It's only been a day and I'm about to lose my mind.

I'm so overwhelmed I'm not sure what to do anymore, I can't eat without feeling sick, I barely sleep and I worry all my mood swings are going to cause my roommate to call an exorcist on me.

Even at work there was no motivation, no will to touch the keyboard. Remembering that it was my so called storytelling that got me in this situation in the first place. No matter how I approached things, no matter what I tried to do... I always seemed to be wrong.

Kim suggested that I take a break to recover myself, a vacation of sorts. Some days I even consider his offer but I still worried about the money, if anything overtime is what I needed to be doing if I planned to keep Andrew alive.

My words struck my father hard in some way because my money was returned to my account after 48 hours. I literally dropped to my knees and cried tears of joy before sending the required payment to the hospital. Andrew got the surgery he needed and now it was all just a waiting game. One of the worst kind.

He could wake up days later...months...years, and in the worst case...never.

Soon after work I headed straight to the hospital, on time, everyday until visiting hours were over. Doing absolutely nothing but watch over him. His face and body was healing but there was no life within him, only what the machine provided.

The sound I used to hear when I rested my ear against his chest was now a steady beeping of a monitor. His breathing was now a pumping forcing air to his lungs so that they remembered how to function. Seeing him so still and quiet broke every nerve. I was so tense that I wanted to start screaming and smack his face to wake him up.

I wanted his smile, his jokes and sarcasm...hell even his stupid perverted teenage thoughts that made me roll my eyes. Anything but this deathly silence. I was beginning to wonder if my threats towards my father were empty, I needed my money if I was ever going to get us through this.

Heading home, I wanted nothing more than a hot cup of tea and a long nights rest. I got just the opposite. Stepping through the doors, I found Keiko sitting in the kitchen with Evelyn standing next to her. My friend's beautiful almond eyes were swollen red from crying. Her cheeks still stained wet with tears.

Naturally, I thought it was something I did. Disappointing my friends again and ruining everyone's lives. I always try to smile for her, but lately I've been failing to even do that.

"What's wrong?" I asked, already dreading the answer.

Keiko squeezed her cellphone in her hand and winced, trying to find the right words to break whatever it was that hurt her. She inhaled sharply "Cookie died."

"What?" I repeated, not wanting anther harsh reality sink its teeth into me.

Keiko nodded. "Becky called and told me." she swallowed hard, "She was going about her day running the café, just pulled out as case of her muffins and was humming and everything...and then she just-"

"She had a heart attack." Evelyn finished. "Which ultimately triggered Cardiac arrest...she was already gone by the time she made it to the hospital."

"She just dropped," Keiko wept, "She was always so happy, healthy, and full of energy...how does someone like that just drop!"

"She was 65 years old." I told her, still in utter shock by the news.

"That's young right?" Keiko continued.

I slid down onto the couch without another word. I didn't cry, I didn't break, I just remained there staring at the pumpkin themed rug beneath the coffee table. Bad news, good news, surgeries, death...in as little as a month the world seemed to stop turning. By the time I was finished from picking up the pieces of one catastrophe, something else would break.

Ms. Wanda, Cookie baby, the highlight of life itself. The woman who became my second mother after mine was suddenly taken from me, was now gone as well.

My usual grieving process came with a numbing silence that left me on autopilot, allowing my body to function while my mind did every little thinking. With my work and my paintings always serving as the best distraction.

Now, as of late, I couldn't control any of it. I couldn't stop myself from falling apart in front of people. In the comfort of my own home or in the middle of a check out line, it no longer mattered. Her funeral was the very first one I've been to since my mothers and it hit me hard.

Standing there in a circle of dark clothing, I watched the clouds above move closers, looking so dissatisfied. Turning grim and grey as they too cried over us. I could feel the ground below grow colder as the eased her down inside. The beautiful cherry wood slumber now sealed held no vibrancy against the weather.

Mother was just a few rows down, I could feel her, marking the direction from the white dog tree in behind the pastor as he read from the good book. I didn't dare look over my shoulder, for some reason looking at my mothers grave while watching another be add felt disrespectful.

Leaving was even worse, I felt so stiff hugging her loved homes and wishing them well during there hard time. People she always mentioned but I had never laid eyes on before. Practically strangers and yet they felt more like my family than the one I had.

I followed behind Keiko who wore her traditional black kimono, the one she wore to all funerals. Keeping my pace with hers as her steps were small but ever so elegant. Dispite her umbrella the wind carried the rain upwards, soaking the long strands of hair against her face. More than ready to be wrapped in a blanket next to Evelyn on the sofa.

We joined Riley who was waiting by his car with Greta. Seeing him there made me almost feel like smiling, it reminded me of my first memory of him. Standing there in his stunning suit, ready to rescue me from the rain. Slipping inside he started the car and we were greeted by the defrost, warming our bones from the rain.

I saw his eyes gaze at me through his rear view mirror, a soft but worried smile spread across his lips. He remained there even after everyone was seated and buckled in, yet the car remained in park.

"Before we go." Riley cleared his throat. "Cora, your phone rang in the car and I answered it. It was the hospital...with news."

"Oh dear god," Keiko braced, placing her hand over her face and leaning back in the seat. Preparing herself for another wave of grief.

I remained still, staring at Riley's baby blues through the mirror. Holding my breath until he finished.

"Is he gone?" I finally came out and asked.

"No, he finally woke up." Riley sighed. "I didn't know if you wanted me to drive you home or did you want to go see him."

"Yes, I would like that. Thank you Riley."

With a nod he put the car in drive and I could feel everyone in the car finally breathe again. Perhaps, there was a small glimmer of light at the end of this dark tunnel I have unwillingly found myself in.

© L.E.Chesser