"Madara... Hey, Madara."

"Mmm..." he sighed, stretching in my bed with his eyes still closed as he slowly woke up.

He looked lovely in my king size bed, all surrounded by thick, white duvets and pillows, his hair flowing over it all like a curtain of silk; it had grown this past half a year.

My boyfriend... My beautiful boyfriend.

"Morning", I said.

He opened his eyes and smiled at me. He wasn't a morning person like I was, which meant I had at least two hours every weekend where I could just look at him from time to time as I went about my morning chores.

"Good morning", I said.

"Get up", I said, kissing the top of his head. "I've made you toast and orange juice. We're doing something special today."

He sat up bolt straight. I laughed at how excited he seemed to be.

"What?" he asked.

He had confessed to me he wasn't much for surprises before Izuna had gathered that cathedral cottage party for him. Now, he loved them.

"I'll show you."

I dressed with care for what we would do; crème trousers, a black shirt, a black jacket on top. Madara looked lovely as ever in his alternative little outfit. Although if everything went according to plan, he wouldn't be wearing those for long.

While he brushed his teeth, I stood looking at the backpack I had put on the bed, the ropes next to it.

This is it... We're doing this. Or at least, I'm asking him to do it.

I packed the ropes in the backpack.

Ever since I had watched that last porn film, I knew I had wanted to do what I had seen with Madara. But the timing had never seemed right since the day he broke down in the cathedral. Until the last few months, when something had happened between us, and our previously so fire-infused relationship had calmed down, started feeling like a choice we made every day to live a better life rather than something we would suffocate without.

We left my apartment, which was now our apartment, and he chatted happily as we walked in the summer sun. But he seemed to notice my mind was elsewhere.

"What's wrong?" he asked. I shook my head, not knowing what to say. "This surprise... It's serious, isn't it?"

I nodded, and he became more sombre after that. I hoped it was a good sombreness.

Finally, we reached our destination, and Madara became adorably excited.

I has booked us into one of the most well-sought-after five star hotels in the city. Getting a room was almost impossible, but by using a few of my contacts as police chief, I had managed to get the deluxe suite.

Madara threw himself into the big, round bed first thing he did, revelling in the lush, cream interior.

"This was a great idea! Thank you! Do we have anything else planned? Or are we going to be tourists in our own city or just fuck?"

I looked at him so sternly, he immediately sat up.

I went and sat next to him on the bed and took his hands. He easily sensed my mood, sensitive as he was, and immediately looked worried.

"What is it?" he asked, his voice much darker than usual, his pupils so wide they ate almost all of that warm, brown colour.

I took a deep breath, not quite daring to meet his eye.

"At first, I thought we could do this in the cathedral. In secret, if you wanted to. But no." I shook my head. "I've had enough of that fucking cathedral, and I bet you have, too." Madara nodded carefully. He started fingering my hair, the muscles in his arms rolling as he did so in a way that rendered me crazy; he had managed to build quite a lot of strength now. "So I wanted to ask you to do it with me somewhere that could be a safe space without it being home. And I thought of this hotel."

"And what exactly is it you want us to do?" he asked carefully.

I took a deep breath...

And I told him. I told him what it was.

At first, I saw shock in his face. Then, he stood up and kept pacing back and forth, back and forth, seemingly as a way to process what I was saying. I didn't stop, but continued to explain it in as much detail as I could, as well as the reason behind it: that it was a way for me to take control back, and for him to take control with me. I was very, very clear that my reason was selfish, that this was something that he would do for me, but also that I hoped there would be something in it for me as well.

When I finished talking, he kept pacing back and forth for a while, brown furrowed, deep in thought. My heart was pounding, my entire body screaming for me to beg him to hurry up with his answer, but I forced myself not to, pushed imaginary daggers through my hands to nail them to the bed beside me and thus forcing them to be still.

Finally, he stopped, and he looked at me. I couldn't resist but stood up, went to him and put my arms around his waist. He, in turn, put his arms around my neck, connected his eyes to mine, and spoke into my mouth.

"And what if I say yes?" he whispered.

I closed my eyes and shivered, felt my knees go weak, and in that moment I allowed me to confess to myself how afraid I had been of him saying no.

I leaned my forehead against his, let him set root in me.

And we discussed. We discussed how we would initiate, what the steps to action would be, what it would look like. We spoke about expectations and fears. Code words and safety nets and a pair of scissors for emergencies.

"I want you to trust me", I said, and as I kept explaining my reasoning, I felt him harden for me; he wanted this as much as I did, although for him, this was clearly a more sexual situation than it was for me, which was fine. "At the same time, I don't want you to agree only to please me. I want you to desire this aa much as I do, no matter in what way."

He started massaging my neck.

"And you want to do this because..."

"Because I want to take ownership over your fears", I said and I was surprised how passionately I felt about this aspect. "I want to fucking own them."

He took a step back. Then, not letting go of my eyes, he pulled his T-shirt over his head.

"Come take me", he said.