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|The darkness when seeps, I search for a home that I realised was no more|

by medicallymessedup

•present•

"The guy and his family are coming tomorrow to meet our Baby." Mamta declared happily while Ruchi's face turned pale as she heard the conversation from the kitchen while preparing the tea for everyone.

"Do you need some help with work, Bhabhi? Do tell me if anything is needed." Sunil, her father asked instead of inquiring about the prospective match's credentials with whom he was ready to part away with his one and only daughter .

"I have made all the arrangements, Sunil!" Mamta replied when her sister-in-law intervened.

"There's no need for doing things extravagantly. They already like her and it's just a formality meeting and all. The boy's parents want to get their elder son married soon. They have enough money that she could survive like a princess that you all have brought her up as and she doesn't need to study further if that's your concern for doing a job." Sushma, her paternal aunt said gulping the tea while savoring the snacks.

A lump formed in Ruchi's throat thinking about her studies. It still had time for the university to get finished and her Aunt was being so judgy about her working ideals.

Does marrying a girl meant seizing away her basic wishes!

An underlying impulse to retort overwhelmed Ruchi when Sujal, her BadePapa, spoke up.

"She always aspired to build a business empire of her own." He stated. "She will study and do a desirable job until and unless she wishes for a break herself. My daughter had always been a meticulous topper and she won't be parting with her talent for the sake of someone else." Sujal announced, making Ruchi a little bit relieved.

"We will go ahead with this only if Ruchi wishes and approves of the guy too." Mamta affirmed. "Sushma she's the daughter of this house which ought her to be a princess for her family." She replied calmly.

Mamta didn't like a bit of what her tone was as her sister-in-law addressed Ruchi.

"A princess who took away all the happiness from our family since the day she opened her eyes." Sushma jeered obnoxiously, "Bhaiya had lost his high-paid job a day after her birth. Her mother frisked an affair with an already married-man with two children. She left my brother and her so-called daughter alone behind her. My brother had never lived peacefully since that day. He never married and got to see the phase of some happiness in his life. He's been juggling between the house and work to feed that burden of a girl who's an omen to us. Is that what are the deeds of a pampered princess?" Her aunt growled in anger.

Ruchi's eyes watered as she heard the words of extreme disdain from her Aunt's mouth. She knew nothing of it was false. Her birth has caused a lot of trouble to the family and her mother's infidelity to a loyal husband like her father, acted like a pinch of salt over the wounds in the list of her sins because she was Srinija's unfortunate daughter.

She was finding it hard, not to curl up in a corner and cry out in silent whispers. She supposed her father to say something at least in her favor, forgetting about her mother's disloyalty for once. And defending her like a father is fancied to do for their own child.

"Sushma! Don't forget you're talking about your niece and the daughter of this house. I won't tolerate a word of disrespect towards my daughter." Sujal's voice roared, making Ruchi flinch even at this distance.

"Bhai she's just a burden and liability over your shoulders. And the love you're showering over her is just for the compensation of what happened with your unborn daughter. Look at Sunil Bhaiya, has he ever seen a good time in his life since her birth?" Her aunt again laid out reasons for her being a no one in their lives.

"Sushma enough of this nonsense. Don't dig upon the past when you don't understand your own people. Ruchi is as much of our child as Kartik. You're her Aunt so mind your words and I'll like to keep it that way." Mamta shouted at her sister-in-law, losing her control.

"Why don't you go to your house? Pratham has called thrice since the evening. Your presence won't be needed anyway. Maa-Baba will be here by midnight and they won't like to hear your rubbish, Sushma." Sujal asked.

While Ruchi saw her father retreating towards his room without uttering a sentence in any fortification for his daughter.

His actions made her life and heart weak just like her conflicting situation.

She heard her Aunt leaving not before cursing some swear words at her when she came to take the bag near the kitchen. Ruchi just kept her head down wiping away the escaped tears knowing that they won't cause a difference for the people.

"Baby!" Mamta called out and she turned to the other side putting up cups for the drinks.

"The drinks are ready, BadiMa. I'll just bring them." Ruchi said, putting the beverage into the cups and facing her with a faint smile.

"Go and rest, child! It's already late. And my bacha needs to have a good night's sleep before tomorrow." Mamta said, patting her head and in return she just smiled at her walking upstairs to her room.

[Bacha - Child]

I slumped on the bed burying my face into the pillow as my childhood memories blurred my eyes and mind.

What did I even do to deserve this hatred from my Aunt? A silent and accusing treatment from my father and a pity look from others.

I know, I was an effing mistake. A mishap made by my parents just like my mother claimed.

I was the blunder they uttered because my father was drunk and my mother, well, she suggestively tried to give a chance to their ailing marriage. As a result of which she was stuck for five years in our house because she conceived me.

Was that my mistake too?

I didn't even know the meaning of such complicated words and working of relationships when they occurred yet I was to be blamed.

I was a pity thing for BadePapa and BadiMa as they lost their unborn daughter while saving my crumbling life.

I am their culprit too.

Everyone's culprit to be specific.

Agreeing to this marriage was only a way that could make everyone happy and content with my existence in their lives.

And I'll do that without complaining even if that would mean me sacrificing my dreams.

•past•

"Where are you going Mummy?" Ruchi questioned clutching onto her mother's hand who was hurriedly packing her jewelry boxes in a big black suitcase.

"Mummy!!" She called out again but got no answer.

"Papa, where's she going?" She asked her father who stood at the room's door with an emotionless face.

"Mummy, will Papa and I go with you now? Shall I pack my minny bag too?" Ruchi deemed excitedly.

"You will not go with me." Srinija replied in a stale voice.

"Mummy!!" Ruchi cried, "Please take me with you. Papa, where is she going again? Please stop her." A barely five-year old girl sobbed, tugging at Sunil's leg who didn't budge an inch and kept looking at his daughter with an unknown emotion.

"Papa..Mummy you will not go. Ruchi and Papa will come with you if you go." Ruchi insisted, taking her school bag and keeping one of her father's shirts in it along with a dress of hers weaved by Mamta. She held her mother's bag with her other hand.

"Leave this Ruchi!!"

"No Mummy!"

"I said leave!" Ruchi didn't budge, grabbing her bag more tightly with both of her hands.

"Mummy please.." She began again when, mistakenly, Srinija's saree end from where Ruchi gripped got ripped. That's when Srinija saw blind red and slapped Ruchi.

Ruchi was shocked beyond her knowledge, No one ever raised their voice on her, and today her mother slapped her because of something unknown to a child of her age. Something shattered inside her as pain gripped her little heart.

Ruchi touched her bruised cheek which was left with a burning sensation, feeling like it was put on the fire.

"Mannerless girl..." Srinija berated angrily causing tears to roll down her eyes.

"HOW. DARE. YOU..." Ruchi heard Mamta's enraged voice.

She looked up at her through a hazy vision. Sujal and Mamta were glaring at her mother galled, while asking their 11-year old son, Kartik, to take her out of the room.

She saw her mother take a step back, looking at them in fear, and Mamta took Ruchi's hand from Srinija's lacerating grip. Her hand was left with her mother's vicious nail marks decking her delicate skin.

"Why did you slap our daughter Srinija?" Sunil demanded, walking towards his ex-wife in fury, trying hard to remain calm.

"Didn't you see what she did?" Srinija yelled.

"She tried to stop her mother. She wanted you to stay, Srinija. What's wrong with that?" He broached, turning to Ruchi and wiped her tears while his daughter couldn't help from sobbing because her cheeks were swollen from the fateful imprint of her fingers but lacked the courage to demand explanation about her uncivilized act.

"You have no idea Sunil, how expensive this cloth was. Can you even think of the price under your strapped monthly income?" She taunted callously.

That was enough for Sunil to cross his limits. "So now this cloth brought by that bastard husband of yours, is more important than your first born...?" He rebuffed while Sujal and Mamta gasped.

She didn't know much but remembered that her father once told me not to repeat that word when one of their neighbors fought like cats and dogs.

"Sunil, don't-" Sujal tried to prevent him by intermediating.

"Let our daughter know what her perfect Mummy is Srinija..." Sunil who lost his patience now gritted raucously.

"She's a kid, Sunil. You decided we will never tell her." Sujal reminded his brother but he became immune to the warning.

"She deserves to know the truth..." He said not leaving Srinija's scared gaze.

"Papa.." Ruchi called out, breaking away from my Mamta's embrace.

"Your mother cheated on me, when we were married and that devine daughter of hers was conceived when your mother was a Batra and not Sodhi..." Sunil exparagated.

Sujal and Mamta closed their eyes in disappointment, while Srinija glared at him accusingly.

"Yes! I did have an affair when I was in this so-called marriage drama with you. She was the reason I have to survive through this crap of a marriage. You had all your desires fulfilled when you're drunk and she was the mistake I had to bear on my shoulders. That expense caused me my five-years of happiness."

Ruchi stared at her mother in shock and a wave of nausea hit her, while her father just had remorse staring at the thing which they called a mistake, she was a mistake.

Her birth was a mistake.

"Pa-" Ruchi could only say and her father couldn't face her now and how he walked out on her silently. The deadening quietness that was awaiting her for a life.

"She might be a mistake for you and him, Srinija. but she doesn't need a mother like you. You're here to take your jewelry for your daughter, right? Take them and leave my house." Mamta affirmed and the woman who called Ruchi a mistake took her bag.

She couldn't even look in her eyes even for once, who was staring at her in anticipation, demanding a deserved explanation but got none. She walked out of the room without sparing a glance at her for the last time.

Ruchi was shaken to the core, she couldn't believe that her mother, whom she loved more than anyone else could do such a thing. She always blamed her father for the divorce, because she didn't know the other side of the story. The reason Srinija left her and what was the meaning of her unfortunate existence to the woman who gave her birth.

"Baby!" Sunil walked towards Ruchi as if realized what had just happened. But she stepped back, getting away from all of them.

"Thank you so much for my gift, Papa." She told. "This was the best birthday ever." Ruchi said, tears escaped her eyes. "I wouldn't have got any better present than this, thanks for the truth." She muttered, "The fairytale behind my birth."

Sunil stared helplessly at Ruchi, and Mamta walked towards her.

"Hear him out, Baby..." Mamta prompted, trying to make her understand but she was beyond the point of understanding by any of them.

"She and Papa shouldn't have given birth to me then, when they hated each other so much BadiMa." Ruchi whimpered, disheartedly looking at her father, who was in tears too standing out of the room but could clearly see and hear each other.

"Baby! I'm sorry. Please listen to me-" He cried but she felt numb to his plea.

"Don't come near me Papa, I don't hate you but she was-" Ruchi voiced angrily and threw the bag which she had filled with clothes and her precious possessions into the bonfire out of the house and the other's looked pitiful.

"I hate you, Mummy!" Her little heart wept along as she witnessed the bag reduced into flames creating a hue shadow upon her broken frame.

The ashes of crippled relationships mocking her entity.

•past ends•

It was that fateful night and today my mind had forgotten the way to my mother. I was nothing but a liability for everyone. My mother did not want me, my father felt I was a burden on his heart which reminded him of his wife's infidelity, Others too had many grudges or reasons which were enough for me to hate my own self.

To pity myself and accuse my life for all the adversaries everyone was living under.

I was heartbroken, so shattered and hurted that I couldn't have let that out in words to anyone. I didn't wish for anyone to pity over my circumstances anymore. When I went to my high-school, my five friends became my life support who helped me fight for myself and somehow uplifted my poor self-esteem.

At the same time I came across Aryan...Aryan Mallik.

The crush invading my dreams.

He was tall like really, really tall but I still managed to reach till his forehead with my own good height. He was equally menacing and beautiful all over in his facial attributes. He had dark hair which was perfectly gelled and trimmed over, his eyes were hooded whenever he caught me looking up at him. He would never react or even acknowledge my presence since the first time I saw him. We've never spoken for once even but I've seen him from a distance in campus and-

I don't know what came over me but I instantly developed a liking towards him. Most of the time I would either keep on ogling at him or space out thinking about him.

He was a sweet guy to all others but just not there for me. He wasn't the guy who would pedal the boat of liking, for someone as socially awkward as me.

To be honest,

It was not his fault, I was not a beauty and definitely not his. I was just a burden and guilt for everyone...,

And, a no one for Aryan Mallik.

Lots of Love,

ANKITA