Warning: self-harm (I know, I'm sorry. But I promise I'll fix it!)

Castiel listened as Dean rambled on about his brother, smiling to himself. He didn't want to get close to anyone, but he found that when it came to Dean Winchester, he just couldn't help himself. Then, as Dean started talking about Sam asking him for girl advice, Castiel realized something with a jolt. I think I might be falling in love with him. Castiel stood up suddenly and Dean stopped talking.

"Is something wrong?" He asked. Castiel just grabbed his bag and hurried away. He couldn't fall in love with Dean Winchester, he just couldn't. He hurried down the hall, staring at the ground, before he bumped into someone. He looked up to see Nick Pellegrino and his friends standing there. Castiel took a step back, pointing to himself and trying to look as sorry as possible.

"Well well well... if it isn't the little mute boy," Nick said. Castiel took another step back. Had Dean already told so many people he was mute? "Well, I think little Castiel here needs to be taught how this school works." Castiel's eyes widened and he shook his head. Nick just smirked and grabbed Castiel's arm, pulling him out to the back of the school. Castiel followed reluctantly, trying not to start shaking. As soon as they were out the door, Nick slammed Castiel against the wall. Castiel winced.

"Now Castiel, I don't have a lot of time for you in my schedule, so you won't be a regular customer. But I've got my eye on you, you hear me?" Nick asked, an evil glint in his eye. Castiel nodded. "Good," Nick said. He looked Castiel up and down, then plucked his glasses off his nose, dropped them on the ground, and stepped on them, smashing the lenses. Castiel was looking down, and Nick released his grip. Castiel didn't move. Nick gave him one punch for good measure, then turned and walked off, with his friends following and laughing. Castiel knelt down, picked up his glasses, and made his way to the door. Once he got inside, he could see someone else in the hallway. Castiel tried to duck through the door on his left, only to realize, as he bounced of it with a loud Clang!, that it was a locker, not a door.

"Cas?" Castiel heard Dean's voice and turned back towards the hall. "Where did your glasses go?" Castiel  held the broken frames up. Dean walk closer to him. "Did someone step on those? What- what happened to your face?" Dean reached out and touched Castiel's face, causing Castiel to jerk back. "Sorry. What happened to you?" Dean asked. Castiel shook his head and started walking past Dean, but Dean grabbed his arm. "What happened to you, Cas?" He asked again. Castiel shook his head again and tore free, running down the hall. He ran until he was outside, where he found a large tree and sat under it until Gabriel arrived several hours later.

"Castiel! What happened? Where are your glasses?" Gabriel helped Castiel up and led him to the car. When they got home, Gabriel got Castiel his spare glasses, then followed him up to his room, asking him questions like crazy. Castiel sat on his bed, staring at his hands, still thinking about Dean. He hadn't known Dean long, but he knew that Dean would keep asking what had happened until he got an answer.

"Castiel, are you even listening to me?" Gabriel asked. Castiel pulled his knees up to his chin. Gabriel sighed.

"Okay, fine. But if you decide you want to talk- or draw, I guess, you know where to find me," he said. Castiel nodded and Gabriel left. Castiel rolled over to face his wall and began to cry. With his new school, this new boy, and new bully, Castiel was getting slightly overwhelmed. He cried for what felt like hours, thoughts racing through his head like crazy, until one thing entered his head and didn't leave:

Mom would've known what to do.

Castiel started sobbing even harder and ran into his bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him and grabbing the sides of the sink. He was crying so hard it was becoming difficult to breathe. He curled into a corner and pulled out his razor blade with a shaking hand. He couldn't even remember where he'd gotten it, he'd had it so long, and he stared at it a moment before rolling his sleeves up. He knew his brother would be beyond devastated if he knew what Castiel was doing, but Castiel couldn't help himself. His mother's death had been his fault, he knew that. If it hadn't been for him, she might be able to help him out of this mess. Castiel let out another sob and dragged the blade across his already scarred skin. As he watched the blood bloom and run down his arm, his mind was wiped mercifully blank. He almost smiled, dragging the blade across his wrist again and again, watching the blood drip onto the floor. He didn't know how long he was there, but he was jolted back to reality by Gabriel knocking on the door.

"I've got a pizza downstairs whenever you're ready to eat," he said. Castiel gave a couple taps on the sink so that Gabriel knew he'd heard, then he went about cleaning up as best he could. He felt guilty, but he also somehow felt better. He pushed it from his mind as he went downstairs to where Gabriel was waiting for him.

For most of dinner, Castiel was happy, but towards the end, he started feeling more and more guilty, until he couldn't take it anymore. He stood up and started heading for the door.

"Hey, where are you going?" Gabriel asked. Castiel shrugged. Gabriel sighed. "You know I don't like you going out on your own." Castiel shifted on his feet, then pulled out his phone and sent Gabriel a text.

I'll be fine

Gabriel rubbed his forehead.

"Okay, fine. Just be careful," he said. Castiel nodded and headed out the door.