I wish everything in my life wouldn't be involved with so much you.

I wish you wouldn't be my first thought when I woke up in the morning.

I wish your face wouldn't be the only thing I search for everywhere.

I wish that I didn't wish you would see me every time I smiled or laughed. Even though smiling was getting a rare thing in my life .

I wish I could have one meal without pretending that you were beside me.

I wish I could take one bath without the memory of you, memory of that day washing over me.

I wish I wouldn't think of you everytime i stopped doing something.

I wish I could get dressed one time without thinking what would you say if you saw me.

I wish I wouldn't connect every song that I listened to with you and me.

I wish I'd never imagine what it would be like to feel the warmth of your hands.

I wish I could just learn to live with the fact that you're gone.

I wish I wouldn't feel like being stabbed in the heart everytime reality hit me and I had to stop this play pretend.

You're Gone.

You know, I used to cringe over the thought of leaving this town and never seeing you again . I used to be wrapped up in the fear of never seeing a face that bright ever again.

But never in my wildest dreams did I think that it's you who will be gone.

You broke me in every way that a person can be broken in. The surprising thing is that you didn't even know. You turned me upside down, you not only helped me but also twisted me, without noticing.

I often thought of joining you where you are now. Thinking, " At least, we'll be together, wherever it may be...".
That's when reality hit me again.

We were never meant to be together in the first place.

Because you deserve so much better.
Thats why you never noticed me. You never saw me slowly dying. You captivated me in your simplest  movements like walking.

Talking.

Standing.

Existing.

Selfish of me to think that way, I know. Maybe that's why you left. Thats why God granted the wish I dared to make and took you.  I often wonder what I was in your eyes.

The weird girl who keeps staring ?

The Moody one ?

The arrogant one ?

The No One ?

I wish I could know what you were thinking of in your last moments.Was it me ?

Of course not.

I wish I could know if I was in any way qualified enough to be in your thoughts. I feel like I'm somehow responsible for what happened that day because of being there. This guilt is another thing that's responsible for what's happening to me right now.

My god, how much I wish you were here.....

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A/N

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