Alright, welcome back guys and guys with no dicks. If you do have a dick, I highly recommend you take a few a few viagra and fuck your boyfriend until his ass crunches...

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

...because I just looked at the WWE app and it had to do with the return of Charlotte Flair.

We all know her, seriously wish we didn't.

So she just returned to Smackdown last night and thank Christ I wasn't watching because if I heard the intro to her music, I would've smashed my TV into a million pieces.

Her winning titles all the time is just a waste of time and energy to watch because she pulls the same promo over and over, "I'm better than you! I'm better than you! I'm better than you!"

Just say you were the abortion that lived and leave, like I don't know why you gotta be so flamboyant about how great your dad's legacy is!

If Reid were still alive and he didn't win Championships all the time, then I would've been okay with it because Charlotte would fuck the fans and the women out of titles and get away with it.

She's like a Santa Claus, always going down your chimney to take a giant shit in the middle of your living room while having your dog eat her pussy and lick her fake-ass boobs.

I have a feeling she's got the creative team in her pocket and that's why she's a 14 time champion.

She should've lost to Ronda because seriously, I'd rather watch episodes of the Netflix version of Resident Evil than watch another Charlotte Flair Championship reign because it's that bad.

Whenever she opens her mouth it's like watching a bobblehead talk. When she looks shocked with hands on her head, she looks like the screaming painting if Edvard Munch was overdosing on perk 30 while he was painting it.

She looks like Rebel Wilson when she walks into a straight bar, but sadly, there's no way to stop her. We don't have rights to choose who we want as Champion, only Charlotte does.

Her title runs are the R-Truth to my Adam Blampied from PartsFunKnown because every single time she wins a championship, I feel personally obligated to blind myself. It's just insufferable.

I never wanted to punch her boobs and see them deflate so much in my life.

I really hope Andrade just divorces her and finally opens his eyes about the situation between Charlotte and the women's division in WWE because he must have a spine but his brain is put on backwards and I don't know why he married her in the first place.

It probably had to do with her boobs and how fucking fake they are.

I just found out my phone has a brail feature.

Charlotte looks like ThatVeganTeacher if she had de-aged herself, got some implants and actually started working out while taking steroids.

I always hated Charlotte and seeing the news that she returned and win the Smackdown title just made me hate her even more.

So if you can excuse me, I'm gonna take a nice long bath with Bobby the Baseball Bat and Timmy The Toaster before I keep going on.