Today might very well be the worst day of my life. After leaving that hotel in floods of tears, without a doubt having people staring after me probably thinking I was making a fuss, I drove straight home. I really was in no state to drive but what else was I going to do? As soon as I got there I couldn't even make it up the stairs; instead I flopped down on the couch in a shaking, crying mess and curled up in a ball which is where I stayed for the next who knows how many hours and is where I still am now. With Saskia sitting in front of me licking the tears off of my face.

What the actual fuck am I going to do?

All I know is that for right now I'm going to lay on this couch for as long as I want and feel extremely sorry for myself... then I should probably go see a doctor or something and start sorting this whole mess out. But for now, I'm just going to get it absolutely all out of my system.

And that is exactly what I do for the next few hours, and it would have been longer if it weren't for someone knocking on the door.

Confused as to who it might be, I gingerly sit up and sniffle. Can I really be bothered facing anyone right now? Am I in any sort of state to do that?

Well apparently I have no choice because next thing I know Peggy opens the door and just lets herself in. The second she lays eyes on me I just burst out crying and collapse down in a heap all over again.

"Oh darling." I hear her sigh as she comes over to me. "Steve rang and told me what happened. I was patrolling nearby so I thought I should pop in and check on you."

I feel the couch dip as she sits beside me and places a hand on my shoulder.

"I don't know who's it is." I sob, practically buried under the blankets. "And now h-he hates me even more. And he hates the kid."

I can barely hold it together to get all of that out before I just end up wailing uncontrollably.

Peggy doesn't say anything. She probably doesn't know what to say.

"You have to believe me Peg." I exclaim distraughtly. "I didn't want this to happen. I didn't plan it at all. But no one believes me."

"I believe you," she says quietly. "I know you're not the type of person that would ever do that."

Her words almost make me freeze I feel like I haven't heard anything so nice in so long.

I look up at her in disbelief.

"You really mean that?" I whimper.

She nods and smiles sadly at me.

A gasp of joy escapes me and I reach up to hug her ecstatically. I just feel so all over the place right now but at least one person is here for me out of everyone. I don't even know how my family is going to respond to all of this.

Oh god. My family. I haven't told them anything yet, not even about me and Bucky breaking up.

As soon as I think about this I flop back down and groan again.

"I know this seems so confusing and scary right now but I'm sure it'll all work itself out soon enough and work out okay. Bucky is not the type of guy to abandon you at a time like this. Feelings like the ones he has for you don't just disappear and I'm sure that no matter how mad he is at you he wouldn't not help if you were to ask him." Peggy sighs and rubs my shoulder again.

"But you didn't see the look on his face, the hate in his eyes." I mumble miserably, muffled by the blanket in my face.

"I'm sure hate is a bit of a stretch."

"Peg can you please do me a favour?" I look up at her and ask, not in the mood to keep going back and forth about the intensity of Bucky's newfound dislike for me.

"Depends what it is." She tries to joke with me.

I really appreciate how nice she's being considering how much I know she disagrees with what I did. But I'm not in a joking mood no matter how much I probably owe it to her to laugh.

"I haven't told my mum anything about any of this yet." I huff. "Can you just stay here with me for moral support while I ring her incase she bites my head off?"

Peggy lets out a laugh. "I'm sure she wouldn't bite your head off. Your mum is reasonable. She will understand, probably even have some really good advice for you. But yes, I'll stay with you."

"Thanks." I smile sheepishly.

I'm glad she's more optimistic then I am. I love my mum. Normally I tell her everything and we do a lot of stuff together, when we are in the same city that is. But she has always wanted what's the absolute best for me, to the point that she gets so upset and annoyed if there is anything that gets in the way of that... especially if I'm the one that causes that. Like for instance when I told her that for the moment I was going to stay working in hospitality and not get any sort of degree, she was very disappointed for quite some time and made it quite obvious too. But it's what I want to do and there's nothing wrong with it so eventually I told her to get over it, which she did. But this is a whole different story.

I'm an only child and to be honest all that my mum has to look after which make her quite protect of me. My mum and dad got a divorce when I would've been only about two. She never told me fully what went on there but mum ended up with full custody and basically I never saw or heard from dad again. I've tried to get in contact with him multiple times over the years, found addresses and phone numbers, even old friends of his. But I never hear back.

Now that I think about it maybe that is half of what is stressing me out so much about this baby not having a father figure. I know how miserable and heartbreaking it is to feel like one of the two people who is meant to love you the most doesn't even care about you, I would never want my child to feel the same way. Knowing the situation that they could've come from would be hard enough. I know tonnes of single parents do an awesome job, including my mum. But it's just never how I imagined doing things.

So I grew up in New York with just mum and I. But by the time I was eighteen she wanted a change of scenery and moved to Chicago. I on the other hand wanted to stay here. I had just gotten a job fresh out of high school and it's where all my friends were. I like familiar and I always have. Bucky is familiar to me too which makes this hurt even more I guess.

So now mum and I stay in regular contact with weekly phone calls and try to take at least one weekend out, alternating, each season to visit each other plus as many holidays as possible. But this last week has just gotten away from me. In fact she was probably expecting me to call about two days ago now.

Reluctantly I reach for my phone on the coffee table and bring up mums number. I look at Peggy feeling literally scared even though I don't know why as I raise the phone to my ear and listen to it ring. Finally she picks up.

"Emma!" She chimes happily at the other end of the line. "I was just wondering this morning when you were gonna call. You know I don't like to call you incase it's the wrong time or your busy or anything."

"Yeah, I know mum." I can't help but smile at the sound of her voice.

I never realise how much I miss her until I call her.

"I'm guessing you've been busy then?" She asks.

"Ahh." I start hesitantly. "Yeah. I guess you could say that."

"What do you mean?"

My lip starts to quiver before I even say it. I go to draw in a breath but it ends up being a sharp intake, the kind that always comes just before you start crying. Which is exactly what happens next. All mum must be able to hear on her end is my sobbing.

"Emma? What's wrong? Are you okay?" She asks worriedly.

"Mum." I swallow hoarsely as I try to pull myself together to get the words out. "Bucky and I broke up."

Instantly she gasps sadly. "Oh Em no way."

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner." I can't help but sob.

She loves Bucky probably just about as much as I do.

Beside me Peggy just pouts and rubs my back.

"It's okay. It must be so hard for you. I only wish I could be there for you. What happened?" She says surprisingly calmly.

"I..." I try to get out but can hardly bring myself to say it. "I slept with someone else." I break down all over again at the end.

"What?" She bursts out perplexed. "Emma why on earth would you do that? Are you being serious?"

"Yes mum. I know it was stupid and I will forever be sorry and it was just a one time thing when I wasn't thinking straight." I try to explain but it's just really bad.

"Please don't tell me you were drunk." She groans.

"No! I w-was just stupidly m-mad at him because I wanted him to p-p-propose and this guy was coming on-n to me at work so I took the opportunity." I explain as best I can.

There is silence as she takes it all in as best she can.

"Wow." Is all she can eventually bring herself to say.

"That's not even all of it." I cringe.

"Oh dear god." I hear her huff.

"I'm pregnant now too."

Silence again apart from my sniffling.

"And... I don't know if it's Bucky's child or the stupid guy that I slept with. Oh god I hate myself more and more every time I say it out loud!" I exclaim completely beside myself.

I hear mum draw in and then slowly release a deep breath. "Well. That's quite the situation you've got yourself into there isn't it."

Okay. So far not as bad a reaction as I had thought it was going to be.

"Mum." I mumble miserably.

"What are you going to do about all of this?"

"I don't know." I wine, realising that I was kind of hoping that she would tell me.

"Ok. I'm going to try and book the soonest flight that I can to get there. And we are going to sort this all out." She states.

"Mum I'm a grown girl and this is my mistake. You don't need to do that." I point out although secretly all I want right now is to see her and for someone to help me.

"I know, and you will. But I can also help and it is an excuse to come see you."

I smile weakly into the phone. "Thanks mum. You have no idea how much I miss you right now."

"Oh I'm sure I do." She chuckles a little. "How does Bucky feel about all of this."

A lump starts to form in my throat again. "He doesn't even want to look at me let alone talk to me. And to quote him, he doesn't want a thing to do with a child that might not be his."

She huffs again. "I have to say I can see where he's coming from, as awful as that may feel for you."

"No, I get it too." I whimper.

"I'm definitely coming now. You need all the support you can get. You've made a mistake but there's nothing that can be done about that now and now there is another life at stake too," she says.

"I can't wait to see you," I say quietly, clutching the phone to my ear. "Let me know as soon as you know when you're coming. Sorry for dumping all of this on you."

"It's fine, what else are mothers for?" She points out as liv hut key as possible which actually manages to crack a breathy laugh from me.

"Goodbye mum," I say sadly.

"Goodbye sweetie." She replies knowingly. "Always remember to ring me if you ever need anything."

And with that she hangs up.

"How was that?" Peggy asks hesitantly after a moment.

"You were right." I huff and squeeze my eyes shut to try and calm myself. "She took it better than I thought she would."

She breaks into a smile and squeezes my hand. "That's great."

"She's booking a flight to come see me as soon as she can too." I add.

"Even better." She encourages me.

We fall silent for a moment, unsure of what else to say. Things feel awkward. I know Peggy is still mad at me but we've just had this weird sort of bonding experience thing and I think she feels obliged to help me.

"Tell you what." She finally huffs. "I have to get back to work. But why don't I pick up some food once I'm done and come have dinner with you?" She suggests.

"Thanks Peg. But I don't really think I can stomach anything with what's gone on today," I say guiltily.

"Oh please. You're eating for two now remember? You have to eat. You'll probably feel better for it."

I don't know why but her comment hits me hard. It's the first time that it's really dawned on me that I have another life to worry about too. And the fact that I really haven't been taking care of myself lately sends anxiety spiking straight through me.

"Okay. Maybe you're right. But... but only if you want to. Don't feel like you have to do this for me," I say eventually.

"Oh please." She rolls her eyes. "Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'll ever forgive you for what you've done but at the same time I feel really sorry for you right now. It must be terrifying and you had no intention of things blowing up the way that they have. There's nothing we can do about it now and I value your friendship too much to loose it so I would like to move on from this if at all possible. So don't worry, I'm not gonna flake on you. I'll be here to help whenever you need and I'm going to try my best to make amends between you and Bucky... and Steve too I'm thinking it's going to be especially after that last phone call. But I'm also not going to force things because they have a right to feel however they feel about this all too."

My lip starts to tremble again and I melt at her words.

"Oh Peg." I whimper and throw my arms around her. "Thank you so much. I don't know what I'd do without you right now."

"Don't thank me." She brushes it off. "And besides, the boys are still away tonight. It will give me something to do with myself."

I laugh a little and sniffle, pulling away to let her head back to work.

"I'll see you in a bit." She smiles as she gets up. "You just hang in there."

~~~~

After Peggy is gone I realise that I haven't showered in days and all of a sudden I feel disgusting. So I head upstairs to the en-suite and turn the water onto practically scalding hot. Honestly it feels so good and I feel a lot better afterwards. But then, as I wipe the condensation off the mirror once I'm done I find myself stopping and staring at my stomach.

I straighten up and turn sideways, running a hand over it and letting it hover just below my belly button gently. It's still flat right now of course but just the idea that there is a little human being - so what if they are the size of a tiny grain of rice currently - completely buzzed me out.

I know I only found out this morning but I feel like all I've done all day is resent this little innocent thing and be scared... dare I say even hate it. But now, as I look at myself in the mirror m, for the first time I feel some kind of strange stirring in my chest. A warmth that I can't describe. All I know is that I want to protect this baby with my life and make sure nothing bad happens to it. And if that means doing this on my own then so be it.