harry's conclusion
somebody that i used to know - gotye

december 13th | 2015

"Are you okay?"

I turn to Niall, who is watching me with a concerned glance as I drive to Levi's house.

"I'm just...really nervous." I gulp, "I've never even been to his house. I only know because he gave it to me to send him an invite for something."

"Did he even end up going to the thing you invited him to?"

"No, not really."

"Why didn't you leave this dude earlier?"

"You know why," I purse my lips and Niall reaches over, placing his hand on my thigh.

"You can do this Harry," he reassures me, "I know you can."

"I hope I can."

"I'll make sure you don't leave without doing it."

"What if I jump out of his window?"

"Well," Niall smirks, "I'm sure you'd be dead, and I don't think you have enough balls to do that."

"Oh really?!"

He laughs loudly and as his laughter subsides, we pull up in front of Levi's house. He lives in a really nice neighborhood. I remember coming here once, because my friend was having a party and he lives close to him. I remember sitting in my car, thinking the same thing as I arrived. But this time it's different, knowing that this time would be the last time I see him with these harboured feelings.

"You ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

He reaches up to take my hand, squeezing it and I nod, praying that this will go okay; that this time will be the last time he tries to leave.

I exit my car, taking my time as I walk up the steps to Levi's house. God, why does his house have to be so nice? I take in one last breath before knocking on the door.

When I see Levi at the door, my mind falls into the way-too-familiar frenzy. His eyes glimmer grey instead of green and his hair is sticking up so much I can tell he just rolled out of bed.

"Harry? Wha--" he rubs his eyes and I close mine, knowing I can't get wrapped up in his physical appearance, "what are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you." I say as seriously as I can, "Like, now."

"Harry it's ten in the morning--"

"No--no." I demand, "I've been holding this off for six months and I'm not going to wait any longer. I need to talk to you now."

"Is this about...that thing? The fond?"

"Yeah. The fond." I mumble.

"Really?" he mutters, "Now? With my parents here and--"

"Look, if this goes well this is the last time you'll have to see me ever. Just hear me out."

Realizing that I'm determined to sit out here on his doorstep until he lets me in, Levi opens the door wider and leads me to his room.

"Hurry," he whispers and he shuts the door to his room behind him. For this past year, I have imagined what Levi's room looks like, and none of my predictions came true.

"Harry," he says, "what are you doing here."

"I'm done." I say blankly and he look at me peculiarly.

"What?"

"I'm done with this Levi. This stupid fucking game you're playing with me."

"You mean--"

"No!" I hold my hand up to stop him, "Every time we fight you do the talking. It's my turn. Shut up, and listen."

He physically gets smaller as he sits on his bed and I sigh, trying to collect my thoughts. He needs to hear everything, and I refuse to leave a single part out.

"Since day one, I've done nothing but be nice to you. Nothing. The reason you hate me and treat me the way you do does not exist Levi. Do you understand that?! You hate someone you think you know! But the truth is that I started to believe you! Every little lie that left your mouth about me? I believed it. I believed that I was a stuck up bastard with no regard for anyone, I believed that I was no good for you. But you wanna know the truth?"

He's silent now, his mouth agape as I continue,

"I'm none of those things; if I was, I wouldn't be here, taking your shit after this long."

"Well isn't that your fault?!" Levi gets up suddenly, "You stayed!"

"And so did you!" I come back, "You lead me on, you lied to me, and you were conscious of it all! Everything you did was with a clear conscience Levi. That's just evil."

"I'm not evil," he argues, "you're persistent! Persistent to a point of annoyance! You don't give up Harry and for months and months I've been waiting for the day to come that you leave and finally it's here!"

"Then why ask me back so many times?! Why lie to me and tell me that we'll find a way to make it work! Why fill my head with things you never had faith in anyway?!"

"I--I don't know!" he shouts, "Why do you care?! I told you to let me go while you could and you didn't! Who's fault is that!"

"Yeah it's mine, but the only reason I did it was to give you the benefit of the doubt! Levi everyone around me hates you. Just yesterday I was at a therapy session yesterday with three other boys, and they were convinced by just knowing your name that you're a sadistic bastard!"

"Wait wait wait," he stops me, holding his hand up and standing up, "therapy? You go to therapy now?"

Suddenly, it occurs to me that Levi doesn't really know what pain he's put me through. And it's about fucking time he's seen it.

"Yeah," I mutter, "therapy. And suicide, and cutting. Sitting up at night wondering what bad I did to you. Crying, no, sobbing. Trying to find a single outlet that was better than hurting myself."

"Stop stop," he mutters, "you don't cut anymore you wouldn't--"

And that sets me off. I'm unbuckling my jeans and dragging them down my legs in seconds because if he thinks that sitting here and not facing the reality of his actions is the way out, it's not happening.

"LOOK AT THIS!" I shout as he stares at the numerous scars on my thighs. His mouth falls as he stares at my legs,

"No, these have to be old--"

"No," my voice wavers as I point a shaky finger at him, "you did this to me Levi! You, and your lies, and my hope in you did this to me."

"I'm sorry..." he whispers.

"It's actually so late for sorry." I chuckle as I pull my jeans up, "So, so late."

"Bu--"

"And not only that, if I hadn't shown you my cuts, you wouldn't have even said it."

"Harry I am sorry..." he says.

"Yeah and I'm sorry too." I continue, "For overwhelming you with love you don't deserve from me. You have no idea, how much love I regret giving you."

"I thought you didn't live with regrets."

"You're the first."

I wipe the tears from my eyes as I stand with my head to the ground. Levi sits on his bed, stunned to silence.

"So what now? Is this over?"

"What exactly is this?" I ask him.

"I don't know. Yeah I wanted it over, but it's still kind of sad. I'm used to having you around."

"Surprising," I mutter, "I thought you didn't have a heart."

"Harry..."

"I'm doing this for me." I tell him, "Not for you. I'm not leaving because you want me to. I'm leaving because I need to."

"Does everyone really hate me?" he asks. I look and see him welling up with tears as well.

"They told me to stay away from you," I mumble, "to quote, one of my friends, that you thought I didn't have, told me that you're a 'bipolar psycho'."

"Oh..."

"That's why I stayed. I saw the good in you, and wanted to be around that good. But Levi, I'm pretty sure I made that up in my head."

"No--there's good. That good exists."

"Then why isn't it there?" I ask and he sighs.

"Do you think we will ever be friends? Acquaintances at least?"

"I don't know," I mutter, "but for right now? I need to get this poisonous fantasy out of my system."

"And what fantasy is that?"

"That you're good for me."

"You're never gonna forget me you know."

"I know." I say as I pick up my phone from his dresser, "They say you never forget your first love."

I take one last look at him as I stand by the door of his bedroom. Such a beautiful appearance can't belong to a boy with such a dark side.

"Bye Levi." I say.

"You know," he chuckles, "Margo got a goodbye kiss."

"Yeah," I sigh, "but this isn't Paper Towns. This is reality; and realistically, I need to walk out of that door."

"Bye Harry." He says as he looks right back at me.

I burst out the door, walking past his parents who were standing outside the door, listening in awe. Oh well; his problem, not mine.

I walk past his brother (who I know; he goes to school with us) and shut the front door to their house as I rush to my car.

Niall opens the door for me and I slam it shut just as I bound in.

"Harry? Are you okay? Did you do it?"

"No, and yes." I answer both questions and Niall nods knowingly, resting a hand on my shoulder.

"You can cry," he tells me in a hushed voice, "It's okay."

So I cry. I cry and cry and cry until I have nothing left. Because though I'm sad Levi's gone, I'm happy that I'm free.

next: louis' conclusion (hello my love)