt up with a gasp looking around. I lean my head back and sigh, it was just a dream breathe Rey.

I repeat that to my self until I calm down and find myself lost in the stars and planets in front of me. I lean back an look up at ben, he glances down and smiles,

"Were almost there Rey" he whispers jokingly

"Yeah" I sigh a bit uncomfortably
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ship lands at night fall with only leia to greet us.

This will be fine, everything will be fine.

I look back to ben and see him bitting his lip nervously. I turn around with wide eyes, this is not fine let's go back I can't do this.

"Rey are you sure this is a good idea?"

" of course it'll be fine." this is not fine

I go to open the door and see Poe and Finn walk towards the general with distraught looks,
This is not fine this is going to be a disaster.

Ben chuckles and I turn to him "ready?"

"Sure, everything will be fine Rey, it's not a disaster yet."
~~~~~~~~~~~

The general smiles and walks towards us "you've made it, welcome ben" she turns to him completely dismissing my presence

He smiles at her and then looks at me for help
"We've missed you as well general, unfortunately right now isn't a good time to catch up"

Leia stands back and crosses her arms, I fumble for words.
"Well w-what I mean is that um um we've been in a ship all day and we're really tired from all the flying well ben did most of flying, he did all the flying, right ben?" I murmur elbowing him.

"Hmm oh yeah."

He walks towards leia and grabs her hands "I have so much to tell you but I'm extremely tired, but we'll talk tomorrow first thing ok?"

She smiles sweetly " ok ben whatever you need."

She motions me to walk to her " you'll be in your room as usual, meet me in the morning don't be late."

"Yes general" I lock arms with ben and led him to my quarters.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

I stop in front of the door " I don't remember the state I left this so fair warning" he nods.
We walk in and I sit my satchel down breathing in the familiar scent of my room, it's been quite a while so I've missed it I guess.

Ben chuckles, "you sure have missed this place haven't you?"

I shrug and smile " I don't have much so having something I can call my own makes me feel special I guess" i whisper caught up in the moment

He covers his mouth and starts laughing, I roll my eyes and walk to my dresser grabbing a shirt and underwear, he starts to laugh louder "seriously" I mumble.

He is such a jerk,my maker . I walk towards the bathroom huffing a bit. "No wait hun"
I slam the door and flick the lights on looking at every flaw from my bony face to my swollen eyes. I chuckled hearing him sliding down the door.

"Come on babe I'm sorry I didn't mean it" I stifle a laugh.
I pull my dirty two month clothes off and cringe I might need a shower, I notice how thin I am and how my ribs poke out and my flat- um everything. I literally have no curves I need to work on that.

"Come on Rey I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to laugh at you" he whined.

"Whatever you're not sorry" I take my elastics out and fluff my hair, he groans and slams his head on the door
"I'm really sorry let me prove it you."

He's such a baby, why would he want my forgiveness? I wipe myself down and pull my bra and underwear off and slip a new pair of underwear on with an old black shirt. I open the door and his head falls to the ground he looks up at me his eyes widening, I step over him and walk to my phone and dial Finns room, I tap my foot waiting for him to pick up

"What is it Rey?"

"Hello to you too anyway bring me a pair of shorts from one of the girls"

"How am I suppos-"

"Just figure it out thanks" i slam the phone down and put my hands on my hips looking around

I turn around to get a few things out of my pack and notice ben standing across from me with a smug face.
"What are what are you doing ?"

"Me?" I sass

He nods
"Unpacking some things."
He shakes his head, I sit my lightsaber down on my dresser

"why is the trait- I mean Finn bringing you shorts?" he asks venomously

ooh someones jealous

"I can't sleep in this" I say calmly " if someone comes to get me in the middle of night I have to have pants on ben" he nods slowly.

The door sounds meaning Finn is here with my shorts "wait" ben runs in front of me, he looks me up and down "your not opening the door like that "

I shrug and push him out of the way and open the door "here you go Rey" Finn says with a smile
"Thanks Finn-"
Ben engulfs my lower half with a blanket and closes the door on finns face
"Why did you do that?" I half shout
He shoves the shorts towards me

"Put those on." He commands

My eyebrows crease in confusion but I do so and slip the shorts on in front of him,
I walk to the bed and lay down turning off the light closing my eyes while ben undresses to just his boxers and a shirt
He slides in next to me and wraps him arms around my waist
"I don't want anyone looking at my girl that way" he whispers.

I smile and lean back, his girl hm? I dont know how i feel about that.

A.N.

Im back y'all ,did ya miss me, it took so much motivation to finish this chapter hope it doesn't suck completely ;) so what do you think, honestly at this point I'm probably going to do somewhere around 20 chapters or more because I haven't even got to the problematic parts anyway...
Please vote and comment it's much appreciated thank you so much for reading may dudes
~<3 B