Lost and Found

I looked outside the window upon hearing those familiar pitter-patter sounds. It was raining. Just like the day he left, a long time ago.

I don't know why I always think of him when it rains. Maybe because he was my first heartbreak or the fact that I pushed him away that rainy day.

I guess, it was because we were both young at that time. We rushed into falling in love and ended up hurting each other.  It seems that we met at the right place but not in the right moment.

I glanced at the mirror in front of me and practiced my smile. I lost count of how many times I did it since I woke up this morning. I looked so happy and contented that I don't recognize my reflection.
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I am walking towards the isle wearing a white dress, holding a bouquet of flowers as my heels sync with the music. I flashed my perfected smile as I head to the altar where he is waiting. The song echoing through the corners of the cathedral is ringing in my ears like a death march.

Yes, today is his wedding day. Am I the bride?

Sadly, NO. I am just his bride---...

His bridesmaid.

It hurts to see the man I ever loved since I was young smiling towards the woman he truly loves. It's painful to see him being so happily in love with another woman while I stood on the side, looking at how much they love each other.

It hurts a little but I'm genuinely happy to see him smiling once again. It's enough for me to know that although we didn't end up together, he finally found love and happiness in someone.

I can see so much happiness in his eyes. Happiness that he wasn't able to find in my arms. The kind of happiness I believe I wasn't able to and could never give.

I refused to let my tears fall as I heard them exchange their vows. The vow he used to say me. Most of the words I'm hearing are what I used to hear from him. His vow used to be his promises to me.

I closed my eyes at the memory and secretly wiped a lone tear that trickled down my cheek.

I don't want him to see me crying. He couldn't understand the reason for my tears.

The church ceremony ended and I wanted to applaud myself for being able to keep a happy face all throughout the event until the reception. I watched as the newlyweds danced with smiles on both of their faces.

They look so perfect.

I think, it's time for me to get out of the picture. A picture that has no place for me. I wasn't supposed to be here in the first place.

Closure. That's the reason why I agreed in this kind of torment. I guess, I can finally let go of the memories.

He and I is a distant past. What we had was over from the very moment that I decided to let him go that rainy day.

I was so in love with him. I just can't seem to love myself enough to be with him.

At that time, I started to walk away, slowly.

I don't know how much my heart is worth right now but it's not free that I can give away to just anybody.

I realized that I've moved on. I just wasn't able to let go of the memories immediately.

Losing him taught me one thing and that is how I should love myself more.

I may have lost a love that used to be mine but I guess it's fate.

I lost him but...

I found myself.

~🥀~

Kathyy_25 this one's for you 😘