🖤

|Sometimes loving unconditionally feels like screeching chalk on a rusty blackboard, which often becomes the sweet melody of our fated ruin|

by medicallymessedup

•present•

Love was supposed to be beautiful. Like a whisper in chaos, like a surreal dream on a sleepless night, like a rainbow after downpour. Then why does it make me feel no less than heartbroken?

Why do I feel hollow and defeated when he looks at me as if his entire world crashed?

His stare makes me feel weak.

This attention hurts. Hurts so much that it has made me numb.

There were no butterflies to rejoice the happiness of being in love anymore and whatever I've been experiencing so far had reduced to atonement.

His eyes yearn to reach out for me but I was once again standing miles beyond his reach.

I regret falling for him. I regret falling for this charade.

"What are we waiting here for now? I don't want to stay here for a minute." The angry blazon of Aakash's family vibrated in the halls of the house which was once filled with guests.

"Aakash, move!!" Mr. Cheema burred.

His mother shot me a scouted glunch, "Do you still want to get engaged to this characterless girl!?" Aakash fisted his palm but stayed back, "Have you gone blind, Aakash? What magic spell did this gold-digger cast on you, my son?"

"You better leave now with your family Mr. Cheema." Kartik said, who was getting sick and outraged hearing their unbearable nonsense. "I won't be able to digest your presence for any longer."

"As if we are eager to stay here.." Mr. Cheema scoffed and bellowed Aakash to leave the place.

"Enough, mother-father!!" Aakash spoke up, "I wanted to get engaged to Ruchi and I bloody meant to do it!! I don't care about what all happened here but I-"

"We are not keeping any relationship with this wretched family. Move now!" Mr. Cheema took Aakash away forcefully.

Ofcourse! Why would someone taint their family name by associating themselves with a misfortune like me? Their son wasn't going to endure the burden of my blunders when they knew the face of my deception.

BadiMa and ThakuMa left my side and charged towards the room where the elders talked and decided inside on God knows what. My future had never been in my own hands and this time too it felt unpredictable.

"Ruchi-" The velvety voice mixed with remorse neared me but Bhai's mightier and unpleasant warning overpowered the rest, "Do not fuckin' dare to come near her!!" He warned. "She has already become the target of this meaningless humiliation because of you!! Don't do anything that will make me lose my temper, Mallik!!"

Why? Why now, Aryan?

You did, what you had to and nothing that you say now could change it.

I found Bhai's eyes switching between me and Aryan in uncertainty but he was still cautious enough to not let him anywhere near me. Anybody could tell that we both were mismatched.

I wish that I too had calculated the universal differences in-between us before falling for him.

"B-Bhai..." My lips stuttered in shame even as I called out for my own brother. Why didn't I tell him about Aryan before? Our family would have been saved from this unavoidable epithet.

Bhai's eyes wavered from Aryan but still my faint calling was answered back by his undivided care.

"Bhai, I didn't do anything to hurt you all." I voiced, my syllables breaking just like my heart, inch by inch, step by step, one after the other. "Please, trust me, Bhai. There was no hidden incentive behind all this, I-"

"I trust you, Baby! We all do trust you." Bhai carefully consoled me and wiped off my tear-stricken face while he too appeared to be in some kind of conflict. I was responsible for his shaken condition.

"I misused my freedom by engaging myself with him but Bhai-Bhai," The hiccups followed soon along with more tears and a pang of conscience, "I-I didn't m-mean to b-bet-betray you all. I never-r would, I n-never will..." I tried to explain my doing.

"Baby-" Bhai muttered, "Stop crying, kiddo." He said, "It's not your fault."

"N-No, Bhai-i!" I broadcasted like a broken record, "P-Please, don't hate me. D-Don't hat-e..."

"Sh..sh.." Bhai fortified, "Nobody hates you, Baby." He said ahead that everything is going to be alright but I was skeptical.

Sometime later, my gaze invasively flickered towards Aryan whose eyes conveyed an apology that his actions couldn't and an unusual bitterness crept in my mouth for the first time since I have known him.

I loved him and loved him alone.

There wasn't an ounce of feelings existing between us because it had always been me. Me with my unrequited one-sided feelings, hidden somewhere deep in my chest.

He who claimed to be my savior from this unwanted alliance didn't know that I even existed a few days before and here he had posed as my colossal lover.

He had no idea of his rebellious acts or had a clue of the outcomes. The gravest repercussions awaited me because he had spoiled the leftovers between me and my father. He was the reason why I was looked down with guilty eyes. If not for him, there were little chances that my Papa might have been happy with me.

He was the same man who made me feel confident about my worth, then, how could he easily stamp his feet on my decisions?

I wish that he was a mirage.

Now I hope that his presence in my life has been a mirage too.

The shuffling of feet resounding back in the deadly silent hall got me alert. I wiped clean my ashen face, braced my heart with much needed armor and looked up at the elders who possessed some grimness while the others had serious expressions. The faces proved that their meeting hasn't proved to be very successful but their decision was major.

"Dad-" Aryan's ardent tone was dismissed by Mr. Mallik, who directed his wife to pass out the verdict.

"We all have decided that both Aryan and Ruchi will get married to each other tomorrow." Mrs. Mallik announced. "It is the best way out for both of you." She added in hesitation.

Her words had turned my feet cold and blanked out my mind. I blinked my eyes furiously, sure that what she stated was a mistake but the look on her face said otherwise.

This cannot happen.

I cannot marry Aryan.

I cannot prove the accusations true by doing what his mother implied.

I am not a gold-digger.

I am not a hungry who-

"Mom!!" Aryan reckoned, "This isn't the right thing to do-" His abrasive voice was shut in an instant when his parents looked at him or better pinned him down with a glare.

He might not be heard but I can't let this happen.

I cannot be like my mother.

"I'll not marry him." I quoted in a shaky voice with my mind more unstable than before. My eyes were glued at them who were taken aback by my resistance. "I can't do it." I reiterated.

"What do you want then?" Papa snarled in distaste, "Do you want to burden my shoulders until you watch me die, huh?"

"Sunil-" It was Baba who hissed, clearly disapproving of my father's harsh choice of words but he was relentless in his approach.

"Papa-," My breath hitched, "Why will I ever wish for something like this? I am not a burden and..." I heaved, "I can never think bad for you-"

But he relinquished my declamation only to crumble my heart with the burn caused by his mordant attributions.

"I thought you would've changed after all, you've been living under my care for years but I forgot that your mother's filthy blood was running in your veins." Papa upbraided, "You're her daughter after all." He seethed in anger, disappointment and hatred, evident like never before. "You were supposed to tarnish my name just like that woman. You are a shame in the name of being a daughter."

"Sunil, mind your tongue-" ThakuMa yelled but he didn't stop, bent on killing the scattered clutches of my sanity and ruining the purity of my love at the mercy of his pejorative words.

"Srinija has been right about you since the day you were born!" He remarked ominously, "You should've been dead as it would have saved her some time and my life from being ruined by such manipulating women."

And there, he said that.

This time it was him, my father.

The one whom I considered to be my superhero.

For whom I thought, I have been living everyday for after she went away.

Yes, I was her blood but I didn't do anything wrong to make Papa regret my birth. When my mother told me that I was unwanted then it didn't hurt much because I knew that she had abandoned me long before she legally pushed me away but I never expected this unseen hatred coming from my father.

How simple was it for him to tell me that I was hers. But just like her, I was his too, only if he could've seen.

I was their daughter but they never made me feel like one.

"I warned you all beforehand but who had ever paid heed to my words." The voice belonging to Sushma Bua Ji boomed in my ears. "I've predicted right about her advances towards rich men." She shunned her husband who asked her to stop.

"Don't show your face to us." She continued to ridicule me, "You're that bane Srinija's murky blood. You should've died on the way here then at least this disgrace wouldn't have been called upon our family name." She beseeched me, making me mentally laugh at my own fate.

How lucky as a daughter I was!

My father never stood up in my defense in front of his sister let alone protecting me against the vultures outside the house.

Is every father of a daughter as emotionless as mine?

"Mr. Batra, that's enough!!" Mr. Mallik cut short the session of my degradation that prolonged much to everybody's surprise, "I don't want anyone to blame the kid anymore. What's done is done!" He asserted and BadePapa made sure that his words were followed. "We are here to correct the mistakes and not to add one more." He redirected and for sure nobody could go against him for the superiority he held in the room.

Bhai didn't seem to be very fond of this proposal and he raised his objection for the same in front of BadePapa and BadiMa who rejected his plea and somehow motioned him to accept it for my sake.

I wonder what they all have to do more for my sake. I've been no less than a burden to them.

"The wedding procession can't happen tomorrow." BadePapa voiced his worry, "Even if we go for a court marriage, then too, with the registration and all it takes more than a month, Mr. Mallik.."

"I'll take care of the arrangements, Mr. Batra." Mr. Mallik assured BadePapa in a single statement, "The legal formalities are all on us." He informed us. "You will just have to reach the registry office along with Ruchi tomorrow."

"Dad, marriage is a matter of lifetime." Aryan reflected, "You cannot just order us to marry in a jiffy. Allow us to talk alone for a while." He intervened persistently, "Firstly, I need to settle the misunderstandings between me and Ruchi before reaching onto anything." He earnestly requested, "I want to have a word with her, Please."

His taunting dialogue was the final restraint of my loosely hanging patience. His actions, his words and he himself was a big fat lie. It was stupid of me to believe in him. He doesn't want to talk to me but mock me for being a failure and the thought itself resulted in breaking off the knot of trust and aspirations I held so close to my chest.

"This is all because of you!" I hurled at Aryan while thoughtlessly stepping back in haste, ignoring the trembling of my legs. "Congratulations." I smiled like a loser in love, "You've really kept up with your promise, Aryan Mallik!!"

His eyes tore up but couldn't care less.

I choked vehemently on my tears, "You've r-ruined m-me."

The floodgates of her eyes went out of control after she fled from the site witnessing her humiliation. The place that would now forever haunt her for being a cheater. This night would always remind her of being a misfortune to the entire kin and also ridicule her for becoming a huge disappointment to her father.

She was nothing less than her mother who gave nothing but bad memories to him. She couldn't even keep up with her promise. Her mind beseeched.

Ruchi bolted the door of her room from inside and carelessly threw herself on the cold floor getting perpetually tired from dodging the hurdles in life but now everything appeared too much.

All of the happenings had left her broken beyond repair.

She was labeled useless before today and now that she committed a grave mistake, they all had called her shameless. No one wanted her.

Why is she even alive until now, she thought.

She's the reason for her father's doom and everyone else's grief. She's a bad omen, a burden and what not!

She despised this life and now hated herself as well because all that she ever did was wrong others.

Her father, her aunt, Aakash and his parents were absolutely right with their opinions. She was indeed a disgrace.

"Baby-" Mamta's ardent voice rang from the other side of the door. "Open the door, please!"

"Baby!" She pleaded again, "Please. Do not punish yourself like this. It's not your fault, Ruchi"

"Hey, kiddo!!" Kartik cajoled her softly alongside his mother, "Please, open the door!"

"Open the door for us, Baby. For your BadiMa." Mamta cried, "We all trust you but please answer the door." Her tone expressed extreme fear for Ruchi, who might try taking some drastic step to ease her pain.

Inside the locked room Ruchi grew restless. She roughly washed her face, continuously splashing the cold water to calm down her burning emotions regardless of the teeth-clattering cold. Her physical inconvenience doubled over when each time their disdainful words stabbed her mentally. Her insides twisted painfully along with a head which hammered due to the overwhelming stress and anxiety. Her body was in discomfort just like her grieving soul.

She wanted to end this tribulation for once and all. She would've given up living long before but only if dying had been so easy.

The last thing she wanted to be known for was cowardice.

Once again the sincere calling from the other end interrupted her pessimistic ideas and evoked another wave of remorse.

"Please, Go away!" Ruchi whispered in helplessness.

She was incapable and afraid of hurting her grandparents, BadiMa-BadePapa or her brother who had always loved her unconditionally even when she had never been the source of their happiness. She couldn't stand their hatred either because her actions had made them question their upbringing.

Mamta and Kartik pleaded, and Ruchi couldn't pretend to be heartless anymore. Her innocence goaded at her for pushing away the only people who loved her for real.

"BadiMa!!" Ruchi broke as soon as Mamta came into her sight, "Why are you here? I had wronged you all-" She wept.

Mamta tried to pacify Ruchi after embracing her in a much-needed maternal embrace. Her motherhood chided her like it often did in the past as she watched her daughter sob uncontrollably. Her wails were heart-wrenching.

"What I...I..d-did BadiMa? What was my f-fault? Am I so bad that Papa thinks I should die? The people who are the reason behind my existence always wished that I never existed. Did I ask them to part ways?" Ruchi mourned, "I tried BadiMa, I-I tried every single moment to never upset him but why hasn't he understood me ever? His own daughter? Why BadiMa? Why?" Ruchi bawled out in despair. "Do I not deserve love?" She asked while keeping her head in the lap as her tears turned merciless.

"It was never your fault, Baby." Mamta stated, "Srinija and Sunil had always dumped their share of sins on your shoulders. But, they were wrong." She patted her head in consolation, "You are the gem in all our lives. Never think so low for yourself because you deserve the world-"

"No BadiMa!!" Ruchi retraced, "You, BadePapa and Bhai should also go away from me. You all should abandon me just like my mother and hate me like Papa. You should let me be the orphan that I was, from the day I was born." She grouched, "I am a curse for this family. I snatched all the happiness from my parents, then you and BadePapa. Your unborn daughter died due to me-" But even before she could complete, a slap landed on her cheek halting her self-loathing monologue.

"You might not be my daughter by blood but never think of yourself like that Ruchi Batra." Mamta glowered, "Those two never deserved you in the first place. They are losing what should have been more precious to them than their own lives. It's their evil doing." She firmly asserted, "You are not responsible for the death of my unborn child too. I would never blame it on you because God blessed me to become your mother." Ruchi's eyes moistened after hearing Mamta's words that soothed the ache in her chest. "I and your BadePapa love you more than others and this is what you think about us, Ruchi?" She demanded angrily, "Is this how you pay us by being disrespectful to our love and care? Don't you love us?"

"BadiMa.." She sniveled, "I can never disrespect you or BadePapa..I'm so sorry! I'm s-sorry. I love you both the most." She repeated understanding that she was hurting them the most in the process of lamentation.

Sujal had soon barged inside the room and crouched down beside Ruchi. He held her fragile palms in his old ones just like he did on the day of her birth while a fine line of gloss took over his eyes and for the first time his children saw him despondent.

"I-I fail-ed, my d-daughter." His voice stammered mirroring his hands that trembled, "I c-couldn't be-e the best f-father to you, Baby."

Ruchi's heart broke once again watching the rock behind her shatter slowly. The man who sheltered and protected her on the bad days looked so vulnerable and browbeaten. How can she be so stupid and not think about them?

When did she become so selfish?

"I love you all, BadePapa." Ruchi promulgated, "You didn't fail me either because I wouldn't have been alive if not for you." Her desolate voice trailed off, "You're the best parent I could ever have, BadePapa-BadiMa." Her lips twitched to force out a smile while she glanced at her brother, "You've been the best sibling, Bhai." She squeezed their palms in assurance, neglecting her personal trauma. "Never think otherwise."

Maybe if her own parents would've even been slightly like her BadePapa and BadiMa then maybe her life would not have been this miserable.

🖤🖤🖤

An emotionally wrecked Ruchi ran up the stairs to her room weeping profusely. Aryan tried to follow her but his parents kept him back for apparent reasons. They understood that there was more to the picture than what they saw, the Batra's had concealed secrets like every other family but certainly there was something up with Ruchi's father.

Soham and Anchal could simply feel guilty of their son's actions affecting the poor girl's life so badly. She wasn't solely at fault, Aryan too was to be blamed and punished for the entire mishap but their society had some ridiculous, unwritten rules defining gender roles and responsibilities. No matter who was wrong but the consequences had always been severe for the women.

"You have never been right in looking after her, Sunil." Sujal criticized being ashamed of his brother's hostile behavior with his own daughter, who was innocent. "She's just a child in love. She must've had some reasons to hide it from us." He pointed out, "She was wrong but you cannot accuse her for everything that happened with you." He condemned.

"She is no less than Srinija and that basta-" Sunil was still not ready to listen which angered his parents and brother more.

"Sunil, it's not-" Baba glowered ready to fight if that is how his son was going to understand but Soham stopped him and he looked calmly at an aggravated Sunil.

"Mr. Batra, I have no idea what's the so-called reason behind the impudent words you charged upon your daughter but I may be saying it only for the last time today, Ruchi is not the reason alone for this fiasco but my son too is equally involved so why are you targeting only her?" He vouched, "My son is the culprit too if you care to notice..." He notified, "But anyway, now she's going to be the daughter-in-law of our house and it will be pleasing enough if you keep both your temper and words in check while addressing her. She's our daughter from now on and you holding any grudges would be better left off. She's not the reason for whatever you're criticizing her for and anyone who dares to disrespect her won't be tolerated." He proclaimed.

It definitely wasn't what everybody else was expecting to hear. Why would Mr. Mallik defend Ruchi? Sunil thought acidly.

"Mallik Sahab, we want to request you to please take care of our granddaughter." Baba started followed by an emotional ThakuMa, "She had seen a lot at a young age-"

The old couple looked on with their eyes full of hope towards Soham and Anchal for the obvious. They're concerned for their granddaughter's well-being for she had always been overlooked by her parents, now being passed off to someone they didn't know for more than sometime before, but the way Mr. Mallik sensibly shut up Sunil or anyone else gave them a sheer ray of optimism. They hoped that their girl was in safe hands.

It was Anchal who responded to their unsaid words, "We understand what you're trying to say." She appeased, "Ruchi is now our daughter, we would try our best to fulfill her every wish and take care of her. I promise, she won't be treated like anything but my own child." She comforted offering the old couple some mitigation.

Lots of Love,

ANKITA