"What the fuck do you want?" I barked into my phone when I picked up one of Victor's calls.

Sigrid had made good on her promise and we had spent the whole afternoon tucked under a fuzzy blanket, on my couch, watching cheesy romcoms and eating burgers and fries. Unfortunately, she'd eventually had to go, and I had been sitting alone since then. That's when my phone rang, with Victor's name flashing on the screen.

"What do you mean, 'what do I want?'" He replied with the same venom. "After what you pulled last night, I deserve an explanation."

"You don't deserve anything. Stop calling me and go to Hell."

"I did not force you to kiss me," he said curtly as I was about to hang up. His words made me pause and he took this as an encouragement to keep talking. "You brought this upon yourself, and I will not tolerate that you make me carry all the blame."

"What do you care how I choose to allocate the blame?"

"I will not let you treat me like I did the most unspeakable thing to you."

"But I—"

I stopped. I couldn't possibly tell Victor I was frustrated from weeks of bad sex with Arthur and that his mere presence had felt intoxicating enough that I didn't consider myself responsible for that one dumb kiss. He didn't need to know that about his son, and he sure as hell didn't need to know the effect his sexy eyes had on me.

"You what, Abby?"

"Never mind. Is that all you wanted to say?"

"No. I originally called to ask if you had made it home safely, which you would know if you'd deigned answering my calls last night."

I properly laughed in his face. Or in the phone, I guess.

"Is it that hard to believe?" He sounded offended. "I mean you no harm."

"Stop the gentleman act, Dullac. It does not suit you. If you called to tell me I'm a slut and I need to stay away from you and your son, don't you worry. I already know, and that's what I plan on doing."

He sighed.

"I also wanted to know why you did what you did but I think I got my answer."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're not okay. I don't pretend to know why, but you're not okay, and I have no interest in working out the reasons behind your awful behavior. Goodbye, Abby, and indeed, do stay away from me and my son."

"Motherf—"

He hung up before I had the chance to finish the insult.

I was not prepared for the rage that I felt. If I could have afforded a new one, I would have smashed my phone on the floor. But I couldn't, so I settled for throwing it violently on the couch cushion next to me.

I hated that man. Not only was he the reason for my breakup with Arthur, but now he was taking some sort of moral high ground. He had the audacity to qualify my behavior as 'awful.' I could admit that sleeping with both the father and the son of the same family wasn't exactly the best behavior, but Victor had a wife, for crying out loud. And so did Arthur. How's that not awful?

I was seething with fury. The urge to wrap my fingers around Victor's throat until he begged for mercy was not-so-slowly creeping its way into my brain and looking more and more appealing. In a non-sexual way.

In an attempt to let go of all that anger, I took my phone and dialed another number. A number I had been dying to dial since I had found out about all this mess.

"Hi Abby!" Theo picked up almost immediately. Her voice was chipper, she wasn't aware of what had gone down. Good. I could be the one to break the news. "What's up?"

"When were you and the rest of Arthur's friends going to tell me he's got a wife?" I barked without preamble.

A pause. A long one. I even heard her swallow.

"Oh. Abby, I—"

"I can't believe you gave me an actual lecture about open relationships and the importance for transparency with partners and all that shit while knowing all this time that Arthur was married. You're such a hypocrite!"

I was mad at Arthur for hiding his wife from me. Rightfully so. But, in some way, the fact that neither of his friends, especially Theo who was the closest to me, had told me about it hurt more. Arthur had a reason to hide his marriage from me. Not that I gave him excuses but, despite being a crappy move, it was an understandable move. To an extent. Theo and the rest, however, had nothing to benefit from keeping me in the dark. I thought I was finally getting a friendship group again, people I could rely on besides Sigrid and Cedric. I was wrong.

"I'm so sorry Abby. Do you want to meet, and sit down, and talk about it?"

"No."

And I hung up without giving her a chance to justify herself. It felt good for a couple seconds, and then the loss of not only Arthur, but also this group of friends I had begun to like, hit me again. I was, once more, all alone.

I got up and threw a weak punch at my punching bag. Then another. Then another. I contemplated changing into sweats, or at least wearing some tape on my hands, but honestly I just didn't feel like it. I knew it would do nothing to me, so I didn't bother.

I knew what I needed. It was the same thing I had needed for a while, and for which I had begged no longer than twenty-four hours earlier. Good, mind-numbing, rough sex. And for the first time in a hot minute, I had no idea where, or whom, to get it from. Cedric was no longer an option, and neither was Arthur, not that he had ever given me the kind of sex I craved anyway. Spencer would not do it after that shitshow of the night before, the list of numbers I kept on my phone had exactly zero entry on it now, having kept it empty since committing to Arthur, and Tinder was too cumbersome, as well as too hit-or-miss.

I very briefly considered calling Victor but shut down this option as soon as it popped into my mind, for obvious reasons.

I started scrolling through my contacts for some inspiration. A name caught my attention. Val's. He was just as guilty as Theo for not telling me about Arthur's wife, and, just like her, he had had the nerves to give me a lecture about sparing Arthur's feelings all the while knowing he was married. Unlike Theo, he had railed me like there was no tomorrow. And apparently, I was the kind of hypocrite who could forgive a lot of shit for the promise of good sex.

It would probably take a lot for him to accept to betray his best friend and sleep with me. I was hoping he'd feel guilty enough to do me this favor. And to hell with my 'no repeats' rule. Immediate satisfaction was more important than my principles. It's not like I could catch feelings for Val anyway.

"Hi Abby, to what do I owe this pleasure?" He said when he picked up.

I chose to cut to the chase. "I want to have sex with you. Can I come over?"

He laughed loudly. Of course he thought I was joking.

"If Arthur is not fulfilling his boyfriend's duty, I can send you a few of my favorite porn videos for you to peruse at your leisure," he said between two chuckles.

"Arthur is not my boyfriend."

"Are you still doing this 'no label' crap? Grow up, Abby!"

I ignored the belittling comment. "Val. Arthur and I broke up. It's over."

He gasped loudly.

"What the fuck did you do? I told you not to break his heart," he barked at me.

"Right. His heart. Why do you assume it's my doing?"

"Because I know he wouldn't do it. Arthur doesn't just casually date, he thinks you guys are endgame."

"But tell me, Val, does he also think he and Eleanor are endgame? Because, last time I checked, she's the one he's still legally bound to."

He had nothing to reply to that. The silence on the other end of the line was satisfying, I was glad I had gotten him to shut up.

"Abby—"

"Don't even try to give me a justification! You guys are a bunch of hypocrites. You've spent so much energy warning me not to hurt him, but not one of you has considered that he was hurting me."

Okay, maybe I purposely left out that I had done some pretty bad damage too. But Val clearly didn't know about it, and it was up to Arthur to decide whether he wanted to disclose that.

"We told him, you know. After the first time we met you, we all told him to tell you about it. But he didn't want to."

"And neither one of you could told me?" I countered. "You were supposed to be my friends too."

"Abby, come on. If Sigrid had asked you to hide something from us, would you have told us? We like you but we couldn't just betray Arthur for you."

"If Sigrid ever did something that stupid, I would not betray her but I for sure would force her to confess! I would not enable her lies."

"Listen, I . . . You're right, we should have tried harder to convince him to tell you. I'm sorry. We're all sorry."

"Sorry will not cut it. I don't want your apology. I want revenge. I want sex. I want to forget."

"You don't have to throw the towel, you know? You're mad, I get it, but his marriage means nothing anymore. He's as good as divorced."

"Throwing the towel? How's that throwing the towel? He lied to me. For months."

"It's technically not a lie if he just never mentioned it." He heard my unimpressed look through the phone. "Dude, you literally got him to agree to be with you while you fucked God knows who, if that doesn't prove that he's crazy about you and Eleanor doesn't matter one bit, I don't know what does."

I wondered if that skewed version of reality was Arthur's work, or if his friends were just masters at making up their own stories in their minds.

"I didn't get him to agree to anything. He begged me to accept it. That open relationship farce was his idea."

"That's worse. The guy begged you to accept something that is so outside of his values, it's almost comical. How can you doubt that he cares only for you?"

"You don't get it. It's not about Eleanor." It really wasn't. Well, she was very beautiful, with luscious golden-brown hair and green eyes, but my problem with the situation went far beyond jealousy. "It's about the lies, or the omission if you will."

"Abby, you're getting worked up over nothing. It was a dumb move of him, but I swear he's not involved with Eleanor."

What did he not understand at this point?

"It's not about him being with her!" I yelled at him, tired of repeating myself.

"Fine! Then what's next? You guys are over and that's it? You're not even going to try and salvage it?"

"This relationship should have never happened in the first place."

"You're ridiculous. What are you going to do? Go back to fucking the male population of LA?"

"And the female one. Don't forget about the females. Do you want to do me the honor of being my first rebound?"

"Fuck off, Abby."

"Gladly."

* * *

Shivani: That sounds good to me. I can do that. And more ;)

Me: Perfect. Text me your address and I'll be there at 8.

I had done something that I had sworn to myself I wouldn't do: using Tinder to find someone not just to fuck me, but to properly dominate me. I usually didn't trust people online to live up to what they wrote. The digital correspondence of the app made it so easy for anyone to pretend to have the same proclivities as mine in bed, just for them to turn out to be all-words. That's why I always preferred meeting people in person, it allowed me to judge their character more accurately. I did not have time for disappointing sex.

But your girl was desperate and impatient, so Tinder it was. As a rule of thumb, women on Tinder were more reliable than men, hence I had focused my research on women. And I had found one. Shivani, thirty-two years old, lesbian. She had long, pin-straight hair of a warm shade of black. In all her pictures, she wore it tied in a bun that showed off her undercut. She had tattoos all over her rich brown arms, a piercing through her lower lip, and her bio consisted of a devil emoji and a chain emoji. My interest had been piqued immediately.

When she opened the door of her apartment to me, I melted a bit. The photos on her profile had not done her justice. She was tall, around five ten, with a slender, angular frame that could be qualified as masculine. Her jaw was sharper than Angelina Jolie's, and her eyes as black as a moonless night.

She wore a thin, oversized white shirt tucked into fitted charcoal gray suit pants. She had opened enough buttons for me to see the moth tattoo between her small, flat breasts. Her dark nipples peeked through the sheer fabric of her top.

"My eyes are up here," she greeted me with a smile.

I laughed nervously.

This woman was nothing short of gorgeous, and that made me nervous. When it came to sex and flirting, men were easy, and I felt confident with them. I knew how to work them for the both of us to have a good time. Women were another story. Women were more subtle, more complex, and, frankly, more intimidating. Being in front of this goddess made me feel like the insecure teenage girl I used to be. And that turned me on.

I had been in charge for so long with Arthur, always being on high alert during sex, that I just craved giving away control and not have to worry. Shivani knew that, we had had a detailed conversation about my expectations and hers, and had agreed to meet in person to make the magic happen.

"Hi Shivani, I'm Abby," I replied with a cute smile before briefly hugging her.

When we parted, it was her turn to have her eyes drift to my boobs. I was wearing a flowery sundress with a very low neckline, a tiny bit of cleavage showing thanks to a push-up bra. It was all part of the roles we were playing. She was the broody, sexy dom, and I was the sweet, innocent sub.

She let me in and led me to her couch. The lights in her apartment were dimmed, there was some soft music in the background, and a bottle of red was already out. She invited me to sit close to her and draped a fuzzy blanket on top of our laps when I joined her. She poured two glasses and handed me one.

While she sipped her drink, her hand slithered underneath the blanket and rested on my thigh. The gesture, if arousing, made me shudder.

"Don't be so tense, we're here for a fun time," she said in a slightly mocking tone.

I had a somber laugh. If she thought that was my first time sleeping with a stranger, she had no idea who she was talking to. I was pretty sure my body count was much higher than hers, just because mine was higher than most people, I needed no reassurance on what was about to happen. It's just that, despite my desire to officialize this breakup and move on, it felt . . . almost wrong to have sex with someone else than Arthur. And also, she was so lean, and muscular, and angular that she made me fully aware of how soft and rounded I was.

"I'm not tense," I replied, "I just . . . I have a lot going on right now. That's why I'm here."

"Is that stuff you would like to talk about or stuff you would like me to make you forget?"

I met her gaze. She looked genuine. If I wanted to not have sex and talk about my feelings instead, she would listen to me.

"I don't want to talk about it."

I drank from my glass. The wine was very smooth in my mouth, proof of its quality.

"It's about a man, isn't it?" Shivani guessed right, the word 'man' tasting like acid in her mouth.

"Of course it is," I sighed.

"Then I know exactly what you need."

She downed her wine and put the empty glass on the coaster lying on the coffee table. She angled her body to face me and scooted closer. When she put her hand on my shoulder, I made to put down my own glass, as I could see where this was going.

"No," she stopped. "Just keep drinking and relax. Don't mind me."

So I didn't mind her. Or at least I tried to. She placed her lips at the corner of my jaw, and just that tiny bit of contact had me shivering from head to toe. I really was deprived.

She traced the contour of the side of my jawline with her lips while I did my best to relax and enjoy the wine and the sensations. The hand that was on my shoulder slowly shifted down to my chest. She cupped my breast delicately, without squeezing, while her other hand grabbed my waist. Her mouth went down the column of my neck, sucking and gently nibbling at the skin there. When she bit down a bit more forcefully on the spot right where my neck meets my jaw, I couldn't help throwing my head back and I let out a small moan. She chuckled. She had to be thinking I was very inexperienced.

As she got lower and kissed my throat, my collarbone, and then the top of my breasts, I took another sip of wine. She didn't give me a chance to swallow that her lips jumped to mine, forcing them open. I let her lead the dance, not showing any resistance when she pushed her tongue past my teeth and down my throat. I just knew she was able to taste some of the wine before I managed to swallow it.

She withdrew her mouth and licked her lips with a wicked smile, her almond eyes locked on mine. I was already mesmerized.

She got off the couch and knelt on the ground, right between my legs that she had parted around her body. She grabbed my hips and, in one brisk movement, she brought me right to the edge of the couch. My dress was short enough that she didn't need to scrunch it up to expose my underwear.

She looked up to me for a second. "You're still okay with everything we have discussed over texts?" She inquired.

In my quest to find somebody who would give me the kind of sex I craved, I had gone straight to the point with Shivani. I had told her what I expected of her, and she had agreed to it. We'd also exchanged our list of what was on and off the table. If it felt a bit bureaucratic, I liked the efficiency of it, and it did feel safer. I was lucky enough to never have had too bad of an encounter when performing light BDSM with strangers without the safety net of a list of pre-agreed acts, but I was very aware of how reckless that had been of me.

I nodded in response to her question.

"Safe word?"

"Topology."

She raised a curious eyebrow but she didn't ask. "Noted. Mine is penis."

If I'd had wine in my mouth, I would have spat it out. That was too funny.

"I shall remember that," I said between two giggles.

She cut my laughter short when she pressed her lips on my underwear, right on top of my clitoris. I jerked a little so she pinned me down with her forearm across my lower belly.

Her free hand seized my right knee and lifted my leg so that my thigh was against her cheek. She turned her head and sunk her teeth into my flesh. Biting was on both our lists of stuff we enjoyed, giving in her case, both receiving and giving in mine. My body wanted to react to the jolt of pain from my inner leg but I was immobilized. So I just whined.

I took another sip of wine right as she bit me higher, at the crease between my leg and my hip. She didn't draw blood, but she was surfing with blatant expertise the line between pain and pleasure.

She kept biting, her attention on my legs while she purposely ignored my vagina that started to throb in anticipation. It's a miracle she couldn't already see my muscles contracting on their own. Or maybe she could see it but decided not to comment on it.

She put my leg back on the floor and both her hands snuck under my dress, all the way up to my waist. She grabbed the waistband of my panties and pulled them down to my ankles. She freed me of my underwear and hooked her arms around my thighs. She gave a quick tug until my pussy was right in her face. Then she unhooked one arm and brought her fingertips just above my clit.

"I can feel how hot you are without even touching you," she snarked. "Are you really that desperate for a proper cunnilingus?"

I nodded frantically. I was that desperate. The number of cunnilinguses – cunnilingi? – I had gotten from Arthur was exactly zero. I was in furious need of one. A good one.

"Give me a few minutes and I'll make you forget why you even got involved with that man in the first place."

She draped my legs over her shoulders and she proceeded to eat me out. With an impressive precision, she placed her lips on me so that her piercing was right on my clit. Not even a millimeter off, she hit bull's eye on the first try. My body spasmed against her face so she grabbed my thigh with one arm, and she put her other arm across my belly to pin me down, like she had done earlier.

There was nothing I could do, nowhere I could go. All I could do was sit back, let it go, and enjoy the ride. So that's what I did. I fully relaxed and let my body go limp against the backrest of the couch.

"Feel free to keep drinking your wine," she said while her lip ring was still very much anchored on my throbbing clit. The vibration of her voice through the ring then through my nerves made my eyes roll back into my skull. I wasn't going to last long.

And hell did I not last long indeed. While her lips deliciously tortured my center, she let go of my leg and she inserted two fingers in that she curled upwards, pushing onto my G-spot with unprecedented savviness. My hips undulated of their own volition, riding her hand, struggling against her arm pinning me down.

My grip on the wine glass almost faltered, but I held on. The heat and pressure between my legs were rising impossibly fast. I didn't even moan anymore, my brain too busy focusing on one very specific part of my body. Shivani kept curling her fingers at an impressive pace, she kept pushing on my lower belly with her forearm, and she kept dragging her damn lip ring over my clit until I lost it.

While most of my orgasms felt like falling off an edge, this one felt like I exploded. It was so intense that I almost didn't notice how I squirted all over her fingers, mouth, and chin. The vision of her soaked in my own release was almost enough to make me come a second time.

I did not squirt easily, the last time I had done it was with Josh, and even he had only managed to get me there a couple times. To make it happen, Shivani had to be very skilled, and I had no doubt she was. She had said that she would help me forget about 'that man'. Mission accomplished, I'd say.

Licking her lips with a feral grin, she looked up at me.

"Looks like somebody was in desperate need of a release," she teased me, despite knowing very well that I had squirted because she had decided that I would squirt, not just because I was just out of weeks of pent-up frustration from bad sex.

I played her game and looked down at her with wide, doe eyes that were meant to make me look more innocent.

"I—I didn't know I could do that," I said in a whiney voice while batting my lashes. "You're so good."

She had a satisfied side smirk while she unwrapped my legs from her shoulders and came up to hover above me, her nose almost touching mine.

"Lick yourself off me," she ordered. And I obeyed.

I licked her lips first, then I sucked on her chin, her cheeks, the corners of her jaw, before coming back to her lips. I slid my tongue in her mouth and cupped her ass with one hand, bringing her close to me. She gave me a few seconds of enjoyment before pulling away and fisting my hair. She yanked my head back against the couch and looked at me with enraged eyes.

"What made you think you could be in charge?"

She shoved one hand in my bra and pinched my nipple. Hard. I let out a scream from the pain.

"I might have been nice to you for a few minutes because your body was begging for a proper orgasm, but rest assured that I am anything but nice," she murmured in my ear. "And I'm the one in charge, don't you forget that."

Oh my. If I could come from words, those would be my undoing.

I nodded briefly to show my obedience. She pinched harder.

"Yes!" I voiced my agreement in a yelp and a wicked smile appeared on her features.

"Good girl."

She let go of my nipple and tipped her chin towards my glass of wine, which was surprisingly still in my hand, still not empty. I finished the rest of my drink and she took the empty glass from me, placing it on the table. She had me follow her to her bedroom.

The abundance of gray and white and black in her room was not without reminding me of Arthur's place. And since thinking about him was exactly what I was running from, I chased the thought away. One feature that I knew for sure Arthur's room did not have was the four hidden hooks on each corner of her bed frame, that she uncovered while I watched her in awe.

She took my dress off me in one swift motion and unclasped my bra with a pinch of her thumb and forefinger. I was then completely naked in front of her, except for my shoes. She made me keep the shoes on.

"Turn around," she commanded, and I listened.

She let out a grunt. "That ass is so perfect I could eat it. And I probably will."

I instinctively rubbed my thighs together at such a promise. I'm sure she saw it.

She guided me to her bed and made me lie on my back. From her nightstand, she took out a set of restraints and proceeded to tie all four of my limbs to the corners of her bed frame, making use of those hooks.

In a few minutes time, I was spread-eagled on the bed, totally naked, immobilized, opened, and at her mercy. The thing with submission and bondage, despite the power play that many love, is that it allows the submissive to completely free themselves from having to make decisions, to perform well, to be active enough. You literally just lie there, enjoy the ride, and let somebody make decisions for you. I needed that. All I wanted right was somebody to fuck me, and not for me to fuck somebody.

Slowly, Shivani untucked her shirt and undid the few buttons that were fastened. She let the garment fall to the floor. She then removed her shoes, her pants, and her underwear, until I had to crane my neck up so I could admire her gorgeous, brown, slender, and very naked body. She had made the choice to keep her pubic hair, I mentally applauded her for her disregard of idiotic, patriarchal beauty standards.

She knelt on the bed and crawled towards me until she was at the top of it. There, she swung one leg over me and straddled my head, her pussy over a few inches above my lips.

"Make me come," she ordered before properly sitting on my face.

So I made her come. She had a lip ring and knew how to use it to her advantage. Well, I had a tongue piercing and knew how to use it too. With my hands tied up, it was the only tool I could use, but I made it work. After a few minutes of working her clit with my lips and the metal sphere on my tongue, she came undone while riding my face. As she reached her release, she let out deep, sexy moans that made my stomach curl on itself.

She took a minute to steady her breath and she got off me. She unclipped the restraints from the bed frame but clipped them back on themselves, thus tying my hands together, as well as my feet. She told me to flip to my belly and I obeyed. She pulled my hips up and put me on my knees, my head buried in the mattress.

I felt the sting of the spank she gratified my right butt cheek with before I heard the sound of it. She was wearing multiple rings that made the pain more intense where she wore the metal. That would probably bruise.

Just as I was getting turned on by the idea of her bruises marking my flesh, my left butt cheek got slapped too. This time, I yelped. From the surprise, mostly, but also from the pain, which I liked so much. She spanked me again. And again. And again. And some more, until my flesh was a stingy mess. I was sure that my skin was all shades of purple by the time she was done.

I felt her kneel behind me and spread my butt cheeks with her long, thin fingers. And in the blink of an eye, her tongue was on my anus. She was eating my ass, like she had said she would.

I whined into the mattress as her tongue pushed its way inside, past the first ring of muscles. The feeling of intrusion, of being stretched, was one that I hadn't felt in a while.

She grabbed my hair in one hand and violently tugged on it, forcing my head up. Her tongue retreated, leaving me empty.

"You like it up the ass, don't you?" She said while her lips were still dangerously close to my asshole.

"Yes."

She tugged harder.

"Yes, who?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Good. Then if you like it, you better be grateful about it."

"Yes ma'am."

I didn't brat, she didn't want me to. It was on the list of things we had agreed on. She would dominate me, but I would have to submit. She was no brat tamer and would not like my fighting back.

As she resumed her wonders on my ass, I mumbled as many 'thank you, ma'am' and 'it feels so good' and 'please don't stop' as I could manage given that my sanity was about to leave the room.

She slid a finger between my labia, spreading my arousal upwards. I wailed when she slid that finger up my ass, twisting and turning to make sure my body properly stretched around her. She took out some lube and inserted a second finger. And then a third one.

She slapped my ass with her other hand, the surprise making me tighten around her fingers. I yelped.

And suddenly, she removed her fingers, leaving me empty, aching, and wanting. I groaned, instinctively clenching on nothing but air.

"Don't worry, darling. I won't be gone long."

An ache that had nothing to do with the absence of her body inside mine tugged at my heart. Darling.

Now's not the time to be sentimental over stupid stuff!

Right.

I heard Shivani dig into her nightstand once more and she dropped her haul on the bed. From the corner of my eye, I could see a magic wand and one massive, teal green dildo. The thing was at least nine inches long and two inches wide. Much bigger than any real penis I'd ever seen, both in length and girth.

"Be a good girl and wet this up for me," she said and, without waiting for my response, presented the tip of the plastic dong to my lips. I opened wide and she shoved the thing in my mouth, until it hit the back of my throat. I gagged but she did not withdraw. She waited for me to relax, for my throat to unclench and soften. When she felt she could, she pushed the sex toy further in, inch by inch, while she bent her body over mine and fondled with my breasts with her other hand.

"Good girl," she said in an appreciative tone when the fake balls of the toy base touched my lips. "That's impressive. Let's see how you manage if I fuck your mouth with it."

She gripped my hair and pulled my head up. She made back-and-forth motions with the dildo, using a fast, punishing rhythm. Each time she rammed it in, I gagged a bit, the toy quickly becoming a drooly mess, along with my chin.

"Perfect," she assessed when she took the dildo out for good.

She brought it to my back, where I couldn't see what she was doing for I was still on all fours, hands and feet tied. She squirted some lube in my ass crack and spread it generously, and I imagined she squirted some more on the dildo itself. Spit is nice and sexy but doesn't really work well as a lubricant.

And there it was, the massive penis-shaped toy, demanding entry to my tight hole. I heard a buzzing sound. She had turned on the magic wand. A mere second after thinking that, I jerked as she pressed it right on my clit, at full power. It wasn't slow, it wasn't sinuous. It was very straightforward. I came from the vibration in less than one minute and, when all my muscles were pulsing from the orgasm, she pushed the dildo in by at least a couple inches.

"Dios mio!" I cried out. It felt so good, and so bad at the same time. The right amount of pain and pleasure to keep everything nicely balanced.

"I don't know which God you're calling after but there's no need. No God is going to save you from me."

"It's just a phrase," I explained.

She slapped my ass loudly.

"Don't talk back to me," she ordered.

"Yes ma'am."

She spanked me again and pushed the toy further. I moaned. The magic wand was still vibrating away between my folds. I adjusted myself on it. She saw it. So she removed it.

"Greedy little creature," she said, tsking me. "You want to come again?"

"Yes ma'am. Please ma'am."

"But you have to earn it first."

"Anything you want, ma'am," I spoke in my most submissive voice.

She twisted the toy inside me, not pushing it any further in but hitting me at some angles I had only rarely explored. I was losing my English over how great and foreign it felt.

"If you want to come, you'll have to fuck yourself on this dick. Only good girls who can take it all get to come."

Very well. It was going to hurt, but it was going to be even more pleasurable. She was giving me control over the speed and the strength, but also forcing me to inflict the pain on myself instead of doing it to me. I heard her move the magic wand to herself.

"If you don't mind, I'm gonna take care of myself while you take care of yourself. This dick better be inside your tiny asshole by the time I come."

I liked a challenge. I did a few timid motions on the dildo, pretending it hurt very much and I couldn't take it, while I listened to her moan as she used the vibrator. When I could tell she was getting closer, I slammed myself down on the plastic dick in her hand, taking it to the hilt in one swift movement. I couldn't contain the scream I let out. It felt delightful, as expected, but it hurt as well, like it was supposed to.

"Oh my god, that was so hot," she commented, her breathing starting to be erratic.

I moved my hips front and back slowly, gliding on the dildo that she held firmly while she was going to town with the other toy.

"Yes, stretch your tight little ass on this huge dick, you know you love that."

Her actions and language were very similar to what a man would do and say to a woman during heterosexual sex. That was one of the things we had agreed on. As much as I preferred women in bed, I still liked to stick to some of the heterosexual standards such as penetration. She didn't have that need, hence why she was not getting a dick in her body that night, but I was.

I moved faster on the dildo and she started matching my rhythm with it, pushing it forwards as I moved my ass back, and vice versa, all the while using the wand on her clit.

"That's it, just like that, I'm gonna come!"

And she came, her orgasm voice much deeper than her regular voice.

She didn't take a breather after that and went straight to me.

"You've been a good girl, you took that dick like a champion. You deserve a reward," she murmured in my ear, causing shivers to run down my spine. "Stop moving."

I stopped and she pushed the toy inside me as far as she could, her hand flat against my ass so it wouldn't spring back out.

She brought the magic wand to my clit again. I was over-sensitive and spent, yet the magic wand worked its magic and I was on the verge of yet another orgasm in very little time. I started squirming around it.

"Yeah, that's it darling. Get yourself off on that wand. Come for me."

I did something I had never, ever done during sex, although I had witnessed one person do it lot. I froze. I genuinely froze. The shockwave of pleasure was gone in the blink of an eye, the mood ruined, and all I wanted was to crawl under the blanket.

I knew why. Because of one word. One stupid word, which shouldn't have affected me like that. The first time she'd said it, I'd been able to ignore it. Not this second time. The emotions were running too high and my mind was way too raw from the sex we'd just had.

"Topology." I invoked my safe word.

In less than a minute, the dildo was out of my ass, the clips of my restraints were undone, and I was pulled into a seating position.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. I knew I shouldn't, but I felt bad for putting a premature end to our fun.

"Don't you dare apologize for using your safe word. It's here for that reason. To keep you safe. You're okay?"

"Yeah . . ." I trailed off. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just . . . It's the 'darling' thing. It made me feel weird."

"Oh. Is that how he calls you?"

I nodded. "It's ridiculous, I know, to be triggered by a simple word. I didn't know I was that affected by it. He's not worth it."

"Hell no he isn't! But please, don't be embarrassed by what triggered you. We all have our own shit to sort out."

I nodded softly. She took my hands and untied the restraints there, and she did the same with my feet. Then, she took a blanket out of the chest at the foot of her bed, and she rolled me in it.

"What about a cup of tea and a bar of chocolate?" She offered as she put on a dressing gown.

I smiled and accepted. Chocolate and tea sounded exactly like what I needed right now.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A/N: Aaaaaaand that's one hell of a downward spiral. I did say that this book was an emotional roller coaster, didn't I?

As always, next chapter on Monday, please vote and comment.

Love,
Charlie.