💙

|She's walking aimlessly on a road that never ends along with a storm that isn't over and a heart that often screams without any sound|

by medicallymessedup

•present•

Ruchi woke up that morning with her habitual dose of nightmares rather than the sleep she received in the last few days. She didn't comprehend for the reasons, obvious of the fears she was so bent to address. She didn't want to start her day like before and everything appeared still. Her mind could still shudder being stuck at the fond memories. So she remained tucked inside the bed until the late morning staring at her bedroom ceiling wide awake.

Sunil had patted her to a much-needed slumber late at night when she refused to leave his side. She had silently wept until the sunrise paid heed to her pain. Her heart and mind loved the newfound attention she was getting from her father as if some kind of fear engulfed him in her uninformed absence. The daughter who had been craving for her father's love had finally got a minute reciprocation of her emotions. Wasn't all that she wished for until now? Isn't this what she called peace?

Yet her treacherous self seems to be lost in time she spent with an unknown stranger, she was firm in her belief about him that he was definitely a stranger. Then why did his absence sting her now?

Aryan Mallik knew what he wanted and proved it by initiating that uncalled topic in between them. Was her crazy self so obvious to display her raw emotions to him. Was she this desperate to be seen by him? And if yes, then why would he understand it after all these years?

She doesn't remember even falling in love with him but it just happened.

Was it when she crossed him like a banshee on the day of freshers or when for the first he gazed at her as if she was the sunshine he was deprived of? The day they collided in an empty corridor or something else that she couldn't recall about? Because she couldn't find the answer even after all these years of knowing him.

Ruchi was clogged from every other distraction to pull off her mind except Aryan's semblance pirouetting her head. He wasn't physically present here but the veil of nonchalance she had been wearing lingered up with his undeniable essence.

"Baby, are you awake?" Kartik's sudden voice zoned her out from the clouds of uncertainty, "Maa-Papa is at the breakfast table. Tag along with me if you're awake."

"Give me some minutes, Bhai." She muttered slowly, slipping out of her bed to answer him at the door.

"I did not disturb your sleep. Did I?" Kartik asked with a fresh wave of guilt consuming him looking at her swollen eyes and pale cheeks.

"No. You didn't disturb me, Bhai." Ruchi asserted with a slight pinch of reality, "You know that I am not used to long napping hours." She implied though her lips twitched in denial, upset by her dishonesty because she was quite capable of sleeping until late hours into daytime only if she had been around his presence but alas...

"You were an absolutely tired little one and it's alright if you sleep a bit more." Kartik discerned but Ruchi stood unfazed by his words. "Bhai, Please..."

"Anyways, do you want to have your breakfast at the table or should I bring it for you upstairs?" Kartik questioned.

"Don't wait for me, Bhai. I'll freshen up and be on the table in a while." Kartik nodded his head and was about to retreat when Ruchi stopped him midway. "Bhai, did Sammy reach out to you to inquire about my whereabouts?"

"No! She didn't." Kartik affirmed with his tone settling into grimace and his composed demeanor immediately stiffening up.

"But Bhai-" Ruchi started but he abruptly cut her off, "We are not talking about her now, Baby! Go inside and get ready. You didn't eat a morsel of food yesterday and right now your well-being is pretty more important to me than debating over an irresponsible kid."

Ruchi was stipulated to pause and prevail by her brother's command for his disgruntled sanity. She knew his brotherly instincts were more powerful than his rationality which held Samiksha responsible for her disappearance.

She got back on completing her morning routine with a snail's pace because her mind wandered all over the place it shouldn't. A while later, she stood in front of the mirror after wearing a floral set of loungewear with her hairs open and a strange tint of happiness floored her consciousness.

•The morning when Ruchi and Aryan were supposed to leave the tribal village in Manali•

Aryan had anonymously eloped for thirty-minutes leaving Ruchi in an unwanted company of Ananda who recited her not-so-flattering praises for Aryan like an annoying insect who won't stop buzzing on the ear. Ruchi could only give her a fake smile because even though she had given them a stay in her house overnight, Ananda clearly brewed not-so innocent ideas in regard to Aryan.

Ruchi stood up from the wooden staircase and glared at Aryan who ran near her as if his pants were on fire. She was ready to give him an earful for leaving her with his admirer when he pushed forward an unexpected surprise. She stood appalled when he presented her with a bunch of white, umbel inflorescence flowers with a rich forestry, sweet fruity redolence which she had looked on fondly when they entered the village.

"What's this?" Ruchi asked in shock with her mind pulling up heart-warming scenarios when Aryan blossomed like a new-born flower while simultaneously catching on his leaping breath.

"For you!" He replied enthusiastically while backing her up against him and undoing her locks which were tied in an unruly bun.

"Arya-n!! What are you-?" She mumbled softly while his fingers religiously worked on her hairs and pinned inside the beautiful flowers. "Now, that's perfect!!" He whispered and stepped back giving her an ample amount of space to breathe in the oxygen she had missed in the moment.

"How does she look, Ananda?" Aryan inquired with a smile and Ananda gave them a thumbs-up which really didn't match up with her anti-social expressions.

"You look like a mermaid." Ananda's brother, Ananda exclaimed.

"Exactly!" Aryan reclaimed in jubilation and without anyone's notice held Ruchi's fingers, "So, my mermaid! Shall we leave to our land of the seven seas!?"

Ruchi couldn't help but press her lips in appraisal as she looked on at Aryan who had understood her unsaid words. His little gesture had captured her consciousness with an assurance to never be ignored or unseen by him. The eyes of the tribals shined in delight and admiration witnessing the spark of respect and unbreakable bond between them.

"Aryan!?" Ruchi called out after they were left alone in the room they had rented for the night in the town, "Why did you take up the hardship to walk so far to get these flowers? I would've got them from the nursery back when we would have reached Delhi."

"Don't you like them anymore?" Aryan inquired instead, making her eyes jerk up in daze when he stood behind her while she sat on the vanity chair with her eyes chained up on their reflection.

"I love them."

Ruchi responded in urgency. She didn't want him to misinterpret her words because his heartfelt gesture had warmed her heart and bridged their association. Aryan's chest swirled with pride and a familiar memory clouded his thoughts which came out loud.

"You had always preferred white as your first choice. It was just my silly mistake that I brought you orange peonies then-"

Ruchi's eyebrows scrunched up in confusion hearing him. "Orange peonies-?"

"Huh, forget it!!" Aryan waved off his hand with a forlorn smile refining his mouth, "You love white?" It was more like stated than questioned.

The zeal in her orbs turned dull and an ironical chuckle escaped her lips which got him dubious. "I used to but I don't think that my choice of color would have made any difference so I accepted every beam of light coming my way."

"When and how did this extraordinary change occur?"

An insecure Ruchi would've opted to avoid it but an unnamed wave of connection prompted her to provide him an answer. A fine line of gloss constellated her sclera when she spoke up.

"I was told that white color fosters bad luck." Her lips wobbled and eyes abstained to meet his penetrating gaze, "I was afraid to become a product of misfortune and I left behind my favorite color." She sniffed voicelessly, "It isn't such a big thing anyway."

"Then how does white bring me peace everytime?" Aryan lilted, ceasing her regret, "How does my world light up like a festival each time white walks up to me?"

"It's not the same for everyone, Aryan." Ruchi trailed off, "Maybe it is lucky for you but it has never been for me..."

"Baby!!" Aryan muttered with a sigh but didn't lose the will to back out from addressing her fears, "White is the reason for the other colors to exist. It's pure, innocent and serene. It's the ethereal beauty which doesn't need a farce of deceit to preserve its survival." He posed, "Tell me something now. What does white stand for you without anyone else's perception?"

"It gives me peace." She murmured.

"If it kindles peace to one's heart then how can it be a stain of tribulation for you?" A radiant glow lit up his face when their eyes met. "You don't need to paint the canvas of your life with the choice of others." He enlightened, "It's the only canvas that is owned just by you and only you. Never let its essence fade away for the sake of someone else."

A comfortable silence fell over them until Ruchi's little voice broke it, "So, white is the color of both of our peace?" Her quivering tone was ambivalent yet hopeful.

"Yes. It's our shade of serenity." He remarked.

•scene ends•

A beeline of reckless tear drops breezed down her cheeks and a lump of melancholy gripped her. The mirror mocked her for the cowardice she showed after being vigilant while her mind chastised her for growing close to Aryan but she still couldn't find any remedy for her agony caused by severance. But she wanted to try to convince her father and maybe he'll give into her happiness and support her actions for the man she loved.

Finally after stabilizing her spilling emotions Ruchi left the confines of her room. She was descending down the stairs when she heard slow sounds from the living. "I will talk and try to ask her about her whereabouts in Manali.." Mamta articulated, "God knows where our girl had been? She doesn't look good to me."

"Mamta.. I think that we should visit Dr. Luthra once. Ruchi probably needs a session with her.." Sujal added after a lot of consideration but Sunil beat him to it.

"I don't think so, Bhaiya-Bhabhi." He advertised, "It's going to stress her anyway and that's going to deteriorate her health for nothing good. The engagement is approaching and it's better if she stays inside the house. We can't let any gossip fuel up until the engagement."

"Do you want her to get engaged with a disturbed mind?" Mamta countered in anger, "Neither Ruchi or Aakash is running away so we can postpone the engagement."

"She's my daughter." Sunil bragged, "I know about her well-being more than anyone else here and is quite familiar with the kind of woman her mother had been. I don't want to see Ruchi doing anything stupid like Srinija."

"Ofcourse!" Mamta glowered, "Your world just blindly revolves around that Srinija. Ruchi has always been invisible to you until now then why does this sudden change of heart? Why are you so desperate to get over Ruchi's marriage?"

"I do not owe you an answer, Bhabhi." Sunil reported before announcing, "This engagement will happen on the planned day."

"Watch out for your words, Sunil." Sujal convicted, evidently furious by the way he talked, "Ruchi isn't a commodity that you or me can trade with our wish. She is a human with a working mind and a beating heart. Her say matters the most."

"I don't care about any such formalities, Bhaiya. Ruchi will have to get married otherwise it will be her responsibility to bear the brunt of our broken relationship."

"What worse can you do this time?" Sujal demanded.

"I will disown her." Sunil remonstrated.

"Sunil-!!!" Sujal shouted, taken aback by his bluntness.

"I will disown her without any regrets." He heralded without any trace of hesitation. "I hope you do not invite such a situation." He warned and stormed out of the house without looking back for once.

The strength Ruchi gathered to open up her heart to her father for the sake of her love and faith in him withered away after hearing Sunil. If her father could raise his voice against his brother and sister-in-law and challenge them then there are no possibilities of giving her a fair chance. He would hate her more than ever if she told him about her feelings for Aryan and worse that he would disown her. Can she afford Sunil's hatred for Aryan's love? Was she ready to choose between any one of them? She wondered.

"Baby! Why are you standing here?" Kartik who descended the stairs just now asked. Ruchi hurriedly wiped away her tears and stammered while replying to him, "I-I w..was just wa-waitin-g for you, Bhai."

"Oh! Let's go then." He prompted, walking her to the breakfast table. "Maa, breakfast!!"

Mamta and Sujal who were still in shock had to compose themselves watching the children approaching them.

"Good Morning BadiMa-BadePapa!" Ruchi greeted them reaching the table, making them aware of her presence. "You should've rested for a while more, Baby." Mamta asserted glaring at her son who would've called her.

"It already feels like an eternity when we had breakfast together." Kartik whined dodging his mother's scolding unaware of the early spat between the elders, "Why did you leave me alone here, Baby!!?? You know Maa didn't even pack me lunch for all these days in your absence."

"It's alright, BadiMa. I was anyway not in the mood to sleep." Ruchi intervened, taking her seat and grabbing her plate. "Aur Bhai meri shadi hone wali hai. Akele rehne ki aadat daal len warna BadiMa ki pasand se shaadi kar len." She leered with an attempt to lighten the atmosphere and indirectly agreed to the scheduled engagement regardless of the constant ache in her chest.

["And brother, I am about to get married. Get used to living alone or else get married to a girl of Aunt's choice."]

"Oh! Don't marry then."

"Bhai, don't deny the truth. Shaadi sabki hoti hai."

["Everyone gets married."]

"So what? Do you want to get married tomorrow and when did you start gearing up for all this?" Kartik quipped unbelievably, "Did you get my little sister exchanged in Manali?"

Ruchi's hold on the spoon tightened and she gulped down the morsel in her mouth with the help of water. Unknowingly whatever her brother had said was true. She has given the key of her heart in the hands of an unknown man back in Manali along with her soul that she had mortgaged to the same stranger.

Sujal and Mamta shared a queasy stare witnessing the exchange but remained silent for now. Halfway into the meal, Sujal cleared his throat, grabbing the attention of Ruchi who was busy playing with her food. "Dear, I was thinking about something."

Ruchi focused her undivided attention at him who hesitated to speak out his words while she knew well about his predicament.

"Please speak, BadePapa." She encouraged heedless about her pain.

"We're thinking it would be good to postpone the engagement for a month or so, that way you'll get some time to concentrate on your studies more." He implied. "We can talk to Aakash and his family. I'm sure they'll understand."

Ruchi was supposed to be the happiest person hearing about the news but her smile faltered thinking about her father's final verdict in this case. She was chained to her duties more strictly than having the fundamental right of expression given in any relationship. Sunil had his expectations from her which burdened her shoulders and she had no other way except to carry the consequences of his decisions.

No matter what she does, Aryan could never be an erasable part of her life but the greed of a daughter who had been longing for love had won this fight and Ruchi had submitted to her father against her wishes.

"I'm fine with having the engagement on the decided date, BadePapa. There's no need to reschedule anything due to me." She assured them while keeping her eyes down in despair.

"Are you sure, Ruchi?" This time the question came from Mamta which she tried to smile through and bobbed her head imitating happiness.

"We have a lot of arrangements to make in the minimum time left." Mamta said while talking on the phone, "Don't you think that the things are happening too fast? I mean to say we should've taken it slow." Ruchi didn't know what had Aakash's mother replied to her but it was definitely something to deteriorate Mamta's mood. "Yes, she returned just a day before." She hesitated before speaking further, "She's a bit tired and resting." She talked for a while and later ended the call letting out an exhausted sigh.

Ruchi mindlessly went through a well-known author's book, Kartik recently had given her to kill time in the house while he was busy preparing a heavy lunch for his sister.

"Baby, fix an appointment with Dr. Luthra for tomorrow."

"I don't need it, BadiMa." She mentioned recalling Sunil's words about spreading the rumors about her illness. She prepared an excuse to avoid the real reason for her denial to meet her psychiatrist. "We should not afford unnecessary expenditures right now. The expenses of the engagement are already draining us out and an appointment will mess up with our finances."

"When was our finances wasted behind your health concerns, Baby?" Mamta rebuffed, "Your well-being is our foremost priority rather than this engagement."

"I don't want to continue these sessions with Dr. Luthra anymore. It has been more than enough years to get over the past." She exacted.

"But dear-"

"Do you think that I am mad, BadiMa?" Ruchi grouched impatiently fed up with herself for being nothing more than a subject of inconvenience for everyone, "Or do you want me to come out insane in front of my in-laws?" A shocking gasp left Mamta's mouth along with tears that gushed out of her eyes listening to Ruchi's crude monologue along with Kartik who had exited the kitchen after overhearing the commotion.

"Nobody would ever accept Srinija and Sunil's unfortunate daughter with these scars." She huddled to pull down the collar of her clothing and displayed an ugly scar running across the column of her throat which otherwise remained hidden under the layers of cosmetics or clothes. "Why don't you understand?" She screamed.

"Baby-" Mamta's syllables faltered as she eyed the scars from their past.

"Ruchi-What the hell are you doing?" Kartik condemned covering her neck back while breathing hard, taken aback by her outburst. "Have you gone crazy? What are you trying to do?"

"Kadwa, darawna aur ghinona hota hai par sach aisa hi hota hai, Bhai!!" Ruchi chided furiously, rubbing the tears cascading her eyes, "These scars are my identity which you all have never accepted until now and just like you the world will never accept me with them. Aakash and his family did so please...Please!!" She folded her hands in front of them. "I beg you to let me be on my own and let this alliance happen in peace." She beseeched.

["Bitter, scary and revolting but the truth would always be like this, Brother!!"]

"Fine!! Get married and none of us would say a word."

Sujal who had gone out to buy groceries and heard Ruchi's outburst while standing on the threshold, delineated. He had sensed her anguish since the morning and predicted the possibilities of her irrational behavior. Her harangue was nothing but a ripple effect of Sunil's lewd arbitration but he had seen it coming either way. He or his wife had no complaints for Ruchi's reckless conduct acquainted with an inner turmoil she was battling alone and maybe leaving the shadow of her father would bless her peace.

Ruchi too had understood that the couple was sincerely aware of her ill-temper but she pretended to stay aloof because that's all she could do for them. They had already sacrificed a lot due to her but this time she had to take the call to keep up the vitality of her relationships even if it pierces her own heart.

"That would be great for all of us." She deemed.

It was her pandemonium that had brought this devastation upon her.

Lots of Love,

ANKITA