Rey's p.o.v

Pain, sadness, disappointment, fear, life, death
I couldn't open my eyes, I didn't want to, I wanted to lie here and die, I want to forget all my problems all the war I was facing and the stress from the war the galaxy was facing the pain I felt from my general, the pain from her son it all laid on me. I couldn't breathe or speak, I couldn't feel anything like my nerves were shot.

He took what he wanted, they all did. I am nothing to them but a pawn another player on the board. A useful resource to do others chores. And i am tired.

I cranked my neck to look at the man laying at the foot of my bed, his hair swept across his forehead, it was different although, his hair is jest black all I remember is red.

Pristine red, the kind to lead you on and tell you that you're safe even though you're not, fire red with an orange tint, feelings of anger and frustration with sadness hiding behind the shield, he was he was pale I think, ivory with red undertones showing his blood right underneath the surface, anger in the blood, red just like the hair. His clothes were black, black as night, you felt empty looking at him, he was empty and angry and he was unforgivable.

He made a chunk of me break off, my heart and my soul the force it dangles on nothing. I am an empty shell, but the raven hair draped on my feet they weren't empty, the beholder of it held promise he has a future, it's grey, very conflicting but peaceful, he sees me but he sees destruction, am I the destruction, am I so broken he feels the need to fix me.

I hold my hand to my head as a sharp pain shoots behind my right eye, I double over and lay my head on my legs, I cry but no tears come, no torment comes, the man looks up at me awakening from a deep sleep a look of concern flooding his features,

" Rey are you alright?"he whispers his eyes darting around looking at me as if inspecting im not hurt

my eyebrows crease a lump is stuck in my throat "ben?" i question

he scoots closer and nods a small smile forming on his lips " yes rey" he whispers

i cross my legs, scooting closer to him, i look around the room trying to figure out where i am and what happened to me, he seems scared almost to do anything around, are we close? am i supposed to love him? does he love me?

i feel lost almost. how long have i been here, when did i leave jakku? my parents, i have to get back to jakku they are probably looking for me

" i i h-have to get home my parents i have to get back to them" i swing my legs over the bed ready to leave but he puts his hand on mine,

" no rey"

i shake my head what does he mean no i have to go, i jerk my hand away from his and stand

" rey stop, theyre not there" he pronounces, he grabs my hand once more sitting back on the bed, i look up at him, scared of what he said what does he mean, of course they will be there right?

"rey do you remember anything?" he whispers tears brimming his eyes

i cock my head at his sudden sadness, i let out an awkward chuckle

" what do you mean do i remember anything, of course i do"

he shakes his head and scoots closer to me, " no"

no? huh what does he mean no? he puts his hand on the side of my face and i find myself lost in the blackness i just came from

~~~~~~~~~~~~

a little girl with my attire was held by an alien, the creature gripping her arm pulling her in the opposite direction while she tried to pull away and run back to her parents, she screamed and persisted but the couple didn't even notice her as they counted their money from the ship they arrived and left in.

she looked up at the ship and with all her might screamed " no come back!" tears poured down her face and shrill screams escaped her lips

the alien dragged her along as she weeped for them, but they left her never turning back

~~~~~~~~~~~

i shake my head and find myself near what looked like the scrap yard, i advanced to the shops with a bag of parts ready to gain my portions for the day, i look at her as she dissapeared into the at-at, i followed her in looking at the familiar room, the make shift bed, the tallied walls, and my pilot doll

i pick up the doll turning it relishing in the feeling i used to rely on to get through the days, hope.

i place the doll back turning to see myself make up the food and scrape another tally on the wall, my eyebrows scrunch in confusion, was i this hopeful, prepared for the day they might come? what did i do when i was just going through the motions when i forgot for a single moment that i was just surviving, for myself?

do i survive for myself now?

~~~~~~~~~

i reopen my eyes to find myself in a blank room, instead of specific memories many memories pass by in front of me,

my first meeting with finn, " i dont need you to hold my hand" i spat

my first meeting with han solo " your'e the han solo?" i asked out of pure excitement

my first meeting with poe " im rey." i pronounce holding out my hand, a smirk plasters his face

" i know."

my first meeting with the general no words exchanged but instead a welcoming hug and a smile

my first meet with kylo ren " you a scavenger?" he spit

i try to remember these times the memories ive made since leaving jakku, the impact ive made on others and the impact theyve made for me

all memories stop but an image of ben solo and myself sitting across from each other floods my mind

~~~~~~~~~~~

i stand in front of the scene, a room completely red, red bodies lie on the floor his hand stretched out

"You are nothing" he pronounces
Im a bit taken back and take a few steps away from them

"But not to me" he whispers I look at him, the sincerity in his eyes, the sadness in them as well
A deep longing washes over me and I can feel it over them as well

i close my eyes once more and reopen them, I'm in my room Ben sitting on my bed his head in his hands

I sit next to him and notice the tear that has escaped and has fallen across my cheek, I swipe it away looking at the wooden floor beneath my feet, all my feelings rushing back to me

I remember I wish I didn't but I remember the feeling, the loss and the pain

I glance my head up at ben, tears drench his hands as he cradles his face

"Did you kill him?" I whisper to the ground

I wait for an answer, ragged breaths coming from beside me
"Yes, I did"

A.n.
Hey I know I said I would be posting on Saturday and Friday but like I haven't had writer's block and I have many ideas so here ya go

I hope it wasn't too confusing but if it was please inform I can help ya out

Thank you for reading
Please comment and vote
~<3 b