Chapter-49
Author's Note: First of all things, sorry for being MIA for months now. I don't want to give any excuses but I lost someone close in my family and hadn't been myself ever since. I often sit and try to write but words fail me as soon as I begin. This chapter was what I came up with somehow since April. Though I am trying to fix things in my life nothing seems right still anyway reading the chapter will make your evening better hopefully.
Also, I'm grateful to everyone who's been keeping in touch with the story and me during the while of my inconsistencies which seems to be never ending. You guys are the only ones I look forward to thanking whenever I look at my incomplete works. I can't seem to thank you enough for sticking with me and this story.
💙
|We had thousands of reasons to fall apart but it was only the knot of a guiltless trust that held us together|
•present•
It had been over some thirteen years since I'd known this girl resting in the blanket of my arms. By the looks of what I see right now seems like she had survived the hit of a sandstorm threatening to bring down the once-shaken-up roots of her existence, and for me, all of it was overthrowing, like watching a once very cheerful and bustling valley scattered with beauty now left behind with the tragic reins of an atrocious apocalypse.
A part of me fails to see through her veiled personality at certain moments because once upon a time I was so used to having her as an open book splayed across my lap. I took pride in having her because I knew she was mine in my younger days, but all of my confidence proved otherwise while growing up in all these years, and that's when she stopped acknowledging my presence out of the blue, and I was thrown off her reach, empty-handed, just with the torn pages of her prismatic memory.
I didn't expect us to break apart so easily at the ripe stage of our blooming connection, yet it was the time for me to make my decision as slowly but steadily I realized who she was to me. I understood and accepted what she meant to me and for my life, and for once, I'm grateful for my choices that won't disappoint anyone else close to me, and even if they do get offended even then, I really don't care.
Yes, I was selfish. I am and will always be selfish. No doubt I am blind and obsessed with everything that might be considered a red flag, but Aryan Mallik can for sure drive and drag through hells and heavens for the uninterrupted greed of having his Ruchi in his life by every means.
She thinks of herself as a chapter in my book, unaware of the fact that she's the essence of my entire story.
Me and my story would be incomplete without you, Ruchi!
But what in the fuckin' world should I do to make you believe in me and the beautiful possibility of 'us'?
My entity might've been another passing phase in her life, but for me, she has been a constant all this time and my mind had been arrested in the innocent memories I shared with her once; the old melody in my ears had made me restless for her voice had been a continuous reminder of what I lost, her rainbow smiles taking over the gray sky of my grumpy being as I somehow learned to live to my fullest, for I knew the girl I love would always have my back.
The ten-year-old boy she pushed away that day in the classroom was absolutely shocked. The betrayed kid that I was back then was so egged that he was ready to leave her behind. I was thankful to my luck for not giving up on her then; otherwise, I would've ended up gradually regretting it too.
I regret upsetting my family, but I don't regret any part of fighting anyone against her. I loved them, but I loved her too, and no matter what happened, I couldn't leave one for the other. They sent me away because they were worried for me. I blamed them, yet I know that any parent who would've seen their nearly mute son suddenly taking up the path of rebellion would've done the same. As I look back now, I laugh at myself because it really feels like I have been possessed or something. I was the hot topic among my extended family because of who I was and who I've turned into since then. They think it's the foreign appeal that I have adapted in my day-to-day life, but how can I explain to them that I've always been living for the dream of a stubborn little girl who risked sneaking up my favorite food under the shades of a Gulmohar tree for me. I have punched Ved so many times that I have lost count just because he began speaking ill about the girl I was miserably hung upon.
My relationship with my parents was slightly strained, especially with my father because they both thought I was another irresponsible elite kid they had seen causing trouble too many times. I was the spoilt prince for everyone, including them, because I chose to suddenly rebel when they deported me to London. Fun fact, they still get depressed once in a while, remembering their young son's hypothetically pedophilic ways.
Still, I tried, and I kept trying until I pleased my parents enough for them to allow me to return home. I wrote those letters because there was no way I could contact her otherwise. I had her address inked in my head, so I started pouring out my heart on those small pieces of paper. I apologized to her for unleashing my irrational temper; I cried out about me missing her; I vented out that I loved her; and I assured her that I was eagerly waiting for her much-awaited replies, which never came. Every single time I couldn't find any message for me in the letterbox or remotely a basic reply, I was left heartbroken.
The day I came back to India after years, her house was the first place that I rushed for after effectively ditching the tightened security sent at the airport by my father. I knocked on the door, and what I greeted first was a drunken man reeking shit and whatnot who dared to call cops on me just because I inquired about the girl I had been searching for all these years. My polite reach out turned into a full-blown argument because that man was hell bent on not believing my words because, according to him, he had no daughter. I was agitated, and if not for my father's men, I was a minute away from spending the first night in my home land behind bars. My father wasn't very pleased by my provocative actions, but he kept his calm for the sake of my mother's happiness upon my arrival. He didn't spare me without a handful of scolding, but that didn't do any good except that I tried harder to find her this time.
A few years down the road I found out that shit excuse-of-a-human being was my girl's father who seems nowhere deserving of that title because he was kind of living in a delusion of his own.
I remember Dad pushing forward the admission documents for my management seat at one of the most reputed universities in the capital, which also happened to be the best ones in the world. Just like every other Indian father, my dad too had been prepared and ever-ready for my college life. I was reluctant and skipped the classes just to irritate him a little more until Mom affectionately cajoled me to go and attend the fresher's party after a month or so. She told me that I was free to change my mind, and she would have my back if I didn't share the same vibe with the students over there.
I was deplorably burned out and equally smothered by the rise of another eventful evening here after biting the dust. Mom handed me a turndown neckline striped summer shirt along with a similar color of denim jeans that would be more suitable for a leisure holiday in Hawaii than running for a teenage shitshow that I was nowhere interested in, and even if I always had a particular taste in fashion that didn't go hand-in-hand with my mother's designer, I didn't fuss over my clothes that one time. Mom was happy with my smallest obedience, and that's the only thing that pushed me to go ahead. I was utterly gloomy till the time I reached the venue in the huge premises of the campus grounds, which, although lit by lights, somehow resembled a dungeon of a shady business.
My day was sour, and my evening was getting all the way more bitter as I tried to avoid those over brightly smiling faces blinding my eyes. Freshmen and women dancing and joining every minute while their seniors got frustrated over the spilling bills might be amusing for many, but for me, everything seemed like a headache. I was just waiting for the clock to strike nine because that would be sufficient to make Mom believe in my disinterest regarding this whole arrangement. I was grabbing unnecessary attention from my surroundings, so I grabbed a cold drink to quench the thirst in my throat and paraded out to find a silent corner, only to be smashed by a human who was practicing God knows what kind of acrobatics in the middle of a crowded center.
I was ready to give this stranger a fuckin' national award for their actions that had officially ruined my clothes and ended this unbearable day of mine for good when I received the bumper surprise for all those unfulfilled wishes I had made so far. My mind soared high in the sky like a kite without a leash, while my eyes were starstruck, my mouth dumbfounded, and my body paralyzed in elation. Aryan Mallik was completely gobsmacked in delirium because the one he had been busy finding in the whole world stood up in front of him like they were planned to meet nowhere until this very moment.
My heart was bursting and burning to hold her close, but I stopped when I realized the tears hadn't stopped raining down her cheeks for some odd reason. I thought she recognised me too until she dashed past me while I was still standing there in a stupor like a fool. I ran behind her, but I couldn't catch her, and she became the only reason that I stayed, as I had finally found her.
We faced each other every day in the campus, again and again, but each time Ruchi changed her path as if my sight was a curse for her existence. Though she shunned me away, I never stopped hoping.
I kept hoping like a man on his deathbed.
My actions didn't faze her. The good ones never seemed enough for her to come closer, while the bad ones made me a monster that wasn't the right deal for her. I was sure she had no one in her life until the news of her impending engagement rang all the red bells in my head. The loser hanging on my shoulder convinced me it was all over, but I still pushed my limits again, this time for the motive of having her by my side.
We got married finally against all the odds but it was yet again in unfortunate circumstances. During the entire time which we spent together under one roof assured me about our togetherness. I was willing to show her my love and seriousness residing in my heart in bits and pieces with each passing day but one wrong take from my side was all that cost me my relationships.
My father undoubtedly blames me to the lengths that he served me with those rubbish papers while my mother doesn't even find her lovable son worthy enough of an explanation for his deeds. I am already the culprit in their eyes and I really thought that it was the same with my wife too. I don't know how she was supposed to believe me when my own parents had turned their back on me.
Every single fiber within me jolted in fear thinking about the moment that I might've lost her again if not for her believing me. I was losing my shit because I was grounded in my own house with no escape. I was barely keeping up with my temper when Ruchi finally returned back home and along with her had returned my will.
She was a frozen mess that screwed me throughout. She was struggling with an upsurge of emotions while I was busy blaming everyone else except holding myself responsible for this complex situation. She had these tears ruining the starry glint of her beautiful eyes, she had defeat written all over her face but still she was trying to fight alone her own monsters like the brave person she had always been.
I hated my guts for doing this to her. I hated myself for giving her reasons to question the purity of our marriage. I hated being the reason behind her shedding every precious tear. I hated being a failure that had made her wary of our relationship. I hated being the man who couldn't fulfill his vow of always keeping his beloved happy.
I had no idea as for how long I had held her still in my arms. She wasn't ready to let go of me and more than her I was willing to cradle her in my arms to secure the much needed warmth significant for my survival. The past few days had been a raw torture to my being and I am afraid to imagine what had it been for her as she was the innocent soul who was bearing the brunt of my unfavorable capers. Words were failing me after her breakdown as I tried to stand strong for both of us. The silence was all that we needed in this moment for ourselves more than anything else.
So after what I felt like was eternity, I gently stroked her temple, afraid to break the glass resting between me and her. "Ruchi" Her name flew out like a whisper from my mouth, "You need to sit and rest for a while." I didn't want to see her like this ever, not even in one of my deadliest nightmares. "I know that you would want to hear the truth but for that you need to calm down first. I need you to look into my eyes with anger and slap me if you feel like doing so anytime. I need you to do every-"
"N-o, no-t now. Please." Her faint voice quivered in a hairy distress. "Let me just stay here with y-ou." I don't like the way she put it like I was someone superior to her which I was surely not. I was a sinner for all because there's no other big crime than causing hurt and I hurt her real bad this time. "I n-need yo-u. Ple-ase!"
I didn't bother replying to her, instead I lifted her up in my arms. Ruchi was startled at first by my attempt but she didn't say a word except assenting to me by resting her head on my shoulder. I didn't go in the direction of her room but walked into my own bedroom this time because I have grown skeptical about her leaving me again. I kicked the door open, approached the bed and carefully made her lie down on the soft surface and stood beside her.
She lifted up her moistened eyelashes to look at me and mumbled, "Don't leave me. Don't leave me. Please."
Again. There was this primitive touch of vulnerability I sensed lying in her voice. It strangled me but taught me a lesson to never ever do anything that might cause her even a miniscule heartbreak in the future.
"What makes you think like that?" I couldn't help but ask her deliberately to ease whatever problem that had her head occupied in a turbulent manner. "I wouldn't have married you if I wanted to leave you ever."
The thought of leaving you still gives me chills, wifey. I hope you someday get to know about it.
"Why did you marry me then?" Her voice was hoarse, "Why me and not someone better and worthy? Tumhe toh koi bhi ladki mil jaati na, Aryan." She demanded while dwelling in urgency, "Phir main hi kyun, huh?"
["You could have found any girl, Aryan. Then why me, huh?"]
Why does this feel like she wasn't putting up with an interrogation to get all these answers from me but to find some strange but ideal way to deal with something I had no clue about.
"There's no one more worthy for me other than you." I question yet again. "Why do you think it should not be you and just you but someone else who I don't even think exists?"
She chuckled ironically as if what I just suggested was far from true and it hurts real bad. Sometimes, one doesn't need a physical hit to be injured because at times emotional blows cause more significant damage.
"I might not be perfect in many aspects but I feel the hundred needles of pain prickling my skin nevertheless each time." My heart clenches and my jaw goes rigid with her confession. I am the cause behind her hurt. I am. "I might be ignorant but I am not stupid." She harshly bit her lip to curb her wail and unconsciously drew up some blood, "It hurts like hell. I feel it eating me up slowly and swiftly. I wonder if it's the last time I'm feeling it. I wonder if this is the only time when I'll be feeling something close to it because now I feel like it's a dead end for me."
Her tear-filled eyes were glossy like the remains of a broken star. Her gaze was far-fetched as if it wasn't simply me but someone else whom she wanted to hear this but who else can hurt her this bad apart from the hard time I gave her.
A part of me wants to learn about her pain to punish and blame myself but I was scared of hearing about the cruelty she had gone through but it was only a wishful thinking because Ruchi would never allow me to see her side of the world even if I tell her that I was ready to know everything about her.
I came forward and secured her palm closely in my hand, "I don't have any real excuse to ask you to believe in me or my words right now, Baby." Her gaze stayed glued on mine as I continued, "But I always want you to know that I might be having thousands of choices lying in front of me but any day I'd choose you and just you because you aren't just an ordinary option for me." I told her even if she might be feeling sick of my claims, "You're a need, a want and much, much more to me. You're a lot more important than just a thing to compromise." I brutally confessed myself betting every penny of my hope on her acceptance of my words. "I don't even need a reason to choose you because you're all that I've everytime prayed for in this life, Ruchi."
A while later, Ruchi slowly brought our tangled hands near her lips and pressed a featherlight immaculate kiss on the tip of our laced fingers, "I bet that'd be enough to know that I actually mean something for someone and for my heart to bask in momentarily happiness and peace." Her smile was another beguiling lie for both of us that was soon followed by sniffling cries.
"You don't realize it now but maybe someday and sometime you'll learn that you mean the world for the people who truly love you, Baby."
She didn't respond to me anymore and that was my final cue to embrace this ruthless silence draping around us.
The curtain of a gloomy evening had been just set down as the dark veil of this night took over, marked with Ruchi's soft breathing that helped me to contain my momentarily peace and dwell on the cause of her sorrow while accusing my plain stupidity and what not when the knock on the door disturbed the process.
I was least happy with the interruption as I had no qualms of leaving my wife alone even for a minute or entertaining anyone else but I had to answer the door anyway in order to send away the person quickly or else it might have disturbed my sleeping beauty.
I agilely disjoined our hands that were under her chin all this time and moved past the bedroom to the door.
For a second, I was surprised to find Rustom Uncle standing over there which was rare since his morning shift was over long back.
"Something urgent?" I inquired, hushedly closing the door behind me.
"I am afraid it is." I thought so.
I gestured him to follow me to the seating room on this floor and the look of distress didn't fade away from his features all this while much to my comfort. I've seen him since my childhood but this man never lost his composure in any situation given his army background but today something was amiss that had got him out of order and it worried me briefly.
"I don't know if I should be the one telling you this or not but in my opinion it kind of bothers me that this issue jeopardizes not just the Mallik family's security but also endangers young miss's safety."
His statement made my breath hitch. Did someone try to pose harm on my wife or worse did our family name have landed her up in some sort of trouble?
My tensed face may have given the situation clearly to him so he thrusted his work tablet towards me and pressed a few clicks here and there until a paused video played on the screen.
My knuckles tightened with each passing second as I watched with comprehensible audio visuals that thoroughly boiled my blood.
"How fuckin' dare he!?" My mind dissipated rampant fury, "I'm going to kill this unworthy piece of shit!!"
"Aryan-" Uncle said my name with such a caveat that wordlessly was a hint to curtail the flow of emotions. He barely does this but whenever he does I know it's for my best but again this time isn't like others that happened before. He should not be expecting me to play cool when I get to know about a certain bastard's behavior with my wife. "This guy was outside dropping young miss when this happened." I opened my mouth to speak in defense of my behavior when he cut me off, "Don't let your anger overpower you. You're not a common man so just keep the count of repercussions before you go out to hunt his ass down."
I blinked my eyes to register his intimation. No doubt why this man is my father's right hand and unannounced big brother. Dadu was right when he said Rustom Uncle is the only one who can do things right under Dad's nose and get away with it. It might be respect or admiration but Dad stays relieved when Uncle steps in his big man boots.
"Fine. I'll try to be rational..." The try being the keyword, "But I will be allowed to get bull in."
He looks at me in the eye but when he realizes I won't back down without winning this bargain he nods.
"Great. Let's get the bastard's eye then."
Lots of Love,
ANKITA
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