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|She was begging to be embraced and pleading to be seen until her voice faded with the passing time|

by medicallymessedup

•past•

Ruchi giggled watching Srinija sweetly interacting with her big belly where her younger sister was going to live until the unborn came out of her mother's stomach.

Her BadiMa explained to Ruchi that she was going to become an elder sister very soon. Then she would've had to take care of her little sibling's well-being along with her own. The young girl had been elated with the good news. Ever since she used to enthusiastically watch Srinija for hours with love.

"Ugh, I'm feeling hungry again." Srinija exclaimed while rubbing her protruding bump lazily.

"Mummy, will you feed me too?" Ruchi probed as she ran towards Srinija and settled beside her, "Baby ke pet main na bahut saare choohe lalaai kar rahe hai." She said in her babyish voice which consisted of broken alphabets.

["There are too many hungry rats in the baby's stomach."]

"When are you not hungry, Ruchi?" Srinija scowled much to Ruchi's understanding.

"Whatt?"

"You're just like your father who only knows to fill their mouths like the starving pigs this family had always been." She swore.

Ruchi blinked innocently at her. The young toddler was unable to catch Srinija's tone dipped in disgust for their entire family and she continued to play with the yellow romper she was wearing.

She answered her mother like she does to everybody else in the house. "No, Mummy wong!" Ruchi cracked up. "Papa says pigs are eww but little Ruchi is pwetty so we all are like mini-elephants. I, baby elephant, you and papa are Ruchi's Mummy and Daddy elephant, Bhai is-"

Before she could even complete her story, her mother was enraged.

"Did you just call me an elephant?" Srinija yelled, "You ill-mannered girl!! How dare you say utter nonsense about me!!" Her sudden outburst had left the poor girl stumped.

"What do Baby say?" Ruchi pouted unknowingly.

"Shut up! You, brat!" Srinija roared and pushed Ruchi away with her arm.

Though her mother's disdain had become an usual occurrence yet these melees left her terrorized everytime.

"I a-am sol-ly, Mummy." Ruchi crouched down on her knees and held her ears immediately, "I will not say bad again, I prowmise." She said so because she felt that she did something wrong to upset her mother and now she needs to apologize. "Ruchi is a b-big sorry, Mummy." She held her palms trying to make up her mother's worsening mood but the woman gave deaf ears to her genuine pleas.

"Ungrateful girl!!" She scoffed, "Now stop eating my head and get lost from my sight." Srinija ordered.

She rudely yanked Ruchi's frail efforts to please her while she stood there weeping soundlessly over no fault of hers. The cell on the table buzzed and Srinija's entire demeanor changed. She soon was merrily engrossed in attending the call while completely ignoring her daughter.

Ruchi's cheeks blew in and out the air to focus on her breathing that had turned frail during her voiceless sobbing. Her cheeks were puffed up like her rheumy eyes.

Once the delightful conversation ended on the phone, Srinija eyed her warily. She hideously scrunched her nose in disgust and beckoned Ruchi to bring up her handbag from the room.

"Mummy!" Ruchi called out slowly as she was afraid to speak once she handed over the heavy bag to her mother.

"Don't dare you tail on me now!" Srinija roughly directed, "And better be gone to bed when I return. I really hate to see the cursed faces of you and your useless father."

Ruchi gaped with her big wide eyes that were highlighted with pure white pearls leaking out without her control. She was used to gulping down her cries because her mother considered them ugly noises and would get extremely irked even if she mistakenly let them out.

"Understood, Ruchi?" Srinija posed threateningly and twisted her ears rather painfully. Her hold was harsh unlike the earlier incidents Ruchi handled so far. She hissed but somehow managed to shake her head.

Once suited, Srinija shoved her out of her way and then walked outside the house. She joyously climbed inside the car which stopped outside their residential gates everyday and like each passing day Ruchi would stand at the threshold. Her petite toddler frame hidden behind the door to watch her mother willingly going away from her who longed for her and her presence the most.

"Baby!" Kartik exclaimed entering the hall while he rushed down the stairs, "Look, I made mango milkshake for you."

He trucked the glasses on the table while Ruchi furiously rubbed her eyes to get rid of the unrefined tears.

"What are you doing by standing here?" Kartik questioned. He then pulled her inside and bolted the door, "Koi aaya tha kya?" He asked and she shook her head in denial. "Why did you open the door then? Speak na!" He nudged her arm, "What happened?" His tone turned dramatic as she didn't reply, "If you don't speak with me then I'll get angry, Veera."

["Someone came?"]

[Veera - A punjabi title used for sister]

Ruchi didn't react like she used to by citing one of her brightening remarks instead she only whispered abysmally.

"She went away, Bhai. Again."

Kartik didn't know how to console his sister who never sat still and naturally emitted wholeness as one of her best traits. She was like a ball of sunshine. If someone ever tried to squeeze out her peppy spirit, her ingenuous soul would nonetheless radiate with warmth.

So he held out his hand and she clung on his finger and slowly they walked into the kitchen. They both carefully stored the mango glasses inside the refrigerator and waited for Mamta who was out running some household errands.

The cousins set up a display of board games to kill time but none of them were interested in playing. Kartik thought his kiddo was acting distant due to her mother's ignorance whereas Ruchi was pondering on her acute mistakes.

They were relieved when they heard the main door's creaking noise along with Mamta's loving call. Both were happy to hear her voice after a long unhappening afternoon. Kartik helped Ruchi to descend down the stairs by his support and she followed him on her little feet which took withdrawn steps.

The kids perched up on the sofa with Mamta who smiled and gently kissed on her niece's forehead. She couldn't discern her odd behavior as Ruchi seemed eerily mazed even when her favorite cartoon show broadcasted on the television screen.

Her lips remained sealed unlike the ways it would always bubble up with incredible chatter and rich laughter. Her lighthearted charisma robbed the darkest hearts but right now her extreme dullness bothered a mother's heart.

Mamta had nurtured Ruchi since the day she opened her eyes in this world. She tenderly fed and dotingly treated a day-old baby with utmost care and love when Srinija woefully discarded her wailing newborn. The admirable efforts to make the newest addition in the family feel home were never easy but her pouring motherhood worked as a blessing in disguise. During the sapping nights when she lulled the little girl to sleep as her own parents overslept or be it the hectic days when she piloted through her schedule.

She embraced the infant like she did to her son.

Mamta and Sujal were parenting Srinija and Sunil's daughter as their own knowing well that this world will never think of them as the deserving parents but scale down their role as foster caretakers. They understood that Ruchi too would look at them in a supreme light when she grows up and would someday begin longing for her real parents. In spite of what may proceed, the couple harbored their boat of selfless love through a heartbreaking sea to not let their baby girl drown.

But they somehow had started to feel the eventful day was near.

Their girl was succumbing against her unguarded self amid Srinija's regressive and prude treatment. Sunil was blinded by his obsession for his callous wife and putatively overlooked everything that surfaced in-between even if it was the well-being of his only child.

Something caught up with Mamta's abrupt attention when she combed through Ruchi's short-trimmed hair. She unintentionally touched Ruchi's ear and the troubled girl immediately retaliated by tugging away from her seat on impulse.

"Baby!" She gasped, "What happened to your ear?"

Mamta entailed in worry and rubbed the nailed turf which was bright red in color. Her balmy coddlings had soothed down the emotional bruises of Ruchi more than the physical ones.

"Ruchi!" She again coaxed, "Tell me, what happened-?" A brush of delirium disoriented her, "Kartik, did you hit your sister?" She reamed, "Is this what we taught you!" She scolded her son who looked clueless about the situation.

"Na-hi!" Ruchi demurred, "No, BadiMa. No, Bhai." She steered her head. "Bhai never hits Ruchi!"

["No!"]

"Phir kisne kiya ye, bacha?"

["Who did this then, my child?"]

Ruchi refused to look up or answer. A storm of anger built up inside Mamta along with serious fear for the future. She convincingly speculated it to be Srinija's doing. This was outright cruelty. The crude manners adapted by Srinija to behave with her daughter was right away unjustified, no matter what the circumstances were.

"Srinija!" Mamta hissed heatedly, "I'm going to tell both Ji and Sunil about it. I'll make sure that she never repeats this brute act of hers-"

"Nahi, BadiMa!" Ruchi obviated, "Do n-o tell BalePapa-Papa." She reprised, "Mumma will be angwry from me. No tell. Plwease! Plwease!" She wept and hugged Mamta who was troubled to watch the little girl hiding away her miseries.

She was swiftly changing into a docile prisoner suspiring inside the tousled cocoon, Ruchi had wreathed to resuscitate from her splitting pain.

It wasn't the first time that Srinija had been implausibly unfair and brusque towards Ruchi. She would often target her during everyone's absence with the intrinsic blows flogging harder than the physical stings. The cold-hearted woman couldn't watch her blooming or remotely existing after hindering Srinija's golden ticket to freedom. For her, Ruchi had been an alibi to get rid of her grudges.

Sunil had used Ruchi's birth as a bait to tie down Srinija, he was biassed to ensure himself that his wife won't abandon him if he had their daughter. When her parents didn't encourage her pathetic decisions, Srinija dumped everything that came in her plate on Ruchi.

Mamta consoled Ruchi and made her sit on her lap. She prepared the plate filled with food but Ruchi spurned as her mother's impudence had left her disheartened.

She placated, "My Baby, never say no to food." She tore off a morsel, "And who's going to become a big girl after eating food, huh?"

"Of course, it's me, Maa!!" Kartik chimed in, "I'll make you and Papa proud unlike Baby who will always remain a little baby!"

"Oh, no Bhai it's Ruchi!" Ruchi bridled urgently, opening her mouth wide and nudged Mamta to feed her. "I no Baby! Ruchi gl-ow and be-come bu-zzi-man."

She made a face unable to spell out the big words and the other two laughed at her actions.

Mamta forwarded her hand, "Now, here!" She sang, "Yeh wala chidiya ka-"

["This is for a little birdy-"]

"Nahi-Nahi, Rl-uchi ka!"

["No-No, it's Ruchi's!"]

•present•

Ruchi gently wiped away the building moisture in her eyes wishing it to be a mediocre dream but such limited memories were a part of her dull childhood.

No matter how much she grows up, some bitter memories just won't abandon her mind or stop pinching her heart.

A few minutes later, Ruchi assembled her courage again. She then hesitantly picked up the cordless phone present in her room inside the mansion and dialed up the number she had barely called except for the times there were some eleventh hour measures.

She waited while hanging on to her low spirits along with an anticipated breath as the bell rang thrice before the call was finally answered.

"Hello."

"Papa!"

Ruchi mumbled because all that she craved to hear was her father's voice after hitting the bottom these days as nothing else would let her sleep through the darkest hours in the night due to a strange loneliness that had engulfed her chest.

"A-ap kaise hain, Papa?" She inquired in order to strike the formal palaver that had become an usual part of their father-daughter conversations since Srinija left them on their own.

["How are you, father?"]

Sunil had been glumly drowned into his never-ending phase of regrets still his daughter always longed to explore the depths of her father's love even if her mother missed their family's perfect pictures.

Alas, it couldn't happen either.

Her gloomy father was never present when she needed at least one of her parents. He was busy in deliberately condoning the kid who intently stayed put everyday against the door of their residence to share some quality time with her father who would either be absurdly drunk or ridiculously mired in his small-scaled catering business which although earned him a better position in his career but a defeat in becoming the father Ruchi could've idolized.

He had been an incompetent father who was unaware of his daughter's slumping health being absorbed into self-pity due to which he could not realize that he failed to be the father who was supposed to keep his only child like a priceless gem but his life was wasted in ignorance.

"I hope you're not too busy, Papa." She said, "I wanted to talk-"

"For you Ruchi I'd always opt to remain busy because unlike you I don't have in-laws who are used to gambling in billions. I have a stomach that I need to work for until my death so now cut off this formality and state the reason for this phone call." Sunil interrupted harshly.

Ruchi was deeply hurt by the way her Papa referred to her as if he was not her father. "Please! Don't speak about death, Papa." She couldn't control her emotions. "Aapke paas aapki beti hai. Main aapka dhyaan rakhungi, Papa."

["You've your daughter with you. I'll take care of you, Papa."]

"Stop addressing me like a repetitive fool!" He shrilled, "I am aware of your opportunistic choices so drop the act and stop bothering me over again."

His words belittled her.

"You are married to a well-to-do kin. I know that Mallik's have more than enough to satisfy your greed but you surely don't need to sympathize with a sinful father like me who fed a girl out of his sweat just to be deceived and ashamed."

"Pa-"

"You did enough and I've seen enough because of you all my life. It started with Srinija but her lovely daughter continued her legacy. I once again ended up soiling my reputation because of you!!"

"Papa, trust me please. Please, don't talk like this."

Ruchi cried out in languor.

"I never did anything purposely to add up to your grief or to dent your reputation. I, by all my means, had always been really proud to see you walking with your head held up high. Always. You're the reason I'm in this world. You are my father, how could I ever think bad for you, Papa. Please! Please! Trust me!"

"Ruchi, you're just like your mother who had always been selfish and couldn't look beyond herself. You were engaged with an affair with that Mallik, you betrayed all of us and-"

"I had no intention to deceive you, Papa." Ruchi exclaimed dolorously, "I never had an affair with Aryan, Papa. I promise all that I had for him was a distant one-sided love which I didn't know about in the first place until w-e,-" She poured her heart out in the hope that he would believe her. "I decided to bury my feelings and let it fade away when everyone wished for me to get married. I tried to accept the fact that my alliance was fixed with Aakash." She retold, "I never talked to Aryan until then and when the chaos during the Manali trip happened."

Her vocal cords ditched her, "I don't know h-ho-w but things e-escalated. Aryan somehow came across my dormant feelings. He confronted me and then we both just happened to kis-" She had to close her eyes shut in embarrassment but she had to tell him the truth by any means, "We both were together for a while that minute but I realized it soon. I walked away from him at the same time because I promised." She shook her head, "I had never intended to hurt you or anyone else by my actions e-ever."

"Wow!" Sunil gasped. "I don't believe the dramatic story you weaved up so effectively. I don't know how I even heard from you for this long." He said.

Ruchi's mouth gaped open, "No, i-its not a story, Pap-a! Everything I am telling you was t-truth."

"Fine! I forced you into the alliance that you're never fond of as you say. You know what?" He emphasized, "I heard one of the guests from that night saying that Ruchi offered some personal favors to the boy to entrap his family. I am forced to believe that it's definitely true and for sure it's me and the leniency of my family to be blamed for this poor upbringing of yours. You actually deserved to live under Srinija's care" Sunil pointed out and then laughed bitterly, "Cunning women generally get what they want and you had too. So now go ahead and enjoy your luxurious life but always remember you had never been the daughter I expected and now that you're a Mallik I doubt that you would even keep the updates of a man like me who tried to become the obstacle in your way to fortune. Enjoy this life filled with gold and glitters. Also, many congratulations for the new lavish life and don't call me again."

"Papa, No!"

"Papa, please listen to me!"

"Papa!"

Ruchi bellowed impatiently but the call had already ended abruptly causing her to break into the inevitable sobs she had always been surrounded by from all directions.

She wondered about the pits of her selfishness that sledged her father. He had misunderstood his daughter so gravely that he compared her to the woman who left them behind.

But hadn't she done the same thing by breaking her promise that was meant to be preserved. Even unintentionally but her voluntary actions ruled out the massive possibilities of gaining his trust. Then too what else she could've done. She tried and tried hard from her side to abide by the wishes of her father but she truly couldn't be the daughter her father expected her to be.

Her mother's leaving them.

Her mother's cheating on her father.

Her presence ruined the family.

Her actions demolished their reputation.

Had it all been due to her?

When she never had done anything purposely.

Yet she was to be accused.

"Ruchi!" She was mourning over herself when his familiar voice reached her ears.

Ruchi penned in her tear-stricken face between her trembling knees and let out harsh whimpers as a realization hit her conscious rudely.

She was here, in his house and living as an official part sanctioned in Aryan Mallik's life but had she really been here due to their likenesses towards her or was she being treated nicely as their guilty burden?

Each passing day and night, and with all her heart Ruchi wanted to be seen and understood by her father but he too believed in what others saw.

Yes, Malliks were not a match for her or her family. She was cent percent sure that neither her's nor Aryan's family looked for such petty alliances and if it was not for the society who blamed them and declared both of them as a preposterous couple then nobody would've ever agreed to cover up the sham under the wraps of a convenient marriage. The reason that her father feels so low about both her and himself was due to all the mishaps that couldn't still stand a thought in their minds.

"Papa loves me."

"Papa loves me."

"He's just angry, Ruchi."

"He will talk to you back, Baby."

She slowly whispered for herself to provide with the much needed assurance which in reality never had a base to stand firm on its ground. The actions said louder than words and this was the crystal clear reality of her average existence.

"Ruchi!"

Aryan repeatedly called her out after noticing her vulnerability. His mind shoved away the rationality when he clenched his jaw in order to control the stirring rage because he somehow happened to trespass the pessimistic conversation between his wife and her alleged father.

It was clear that the old man was once again blaming and degrading Ruchi while she again dejectedly heard him sprouting shit about her. As of now and the two scenes he witnessed so far, he could easily make out that her relationship with Sunil was rocky and unreliable.

Though, his own relationship with his father wasn't a path of roses but some colorful insults here and there still he knew Soham loved him above everything. Yes, he was resentful of his ways and casual choices but Soham supported him when needed. His parents stood up for Aryan and loved him unconditionally.

Not able to watch her grief anymore Aryan held close Ruchi's cold clammy hands and made her drink the water kept by the bedside but she refused to move or even respond to his concerned pleas. He hated the way she was treating herself for someone who didn't care once before framing her for the things she wasn't responsible for in the first place.

"What's wrong?" Aryan asked as her voiceless sobs grew worrying him like never before.

"He says that he doesn't consider me as his daughter anymore. I know he's angry but he says that he hates being fathered by someone like me." Ruchi sniveled while rubbing her face but then breaking again as Aryan pulled her closer to his chest and patted her back in hope to calm her down but everything seemed unfair to her overwhelming senses.

"You shouldn't think about him then." Aryan sought, "Maybe he does not deserve the love or respect you owe him blindly because as much I know a father never humiliates his child. You need to stop expecting so much from him. He just does not deserve it."

"No! He's my father, Aryan." She told him otherwise and clutched his t-shirt to hide herself from the world and get lost in his arms. She wished to stay there to get over the overbearing pain that had kept her enveloped in a cage of self-loath and whatnot. "And I love my father." She asked like a confused child, "How can I even hate my father?"

"But this is craziness if you think that he'll someday change being pleased by your multiple sacrifices." He hissed disdainfully, "He fuckin' blames you for no reason and you like a fool goes around and behind him to accept no mistake of yours."

"He has his reasons to behave like this." She implied mindlessly, "I did something to ruin everything then for him and even now I am doing it again-"

Aryan roughly held her shoulders and made her look into his storming eyes.

"And may I know what's the fuckin' crime that had been oh-so-grave and unforgivable." He was hanging at the splitting edge. "What sin have you ever committed? What's something that he can't forget and forgive? C'mon, tell me?" He demanded angrily.

Ruchi bleakly stared at him with tears running down her cheek and bit onto her trembling lips, "You won't. You can't understand. Our world runs in a parallel universe and you could never realize how mine worked. You can't-" She mumbled. "You should remain away from me and my fateful world." She said before brushing away from him to leave him aggravated and abashed by her behavior.

How could he ever explain to her that she was here, with him and that their worlds have already met even before they could realize but his anger took the best of him and he stormed out of her way where she didn't want him.

She never did.

Lots of Love,

ANKITA