Shock. It is the only word that can describe how I am feeling. I was talking to my brother when he decided to risk his life to save a stranger. The others tried their best to keep him alive but there was nothing that they could do. So I just held my brother's hand while he died. The thing is I had the chance to stop him but I didn't. Right now I am watching on as they take my brother's organs. Even in death, he wanted to save lives. Of course, my mum and I disagreed but I knew what George wanted.

"Erin, can you say something please?" My mum is begging for my attention. What can I say? I chose to ignore her as the situation between us is already shaky and I don't want to make it worse. Instead, I turned my attention to one of my brother's doctors.

"Erin, you should talk to your mum," He says.

"With all due respect, Doctor Shepard there is not much for me to say that hasn't already been said. My brother is dead and there is nothing that I can do about it even if I wanted to," I snap as I leave. After a couple of minutes, I found what I was looking for. I glanced over my shoulder to make sure no one was following me. Since no one followed me I headed into the bathroom. I made it just in time. I collapse to the ground crying. I want my brother back. After what feels like an eternity I am joined by Meredith, one of George's best friends. I sigh as she sits down.

"Go away," I say mustering some strength.

"Look what happened to George wasn't fair. None of it is fair but he'd want you to keep going. You're his sister. His legacy lives on in you," Meredith counters.

"You don't understand. He was more than a brother to me. He was there for me when nobody else was," I manage to say before the tears take hold.

It has been ten long years since then and I am doing something I thought I'd never do. I am returning home. Ever since my brother George died Seattle never felt the same so I left. I went to England. It was there that I became a paramedic for the National Health Service. It was the thing that George was pushing me towards before he died. Right now I am watching through the window as the plane comes in to land at King Country International. I guess I should actually tell you my name. My name is Erin O'Malley. Yep, my brother was George O'Malley. After a few minutes of watching a thud rings through the plane's cabin. That can only mean that we have landed. The PA system crackles to life.

"This is your captain speaking. On behalf of the team, I would like to welcome you to Seattle," The captain announces. In my case, it is a welcome home. After what feels like an eternity I finally made it through the airport. Once I pass through security I am greeted by a familiar face.

"I am glad you're back," My mum remarks as she pulls me into a big hug.

"I'm glad to be back," I say as I pull away.

It has been a couple of days since then and I am getting ready for work. Before I left England I made sure to reach out to the Seattle Fire Department to request an international transfer. Thankfully the request was accepted. In fact, according to Chief Ripley, he offered me a position at the best firehouse in Seattle. Of course, I took it.

"Erin I can take you to the firehouse if you want," My mum offers.

"It's ok. Ronny beat you to it. He wants to catch up with me," I say. Both of my remaining brothers wanted to take me but I flipped a coin because I didn't want to deal with both of them in one go. They are utter chaos together. It doesn't take long for the doorbell to sound. My mum answers it as I grab the last of my things.

"ERIN ARE YOU READY?" Mum yells from the other side of the house.

"YES," I reply equally as loud. Well here goes. After fifteen minutes of catching up with my brother, we made it to station 19. I take a deep breath as Ronny says goodbye. Well, this is it. It is at that moment I notice someone waiting for me. He looks like he has an air of authority to him however he doesn't have the Captain's bars on his collar.

"Are you Erin O'Malley?" The man asks.

"Yes, I am," I responded.

"My name is Travis Montgomery. I'll be your partner for today. Captain Sulivan asked me to show you around," The man responds as he gets to work on dragging me around. After fifteen minutes of being shown around Travis gives me permission to get changed into my uniform. With a few swift movements, I am changed into my uniform. I take a deep breath as I head to the dining area. It is there that I see a familiar face alongside one of the other firefighters.

"Hello Doctor Bailey," I greeted her.

"Hello, Erin. How's it been?" She gets to work on catching up with me.

"It's been interesting," I responded. Our catch-up is short as Doctor Bailey has things to do. After saying goodbye to who I assume to be her husband she leaves.

"Sorry about that. Miranda is a busy woman," The newcomer says.

"My name is Ben Warren by the way," He adds an introduction for good measure.

"Erin O'Malley," I responded.

"So if you don't mind me asking how do you know Miranda?" He asks another question.

"My brother, George, worked for her as an intern," I explained. I leave out the fact that she was one of the doctors assisting with looking after George before he died. I'm going to leave it a secret for as long as I can. Thankfully it doesn't take long for the others to arrive. As soon as the rest sit down the man who I assume to be Captain Sulivan joins us.

"Ok let's get started. As you know we have a new paramedic joining our ranks. She is an international transfer so treat her with a little more respect than you would normally. Her name is Erin O'Malley. Even though I am running a tight ship around here I want you to make her feel welcome," As soon as Captain Sulivan gets the required introduction out of the way he delegated the chores. Luckily for me, I am stuck doing the inventory with Travis. Call me weird but I am glad that we are doing the inventory first. The reason? Well, it was always the first thing that I did before I went on patrol in England. Plus medication names in the US are completely different to the names in England. It doesn't take long for Travis and I to reach the ambulance. With an annoyed gesture, he grabs a clipboard.

"Are you ready?" Travis asks.

"Yep," As soon as I respond the signal bell goes. Of course, it has to go before we've had the chance to complete the inventory. With that, Travis tosses the clipboard aside as we race to our positions in the front of the ambulance. After what feels like an eternity we made it to the scene. I can feel my eyes widen as we pull up. The building is well alight.

"Well it looks like you've been thrown in the deep end," Travis remarks as we join the others for instructions.

"Montgomery, O'Malley you two set up triage. Warren, Bishop, man the hoses. Jack, Andy, Miller you three are on search and rescue," Captain Sulivan commands. We all split off to follow through with our orders. Thankfully Captain Sulivan is smart enough to request backup. After a few minutes of work, Travis and I set up the triage area. Now we wait. Thankfully it doesn't take long for the first wave to arrive. This is where the fun begins. I intercept my first victim.

"I'm sorry. I knew I shouldn't have gone to work today," The victim apologises.

"Don't worry about it. My team is going to try their best to get everyone out," I get to work on checking her over. Luckily for her the only wounds that I notice are superficial. I grab a triage tag and rip it up to the green tab.

"You should be aware there is a blind person in one of the offices. His name is Doug. He might be lost. We got separated during the evacuation," The woman informs me. I turn my attention to Captain Sulivan.

"Cap there is a blind man who is lost somewhere in the building, "I inform him of what the woman told me.

"Get your gear, O'Malley. We are going in together," Captain Sulivan orders. Thankfully it doesn't take long for us to get ready. I take a deep breath as we enter the building. Luckily for us, Andy, Jack and Millier have cleared a path to enter. After three minutes of walking my attention is grabbed by a loud thud.

"Ouch," I manage to make out the sound of someone's voice.

"IF THAT'S YOU DOUG CALL OUT," I yell over the roar of the fire.

"I"M OVER HERE," Comes the reply. After clearing a few bits of debris I find Doug. He is crawling on the floor with his hand stretched out in front of him. With a few swift movements, I have my glove off. I glance at Captain Sulivan for permission. Thankfully he nods. With that out of the way, I use my ungloved hand to grab Doug's outstretched hand.

"Hey Doug my name is Erin and I'm going to get you out of here ok," I say as I help Doug up.

"Yep. Umm...please be careful. I'm blind and the fire is making it worse," Doug awkwardly confirms.

"Don't worry. Like I said, Captain Sulivan and I are going to get you out," Again I try my best to reassure him. After a couple of deep breaths on Doug's part, I latch on to Doug's arm.

"Let me know if this gets physically uncomfortable," I add on for good measure.

"Sure," Doug responds. The thing is he doesn't sound sure. I put it down to the fact that he is in a place that he doesn't want to be. I can't blame him either. I use my free hand to give Captain Sulivan an awkward thumbs-up. With that out of the way, we get to work on guiding Doug out. It is tense but after what feels like an eternity we have finally made it back to the triage area. I carefully sit Doug on one of the free gurneys.

"Umm...this is going to sound strange but...I...urgh. God this is embarrassing," Doug complains.

"I want to touch your face. It's the only way I can see who my rescuer is," Doug explains as I slip my breathing apparatus off. It is at that moment that I notice Travis giving us a funny look.

"So long as you are careful and Travis he's blind. He just wants to know what his rescuer looks like," I responded. Besides, I've had plenty of experiences like this back in England. I gently grab Doug's hands and pull them to the important facial features. After a few seconds, Doug is finished. He looks a little flabbergasted.

"I never knew the fire department had literal angles and your hand was shaking," Doug whispers the last part.

"It's nothing to worry about. It's just my first time actually going into a fire. Anyway, I have work to do," I say, turning my attention to giving Doug the required evaluation. After an hour of checking over various patients, the time has come for us to deliver the last patient to the hospital. After ten minutes of driving we arrive at a familiar building.

"I'm telling you George, the army is a bad idea. If you get killed in action this family will fall apart," I am pleading with him.

"Erin there is nothing that you can do to change my mind," George counters. It is at that moment George notices a distracted lady. He also notices a bus heading in her direction. Before I have the chance to stop him he leaps out in front of the bus shoving the lady aside.

"Sorry Travis but you have to do the next part alone. I hate hospitals," The thing is I don't hate hospitals. I only hate this one. Travis gives me another funny look. This time it is a cross between a funny look and a concerned look.

"I'll explain later," I deflect. After handing over the patient I head back to the ambulance. For my first call, it seemed to go well. I will have to talk to Travis about it when he gets back. Luckily for me, it only takes five minutes for him to get back.

"So do you really want to talk about why you didn't want to follow me in?" Travis asks.

"Nope, but I will if I have to," I say as I catch myself staring out of the window. The only thing that has changed is the name.

"I'm not going to force you but you should know that I am here to talk," Travis reassures me.

"Thank you," I say. I hope that one day I feel comfortable enough to share what happened in the walls of that hospital. Until then I am going to remain vigilant with my journaling. It feels weird that my first call happened as soon as we started. Oh well, I just hope the rest of it is quiet. Not that I would say what I am thinking out loud.