Trigger warning- self harm

22 years old

Tyler's skin pressed against the cold tiles as he sat on the bathroom floor. The cold floor contrasted with his flowing hot tears. His arm hung over the bathtub, small cuts littering his once clean skin. Blood slowly dripped off his arm into the drain below.

Tyler silently cried while he watched the red liquid roll off his skin, almost as if he were in a trance. He felt empty. He got himself to finally stop thinking, but not in a good way. He wanted Josh, but Josh was at work. Tyler had no idea what time it was now, but he hoped Josh wouldn't be home until sometime later.

His head rested against the wall, eyes trained on his arm which was sure to have scars. Josh was going to find out. Josh was going to be so upset with him.

Tyler let out a choked sob at the realization, anger burning deep within his chest. How could he have been so stupid? He wasn't only hurting himself, but Josh too.

Tyler let out a gasp as the bathroom door shot open, revealing a very concerned looking Josh. In an instant, Tyler brought his arm to his chest, covering the bloody cuts with his hand.

"Tyler?" Josh asked slowly, confused eyes glancing from the blood in the tub to Tyler holding his arm.

"What happened?"

Tyler let out another sob, knowing how much he hurt Josh. Josh didn't know anything was wrong with Tyler. The boy seemed so happy all the time. How could Josh have been so blind? Why didn't Tyler tell him? Why would he have kept such a big secret?

Josh knelt down in front of Tyler, a slow stream of tears cascading over his cheek bones.

"Let me see," Josh said gently, holding out a hand.

Tyler reluctantly placed his arm in Josh's hand, shrinking down as he watched the man scrutinize the damage he'd done.

"I-I'm s-so sorry J-Josh," Tyler choked out, nearly hyperventilating.

"Calm down, T, please. Calm down before anything else alright?"

"I-I c-can't!" Tyler cried, head tilting down in shame.

"Yes you can, Tyler. I'm going to clean you up while you calm down. And then we're going to talk about this."

"D-Don't wanna t-talk about it..." Tyler murmured, hiccuping between words.

"We have to, baby. I'm sorry but we have to," Josh spoke sadly.

Josh wet a washcloth with warm water from the tub and held it over Tyler's wounds. Tyler watched shamefully, not looking forward to the discussion him and Josh were going to have.

Josh bandaged Tyler's arm even though he knew the bleeding wasn't going to last much longer. It just pained him to see Tyler's once clean arm now ruined.

Josh carried the brunette into their bedroom, carefully placing him on top of their blue comforter. He kneeled in front of him, gazing up into his sad eyes.

"Why would you do this, T?"

Tyler couldn't fight the tears that began falling like torrential rain. He didn't know. He couldn't have a good of enough explanation for why he did it, so he just shrugged.

"Tell me what you were thinking."

Although not on purpose, Josh's words only made Tyler cry harder. He shook his head stubbornly, afraid he would only upset Josh more.

"Tell me, baby. It's alright. Do you want a hug?"

Tyler gave a small nod and he felt Josh's arms encase him. He clutched fist-fulls of the older's shirt as he drenched his shoulder in tears.

"I still love you, baby. I just want to know what's wrong, okay? Why'd you keep this a secret from me?"

Tyler listened, but didn't answer. He waited until his breathing began to even and his tears began to stop.

"Y-You don't hate me?"

"T, I could never hate you. I want to know why the person I love was hurting so much."

"I was just thinking too much, Joshie," Tyler mumbled, head hanging in embarrassment.

"Why, T? What were you thinking about?"

"Everything? Nothing? I don't know..."

"Tell me what was going through your head."

"Too much," Tyler sighed, eyes filling with tears at the memory.

"Like what?" Josh persisted.

"I'm not a good boyfriend, I'm not a good brother or son, I'm too ugly, I'm not good at anything, I have no friends, my job sucks," Tyler rambled, listing off everything and more.

"Everything just felt like too much. It hit me all at once and I don't think I've ever been so unhappy before. I'm really sorry, Josh. I didn't mean to hurt you too. I know none of those are a good enough reason for hurting myself so I don't know what else to say besides that I'm sorry..."

Josh sighed heavily, gently rubbing his thumbs across Tyler's cheekbones.

"Tyler," Josh started, "I love you. Your family loves you. I'm here for you, always. You never have to resort to self-harm. If you need me, call me. I'll come home."

"I didn't want to bother you..."

"I don't care, Tyler. If you need me, I'll be here," Josh said, giving Tyler a stern look.

"Okay, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too. Now give me a kiss."

Josh picked Tyler up and placed him on his lap as he attached their lips. They were slow and gentle, as if too much was going to break Tyler. Josh was going to be sure to be extra careful with him. He didn't want such a big secret being kept from him ever again.