It Started with a Hankie

Love is not all about kissing a frog that would turn into a prince charming.

Love is not about having a once upon a time and expecting an "and they lived happily ever after" as an ending.

Love is not about finding the owner of the glass shoes.

Love is not like a fairytale that guarantees a happy ever after at the end. No one can even tell what happens after the last page.

Love is something that you cannot put a name on. But it can be a beautiful story that sometimes left untold.

Believe me, love is not always as sweet as candy or as easy as batting an eyelash.

I am Jazequeen Alvarez and you are now reading my story. I want you to know the wonderful tale about the love we shared and confess the love I have for him. The love that made me complete but destroyed him. The love that made him live but made me almost lose him.

Our story is not a typical one that starts with a once upon a time. Ours was different because it started with a hankie.

Nag-iisa ako at umiiyak sa gitna ng maulang daan. Iniangat ko ang tingin at nakita ang isang kamay na nakalahad at may hawak na panyo. Panyong may nakaburdang K sa gilid.

King Eon "Kie" Cross, iyon ang pangalan niya. At aaminin kong nabihag na agad ako sa mga ngiti niya at magagandang mata. Hindi ko alam pero pakiramdam ko, matagal na making magkakilala kahit pa noon lang kami nagkita. Mula noon, lagi na niya akong sinusundan at kinukulit.

"Will to please stay out of my way?! Bumalik ka nga kung saang lupalop o planeta ka galing!"

"Paano ba yan, galing ako sa puso mo."

"Tss. Umalis ka na nga!"

"Ikaw rin, mami-miss mo ako."

"Kung ayaw mo, ako ang aalis."

"Oh, I love that idea. You know what they say? Distance makes the heart grow fonder and absence makes feelings stronger. Then, I'll just have to count every minute until you come back. Maghihintay ako, mi amore."

Napangiti ako.

He's such an amazing and cheerful person. Hindi ko lang talaga ma-take ang kakulitan niya. Sobrang hyper niya at laging masayahin na para bang napakaperpekto ng mundo. Pero aaminin kong napapangiti niya ako sa mga simpleng hirit niya at napapalambot niya ang puso ko sa mga ngiti at titig niya. Nasanay na rin naman akong pasulpot-sulpot at aali-aligid siya sa tabi ko.

"Stop looking at me."

"That would be impossible." Lumapit siya at hinawakan and pisngi ko. "I like looking at you."

Sunod na nangyari ay ang paglapat ng labi niya sa labi ko. After that, I found our hearts starting to unite and danced in a rhythm that only we knew. The rest as they say, was history.

Everything seems perfect. Like a fairytale having a happy ending. Like a princess who lived happily ever after with her prince. But in a snap, I was awoken from my beautiful dream.

It's amazing how life can change your fate in just a blink of an eye. Kung saan masaya na kami, doon naman pumasok ang problema. Hindi ako matatanggap ng pamilya niya dahil sa pinagmulan ko.

Kahihiyan.

Iyon ang tingin sa akin ng lahat. Sino nga ba ang gustong tumanggap sa tulad kong anak ng taong naninira ng pamilya? My own mother hated me, abandoned me while she's being every man's mistress. She left me because I was a mistake.

People despised me, being the daughter of a homewrecker. And his family would never dream of having someone like me for their precious King.

I wanted to just disappear. Everything that I set my heart upon fades away. I was like a curse meant to be born and destroy everyone I come to love. I was nothing but a disgrace. Maybe my existence is wrong and loving is wrong when I knew I don't have that right.

Still, there's King. He's willing to give up everything for me. At natatakot ako dahil meron na namang taong mahal ko na magsasakripisyo para sa kaligayahan ko. Kaya ako na mismo ang lalayo sa kanya gaano man kahirap.

Kakayanin ko, mapanatili lang ang ngiti at saya sa kanyang mukha. Alam ko kung gaano kahalaga sa kanya ang pamilya niya. Ayaw kong makita siyang nahihirapan kung papipiliin siya. At ayokong ako ang magiging dahilan ng pagdurusa niya.

Mabuti nang ako ang masaktan tutal, sanay na ako. Pero dahil sa maling desisyon ko, nasaktan ko siya. Mas pinili kong bitawan ang kamay niya kaysa ang tiisin ang pangungutya ng iba.

Akala ko kasi, iyon ang mas makakabubuti para sa kanya. Hindi pala. Dahil unang nadurog ang puso ko nang makita ko ang luhaan niyang mukha.

"I'm sorry for ruining those fairytales inside your head. I'm sorry because I can't be the Prince Charming that you always wished for. My love for you was a heartfelt song. It's a shame, you never really cared much about the lyrics."

"No, no! Don't say that. You're perfect. I'm sorry because I don't deserve you. I can't have you knowing I'll never be good enough to take your love." I wanted to say those but no words slipped from my mouth.

"How unpleasant. I ruined myself for someone who doesn't give a damn." Iniwasan kong tingnan ang mukha niyang puno ng luha.

Pikit-mata akong tumalikod at iniwan siya kahit hindi ko kaya. I'm not just broken, Kie. I'm scarred and ruined beyond repair. I need you in my life but I'm struggling to find myself.

Narealize ko na ni minsan, kahit isang beses lang, hindi ko pa pala nasasabi sa kanya ang salitang "mahal kita". Siya? Sa lahat ng ginawa at sinabi niya sa akin, hindi na niya kailangang sambitin ang mga katagang iyon dahil ramdam na ramdam ko iyon sa bawat titig niya at sa mga ngiti niyang palaging tagos na tagos sa puso ko.

Nami-miss ko siya. Nami-miss ko na kung papaano niyang sinasambit kung gaano niya ako kamahal habang hinahalikan ang buhok ko at pinapalibot ang mga braso niya sa katawan ko.

I missed everything about him. His warmth. His eyes. His smiles. I crave for his presence and his touch. The way he smiled and the way he looked into my eyes. I long for the way he made me feel. But looking at his still and unmoving body, I wanted to wish that none of these is real.

Sana, panaginip lang ang lahat. Na sana, paggising ko ay masalubong ko ang ngiti niya at ang magaganda niyang mga mata. Na sana sa pagmulat ng mga mata ko, nandiyan lang siya sa tabi ko, yakap-yakap ako at damang-dama ko ang init niya. Ngunit bakit kahit ilang ulit kong ikurap ang mga mata ko, gano'n pa rin? Bakit hindi pa rin nagmumulat ang mga mata niya?

"Open your eyes, baby. Please. Tatanggapin ko na ang mga bulaklak na bigay mo kahit na may kasama pa iyong ugat. Hindi na rin ako maiinis tuwing nireregaluhan mo ako ng cactus na nasa paso. Hindi ba, gustong-gusto mo tuwing napapangiti at napapatawa mo ako sa mga jokes at banat mo? Gusto ko ulit marinig ang mga iyon kahit corny pa at paulit-ulit. Gusto kong marinig ulit ang boses mo. G-gusto kong... bumalik ka."

Isang taon na siyang comatose matapos ang isang aksidente. It was the day that I left him, the day that I regretted the most.

"I love you, Kie. And this love I swear to your favorite hankie."

Tila narinig niya ang pagsamo ko dahil sa muling pagpatak ng luha ko sa mukha niya ay ang dahandahang pagmulat ng magaganda niyang mga mata.

"King! Oh, God! Thank you!"

Ngunit sa pagmulat ng mga mata niya, iba ang sinabi niya sa inaasahan kong isasalubong niya sa'kin.

"I'm sorry but who are you?"

Six words. Anim na salita lang ngunit nadurog ang puso ko.

I just smiled and never said a word. I don't want him to see me crying. He couldn't understand the reason for my tears.
At that time, I started to walk away. Seeing him alive and breathing is enough for me. Even though it hurts to be a part of his missing memory.

All that I am was a cracked glass waiting to be completely shattered. I realized, losing him is worse than the pain I felt when I'm hopelessly trying to put back the pieces of my broken self.

Life is not a fairytale. It was never like that. Whatever you'll do, people will always judge. Madali sa kanilang manghusga kahit na hindi nila alam ang buong istorya.

I stopped believing in fairytales a long time ago because now, what's real is the nightmare I always woke up into. Nagkamali ako, oo. Nais ko mang magsisi ay huli na. Hindi ko lang maintindihan kung bakit tila ako ang sinisisi ng lahat.

Wala silang alam! Kahit kailan, hindi nila maiintindihan.

Sa nanlalabong mata dahil sa luha ay tinungo ko ang lugar kung saan kami unang nagkita. Ilang beses rin akong nadapa ngunit mas mahapdi ang nararamdaman kong sakit kaysa mga gasgas ko sa tuhod. Tumayo ako.

It's different now, I know. I have to wipe my own tears when I cry. I had to comfort myself in times of sorrows and shortcomings. I had to pick myself up if I fall. I had to mend my heart when it gets broken. I had to make myself smile and be happy. I had to clean my own wounds if I get hurt. Because now, no one's going to do any of them for me.

Dahil ang natatangi at nag-iisang taong gumagawa niyon noon ay wala na sa tabi ko. Iba na ngayon. I had to be by myself and endure the feeling of being alone.

I just found myself, staring blankly to the distance. Life seemed dull. Everything is colorless, gray and mournful. The sky looks dark, the sun feels cold. The air felt so heavy and my chest is so stuffy. I can't breathe.

Noon, kahit alipustahin ako ng lahat wala akong pakialam. Tinalikuran man ako ng mga kaibigan at pamilya ko, hindi nagbago ang pananaw ko sa mundo. Ngunit nang makilala ko siya, biglang nawalan ng kulay ang mundo ko nang mawala siya.

Kasingbilis ng ipo-ipo ang pagdating niya sa buhay ko at kasingbilis din niyon ang pagkawala niya dahil naging mahina ako.

"Baby, during the coldest time of my life, you were the only one who gave me warmth. Right now, I don't think I would still last a day without you by my side."

Mali man sa paningin ng iba, parang ayaw ko nang mabuhay pa. I can't live knowing that my life is not by my side. Gustuhin ko mang mamatay nalang, hindi puwede. Dahil ibig sabihin n'on ay hindi ko na siya makikita pa.

I fell down on my knees and cried hard. Napahinto lang ako nang may makita akong pares ng sapatos sa harap ko at pag-angat ko ng tingin, napigil ko ang hininga ko sa nakita. A hankie. It looks the same, yet different. I cried again upon seeing the words stitched at the corner of the handkerchief. QK. Queen's King.

"Don't get hurt again. It hurts me more when you get hurt."

"King?" I looked up and saw that familiar face that makes my heart flutter. It is him alright. He still looks as dashing as ever. My heart's reaction whenever I see him is still the same and I doubt if it would ever change.

"B-bakit ka... Akala ko, ayaw mo na akong makita o maalala pa."

"I realized, I love you very much. So much that I'm willing to give my life just to protect you. If loving you is madness, will you be my cure? If it's a poison, will you be my antidote?"

"K-kie... What did I do to have someone like you? After everything I've caused you..."

He just took my hand and kissed it.

"I loved you more than my own happiness. Seeing this beautiful face everyday makes everything worth it. Promise me, we'll never let go of each other again, no matter what."

With a kiss, he wiped my tears away. I smiled.

If our tale started again with a meeting like that, one thing's for sure.

My King is back. My love, my life. He's back.

~♥~