"he says

'i am sorry i am not an easy person to want'

i looked surprised

who said I wanted easy

i dont crave easy

i crave goddamn difficult"-Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

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Korali's Pov.(not edited)

Jordan pinned me against the wall, his head against my neck inhaling deeply. His long, thick, wet tongue licked my neck from the base up to the ear and it was sexually pleasing. I let out a moan my fingers curling into his t-shirt covered back. This was needed. My claws elongated from my nails and I'm sure I was drawing blood from Jordan's back, but he didn't seem to pay it any mind.

I could feel his hot blistering hands sliding up the sides of my stomach starting from my thighs, his finger tips grazing the skin as they went. This felt wonderfully enticing, causing me to growl lowly. My fingers worked their way into his soft dark tresses that I was glad was finally growing back since he had cut it. "Jordan," I cried when his canines grazed the delicate skin on my neck, where I was to be marked.

Jordan hiked my legs around his waist leaning up to kiss my lips. The solider was back and he just couldn't say goodbye without leaving his newlywed breathless and in anticipation that he was coming home. This kiss was nothing like our last one, it wasn't blistering; just passionate. Jordan's lips were soft and warm, and he tasted of juicy fruit gum. His tongue danced with mine, a sexual dance; the tango. He released my mouth, leaving me panting and on the edge of ecstasy. His kisses went south towards my chest and he kissed a breast through the fabric before I...

I woke up in a cold sweat my hair plastered on my forehead. I looked down to see my claws slightly extended and holes in my sheets from where I dug my fingers.

The heat.

The burn started in low in my stomach spreading to the rest of my body like a wildfire. It started out with odd rushes of tingles in all parts, as if I was a star on the verge of my final burst of life. I was a Supernova about to transcend the galaxy only to be sucked in by a black hole. Hipparchus would be mystified on my galactic force of energy.

Although an exploding star would seem beautiful from afar, it's dangerous up close. I felt that I was a volcano and the lava was extracting through my skin and if anyone were to touch me I'd set them afire.

And I couldn't hear. All I could do was feel my pulse pounding quickly and the perspiration leaking down my skin in huge drops that rivaled tears or rain. I started to breath quickly during my paralysis before I jerked myself up and everything came rushing back to me.

I got up quickly pushing the super heated, drenched in sweat, covers from my body practically running to the bathroom to cool myself off. I was disoriented so my run looked a bit drunken, and I was feeling the walls to have coolness on the way.

I stumbled into the bathroom hitting the door hard the pain having no effect on my burning body. I turned the water to the coolest setting starting the shower and getting in with all my clothes on. I crumbled to the tub floor and cried. It was truly like no other pain I've ever felt. I doubt childbirth would be this terrible.

My face was tightly pinched up as the tears blended with the water and sobs came from my mouth. I wasn't wailing like a two-year-old but I did have to catch my breath causing loud gasps to sound. I wiped at my face angrily, although it was no use because of the water sprinkling from above.

Truly the liquid didn't help all that much, but it did slightly tame the burning to a simmer. I still felt like I was cooking, but it wasn't as excruciating as without it.

I needed him. I needed him to stop the pain, to take it away. To make me feel better. Everyone called me flower, but what kind of flower was I? Definitely not pentas. I couldn't even attract my own mate let alone butterflies.

"Korali?" My mom asked stomping down the hallway and into the bathroom. She looked at me "What's—oh my should I call Jordan?" I watched her eyes taking me in, it was an odd look so I knew she was going to be concerned. It was 3 o'clock in the morning and here I was in the shower with my clothes on, crying.

She was use to mates being together through the first heat. It was supposed to be simple. Although heat only came when mates didn't mate quick enough, it happened often enough because in modern times people would like to know the person they're going to spend the rest of their life with before just sexing them up.

"NO!" I Yelled. "He's—he's busy. A rival pack wants war and it'd be better not to distract him." My voice wavered and I felt sick. That was an excellent lie and excuse and I hoped she would understand. It wasn't even that far from a lie seeing that we've been getting little odd threats here and there. But this was my mom. She didn't understand, and she didn't care about any excuses.

"Oh sweet heart," she started and I was glad that she was going along with it. "I'll go get the fan, but he's your mate" she said the last word with utter distaste and bitterness. She hated him and I was glad she didn't know the truth of my situation because I would get an 'I told you so' and my mom would be dead, from trying to murder him. "Alpha or not. As much as I dislike the evil little atrocity, I saw the way he cared for you when you two left. He should be here." He should, but he wasn't.

My mom left me alone for a minute and I cried harder. I was bent against the front of the tub letting the water pour down on me and let the tears go with the water to the drain. Why didn't he love me? Why couldn't he at least be here to take pain away? Why was he so selfish as to let me go through this alone?

When my mom came back she turned the fan on and it helped. After another 30 minutes in the shower the wave of heat was and burning pain was over. I took in a breath of relief and collapsed on the shower floor. My curly hair was plastered to my face and head and starting to frizz. I panted out breaths my body trying to stop cramping up.

Now I was shivering from the cold. The icy water was still pouring down and I had no energy to stop it. I just let it rain my lips chapping and my fingers and toes pruned. My eyes were swelling from the tears and I just wrapped my arms around my body curling into a ball with the last of my energy. My teeth chattered and I felt myself go numb before my mom came back to check on me.

She came with several towels wrapping them around my body. She brought me to my room helping me change into something more comfortable and wrapping me in my blankets. I was shaking like a Chihuahua and the tears wouldn't stop until I started to drift into sleep again.

"You should be here! You're her mate." My mom huffed yelling. My dad was a sound sleeper and their room was in the back of the house so he wouldn't hear. But I was near the living room where she was obviously yelling at Jordan. "You're suppose to make her comfortable through this!" She was in disbelief that he had the audacity to not be here immediately. "I don't care if you have supposed duties! She should have just listened to me and saved both of you the trouble and just rejected you."

I heard a loud growl through the phone and I numbly ignored it, falling into a deep slumber.
When I awoke the next morning I felt completely sick. Like snotty nose, itchy throat, head ache sick. My throat was dry like sandpaper cutting into each muscle inside every time I swallowed, my mouth was like cotton with no taste, and my chest felt heavy as if I had a 10-pound weight on it. My limbs each had their own personal ache to them and I still have a slight, but ignorable tingle in my lady area.

I licked my dry lips with my even drier tongue before trying to get up. I grunted several times before finally pushing my legs off the bed and staggering to the kitchen.

When I walked to the breakfast table my mom looked at me in concern. "Baby, you don't look too good." He dark brown eyes were filled to the brim in concern.

The excuse that I had gave them to let me visit was that I just missed them and my mom took me in with open arms hoping that she could talk me into coming home for good. Honestly Jordan and I both didn't think the heat would come on this strongly. He had planned to take me back to the pack today to get the treatment and then bring me back. But the heat was just as unpredictable as periods. You knew around the time when they would come but never when exactly.

My dad walked into the kitchen whistling. "Oh my, Korali you look terrible!"

"Thanks Dad, you're the best." I yawned grabbing a cup if coffee. My voice sounded like the word crunchy. It had a slight rasp like I was at a concert all night screaming my lungs out or if I ate metal chains before speaking or smokes a pack a day. I sat my head on the counter trying to catch my breath from just walking in here.

There was a rapid knock on our door, but my mom didn't go to get it fast enough before Jordan came pounding in knocking it slightly off the hinges. "Now we're going to have to get that fixed." My mom complained rolling her eyes.

Jordan was breathing fast and he looked as if he had just run for hours on end. I could feel my eyes dilate when I looked at him. He was dressed in a pair of gray jogging pants and if this heat didn't take all my energy and I wasn't so scared of the heat returning I would look to see if he had a dick print.

"I came for Korali." He didn't mumble it like he usually would. He said it as if it was the most normal statement and normal of causes.

I watched his eyes change from green to blue and brown and that's when I knew his wolf had brought him here. I was a little disappointed. But at least he came for me.

"What the hell is wrong with his eyes?" My mom exclaimed taken aback. She was a little creeped out I could tell by her expression. But it didn't bother me.

"Heterochromia iridium," I muttered walking towards him. I waved goodbye, but my mom wasn't having it.

She pulled me into a hug and I could feel her tears on my ear. "I'm so sorry for the way I treated you before you left. I love you soo much. I just wanted the best for you." She whispered into my ear holding me tight.

My fingers balled at my side, then I wrapped my arms around her in return. "I know Mom. It's okay. I understand. I love you too. But with Jordan is where I belong. You can't always question fate."

I did every day though. But I was going to figure out Jordan and I on my own. This wasn't her life, it was mine, and it's mine to live.

I let go of her embrace quickly giving my dad a hug and waving before leaving out the door with Jordan.

I noticed that I was starting to feel better in Jordan's presence. The sickness was evaporating swiftly and my limbs no longer ached. The stuffed nose was from the tears. I just remembered I looked like shit.

We started to walk towards his territory before he spoke "I felt it and I ran all the way here."

"Oh." There was nothing for me to say to him. I was hurt by all my revelations in the shower and it wasn't like there's was anything I could do about it.

"Doc, has a simple shot to take all the pain away." He voice was distant; his eyes were trained on me though. They were their regular forest green again but stormy.

"Why didn't you just bring it and let me stay here?" It would have made more sense seeing as he wanted me to come back. Now that my parents know what's going on, it was going to be hard to explain to them that I should stay without them hating Jordan—well my mom hating him more.

"Because the Luna's place is next to me." He growled. His mood swings were getting sickening.

"They hate me, and so do you. Why does it matter?"

"I don't hate you, I could never, and will never. Get that through your curly little head. I need to watch over you. I need to protect you, just like I protect them."

"Do you not like me or something? What is it that I'm doing that's causing you to act like this?" I was sick of everything. I was getting nowhere here. I was going to get information today even if it killed me or got me sent away.

"This is not about whether I like you or not Korali. This is for the welfare of the people."

"I'm part of the people Jordan. You said it yourself."

"Don't be selfish. I'm not doing this for myself or just you. I'm doing this for those people who were betrayed by the same thing that links us."

"Don't I deserve to be happy?"

"I don't make it a goal to displease you." He frowned. Why the fuck is he almost always so formal. Except when he's cussing.

"I'm not asking for much. I just want you to treat me like something more than a puppy that you never wanted but was forced upon you. Because guess what? If we weren't meant, then fate would've never paired us. They would have never given you a mate."

"They gave her one." I was confused and he wasn't going to explain.

"Who's her?"

"It's not important. But in order to keep you and the pack safe it is better that way."

"Although you might fight it. Or actually hate me–which I'm not sure. One thing's for sure. I'm going to love you Jordan. I'm not sure why, blame the bond sure. But I will. I know it in my heart and I can feel it blooming. And I'm willing to do whatever it takes to stay by your side even if I'm unhappy. Because if the packs safety is important to you. Then that's all that matters." And I walked away leaving him with the expression of a puppy in the rain one minute and a person with a devil and angel on their shoulders the next. Something was wrong with him.

When he caught up to me he said "You keep telling me that maybe we were a lesson, that we were the rare few that were meant to do rejection. But you're looking at it negatively. You ever stop to think about how this is affecting me? Maybe you were meant to be the sacrifice; the martyr. For a whole pack to be better off than its history preceded it." To be the pack's martyr or his? To be a martyr for the pack or for him?

"Okay, I'm listening." I whispered quietly, looking at my hands.

"But why are you listening to me?" He was confused, but he just wanted to know the reasoning behind my answer.

"Because fighting you wont help me and I need to understand what's going on."

"I don't want you to hate me." He closed his eyes setting his forehead against mine. "But I don't want you to love me either."

"Wh—"

"Because Korali, I said so. I wont return the feelings and you can feel it. We're a partnership. That's what we are. That's it. Stop holding on for what wont happen. It can't. It's not. Stop being naïve." He knew what he had to say to hurt me. "Your mom was right about me."

I didn't want to cry anymore. Especially not in front of him. I would wait until I was in the comforts of my room. Maybe he was right. Maybe this was my fate.

"Korali, I'm fucked."

"You can be," I slipped and he looked at me oddly. That was the heat talking. "I—I mean, oh really?"

He gave me a questioning look before continuing, "I cannot give you what you want. It'd be unfair to promise you that."

"No what's unfair is what you're doing now."

"How? I'm telling the truth."

"No. You're taking the easy way out. You're not trying for me. Do you even want me? Because after all of this, it doesn't seem like it. Am I not pretty enough? Jordan is there even a bond there for you?"

His face whipped close to mine and he held my gaze without even touching me. His green intensity burning into my brown eyes. "You're fucking beautiful." My eyes flickered down to his hands that tightened to the point where they were white. "I want you more than anything ever in this world. More than that cat needs lasagna, more than Napoléon cared about his cheating wife, more than earth needs oxygen, more than you know about flowers. But you're a want. You're a need. But you're not an option, because my duty as an alpha is more important than a duty to myself." So he was sacrificing me from himself.

"Doesn't my happiness matter?" It was a little last ditch, but I wanted to know.

"I'm unsure of how to answer that." Say of course it does, idiot!

"Stop speaking like a fuckin' politician Jordan. Do you care for me?" I knew the word love would scare him off again.

He nodded firmly.

"Then that's all I need and all that matters. I will be by your side." That didn't mean I wasn't going to plot for him to mark and fall in love with me. He just told me he wanted me. I was going to figure out what was wrong and try to mend it. Or at least try to cope with it.

I've learned from Jordan alone that you can't change people that aren't willing to change.

Jordan's effected by something, he kept saying what links us? Fate? Mating? I have no idea who 'she' is, but I was going to find out before he sent me away. Today.

"Not getting attached to me will be better for you in the long run, Korali. Don't hurt yourself." He paused a looked towards the canopy of trees above us, their lush green abundance hiding us from the searching sun. "I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have. Don't make me hurt you."

***

When we made it back to the pack, we were silent and we had been the rest of the trip. He constantly looked my way and I paid him no mind, just letting my thought take off and land where they may.

He sat me in our house, going to go fetch the doctor. When they both showed up I was sitting on the couch curled up. Jordan and I made eye contact and shockingly for an Alpha, he looked away first.

"Okay Korali, this wont be very painful. But it should take away that burning sensation you feel in your lower area." I nodded silently.

He took out a huge needle and I didn't really care for needles but it was huge so I looked away. He stuck it in my arm and pushed away, I felt a slight pinch as some cooling pressure flow through my body.

Jordan was watching from the end of the couch staring intently. Focusing on everything that was possibly going on. The doctor wiped some Neosporin over the small puncture and placed a Band-Aid over it.

Jordan's hand raised and gently gripped my arm examining it closely. His touch ignited my skin, causing pleasurable ripples through me, but his eyes didn't turn to any colors.

When he removed it there were dark black prints on where he touched me. "I didn't—"

"No, your touch was soft." Then our eyes went up to the doctor who looked closely.

"Must be a side effect. Let me try to touch her arm," He reached out to touch me and when he did it burned a little so I jumped a bit.

"Ow," it felt like a shot or needle prick and I didn't like it. He looked at his touch and there was nothing there.

"Uh, Korali if you're up to it, I want Jordan to touch you one more time?" I nodded I was just as curious.

Jordan seemed hesitant but I put my wrist up to his face. He slightly brushed it and where he touched a black brush stroke appeared on my skin. He looked at his hands in disgust and looked up at me in shame.

"It should go away. These are not permanent. I'm looking at my research papers and this has come up before. After the heat is over or if you end the treatment they'll fade away within the week.

After the shot that sent my body into a series of shakes and shivers feeling severely cold. It was a solid 85 degrees outside but for some reason I was freezing. I tried to quiet my chattering teeth around Jordan. When he finally my room after staring at me for 5 minutes I finally searched the room for my warmest clothes. Once I was heavily bundled I wrapped a comforter around my body and headed outside.

I was intent on staying outside in the sun with the large blanket over me. I was sitting in the low hanging weeping willow tree. The sun left me wracking with shivers still, only bringing a small helping just like the the water did during the heat. It wasn't enough though. I didn't have the strong urge to be with Jordan though, so it was working.

I had a strong sickness come up from my stomach and I had to empty it. I jumped to my feet but nothing seemed close enough so I just puked right next to the tree. I was on my hands and knees trying to catch my breath.

When I heard the crunch of grass I looked up squinting my eyes because of the sun. Max's bright smile rivaled the sun to the point where I looked away.

"Hey flower! Whoa flower you don't look too good." Max approached me quickly. "Does Jordan know? I doubt he'd leave you in this condition." His face was crunched in concern and he looked like he didn't know what to do. "What are your symptoms flower child? It can't be possible that you throw up. I swear you have to puke daisies or something?"

I laughed slightly at Max's attempts to cheer me up.

"You're not—not pregnant are you?"

"No." It was a strong, secure, and honest. "How would that be possible when my mate wont touch me? If anything this is just a reaction from some medicine I'm taking."

"Medicine?"

"Nothing serious. Just some to stop cramps." Well that wasn't a complete lie.

"Oh," he said his cheeks going red. I laughed as much as I could.

I lied to Max and it didn't feel good. It was the anti-heat medication that was making me sick. I was feeling light headed and dizzy now. The cold flash seemed to be staying.

"Are you sure about Jordan knowing? He wouldn't just leave you here looking like—" He paused wanting to be nice. "Well looking like crap to put it gently."

I laughed bitterly, a shiver racking through my body. "Of course he'd leave me here. He did this to me."

"What? How?"

"Heat."

"Heat turns your body hot Kore."

"Yeah, I know. There's a medicine to prevent it all week. And this is a side effect. Basically the flu." I smiled sadly slinking back to the tree closing my eyes to concentrate on anything but the coldness.

"I don't think that's healthy flower."

"Well, I'm a flower remember? As long as I'm in the sun, and being properly watered I'll be fine." Max didn't like this at all. I could tell from the permanent frown on his face.

When I saw Cailo I pulled the blanket over my head a curled in tighter. The more guys I was around other than my mate, the colder for me it got. I was freezing, if it weren't for this being more of an internal thing I'm sure I would see icicles hanging from my nose and my lips would be turning blue.

"What's wrong with her?" Cailo asked. "Why does she look so sickly?"

"Our best friend has her on this weird drug that's stopping her hormones from throwing his out of whack."

"So heat? You idiot" Cailo rolled his stepping closer to me.

Cailo placed his hand over my forehead and his hand felt like a hot stove. I screamed and fell backwards out of the tree. Crawling backwards. "Don't touch me. Do. Not. Touch me." My breaths were coming out in pants and I needed my cover back. I was freezing. I felt like I was in Antarctica without any clothes on.

Cailo and Max held their hands up as if approaching a rabid animal and wrapped the blanket around me. Cailo picked me up carrying me back into the house.

Max called Jordan on the phone, odd but he did it instead of the pack link. "Jordan, you're needed at the house ASAP." He glanced at me huddled on the floor. "Yes this is an emergency. Korali isn't doing too well."

I was wrapped in a blanket in a corner near the fireplace and Cailo and Max made sure they were a distance away from me.

It was only about five minutes later when the doctor and Jordan came in. Jordan standing near the door silently watching. My eyes never left him until the doctor tried to get close to me. I screamed. "Please don't touch me. Please don't touch me" I cried. Pushing further into the wall as I could. My tears were coming in a steady stream although I felt like they would freeze as they were coming out of me.

"Her body is not reacting well with the treatment. Jordan I'm going to need you to come hold her while I shoot her with a reversal serum." Jordan just stood there looking at me his expression actually giving away something. He was sad. Sad for what? Me?

"Now Jordan." He quickly walked over and I shrunk down into my blanket and he seemed hesitant to touch me. He brought me out of the covers and into his arms and I felt better. My body was humming and the cold was starting to dissipate. I was starting to feel warmer and the black marks from his touch started to appear. He rubbed a thumb under my cheek and I'm sure there was a black mark under it and it caused him to frown. He grabbed my face and kissed me, electrifying my whole body and I felt instantly better, like I hadn't been sick at all. And the medicine was actually working because I wasn't necessarily turned on in the same way that the heat would make me be. I'm sure because of his hands I probably looked like I had tribal markings on my body.

"Interesting." The doctor broke our trance and Jordan's eyes flashed to his. "It seems as if the mates still need to be near each other. They just don't have a strong urge if you will. Do you want to continue the treatment or stop it now?"

"Stop it." Jordan left no and ifs or but in the situation and I felt relieved. This was torture. But so would the heat.

Once the doctor left and I was back to normal—well actually just trying to prepare myself for when the next wave of heat would come, Cailo and Max just stood in the corner watching as I sat huddled up on the floor still and Jordan was pacing the floor.

"Well, you could always just do everything close to mating?" Max offered and Jordan's glare shut him up immediately.

"Or you could just mate her and save yourself and her the torture. I saw you last night Jordan, you tore up your room. And went running through the forest like a madman, sprinting towards her pack land."

"My old pack land." I muttered.

"Huh?" Cailo asked and everyone gave me the spotlight.

"My old pack land. This is my pack now too. I belong here, just like you."

"Sorry, you're right, Luna" my response caused pride in Cailo, his smile showed it. "Just mark her. Simple. If you don't want to finish the complete mating—which is weird—then you can just mark her, if she's fine with that."

"Why is it that you wont mate with me? I need to know this. And if you don't tell me, I'll find out from one of the pack members and you know I will."

"Why wont you let me protect you, Korali?"

"Because I'm a grown ass woman, not a child. This is a relationship—you're not my parent. I'm living here just like everyone else, so I deserve to know." Max and Cailo turned away embarrassed for Jordan and he just stared at me.

"My mother is the reason why."

The same thing that links us. Our mating. His mother's mating to his father?

"What about her?"

"You're literally the only person we know that hasn't heard too much about this pack," Max said sitting on the couch.

"I know that your dad is supposedly crazy and a killer and that your mom ran away."

Jordan laughed and it was almost awe worth. The smiled cracked his face as if an actual Greek sculpture could smile. "That's what the rumor is? Well they have it wrong. It wasn't my Father. It was my mother."

DUN DUN DUUUUUN. QUESTIONS:Soooo what did you think? Do you think Jordan's going to mark her? What did you think of the heat? Well it was his mom instead of his dad, what do you think of that? What do you think about the information you've learned? How do you think Jordan's mom effected his childhood? Did you like Jordan's response when Korali asked how he felt about her? What do you think Jordan's relationship is with his mom? Think back to his note Kore found, it helps you understand the whole evil thing.