Ten years earlier

In a lucky turn of events, Sigrid's parents were also out of town for the weekend of Josh's party, having decided to go on a romantic getaway for Valentine's Day. Her older brother Einar, however, was still at home. He had plans to spend the night with his girlfriend, but the Sjögren parents had decided to put him on babysitting duty for Sigrid and me instead. Sig was smart, though, and she managed to secure us a deal with Einar. He would drive us to the party and back, no questions asked, and we would not rat to his parents that he went to his girlfriend's instead of looking after us. Mutually assured destruction, we called it.

Minutes before leaving, Sigrid and I took a good look at each other. It was crucial that we be irreproachable style-wise. We would be the outsiders at that party, we knew almost nobody, and nobody knew us, we couldn't afford to look out of place.

Sig was rocking a hot pink tube dress which covered her butt and very little of her stupidly long legs. The color was so bright against her snow-white skin. She wore silver heels that added unnecessary inches to her already tall frame and had tied her long platinum blond hair into a high, sleek ponytail. She had gone very light-handed on makeup, her angular features astounding enough as they were.

I was different from Sigrid in many ways, but the most obvious way was our physical appearance. My hair was dark brown, my skin tan, I was of average height, and my body had curves in places where Sigrid's was very slender. Except for the boobs. Both Sigrid and I were flat-chested ladies. If it fit Sigrid's model-like figure very well, it looked out of proportions on my own body. I was still hoping that puberty would give me a final dose of hormones to make those tatas grow (spoiler alert: it didn't).

I was wearing a baby pink skater dress with a V-shaped neckline and spaghetti straps. I didn't own any heels, my parents would never allow it, so I was wearing white trainers. Sig had helped me curl my hair. It was so big and tightly coiled, the eighties called to get it back. That was a welcome change from my natural straight flat hair. I put more makeup on than she did, lining my eyes with black and applying a light pink gloss on my lips. I had recently found out about the magic of makeup and loved using it to feel more confident on the rare occasions my mom allowed it. Or, in that case, when she didn't know about it.

After thorough inspection of each other, we were ready to go. We took our jackets and purses and followed Einar to his car. I had made a small gift for Josh, since it was his birthday, and I hoped it wasn't too corny. As we were getting closer to Josh's house, the present felt cornier and cornier.

"It is quite corny," Einar commented from the driver's seat when I asked Sigrid for the millionth time what she thought about the gift.

"No, it's not," she retorted and glared at her brother. "Trust me Abs, he'll love it."

I had no other choice than to believe her.

We arrived a few minutes later and nervously made our way to the front door. We could hear the music playing and the people chatting. We were not early. Good. We had carefully chosen our arrival time. I rang the doorbell with a shaky finger.

"Happy birthday!" Sigrid and I said when Josh opened the door on us.

He was wearing a baby pink tank top and light gray jeans. It looked off, I had only ever seen him wear various shades of black and the occasional white shirt, and yet he still managed to rock this lighter palette. Even his fingernails were painted fuchsia for the occasion. He also had a lipstick heart on the cheek that someone – a girl – had painted for him. I tried to ignore the way this thought made me feel.

"Hey!" He exclaimed, looking pleased to see us. "Thanks. I'm glad you guys made it, come on in!"

He hugged us shortly as we stepped in. I handed him his gift.

"It's for you," I said. "Since it's your birthday, and also Valentine's Day. It's nothing much, really. I didn't know what to get you, I didn't even know if I should get you anything, since I don't know you that well. But I got this idea and I went for it. Feel free to toss it if you don't li—"

"Relax, Abby," he interrupted my blabbing. "Thank you very much for the gift, I'm sure I'll love it. Do you want me to open it now?"

"Oh no, you can just put it with the other presents and open it at the same time."

"Er, you're actually the only one who got me something, love."

I felt the heat reach my face. How could I be so dumb? People didn't bring presents to house parties, they brought alcohol. And weed. And condoms. Anything but gifts; gifts were for kids. How had I let Sigrid convince me that it was okay to come with a present?

"No, don't be embarrassed," Josh pulled me into a comforting hug when he saw me blush.

"If you don't mind, Josh, I'll make my way to the party," Sigrid said.

"Sure," he replied. "Just go down the hall and follow the noise."

She left but I stayed in Josh's arms.

"Should I open this gift, then?" He asked me once Sigrid was gone.

"It's up to you. I won't be upset if you'd rather not, I didn't know presents were not a thing anymore."

"Hey! It's a birthday, of course presents are a thing. If anything, it's the others who should be ashamed of coming here empty-handed."

I smiled half-heartedly as he untied the ribbon that kept the box closed.

"It's really nothing," I panic-said as he was lifting the lid. "Don't expect anything extraordinary."

"Will you let me enjoy my present, woman?"

I cackled at his fake annoyed tone and shut up. He opened the box and smiled at the content: heart-shaped cookies with pink frosting.

"My mom made the cookies," I felt the need to divulge. "I'm a disaster in the kitchen. The frosting is all me, though."

"Hang on. Your mom helped you make heart-shaped cookies for a boy?" He asked, incredulous, with a smirk in his voice. It was no secret that my Latina mom would never entertain my penchant for a boy until I was at least eighteen.

"Well, she thinks they're for Sigrid. She would totally freak out if she knew where I am right now."

"Let's hope we don't give her a reason to freak out even more."

He winked, I blushed. He gently brushed my cheek with his thumb, making my face even redder, and took a cookie from the box. He examined the cheesy pink frosting.

"It's corny, isn't it?" I asked.

"Yes," he admitted, and I looked at my feet. "But I love corny, it's adorable."

He took a bite off the damn cookie and made an appreciative noise.

"Oh my God, Abby! Those are delicious!"

"They're called alfajores, it's an Argentinian recipe. They're not usually frosted but I wanted to add my own touch. I hope they're not too sweet."

He put two fingers under my chin and forced my head up, his eyes staring at mine.

"They're perfect, love. Thank you for the present, it is a very nice gesture."

He ate the rest of it and he said we should go back to the party. He put the cookie box away in the kitchen and we went to the living room, where people were sitting on the couches and on the floor, happily chatting with drinks in their hands. A few of them were smoking inside. The music wasn't very loud yet and the atmosphere was calm, it was still early.

I went to sit on the floor next to Sig. Josh was about to sit next to me when the doorbell rang; he got the door instead.

"So?" Sigrid asked with a raised eyebrow and her inquisitive look.

"So, what?" I asked back, clueless about what she wanted me to tell her.

"Never mind," she laughed. "You should get a cup of whatever is in that bowl over there."

"What is it?"

"I'm not sure. All I know is that it has alcohol in it. And it tastes great, you'll like it."

"I don't know, Sig," I hesitated. "I've never drunk alcohol before. Maybe it'd be better to keep this experience for next time? Everything is already so new to me, I wouldn't want to accidentally get drunk and ruin it."

"Abs, if you don't blend in, there won't be a next time. You don't have to get drunk, just grab a cup and make it last the whole night if you have to."

"Okay, okay," I accepted, understanding how important it was for us not to stand out more than we already did. "I'll get one in a minute."

She turned to speak to a group of people on her left and started a conversation with them, making sure to include me as well. We knew of the people in that group, they were part of the highest social class of our year, but we didn't know them, and they knew us even less. At best, we were the foreign kids to them; at worst, they weren't even aware of our existence. They were surprisingly approachable, it contradicted all the stereotypes I had already made up in my head. We would not walk out of this party being best friends, but they were friendly enough to hold a full conversation with us.

Josh came back and sat on the floor with the people who had just arrived, which were his close friendship group, and were also amongst the most popular people at school. Josh was popular, it was only logical for him to invite his type of crowd to his party. I even recognized a few juniors and seniors there, all from the cool cliques. Sigrid was right when she said that we absolutely had to blend in if we ever wanted to be invited to such a party again. Actually, we didn't need to just blend in, we needed to stand out, and in a good way.

As the party slowly gained more momentum, somebody proposed to play Spin the Bottle. The proposition was met with mixed feelings, I heard some grumps and some enthusiastic 'Yes!' – one of them was definitely Sigrid's – and we ended up playing it. Everyone started shuffling around to arrange themselves in a circle. I pretended I needed to get a drink and went to the kitchen, fully committed to stay there for the entire game. There were so many people that nobody would notice my absence; I wouldn't be destroying Sigrid's effort to make us climb the social ladder.

I couldn't bring myself to play this stupid game for several reasons. The main one being that I didn't want my total lack of experience in the matter to be cast into light. Pretty much everyone at this party had already had sex, they would tear me apart if they realized I was a virgin who had never even kissed anyone.

I heard someone come into the kitchen and leaned against the countertop next to me. How bad was it that I knew it was Josh without even looking up?

"What's wrong, love?"

Once again, that word made my stomach dance.

"Nothing, I just don't really enjoy this game."

He offered me his hand.

"Come with me," he said.

I entwined my fingers with his and let him guide me upstairs, until we reached a door that clearly led to his bedroom. He entered the room, made sure I followed him, and sat in the armchair by his bed. He put his cup on the nightstand and turned on his lamp. I was frozen in the middle of the room, not knowing what I was supposed to do, where I was supposed to sit. Was it okay to sit on somebody's bed without being invited to?

He looked at me, his eyes intense, then he chuckled and put me out of my misery. He summoned me to him with a curl of his finger. When I got closer, he patted his lap, intending for me to sit on it. I was terrified. What if I was too heavy and he couldn't bear my weight? Would he laugh at my face? Or would he laugh about it with all his friends behind my back? Could my butt even fit on his thighs?

But, if I refused to sit on him, would I ruin that moment we were having? What if he thought I just wasn't into him? Was that my one and only chance at getting closer to him?

I decided I didn't want to risk ruining the moment, so I carefully rested half a buttock on his lap, making sure that my feet were both solidly on the ground and carrying most of my weight. He wasn't having it. He pulled me onto him as close he possibly could and swung my legs to the side, making me sit across him, my shoulder against his chest and our faces merely a few inches from each other's. So much for sparing him from carrying my weight.

He wrapped one arm around my waist to secure my position, while the other arm went to take my hand into his. That was the closest I had ever been to a boy. My insides were doing somersaults.

"Now," he said, his gorgeous, big blue eyes locked on mine. "Why don't you tell me why you don't want to play Spin the Bottle?"

"It's silly, really."

I blushed, looked down, unable to look at his eyes for too long, and tried to hide behind my hair.

"I'm sure it's not silly," he reassured me as he tucked my hair behind my ear to expose my face. "Please, tell me."

"It's just that..." I hesitated.

"That?" He pressed.

I sighed. Oh well, what did I have to lose at this point?

"I have never kissed anyone before," I confessed as fast as possible. "I don't want my first kiss to be with a stranger for the sake of a dumb game."

"I see."

His hand untied from mine and reached for my face. He stroked my cheek gently. It gave me goose bumps and sent a shiver down my spine. His thumb traveled to my lower lip, pulling it down softly until it sprung back into position with a subtle pop sound.

"I could be your first kiss, Abby," he offered. "Right here, right now, and I can guarantee it won't be for the sake of a dumb game."

What he was saying, at first, didn't compute. Was I dreaming? I really wanted to say yes. Why not, after all? I liked him, he was nice, extremely handsome, and he was obviously looking out for me, inviting me to parties and all. But why was he offering that, though? Maybe I was nothing more than a charity case to him. The helpless girl who needed a strong man to make her life worthwhile. Or worse, maybe I was the subject of a game? Just a challenge to impress his popular friends. I had seen the movies and read the books. These kinds of things happened.

"You don't need to overthink this, love," he murmured into my ear, extending the shivers to my entire body now, especially between my legs.

So I caved, and to hell with my worries. I timidly nodded my head yes, then his lips were on mine for what I imagined was the most epic kiss.

He started slowly, careful not to rush me. His lips were feather-light, kissing me once, twice, never staying long on my mouth and leaving me craving for more. When I couldn't handle his breaking our kiss any longer, I planted my hands firmly on his shoulders and pulled him against me, hoping to stop him from withdrawing his lips from mine. He got the message and suddenly everything went very fast.

He was done being slow and gentle. He sat up straight, got hold of my legs with one arm and grabbed the back of my neck with his other hand, drawing my body to his. His lips were crushing mine and he began to devour my mouth. It seemed to me that everything you could do with a pair of lips and a set of teeth, he did it to me. He nibbled and sucked until I could feel my skin become raw. I tried not to remain passive and attempted to move my lips along with his. I could only hope that it was good enough. I couldn't know what he was feeling and I hated that. For me, this kiss was nothing short of perfect. I could feel its effects in my every fiber, my heart rate was high, my breathing was short, and my entire body was subjected to a million tickles, especially in the areas where his body was pressed against mine. I was also very much aware of a growing fire in my lower belly.

Unfortunately, for all I knew, this kiss might have been merely average for him, if not outright bad. I would never know.

I jerked when a hard, unidentified object suddenly touched my teeth, making a rattling noise.

"What the hell was that?" I exclaimed.

He laughed a true laugh, like I had said something very funny.

"That would be my piercing," he said, sticking his tongue out for illustration.

I marveled at the little metallic sphere. The thought of getting a needle through my tongue sounded gross and barbaric. On his tongue, though, there was nothing gross about it. It was just sexy and terribly appealing.

He put his tongue where my jaw met my neck and began to lick my skin all the way up, making sure that I could feel his piercing digging into my flesh in the process. If that felt very good, it was nothing in comparison with what I felt when he reached the skin behind my ear. This zone of my body, seemingly so innocent, seemed to be the crossroad of all my nerve endings. The combination of his breath in my ear, the wetness of his tongue on my skin, the coolness of his metal piercing, and the sharpness of his teeth on my earlobe, appeared to be the secret recipe to make me lose my mind. With the thorough treatment he was giving me, I could not muffle the moan of pleasure that escaped my lips.

That I was able to produce such a sound surprised me and I broke away from his sweet lips, ashamed. Again, he laughed like I was utterly comical. I retreated behind my hair.

"Don't you dare be embarrassed about moaning," he ordered. "It's one of the truest compliments you could ever give me, and it's extremely sexy. There's literally nothing to be embarrassed about."

I said nothing, but I revealed my face to him and smiled sheepishly.

"Have I told you I like your dress, by the way? Because I do, I really do. In fact, you look very beautiful tonight. I love your hair, a true lioness."

"More like a kitten," I mumbled under my breath.

He smiled, once again finding what I had just said ridiculous.

"Will you stop laughing at me?" I smacked his shoulder.

"Oh, Abby. You're not nearly as pure and innocent as you seem to believe you are, I can guarantee it."

I snorted. "Yeah, right."

This assumption didn't bother me at all, I definitely wished I was more experienced. Unfortunately, I was nothing more than a virgin who had just had her first kiss. I had never even seen a naked man in real life.

"You don't believe me?" He challenged me.

I shook my head.

"What kind of porn do you watch?" He asked abruptly.

I froze on his lap and my face flushed from neck to root of my hair.

"I—Erm—It's erm... It's none of your business!"

When my parents were both at work and I could peruse the family computer, I sometimes indulged in viewing adult videos. Very quickly, I had realized that my interests mostly lay in one category. I wasn't sure how normal those interests were, so I would be caught dead before I told anyone else about it (spoiler alert: I figured out not long after that those interests were, in fact, extremely normal).

An insolent smirk split Josh's face in two. "So you admit that you watch porn?"

He tried to look me in the eye but I looked away, embarrassed.

"Yes."

"Not very innocent, is it?" He leaned over and murmured in my ear. "How often do you masturbate? Do you like it?"

I was a mixture of flustered and embarrassed, I didn't know what to respond to that. Thankfully, he laughed it off and put me out of my misery.

"Sorry love, I didn't meant to embarrass you. I'm just making a point that you're not as innocent as you believe you are." He kissed my cheek "Now that my point is made, would you like to go back downstairs and play that stupid game?"

No, I didn't want to. Every kiss would feel terrible in comparison with what I had just experienced with Josh. But I couldn't really tell him that, could I?

I nodded and climbed off his lap. He turned off the lamp, grabbed his drink, and followed me. When I reached for the door handle, he put his hands on my waist and spun me around. I was facing him.

"Can I?" He asked as he was already leaning in, aiming for my lips. "I'd like to claim your second kiss too, just in case you didn't like the first one."

I giggled and initiated the kiss myself. This time, he didn't start delicate; he went straight to intense. He pressed my body against the door and his tongue demanded access to my throat, which I granted. I wasn't sure what to do with my own tongue, so I ended up trying my best to mirror his movements. When his piercing got close enough, I trapped it between my teeth and played with it with the tip of my tongue. I took his growling as a sign of appreciation.

"See?" He said once I set him free from my teeth. "You're proving me right again."

I laughed and he placed a last small kiss on my lips before we left his room.

We ran into a girl in the hallway. She was older than the people at the party, but not by much, she must have been twenty or so. She had long bleached-blond hair, heavy black eyeliner, and dark purple lipstick. She was wearing a loose tank top with a band name I didn't recognize, black denim shorts, and destroyed fishnet stockings. Her arms were covered in tattoos and she had more piercings on her ears than I could count without awkwardly staring at her. She was the personification of a cool girl.

"Oh, hey Sash," Josh said, unbothered that he'd just been caught sneaking out of his room with a girl, unlike me who were already blushing. "This is my friend Abby. Abby, this is my sister, Sasha."

"Oh," I said, surprised, "it's nice to meet you."

I shook her hand.

"Same here," she replied in a much higher-pitched voice than I expected her to have. She turned to her brother. "I hope you guys used protection in there," she said in a laugh before heading downstairs.

"Shut up!" Josh said to her sister who was already walking away. "Don't mind her," he told me, "she's just being a smartass."

"That's okay. She seems nice. And she's really cool, I love her tattoos."

"She'll love you for saying that. She's trying very hard to be a professional tattoo artist. She's taking art classes at the community college for that, but she still has a long way to go before she can get an apprenticeship. I've let her experiment on me," he pointed at his shoulder tattoo. "She does piercings too, I'm sure she'd do you if you asked."

For a second, I was tempted to ask for a tongue piercing. As awful as the thought of a bar through my tongue sounded, it seemed like a cool thing to have. The way Josh was rocking his was incredibly sexy and I dreamed of trying to be as sexy as he was.

I shook this idea out of my head. I was being ridiculous.

We eventually joined the party and the game of Spin the Bottle was still going. Sigrid was up when we reached the circle, and her bottle was pointing at one of the football players of the school. I could read the happiness in her eyes before she dove on the guy, lips first. Instead of the small peck this game usually required, they went for full-on Frenching. It was obvious that both parties enjoyed the kiss; it lasted so long that a few people had to clear their throat to entice them to break apart. When she got back to her spot, next to which I was sitting with Josh, she had a happy smile on her face.

"Enjoying yourself, aren't you?" I teased.

"Very much so," she replied, and didn't even comment on how I had been missing for a while.

My turn came shortly after Sigrid's. I spun the bottle, which landed on a boy from the junior class. We exchanged a quick peck on the lips – ridiculous compared with the mind-blowing kiss I had just had with Josh – and went back to our sitting spot.

"Do you want a drink?" Josh offered when he went to refill his cup.

I realized I had not had a chance to get myself a cup, like Sigrid has told me to. After what I had just done in Josh's bedroom, indulging in alcohol too felt like pushing my limits a bit too far.

"I don't think it's wise. I've never drunk alcohol," I replied.

"That'll be another first that you can experience with me," he said and headed towards the bowl before I could reply anything. He came back a couple minutes later with two cups full of orange liquid. He handed me one of them.

"What's this?" I asked.

"It's rum mixed with fruit juice. You'll like it."

I hesitated. There was something thrilling about drinking alcohol, but at the same time I was scared of all the negative effects it could have on me.

"I'm right by your side, love," Josh reassured me, sensing my hesitation.

His voice was comforting enough to infuse me with confidence, so I took a sip of my drink. It tasted good. In fact, it tasted like fruit juice, and nothing else. I was expecting much worse.

"Not too bad, huh?" He said with a hint of smugness.

The game kept going for a few more rounds and eventually died out, as people were getting drunker and the music louder. People stood up and split up in what seemed to be random groups. Some were dancing, some were playing drinking games, some were smoking, some were making out, and some were headed to the terrace outside. I was in the dancing group with Sigrid. Her lanky, uncoordinated body wasn't the most graceful on the dancefloor, to say the least, but she was having the time of her life and didn't give a rat's ass about it. Neither did the boys, apparently, who were looking at her almost indecently. To be fair, her dancing aside, Sigrid was breathtakingly beautiful. She had just been unlucky enough to go to a school where foreigners were immediately ignored, rarely worth a double take. But at that party, the clique lines were blurred, and people finally looked at her like the Norse goddess she was. She enjoyed the attention, determined to savor every second of it.

Josh came to me and asked me if I wanted to have a cigarette with him. Why not, I figured. I had already smoked once, and sort of enjoyed it, and that night seemed to be the night of all sins. I made sure Sigrid was okay without me – she was, she had started making out with the same football player she had kissed during her round of Spin the Bottle – and I followed him outside, refilling my cup on the way. Many people were smoking inside but I appreciated that he had opted for us to go outside, I needed the fresh air. We sat down together on the patio couch and his arm automatically wrapped around my shoulders. He rolled a perfect cigarette and lit it before handing it to me. We smoked in silence for a while, contemplating the night.

Like many houses in LA, Josh's house had a swimming pool in the backyard. Several students had already stripped to their underwear, swimsuits, or birthday suits, and were messing around in the chlorinated water. We just sat there, observing them, enjoying our cigarettes and taking the occasional sip out of our drinks. We talked about each other's lives. He talked about his parents, and I talked about mine. We compared how different our lives were in our respective home countries. We exchanged our views on several ongoing school dramas and we asked each other's favorite color, movie, band, TV show, subject, food, pretty much everything.

At some point he checked the time; it was just before midnight.

"I guess I need to ask you something now, before we hit midnight," he said.

"What's the matter, Cinderella?" I teased.

He grinned and looked at me intensely with those blue eyes that I would have just dived into.

"Will you be my Valentine?"

I burst out laughing.

"And you told me I was corny?" I teased him between two chuckles.

"Hey! Don't be mean, I thought I was being cute."

I laughed harder.

"Okay, okay," he said, resigned and – maybe? – a bit hurt. "If you don't want to be my Valentine, we can just be two friends celebrating the last minutes of my birthday together. Does that sound good to you?"

I had forgotten about that. He was turning sixteen that day.

"What would being your Valentine entail?" I inquired, suddenly feeling guilty for laughing at his question.

"I'm not sure, to be honest. I wouldn't mind kissing you, though."

"Oh, I can live with that," I invited him in.

We kissed for a long time, until the alarm on his phone went off at exactly midnight. He turned it off.

"Do you need to go back to your carriage, now?" I snorted.

"Will you stop being a smartass? You're being awfully cocky for somebody who's just had their first kiss merely a few hours ago!"

My mouth gaped open and my hand went to my throat in exaggerated indignation.

"You take that back!" I demanded.

"Or what?" He provoked me, a smug grin on his face.

I leaned in for a kiss and, as his lips got close to mind, I trapped his flesh between my teeth. He winced a little and I released him.

"Feisty!" He laughed.

"Uh-huh," I agreed.

"I'm telling you, you don't have an ounce of innocence in your body."

We came back to the party at some point and joined the dancing crowd. Sigrid was still with her football player, dancing rather than kissing now, and both of them seemed to be part of a bigger group, mostly composed of jocks and cheerleaders. When she saw me, Sigrid's face lightened and she excused herself to come and meet me. She pulled me away from Josh, who joined the group, and led us to another end of the dance floor where we could be just the two of us.

"Abby," she said, excited, "I am so glad that you got us invited here. I am having such a great time!"

"I can see that!" I gestured towards her love interest with my head. "I didn't know you had a thing for football players."

"Me neither," she laughed. "He's not just any player, though, he's the quarterback of the JV team. He'll probably make the first team next year. This is huge! You should have seen all his groupies hovering around us! They were green with jealousy."

Sigrid was a wannabe socialite and I could see how this party had turned out better than she could have ever expected. I myself was happy too, what with Josh and all, but I was even more happy for her. Many times, I had felt like I was a dead weight who was slowing her down in her search for popularity, but never had she ditched me for more attractive and popular friends. Her loyalty and devotion were rock-solid. It felt nice to be the one helping her out, for once.

"Do you actually like the guy, though?"

"Oh, I do. He's not very bright but he's cute and quite nice. And he kisses very well."

I laughed. She seemed happy, and that made me happy. Well, happier than I already was.

After a few dances, we got another cup of that delicious drink and joined the group. Sig cut through the horde of cheerleaders and went straight for the lips of her quarterback, who seemed to appreciate the interruption. The girls, on the other hand, did not like having an outsider take their most desirable player and were doing a bad job at hiding it. I could feel Sig's gloating from across the room. I danced on my own in the small circle that we had formed. Josh was three people away on my right. We made eye contact several times but he never came to dance with me.

The party eventually died out around two in the morning. Most people had gone home, a few had passed out on the couches. Sigrid and her footballer were sitting on one of those couches, still going at it, and getting closer and closer to public indecency as the party was ending. While I poured myself another drink, I saw Josh speak to them briefly and they both left the room to go upstairs.

"I told them they could crash in the guest room," he answered my unspoken question as he joined me and took another drink.

I hadn't thought about sleeping arrangements. I guess I could just find an empty spot on the couches. Or I could even crash on the patio couch, it would be less crowded and the temperature outside wasn't too bad. Surely Josh would lend me a blanket.

"Do you want to go for a smoke?" He offered.

I nodded. Like earlier, we sat on the couch, he rolled a cigarette, lit it up, and passed it to me. What he rolled for himself was longer than my cigarette, and he added something that looked like cooking herbs on it.

"Is that... dope?" I asked very stupidly.

He burst out laughing.

"Yes, love, it is dope. It's weed, more exactly. Pot. Cannabis. Marijuana."

"Yeah, yeah, I got it," I replied, annoyed that he was making fun of me.

He finished rolling and put the joint between his lips. When he lit it up, the smell invaded my nostrils. Not only did it look like cooking herbs, but it smelled like it too. A weird mix between oregano and rosemary. The smoke was heavier than that of a cigarette and tickled my nose.

"Do you want to try?" He raised an eyebrow at me, like he was daring me to do it.

Surely I couldn't. Smoking pot was illegal. Well, so was underage drinking, but at least drinking was allowed for some people. Taking drugs was not. I wasn't sure I had the guts to cross that line. He sensed my hesitation and he chuckled.

"Don't worry about it, love. You've had a lot of firsts tonight, it's okay if you want to leave it there."

He meant to be reassuring, I truly believe that was his main purpose, but his voice had an edge to it. He was challenging me, testing my limits, trying to see where I would stop that night. That edge was enough to dissolve my hesitation and make me brave. In a cocky and frankly out-of-character move, I stole the joint from his hand and brought it to my mouth. I drew on it like I would have for a cigarette, not waiting for his advice.

The smoke was thicker and more abrasive than what I expected. I started coughing uncontrollably for a few seconds. Josh was shaking with laughter. Great. I smacked him on his shoulder.

"Oh shut up!" I chastised him as soon as I managed to catch my breath. He just laughed even louder.

"Cockiness suits you, love, but it does fall short when you're trying to be smug in unfamiliar territory."

I said nothing and sulked, embarrassed.

"Here, take a sip," he advised as he handed me my drink. I obeyed. "Now, you can try to smoke again. Just take shorter drags than if you were smoking a regular cigarette. It'll hurt less and you'll be able to enjoy it."

I did as he told me to. The smoke was still burning my throat a little, but it was manageable. At first, I didn't feel anything and wondered what the fuss about drugs was all about. Then the lightheadedness and the relaxation kicked in and I understood. I felt myself go limp against Josh's body. He tightened his grip around me and smiled.

"That's my girl!" He said proudly.

I gave him the joint back as I was savoring the effects the drug had on me.

"I'm sorry I got so cocky," I apologized. "I don't know what I was thinking. I'm not usually so obnoxious."

Once again, he laughed. I swear this boy had spent the entire night laughing at me.

"You're just drunk, Abby."

This time it was my turn to laugh really hard. Drunk? Me? I had never drunk alcohol in my life, but I had seen enough movies to know that someone in my situation would be passed out somewhere if they were drunk.

"I'm serious, love," Josh insisted. "You're not pissed drunk, but you're definitely drunk enough that it affects your behavior. Sober you is great, but I am partial to drunk, cocky you. She's got nerves."

"Oh yeah?" I raised an eyebrow at him, mimicking his body language.

As a response, he pulled me closer to him and shoved his tongue down my throat. When he broke the kiss, I was panting, desperate for more, clinging to his shirt in the hopes to make the kiss last longer.

"Exhibit A," he murmured in my ear before pulling away and drawing on his joint again.

He let me smoke a couple more times and then the joint was finished. It was just us silently looking at the starry night. The pool lights were giving the water a beautiful turquoise color.

"Do you want to go for a swim with me?" He asked, cocking his head towards the swimming pool I was admiring.

"I don't have a swimsuit," I replied just as I realized that it was the least of his concerns.

"Me neither."

He winked at me and proceeded to strip down to his underwear. I almost heard my jaw drop in admiration. Josh's almost naked body looked just as great as his fully clothed body, if not better. His milky skin was almost fluorescent in the night and the shadows cast on his abdomen made his muscles stand out. Josh was not a hugely muscly guy, but he was lean enough that it gave him muscle definition. His nipple rings reflected the light of the patio lamp with each of his movements, almost taunting me. He had more tattoos than the cross on his shoulder. On each side of his chest, just below his collarbones, he had a swallow bird, drawn in a colorful and simplistic style, with bold outlines and an almost childish feel to it. On the right part of his lower abdomen, he had a highly detailed and realistic rose in grayscale.

"Admiring the view?"

I blushed and looked away from his body that I had been ogling shamelessly.

"Are you going to swim in your pretty dress?" He asked.

I didn't reply. I hadn't technically accepted to go for a swim with him. I was drunk, according, so it couldn't possibly be a good idea to get in the water. Also, I was very insecure and uncomfortable showing my body. I was wearing white underwear which would leave very little to the imagination once wet. I did not shave down there, what if he was repulsed by my untamed pubes? Or by the cellulite on my butt?

What if, on the contrary, he wasn't repulsed at all but attracted to my almost-naked body? I had experienced a fair few firsts already, as Josh had mentioned, but I wasn't sure I was ready to go that far. If it came to that, would I be able to tell him no?

"You can wear my shirt if you want," Josh offered, apparently capable of reading my thoughts.

I picked up the piece of fabric. Just like all of Josh's tank tops, it had wide armholes that went down almost all the way to the waist, offering maximum side body exposure. Its light pink color wouldn't do much to the see-through underwear issue either.

"Relax, love. Don't overthink it. I'm not asking you for anything weird. It's just a swim, no strings attached, promise. You'll love it, I've seen the way you looked at the pool, you're dying to get in there!"

Again with the mind-reading...

I did want to get into that pool. Its bright blue hue, in the dark night, was like a siren's song. Josh turned around to give me some privacy to change clothes. This small but considerate gesture convinced me. He was too nice a guy to either judge my bare body or manipulate me into going further than I wanted to. I took off my dress and put on Josh's top over my underwear. The hemline was tighter than I would have liked it to be around my hips. The inextensible stitch line was digging into my thighs. I was mortified, but I decided to ignore the feeling. I put my hand on Josh's shoulder to let him know I was done changing.

When he turned around, he took a long look at me and smiled from ear to ear.

"Remind me to give you this top. It suits you much better than it does me."

I highly doubted that was true, but I took the compliment silently.

He took the elastic band off his wrist and put his hair up in a bun. I wished I had one to do the same. As soon as I thought that, he produced a second elastic band from his other wrist and handed it to me.

Once I tied up my hair, he ran towards the pool and cannonballed his way into the water. I went for a more classic approach and dove headfirst. When I emerged next to Josh, he cupped my face and rubbed the skin under my eyes with his thumbs.

"I'm afraid your makeup is ruined," he laughed.

"So is yours," I said in a much angrier voice than I meant, pointing at the smudged lipstick heart on his cheek.

He rubbed it off with the back of his hand and said nothing about it.

"Who drew this?" I heard myself ask against all common sense.

"Cheryl."

I looked down, suddenly crippled by insecurities and self-doubt. Cheryl was undoubtedly the prettiest girl of the sophomore year, if not the prettiest of the entire school. She was a cheerleader with legs for days, abs of steel, toned arms, flawless chocolate skin, and the most gorgeous black curls. If she was close enough to Josh to be on I-can-draw-on-your-face basis, then what the hell was I doing? I stood no chance against her if we were to fight for Josh's attention.

I felt idiotic and wished I could just sink in the water and disappear. I had let him raise my hopes up just to watch them being torn apart. Tears started to build up at the corners of my eyes but my bowed head thankfully prevented him from seeing my distress. A quiet sniffle gave me away, however.

"What the hell are you crying about?" He demanded as he pulled my chin up to look at my face. He sounded both angry and concerned.

Of course he was angry. What I was doing was textbook overreaction. Sure, this much hotter girl had drawn on the cheek of this boy I had just realized I wanted, and that made me mad with jealousy, but did I have any right to act on this jealousy? Hell no! I barely knew the guy, we had exchanged our first kiss merely a few hours before, and that was all after Cheryl and her hot pink lipstick had done their deed. If anything, she should be jealous of me. But then why was I feeling so emotional about this?

To this day, I still blame alcohol for that.

I remained still, my face locked in his fingers, and did not reply. He did not need to know the extent of my craziness. His blue eyes felt like they were probing my soul. And they probably were, it had become clear to me now that this guy was capable of reading my mind.

"Cheryl is just a friend, love."

There. She was just a friend. Nothing to worry about. I could still salvage this mess if I just brushed it off and changed the subject.

"So you didn't sleep with her?" I asked once again without meaning to. It felt like I had just lost control of my tongue.

At least, this question made him feel uncomfortable. It wasn't just me feeling weird anymore. I had clearly hit a nerve and his body response was just as clear as any verbal confirmation.

"Is that really what you want to talk about?" He eventually asked. "We're both drunk and high, half naked in the water with a gorgeous view of the night sky. Are you sure you want to talk about who I may or may not have slept with?"

When he put it that way, it seemed easier to overlook my doubts. I was, after all, in what seemed to be as close to an idyllic situation as possible. Maybe I should just let go and enjoy the moment with that guy who, as he had mentioned himself, was half-naked next to me.

He sensed the shift in my mood and took the opening he was given.

Both his hands grabbed my thighs firmly and lifted me until our heads were level. With some natural instinct I didn't know I had, I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. I was thankful for the water and the weightlessness it provided my body. It prevented my mind from going down the self-doubt road again. I didn't wait for Josh to come to me and went to him first, crushing my lips on his in what I hoped was a fierce, sexy kiss. He responded with the same energy, pushing not only his mouth but his entire body closer to mine.

He walked us to the side of the pool where the stairs were and sat on a step low enough that our bodies were still mostly in the water. I was straddling him, which was much more sexual than anything I had ever experienced until then. Even though I was far out of my comfort zone, I pushed the negative feelings to the back of my mind and focused on the positive ones instead. And God knows there were a lot of them.

Even though I had never had sex, I had imagined myself having sex multiple times. In all the scenarios, I had always pictured myself being in a somewhat submissive situation, always on the bottom. Being on top of Josh, leading the kiss, and feeling what I could have sworn was the start of an erection between my legs was exhilarating. I had never thought of myself as a dominant person, but that very moment could have proved me wrong.

Josh leaned back on the stairs, pulling me forward. His hands found a comfortable position on my butt cheeks. The fire inside me that I had tried to keep at bay quickly became impossible to ignore. I wanted more. I was very much aware of the point where his hardness met my center. I started grinding my hips against his crotch, hoping to relieve some of the pressure I was starting to feel down there, only to realize that the movement was just making the pressure more and more unbearable.

My mouth broke apart from his, gasping for air, my mind desperate for a distraction. I decided to explore his body with my tongue. I let it travel down his throat, along his collarbone, then to its chest. His nipple rings were shining in all their glory. I took one in my mouth and played with it using my teeth, like I had done with his tongue piercing earlier.

I heard a low groan coming from deep within his chest.

"Ugh! For fuck's sake, Abby!"

And suddenly, he was sitting up, his hands back up on my waist keeping my body a safe distance away from his.

"What?" I demanded harshly.

"I don't like where this is going."

"Oh yeah?" I said, smug. "Your body tells a different story."

In a bold move, I reached for his penis to prove my point. He saw right through me and stopped my hand before I touched him.

"Oh no you're not!" He said with a smile, yet firmly.

And then it hit me. I was being rejected. He had not enjoyed our make-out session and did not want to go further. My hand dropped to my side in defeat and I felt the familiar sensation of tears forming in my eyes.

Josh pulled me in a brief hug and rubbed away my tears.

"Don't worry, love, you'll get plenty of opportunities to grab my penis another time, if that's what you want."

He laughed but the humor got lost on me. He sighed and took a more serious tone.

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I'm not rejecting you, I swear, I'm merely taking a rain check. Like you said, my body does want you, very much so." He put his own hand between his legs for illustration and stroke his tip ever so slightly. "But I promised you I didn't bring you into this pool to have sex with you and I intend to keep this promise. Even though those nipples staring right at me through this shirt make it really hard to resist you, right now."

"So you didn't dislike what I did to you?" I asked, hopeful.

"Love, if it wasn't so obvious you've never had sex, I would swear that you are lying to me about your V-card. You've got the instinct and the eagerness of someone who know what they're doing. Of course I like what you did to me! That's why I had to stop you."

"It's obvious I've never had sex? I thought I had not a single ounce of innocence in me?"

"It's not mutually exclusive. You crave sex so much only a fool would call you innocent. And the reason you crave it so much is because you've never had it. It makes perfect sense."

It sort of made sense, although I wasn't sure I craved sex that much. I had been raised in a catholic household where any mention of sex, especially premarital sex, was forbidden. I did my own research, but the opportunities were rare. I doubted my limited knowledge of sex was enough to make me crave it. I was curious, sure, but craving?

He suggested that I climbed off his lap to give us both a chance clear our heads. I obeyed and sat next to him on the pool step. He took my hand in his and never let go of it. I couldn't help but feel giddy at this small, yet meaningful, gesture. We leaned back and took a moment to look at the peaceful sky in total silence. Everybody who had attended the party was either home or asleep. It was just the two of us, contemplating the infinite space.

After a few minutes, he broke the silence to ask me if I had seen the NASA documentary that was on TV a few days before. I was fascinated by the sky, outer space, and anything related to that matter, so of course I had seen it. We started commenting and debating on it, comparing which facts were the most mind-blowing, which parts were less impressive. This common interest of us is what confirmed to me that I had a massive crush on that guy.

When my eyelids started closing on their own and I couldn't articulate words properly any longer, we decided that it was time to hit the bed. We had talked about rockets and astronomy for ages, it was four when we got out of the water. The February breeze, although warmer than in most other places in the US, was freezing on our wet bodies so we hurried back inside after picking up our clothes. I saw a free spot on one of the couches; I was so relieved, I'm not sure I would have been able to sleep outside now that I was all wet and cold.

"Could I borrow a pillow and a blanket from you, please?" I asked Josh.

"What for?"

What a curious question.

"Erm, so I can go to sleep?"

"And you don't think the duvet and pillows on my bed will take care of that?"

And then it clicked. "Oh," I said.

"Oh what?"

"I didn't realize I'd be sleeping in your bed."

He snorted, half laughing at me, half offended.

"Where exactly did you think you'd be sleeping?"

"The couch," I answered, pointing at the free spot.

"You're out of your mind if you think I'll let you sleep on the couch. Come with me."

I followed him upstairs to his room.

"I can sleep in my parents' room if you don't want to share my bed, but I can guarantee that whatever you choose, you get to sleep in a bed tonight."

"I don't mind sharing a bed with you," I said, failing at hiding my eagerness.

"I thought so," he replied with a cocky grin and planted a small kiss at the corner of my lips.

He took a towel, a black T-shirt, and some boxers out of his closet and placed them in a neat pile on his bed.

"You can use that, if you want to shower and change."

Now that he mentioned it, I was craving a hot shower. I was freezing and reeking of chlorine. He guided me to the bathroom he shared with his sister, just across the hall.

"Help yourself to whatever you need. Sash won't mind if you borrow her stuff. And just put my top in the hamper when you're done."

He opened a drawer under the sink and took a toothbrush out of its packaging.

"Here's a spare toothbrush for you."

He left and closed the door behind him. I allowed myself to enjoy a few seconds of giddiness about this guy and how close we'd just become very fast before hopping in the shower.

I used Sasha's makeup remover and moisturizer, then I brushed my teeth and dried my hair with the blow-dryer hanging from the wall. I put on Josh's boxers and tee-shirt, and once again I had to fight against the dark place where ill-fitting clothes always brought me. Where they should have been flowy, the boxers clung to my thighs. Where it should have hung from my breasts, the tee-shirt was loose on my chest.

I pushed the bad thoughts away and rejoined Josh's bedroom. He was lying on his bed, looking at the ceiling. He looked at me when I entered the room. He held out his arm for me to come next to him, which I did.

"How was the shower?"

'Lonely' was the first word that came to my mind. I had found myself wishing for Josh to join me while I was showering. I had never been horny for an actual person, I wasn't even sure that what I was feeling now was horniness, but my sudden craving for Josh's naked body seemed to be quite the giveaway. If I had never lusted over anyone before, boy was I making up for lost time now. This feeling was overwhelming and seemed to eclipse all more rational thoughts.

"I didn't realize it took so long to evaluate the quality of a shower," he joked.

I blushed. I'd been so distracted thinking about how lusting over Josh was distracting that I forgot to answer his question. Oh, the irony.

"Okay, now I'm curious," he said. "What happened in this shower?"

"Nothing," I replied honestly. "I was just hoping that you'd join me."

He chuckled and sighed at the same time.

"Ah Abby... You're such a naughty girl."

He rolled on his side until his body was on top of mine. This time, there was no layer of water between us, I could feel his warm chest against mine. My legs naturally parted to accommodate him and my fingers held onto his neck. He kissed my lips briefly then went straight to my ear. His pierced tongue found that sensitive spot he had discovered earlier and undertook the slow torture of my mind and body.

There was no word to describe what he was doing to me. It was both the best and the worst sensation I had ever experienced. The best because it made my entire body shake with anticipation and pleasure, because I could feel the heat of this simple gesture radiate in all my nerves, with a strong preference for those located between my legs. The worst because it left me wishing for more, and he was not giving me more. I had lost control of my body at this point and was frantically moving under him, thrusting my hips towards his growing erection. This made him smile against my skin, but he kept administering his treatment.

When he finally rolled back onto his side of the bed, I was panting. He had a satisfied grin and his face was resolved. This was the end of our make-out session.

"Why not?" I asked, knowing fully well that he didn't need more details to understand my question.

"Because you'll hate me tomorrow if I do. Trust me, deep down, you want to wait."

I crossed my arms on my chest to show my disapproval. He giggled and kissed me on my forehead.

"Go to bed, love. I'm going to take a shower and I'll join you in a minute."

As he stood up, I couldn't help but notice the way his erected penis was making a tent out of his underwear.

"What are you going to do about this?" I jokingly inquired.

"Well, don't be surprised if I take longer than necessary in the shower," he said and winked at me.

I took a few seconds to understand he was talking about masturbation. He guffawed when he saw my face become bright red and then left the room.

When he came back later, I was lying on my side under the cover, not quite asleep yet but not far from it. He lied on his side behind me and spooned me tenderly, his arm around my waist. He kissed the back of my neck and murmured a sweet "goodnight" in my ear before we both drifted off to sleep.

I was woken up by Sigrid shaking my shoulder lightly, Josh still sleeping soundly next to me, and still holding me. She told me that her brother would come to pick us up soon. I delicately ripped myself apart from Josh's embrace, careful not to wake him up and changed back into my dress and damp underwear. As I put the T-shirt and boxers on the arm of his chair, I contemplated the past night and started to panic. I had fallen deeply for that guy and had given a lot of myself to him in a very short amount of time. However, as cute and considerate as he'd been, he still had slept with what seemed to be plenty of other girls, he still hung out with students who considered me a nobody, he still was much more attractive than I was. What if, in the end, this had all been a sick challenge given by his friends? What if what I thought was the beginning of our story had been a lie?

It's with my head full of doubt and fears that I followed Sigrid outside and waited for her brother to pick us up.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A/N: It's super long, but it is probably my favorite chapter of the whole story. What do you think?

As always, please vote and comment if you enjoyed it.

Love,
Charlie.