Less Series 3

Fearless

In a fairytale, there is always a princess, a prince charming, a villain and a damsel in distress.

Everyone wants to have a happy ending and an 'and they lived happily ever after' in their stories. I am one of those who believed in such things and I am that damsel in distress.

I am Zae Louise Montemayor. I can say, I am so lucky to meet my prince. Vrix Kane Sy.... My prince charming and knight in shining armor rolled into one. I was like Rapunzel trapped in her own world. Then I met my prince but, in the end, he left me. No, scratch that. He left before our tale even started. He left without saying goodbye. He let go of me-no, he never bothered to catch me when I fell.

Yes. I fell but he never noticed. Maybe he never really cared in the first place. How can he if he was so busy thinking about another girl and how to have 'her' back? And so, my heart was left shattered and broken into pieces. It's really true that the people you love the most are usually the ones who hurt you the most. Wala eh, mahal ko kasi. Because I knew that the moment I let myself to fall in love with him, I also gave him the permission to ruin me.

I thought I can. Akala ko makakaya ko na patuloy siyang mahalin sa kabila ng katotohanang hindi niya pa rin kayang bitawan ang babaeng una niyang minahal. Akala ko kaya ko. Na panoorin siyang nagmamahal ng iba. Akala ko, mapapansin niya rin ako. I thought I really can. But I was wrong. Akala ko lang pala. Dahil ang totoo hindi ko kaya. Hindi niya kayang bitawan ang first love niya kaya ako ang binitawan niya.

Sa huli, I chose to give up. Ngayon, ako naman ang bumitaw.

Tumingin ako sa labas ng bintana. It's snowing here in France. I've always loved winter. Dahil ito ang isa sa mga bagay na nagpapaalala sakin na hindi lang ako ang manhid. That my heart isn't the only thing that is cold and numb. My heart is not cold, it's broken. There's no way I can fix it. It needs mending but how can it be if the one who caused it was not even aware to start with.

"Vrix... Love must be my biggest weakness and your greatest fear. You broke me. Gave me hope of something that will never gonna happen. You made me feel special but question and doubt many things. Why are you getting close to me if you're going to push me away? I don't know but I can't get you out my system... I miss you."

***

I looked outside the window from my room. I just got home from the park. It's raining now in Korea and I felt gloomy.

"The damage has been done and so am I. I'm trying to forget, to move on and start anew. But the memory of you won't let me. How can you be so cruel...?"

My vision started to become blurry and I realized, I'm crying...again.

"I keep thinking on how to start anew if in the first place, I cannot make myself to forget you."

Morning came and it's still raining.

♪♪♪'Cause I don't know how it gets better than this,

You take my hand and drag me head first, fearless' ♪♪♪

I sang the song to my heart's content. How I wish I can be fearless. I wish I could be like that but in reality, I'm not.

♪♪♪'And I don't know why

But with you I'd dance

In the storm in my best dress, fearless' ♪♪♪

"So why am I still here in the rain?"

Napahinto ako at nanlaki ang mata pagtingin ko sa labas ng bintana ng kwarto ko. I think I'm crazy. Because if I am still in my sane mind, I won't be imagining seeing him outside the window soaked in the rain and looking at me with eyes full of love, loneliness and longing...?

Siguro nga, nababaliw na talaga ako dahil kahit anong kurap ko, hindi pa rin siya nawawala sa paningin ko. Well, I'm crazy. Because I thought I'm only imagining things. And if I am, forget reality. Because I love this kind of fantasies.

"Vrix?"

"Zae..."

I gasped. Is he for real? Pero ang tanong, 'Ano'ng ginagawa niya dito sa Seoul?' I decided to get out of the house not minding that I am also starting to walk under the rain.

"What are you doing here?"

"You knew." I smiled bitterly. Here we go again.

"If you are just here to remind me again that you can't lose her and you did not want me in your life, just stop. Don't say anything. Please don't."

"No."

"Are you out of your mind?"

"Maybe I am."

Ano kayang pakulo ng lalaking 'to? Masaya na siya sa kanya di'ba? Akala ko nagkabalikan na sila pero bakit mukha siyang nalugi?

"Actually, yes. I'm out of my mind. Because I let go of someone who means the world to me. I hurt the girl I ever loved the most. I pushed her away. I'm so stupid."

I ignored the pang my heart felt and looked at him unbelievably.

"You're really crazy! Why did you let her go when you already have her?"

"Because I was so stupid."

"Alam mo, ang labo mong kausap. Pwede ba, V! I sacrificed! Don't let my sacrifices come to nothing!"

"That's why I'm here, Z."

"Para ano?! Ipamukha sa'kin na masaya ka na sa kanya? Pagod na akong masaktan dahil sa'yo! Ayoko na."

Tumalikod na ako dahil walang patutunguhan ang walang kwentang usapan naming ito. Lalo lang akong nasasaktan, eh! Nakakailang hakbang pa lang ako nang bigla siyang sumigaw.

"I was talking about you, okay?!?"

I froze. All along he was referring to me and not anybody else?

"W-what?!"

"It was you. It has always been you. How can I talk about another girl if it's you I keep on thinking after you left? And I was so stupid to push you away when all you did was to love me. I'm so sorry because it was too late for me to realize that it's you I really loved. I love you, Zae."

I stood there, not knowing what to say.

"W-why... how? All this time? But why didn't you tell me before?"

He started to walk towards me.

"How can I? How am I supposed to tell you that I love you if you left me? You never stayed. You ran away. You left before I could even realize it's you I've been waiting for. You left me just when I thought I found my missing piece."

"You pushed me away, Vrix."

"I know. I'm very sorry. I was a coward not to fight for you. But not now. I need you to be at my side. Please come back to me."

My heart melted upon his words. All of a sudden, it was healed. It would always be beating for him and him only. We leaned closer. I realized the rain has stopped and the sun is beginning to rise in the horizon.

"I never ceased loving you, V. But remember, this would be your second chance. Your only chance. Because I won't hesitate to run away again if you'll mess this up."

He smiled and cupped my face.

"You can run all you want. You can hide where you want. But I won't let you out of my life. You know me. I'm dedicated. I won't let you go this time. I don't mind chasing you, either. Devil may care but I'm gonna find you till the ends of the world. Wherever you go, I will always come running after you. Not just because I love you but because I also love chasing you."

♥♥♥

Love is a simple four-letter word without a precise meaning. It was never explicit, just full of uncertainty. Only those who experienced that kind of feeling can perfectly define it.

In my experience, love is courage. Love is learning to face your fears and be brave for the person you treasure the most. Love means being fearless. For Zae, I am willing to do all the chase and run after her. Letting her go was the most regretful decision and the stupidest thing I've ever done in my whole existence. Because I was too blinded by a memory of a love that was long gone that I never noticed that someone out there is loving me wholeheartedly. Now, my greatest fear was to lose her.

She can run away and hide from me as long as she wanted but I won't let her this time. I will do everything to make her stay and to be always at my side. She can leave but I'll never let go of her. Not the second time around. Never.

I don't mind chasing after her. Because she's worth all the chase. Now that I have her in my arms, the chase is over.

All I have to do is to never forget telling her each day in my life how much I love her and that chasing her was the hardest yet sweetest experience I ever had.

Happiness is loving her and love means chasing her.

~♥~