Less Series 2

Heartless

Love is not all about forever, happy endings, promises, or flowery and sugarcoated words.

Hindi yun isang bagay na puro lang tungkol sa kasiyahan, cheesiness at childish stuffs. It's all about broken promises, sacrifices and pain. That's how I believe in love.

You can say that I have a negative perspective about what love is.

Cynical. Yes, I am. Because for me, there is no such thing as true love. I wasn't like that before. But I changed because of a guy named Zsakae (zah-kee) Aragon. He preferred to be called Zaki with no further reasons.

He is my sugar, my childhood sweetheart, my first love.

I love him so much that I'm giving him the power to destroy me. And he loved me as much as I did that I never meant to break him. In the end, we destroyed each other. Too much love became our own sufferings.

Before, we were both young, carefree and in love. We would often hang out and I enjoyed every moment with him. I don't care if we are just walking in a not-so-special or expensive place. I don't care about my surroundings every time I'm with him. Because the fact that I am with the person I love made it special. It is where, 'Simple things can turn out to be the best with the one you love'. But that was before we made mistakes and destroyed each other's trust.

Or maybe, I just loved him way too much that I was oblivious of the reality. Or it might be possible that he never felt the same way I did.

Loving him was the stupidest and most excruciating thing I ever did upon realizing the fact that he never loved me.

Uncertainty.

Distrust.

Doubts.

Those are what tore us apart.

Meeting him again brings back memories. The good and bad ones. He still looks the same. His features did not really change that much. He's still the same but I was certain that somehow, he's not the same guy I used to love.

It's funny on how most people could start up being so kind and good and then all of a sudden would turn out completely different.

Dahil lang sa isang pagkakamaling nagawa ko, hinusgahan na agad niya ako. He didn't even let me explain. Besides, if ever I did try to explain, he won't bother to listen.

I understand though. It's my fault but I never meant to hurt him. Is it my fault if my ex-boyfriend suddenly showed up and said he's taking me away because he could tell it's what I wanted? I never wanted him back. Not when I'm already happy with Zsakae. I never loved that guy.

I only have my heart for the man who made me feel loved. He's in the past but Zsakae was deeply hurt and betrayed. He left. He never bothered to look back. He already jumped into conclusions without hearing the whole story. Right now, I stood in front of him wearing a wedding gown. His face is stern and void of any emotion.

Yes, we got married. He married me because of the deal made by our businessmen fathers. But somehow, judging by his actions and the way he looks at me, I believed he never ceased loving me despite many years that passed.

Just when I thought he began to care for me genuinely, the past came hunting me and it seems like what happened back then was replayed. It was during our reception that Josh, my ex, congratulates me and said sorry for what he did before. We became friends and I hugged him one last time congratulating him also for his engagement. I knew we are not meant for each other because now, we both got our own happiness. I smiled but it faded when I saw my-err husband looking at me with a cold expression.

"So much for our wedding day."

Sometimes, you don't need to be underwater to get drowned. Because sometimes, if not often, cold stares, penetrating gaze and deafening silence is enough.

"Hear me first, Zaki. I mean, it was nothing. Why am I explaining, anyway? As if you'll actually believe me."

He looked at me coldly.

"Of course. I'll just pretend I saw nothing. But can you explain to me what was that all about?"

"You did not believe me before. Why would I expect that you"ll believe me this time? How could you be so heartless?"

"Yes, I'm heartless because my heart was stolen by you."

"Zaki..."

I looked at him.

"You can't just say things like that. It's nonsensical. This is crazy!"

"I mean it. You have my heart. Mrs. Gayle Renée Lopez-Aragon."

"You don't have to punish me by making me believe things you don't really mean. It doesn't mean that I love you, you can just treat me coldly anytime you wanted to. Why are you doing this?"

I know it was a confession coming from me but I don't care. I just need to understand why he's acting like an ice. What's there to deny, anyway? There's no point in denying.

"I'm jealous, okay?! I'm sorry if I've been a total cold-hearted jerk towards you a few days ago. Its just that, I don't know how to say I love you and that I missed you, Gayle."

I gasped.

"I mark what's mine. You are mine. Remember that." He held my hand and looked straight into my eyes. "I'm cold hearted but it doesn't mean I don't know how to love. Remember, even the coldest heart has its beat."

♥♥♥

Love is a simple four-letter word without a precise meaning. It was never explicit, just full of uncertainty. Only those who experienced that kind of feeling can perfectly define it.

For her, love must be something that would seem ludicrous and nonsensical. But I don't care about what would other people say. I am willing to take a risk and never mind even if I look like a fool if that's all I need to have her. Because love is not all about sunshine and rainbows. It is not just all about pain, either.

If I'll have to pick the pieces of my broken heart and have it broken for the second time, I will. Because Gayle deserves all the love in this world. She deserves to be happy. She deserves someone who will hold her and cherish her. She deserves love and happiness this world could offer. Things that I can and willing to give whatever it may cost me.

~♥~