My fingered hovered above the screen.

Should I?

I knew I should. No matter what his response would be. No matter if he became happy or angry or, which would be worse than anger, to be honest, completely silent.

I caressed the cool metal of my phone, its glass screen. It had been years since I owned a phone; I just thought it disturbed my connection to God. But now, when I didn't want a connection to God anymore, there was no reason why I shouldn't own one.

I closed my eyes, breathed out and pressed send.

Me: Hi.

I didn't know what I had expected when I sent it, but after five seconds had passed, I realised I had expected his response to be immediate. I looked at my phone, willing it to ping with a reply from him. I closed my eyes, telling myself that if I ignored my phone, proved to it that it wasn't important, I would get a message. I turned the sound off and tried to do other things in Izuna's apartment, where I had been staying since I was admitted from hospital, but then found I couldn't stand it, so I turned the sound on again.

It took an hour before I got a reply.

Tobirama: Oh my God, hi.

Tobirama: Is that you?

Tobirama: Madara...

Tobirama: Madara, Madara, Madara.

Tears welled up in my eyes, tears of relief, but they didn't have to fall before he continued.

Tobirama: May I call you?

Tobirama: I'll call you now.

Tobirama: Please pick up.

An incoming phone call.

Tobirama: I'm calling!

I laughed through my tears, feeling so touched I could hardly contain myself. He was so, so sweet.

I picked up.

But I couldn't speak, and neither could he. We only cried, straight from our hearts and into the other. Both of us tried to speak several times, but failed. Every time we failed, we laughed through our tears.

"Text?" Tobirama finally managed.

"Text", I whispered.

We decided to meet that very evening at a lakeside. I took a deep breath.

Me: There is only one thing you must know.

Tobirama: Anything, Madara.

I hesitated. It's now or never. He will find out when you see him. He is going to see.

He texted again.

Tobirama: Madara, I'm honest. Whatever it is, I'll take it. If you want to meet me to say you never want to see me again, I'll take it.

My heart broke for him. The fact that he thought I would do such a thing filled me with a bittersweet sensation I couldn't keep.

So I told him.

Me: I'm in a wheelchair. 

The sunset was beautiful. A soft salmon that also provided some heat on my face. I smiled at the sun that was the artist who had painted the sky, enjoying the breeze on my face.

I heard his car park in the parking lot in front of the grassy sand dunes leading down to the beach. I didn't turn around, not even when I heard his car door open and then close behind him. Not even when I heard his steps behind me. I just kept smiling. He stopped behind me, and I could feel his presence like a giant rock.

He had stopped a small distance from me, looking down on me. I felt incredibly self-aware with my hands in my lap as I sat in my wheelchair with a blanket over my legs. I has tried dressing up for this meeting, with black trousers and a white shirt. I hadn't cried as much as I usually did when showering, especially considering I had washed my hair and that usually elicited an even deeper sense of trauma from me; I had wanted to look good for him.

"Hi", I whispered.

He didn't say anything, but he went to me, and when I saw him, I realised I hadn't really understood how beautiful he was. He was more perfect than a sculpture of the Vatican, made with the most well-willing intentions. His eyes were an amazing colour, his face incredibly masculine, and I saw he had lost some fat and gained some muscle, and I wondered if it had anything to do with what had happened; if he had been unable to eat and forced to exercise to subdue anxiety.

He went down on one knee, and I saw he had dressed up for the occasion as well; crème trousers, a warm-white jacket over a dark brown T-shirt. Earth colours suited him immensely. He took my hands. And as he smiled up at me from his position below me, I saw tears in his eyes.

I smiled a teary smile back, and all worry that he would somehow discriminate me because of the wheelchair just left me. 

We just sat there, the two of us, the setting sun our only witnesses, just holding one another's hands, smiling and crying, as unable to speak as we had been on the phone, and it struck me that if I would have died, if I wouldn't have made it, the sun would keep setting and rising every day, and for the first time since I had tried to die, I was happy that I hadn't.

With a wordless communication I didn't understand but still participated in, he lifted me up into his embrace. Despite me being well over one ninety, I felt light in his arms, and he carried me down to the beach and sat me down as carefully as if I were an egg. Then, he sat next to me, put an arm around me and watched the lake with me.

I knew he was waiting, and I saw no use in prolonging his wait, so I told him.

"I had been without oxygen to the brain for quite some time when you found me." He jerked when I used such harsh words, but I didn't see any reason not to use them; it was what it was. "It ruined parts of my brain controlled in muscle movement. I am struggling a lot with my left arm and leg, but mostly my leg. I'm in a rehab program, but I'm not certain how much function I will regain." I looked up at him. "Do you mind?"

Tobirama looked hurt.

"Madara, I would love you even if you were paralysed from the neck down and unable to speak. I won't leave. If you want me to, I'll stay."

I looked out over the lake again, felt a grim expression creep over my face. I felt Tobirama getting worried next to me.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "You don't want to be with me?"

I understood that even if he had written to me that he would be fine if I told him I didn't want to, he could still get hurt.

Luckily, though....

"Of course I want to be with you!" I said happily. The way his face changed made my heart melt. "But I need time. I want to see how far I can go with my leg."

He leaned his head against my shoulder, making me feel like the bearing pillar of us for once, a role I had assumed only he could have.

"Of course", he said. "As long as you need."

We spent the rest of the evening in silence, until the sun had set and the stars had come out.