💙

|Let's play a game. Where I'd pretend to be unaffected by your longing stares and resilient to my reactive heart|

by medicallymessedup

•present•

Chewing on my recently painted nails sounded tempting in order to hide my pouring anxiety from my friends but then my mind pictured a murderous Sammy running behind me with a knife in her hand. And it wasn't just going to be a dream as she would stab me alive repeatedly without an explanation even if I mistakenly tried to spoil my nails because I dug my own grave by giving into her demand of keeping our pairing manicure for six weeks. But even the possibility of this agreement seemed hollow right now just like the chances of me dying an unnatural death.

We, Six and Kick, were killing our precious time slouching in the cafeteria after having three consecutive early morning hectic lectures. I glanced down at our notebook occupied in copying down important key points for Sammy or else she would be stuck sitting through the examination hall because all the pages of her register were either filled with doodles or enticing quotes of male characters performing smut. Funnily, this girl despises academic education but readily burns out the midnight oil to wrap up steamy romance novels at one go. Trust her extraordinary skills and she'll surprise you like a witch. I shook my head, I don't even want to imagine how wild she could be because this subject was beyond my expertise.

I took a breather placing down the pen coming to a halt at work but regretting my action when a much tangled reason popped up on my brain's notification window. How can I relax when I still have a giant mountain to clepe. Finally, I have to oust my fear and tell my buddies about the recent development in my life.

"Hey!" Vivek shook my arm, "Baby, were you fine yesterday? Why didn't you come to campus?" Vivek inquired in concern. "Did you tire yourself out while teaching this nuisance?" He implied passing a shabby glare at his twin.

Only if feeling exhausted was a part of yesterday's such kind of fancy happenings then I was almost perfect.

"I had to keep up with your proxy, Batra." Sammy added ignoring Vivek's jibe and I mentally rolled my eyes at her, "Yeah, I lended you my notebook and this is what you penned down in it as a form of repayment for your kindness." I opened my notebook and pushed it in her face angrily, "What a fine piece of hard work, Sammy!! I love what you did with my notes!!"

Note my words, my friend is capable of using a tablecloth in absence of a canvas. No doubt that Bhai calls my Sammy super-talented.

"Um..I had guests come over at home.." I played with my fingers, "Actually they were for my-"

"Guests?"

"You're quite lucky to have as many guests at home, Baby! And then you sleep till late the next day on the pretext of a holiday. What a life!" Sammy whistled, stretching her legs on the table with her shoes on, earning a rotten glare from me, warning her to put her legs on the ground.

"She's not like you Sammy!"

"What am I like then?" She countered at Vivek, ready to pick up her sword.

"A little noisy birdy who was born to suck the blood out of the population existing on our peaceful green planet and ti unbalance the food chain of our ecosystem." Bhavesh demonstrated and gulped on his protein shake when Sammy chose the exact moment to whack his head, causing him to cough like an asthmatic. All the while, she blew on her nails as if she wasn't the culprit.

Is ladki ka kuch nahi ho sakta!

["This girl can never change!"]

"Abe woh mar jata!" Vivek scolded her and batted on Bhavesh's back while he snatched the glass of water from Chhaya trying to breathe normally.

["He would've died!"]

"Achi baat hai na, ek panoti kam ho jaati." Sammy replied, "He wants to balance the food chain, right...why not offer his own life for a good cause." Her words didn't surprise me a bit being used to her tantrums.

["It's a good thing right, one voodoo less to go."]

"Were you my oppressed ex-girlfriend in the last birth, Khanna!!??" Bhavesh belittled the unaffected girl, "I would've died to due to choking!!"

Samiksha pouted, lovingly dabbing his cheek. "As if I care, Bhavo!!"

Too much to be normal.

"Sarah, I love your nosepin." Chhaya squealed like a child who just saw a rainbow for the first time, "Kaha se leke aayi?"

["Where did you buy it from?"]

"From the market!" Vivek intercepted, getting a mock laughter from Sarah, "Very funny!"

"It was supposed to be funny!"

"To kya main has ke mar jau ab-" Sarah admonished imperiously.

["So shall I die from laughing-"]

Will they please spare me a chance to speak about the real thing rather than bickering over useless things?

"Mar ja, bojh kam ho jayega.." Vivek muttered further which reached only my ears because he was on the adjacent chair, "mere dil ka-"

["Die then, the burden would get less..of my heart-"]

My eyes widened by his statement and before I could ask him the same Chhaya inquired Sarah about the darn nosepin again.

"Faiz and I went shopping last evening." Sarah filled in and I could see Vivek clench his fist forcing me to assume things which I shouldn't. "I was so done with my own collection and then I found this in the weekend sale. Achi hai na?"

["Looks nice, right?"]

"Isn't that fox a bank manager?" Vivek condemned, "Phir bhi sale jitni hi jeb hai uski? Tch..tch.." Sarah pointed her finger at Vivek to defend her boyfriend of two years but he cut her off feigning pity, "What a good well-settled boy with sale-limited standards!!"

["Yet, his salary is less than the sale?"]

"At least he has the guts to buy me things rather than boasting meaningless words behind backs." She retorted, "And he is standing on his feet unlike someone-"

"Only if someone in this room would have waited for a while more-" Vivek banged the table while ensuing in a heated tiff with Sarah who wasn't ready to back down either. "Yeah, so you can go around flaunting your rich parents' bank balance at our faces for some more years."

I flinched in my place with their cold voices which weren't settling down any time soon. I wanted to stop them but my throat clogged which unfortunately Sammy sensed as I whitened and breathed through my mouth lunging for air.

I don't want it now. Not here, atleast.

"Shut this crap show, right now!" Sammy growled furiously, "Dono apne muh pe tala maar lo warna do chittar padne hai gaal vich!!" She pushed both of them back to their place as the air around me suddenly became thick.

["Both of you lock up your mouth else I'm going to slap you hard on the cheeks!!"]

Sammy uncapped a water bottle and quickly pushed it near my mouth which I gladly slurped upon in desperation. The cool water plunging down the urge to whimper out in pain.

But I don't know if I could do anything without Sammy having my back. She was like an anchor to my drowning ship, she had kept me stabilised on the banks of helplessness.

"Karna hai khud ko strong, kyunki jeena hai humko till we lose all our teeth all along." She whispered over in my ears simultaneously as she continued to rub my back propelling me to focus on our courageous bro code to get over the painful grip of my overbearing fear.

["We need to get stronger, because we need to live till we lose all our teeth all along."]

We repeated the process three to four times until I finally gained control over my toppling mind and racing heart. My best friend finally glared at the others angrily.

"Kitni baar bola hai apne andar ke janwar ko yuhi khula mat choda karo." Sammy hissed roughly staring at her younger twin and Sarah who looked down in guilt. "Bitches, itni si baat samajh nahi aati hai tum logo ke?"

["How many times did I say that don't leave your inner animal without a leash. Bitches, don't you understand such a small thing?"]

"I-I am fi..fine.. now, Sammy." I croaked with discomfort.

"Tujhse pucha kisi ne, kya?" Sammy warned me and I had to remain silent now because I just invited my mother hen to have my ears.

["Did anyone ask you?"]

"What was there to fight over, polka dots?" She demanded from Sarah who fondled with her keychain avoiding her eyes, "And what shall I say to you, smarty pants?" She roasted Vivek, "Golmal ke Tushar Kapoor!" Her voice screeched, "Tere andar kya Nana Patekar ki aatma ghus gayi hai?"

["Golmaal's Tushar Kapoor! Did Nana Patekar's soul attack your body?"]

"I'm sorry, Baby!" Vivek voiced slowly, appearing compunctious, "Are you alright, now?"

I rubbed his palm and passed a reassuring smile, "I'm fine." I mouthed softly, careful to not strain my throat by speaking or else Sammy may have my head instead of my tiffin for lunch. But, my mind was subtly reminding me that I needed to talk with him regarding his confounding reaction aware that Vivek wasn't the one to lose control easily.

After fifteen minutes when everyone had settled, I felt much better to speak and thought to initiate a conversation but Chhaya beat me to it.

"Sarah, I want a nosepin like that too." My eyes squeezed shut with vexation but anyway I had to begin.

"Guys, I wanted to tell you something very important." I said meekly looking at the five pairs of eyes who had started blabbering among themselves once again.

"Nosepin ke chakkar mein kand ho gaya aur isse abhi bhi nosepin chahiye!" Bhavesh advertised.

["So much had occurred due to this nosepin yet she still wants it!"]

"Don't accuse me, okay!" Chhaya reprimanded, "In dono ne bewajah ki bhasad machayi thi and I wasn't anywhere near to it."

["These two had created a nuisance and I wasn't anywhere near to it."]

"So, what? You asked me about this nosepin-" Sarah said.

"So, what? I didn't ask you to fight!" Chhaya sneered.

I was so done!!!

"Six and Kick, shut up!!" I beseeched feeling my voice box working, "Golly gee! You do not even let me speak!" My frustration was flying high, "Ek shabd nahi bolega ab koi mere alawa." I warned Bhavesh who opened his mouth to speak again, "I need your attention here, on me." I pointed at myself because I was dealing with kindergarten toddlers who understood actions, "I want to tell you all something." I said a bit louder and firm this time. "And you all are going to hear it with patience!"

["Nobody will utter a word now except me."]

Once I got their attention on me and not on their useless activities they were busy in, I cleared my throat.

C'mon you can do this, Baby.

"The guests who visited my place actually came with a wedding proposal for me. It went well and expectedly, I'll get engaged by the end of next month." I elucidated, looking at them.

"Fine!"

"Go ahead."

"Why not?"

"Good!"

"So what?"

"Huh!" I looked at them confused when I didn't get to see the response I presumed and waited for. Have they dropped their brains somewhere?

Itna thanda jawaab?

["Such an easy response?"]

Mujhe to laga tha-

["I thought that-"]

"Whattt???" They yelled on their top-most pitch present in their vocal cords bringing the whole cafeteria's attention to them or I may say us. This reaction seems normal and suitable to their reputation.

"Slow down!" I grouched.

"How could we?"

"I know you can't but you can try-"

"You're getting married?"

"Uh..."

"I mean really you're getting married?"

"No..yes but-"

"Oh My God! I can't believe this. My baby is getting married." Sammy and Bhavesh dramatically face-palmed getting on the table making me stand up along with the others on an instinct.

"Baby is getting married. Finally! My Baby is getting married." Sammy yelled as loud as she could have and it became the news of the day for everyone.

"You're getting married?" Chhaya asked, Sarah and Vivek had the same unbelievable look.

"Yeah! But not now I mean once after my masters end and I get a job but for now it's an engagement next month." I explained through the deafening thundering by two hooligans giving a crap show on the table.

"Ruchi Batra, my best buddy, is getting married to the man of her dreams." Bhavesh shouted and I wanted to strangle him down without any prior notice.

"You're getting the whole university's spotlight on me. Get down, you bonkers." I cajoled them but they wouldn't listen and recited an ugly sing-song out of it which was no less the torture of Giyaan's singing.

Why do I have such weird cartoons as my friends? How childish of them! No, childish isn't a term for them. They're dumb heads! Idiots! And whatnot...

"Married!"

"Married!"

"Married!"

"Get them down, Please!" I requested Vivek who shrugged his shoulders at me.

"You know they are campus monkeys so let them dance and entertain everyone. I'm enjoying the show as well, Baby." He laughed, enjoying my situation instead.

"Main na tujhe dekh lungi, Vivi-" I began but a presence halted my debacle.

["I'll deal with you, Vivi-"]

"Who is getting married?" A certain husky voice brought me out of my sulking state over my animal-like best friends.

"My sister!" Vivek said grinning like a cashmere cat at Aryan and his girlfriend.

I tried to escape the headlights streaming at me because I did not want to be picked out by Vivek in front of him. Not now or ever but fate as always wasn't on my side.

"My Baby sister is getting married." Vivek told and prevented me from running away by keeping a hand on my shoulder which irked me. Why did he have to tell him? Who was he to know? President of India? An official for Census survey? Or maybe a nosy neighbour?

"I'm not married yet." I sneered at my over-excited friends.

"Soon sister, soon.." Vivek comforted.

Meanwhile Aryan who seemed interested before but now looked tensed for some odd reason. It was strange for me when he stepped closer to us leaving his girlfriend behind and for a nanosecond I saw an unfamiliar thing cross over his face. He glared right at me and something like hurt flashed in his eyes but it was gone as soon as it came.

Yeah!

You will imagine the great Aryan Mallik thinking about you and I will believe you! My mind mocked my stupid assumptious heart.

I heard him muttering profanities under his breath as Sammy and Bhavesh did a mad dance in front of him. They're a minute away from rolling on the floor.

"So, you finally got someone? How does he look like a donkey or monkey?" That expected jibe came from his conceited girlfriend.

"Uhm, I guess whatever I get...be it a donkey, monkey or tortoise. Trust me, it will be better human than you, Geetika." My lips curved upwards genuinely taken aback by my own response.

I did not swallow that retorting comment inside me but spoke it out loud and felt good. I should often practice speaking back to mean people like her because they're playing rude with me without any fault of mine.

"You're flying high on wings, I see." Geetika said and I couldn't help but think how irritating she was being.

Why do you have so much problem with me, girl.

Did I steal your belongings? Ate your chocolates? Or spoiled your unborn kid? C'mon tell me, for once and all.

"Geetika, let us go." Aryan, her boyfriend, spoke holding her wrist before he gave a last fleeting glance at my direction while I rolled my eyes at his PDA.

Fake PDA, I may add. Because I am sure they can do better than these diabetic hand-holding gestures. Much..much more..that is done behind the closed doors or I may say the library's closed store room.

"Maine toh itni saari shopping karni hai!" Sarah conversed with Chhaya who looked equally enthralled, "Kal se start karenge. College ke baad roz."

["I need to shop a lot! We'll start tomorrow. Everyday after school."]

"What-?" I thought out loud. Why do they need to shop everyday? They just need one dress for some hours on the engagement day.

"Baby! You're getting married!" My eyes went on two idiots playing jazz on the table top which was going to fall down any soon enduring their unbearable weight.

"Aye! You both stop inviting people over my just scheduled engagement. And come down!" I yelled pulling both of them down once the crinkling human beings labelled harmful for my eyes and sanity went away.

"Have you seen the look on the face of the bitch? It was hilarious."

"Served those bitches, right!"

"Geetika, Let us go please." Bhavesh mimicked him as they broke into laughter, "Bastard!" Chhaya snorted.

"Can we not talk sbout them and head to our class instead?" I probed trying to surpass the hot topic of the campus.

"What's wrong with you?" Vivek asked catching up with me as I began walking leaving my friends behind.

"Nothing!" I replied.

Because I couldn't call him names.

I just couldn't hear anything against him, however I wanted to try or pretend to feel unaffected because a voice inside me never felt right about it or venting out my one-sided unreciprocated admiration by insulting him.

And I knew, something strong deep in my soul won't let me do it ever to him.

Lots of Love,

ANKITA