Brace yourselves! Malapit na ang pagtatapos ng "Come Back To My Side"! Just a simple reminder: Don't just read. Understand the message of this story, and learn. Thank you!

FRANCE

THINGS ARE working the way I plan. Mas napapalapit kami ni Beatrice, at mas lumalalim ang aming pagkakaibigan. Tuwing vacant time ko, siya ang palagi kong kasama. Every time there is nothing that has to be done, I go to her house. Madalas ay namamasyal kami. Para kaming naging bata ulit. Parang bumalik kami sa nakaraan. Parang naulit lang ang lahat.

I'm staring at her while she's looking at the sky. There is a wide smile on her face. The wind blows her smooth, long hair. Kumikislap ang kanyang mga mata. We're at the El Pescador Beach Resort to watch the sunset. Plinano ko lang ito kahapon, at ngayo'y nangyayari na. Parang isang panaginip.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Dahil sa sobra kong pagtitig sa kanya, hindi ko napansing nasa akin na ang paningin niya. She still wears her smile.

"You're . . . beautiful."

Bigla siyang nahiya. "Thank you for saying that, France."

"Why are you thanking me? All I did was say the truth. You're really beautiful, Beatrice. To tell you the truth, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. You're . . . amazing. Mas maganda ka pa sa sunset na nasa harapan natin." I glance at the beautiful sunset.

"Thank you again." She laughs. "Hindi ko alam kung ano pa ang sasabihin ko."

"Hindi mo ba ako pupurihin? Biro lang," natatawang sabi ko. "Wala ka namang kailangang sabihin. All I want you to do is listen to me. 'Yon lang."

We stare into each other's eyes. Her eyes are so beautiful. There's the silence. I avert my gaze. I look up to the sky. It's beautiful, but she's more beautiful. No, she's the most beautiful. Ano'ng susunod kong sasabihin sa kanya? I don't know. Wala na akong ibang maisip maliban sa salitang maganda. Bakit kasi ang ganda-ganda niya?

"Tell stories to me."

I shift my gaze to her, and the first thing I notice is her wonderful smile. "You're asking me to tell stories? Why?"

"You said you want me to listen to you. Then you should tell me stories," she answers.

I raise an eyebrow. "About what?"

"Saan pa ba? About you and your life. What happened to you when I was gone? Ano'ng mga pangyayari sa buhay mo ang hindi ko alam?" She pauses for a moment. "We're friends again so it's okay with you, right?"

"Of course, it's okay with me." I avert my gaze. "Saan ba ako magsisimula? Ano ba ang una kong ikukwento?" I look up, and start to think.

"How were you after I left?"

I look at her. Her eyes are on me. I swallow. She doesn't want me to just tell stories. She also wants us to talk about the past. And I'm not ready for that. No, I don't want it to happen. I never do.

"I was . . . fine," I start, then look away. "Well, it was hard. Mahirap para sa aking magpatuloy sa buhay ng wala ka. But I had to so I did. Pinilit kong magpatuloy kahit wala ka sa tabi ko. Hindi ko alam na may sapat pala akong lakas para gawin 'yon. Plus, Mavin and April never left me." Unlike what you did.

She shifts her gaze from me to the sun. "I'm glad you were just fine."

I want to tell her the truth. I want to tell her what I really felt and how miserable I was after she left. But I can't. I don't want her to know that. I don't want us to talk about that. I close my eyes, and sigh.

"My high school life was normal. It wasn't great and unforgettable. Sakto lang." I laugh. "Paano 'yon magiging unforgettable? I wasn't a heartthrob or member of F4. Normal na estudyante lang ako." Pero kilala ako. Bilang isang player.

"My high school life wasn't normal," she says. "After I turned 16 kasi, I started pursuing my dreams. At a very young age, nag-focus na ako sa pag-o-audition."

I take a deep breath before I break the silence. "I don't wanna tell you this, but when I was in high school, I was a playboy." I take a pause. "But I wasn't a f*ckboy. I was a heart player. I had a lot of girlfriend, but I never--you know what I mean."

"I know."

"What? You know that? How?"

"When our friendship was over, Mavin and April were still my friends. I always asked them kung kumusta ka na, at nagkukwento sila tungkol sa 'yo," paliwanag niya. "I know that you had a lot of girlfriends, and that you broke plenty of hearts."

"I hope huwag mong isiping f*ckboy ako o masamang lalaki. I just did it because--"

"No, hindi ko 'yon iniisip," umiiling na tugon niya. "Bakit ko 'yon iisipin? I knew you, France. Alam kong malalim ang dahilan mo kung bakit mo 'yon nagawa. Maybe your reason wasn't enough, but I understand."

"You do?"

She nods her head. I smile. Hindi pa rin nagbabago ang ugali niya. Mapang-unawa pa rin siya. Paano magagawang tigilang mahalin ang babaing ganito ka-understanding? Alam kong wala na akong mahahanap na kagaya niya. Nag-iisa lang siya sa mundo. She's more rare than diamonds.

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sige," sabi niya sabay tango.

Itatanong ko ba sa kanya 'yon? Huwag na lang kaya? Parang hindi kasi 'yon magandang pakinggan. Bigla kong naalala 'yong sinabi ni Mavin noong uminom ako sa bahay nila. "Kung gusto mong malaman ang totoo, bakit hindi mo siya puntahan at tanungin?"

I swallow hard before I speak, "You're a celebrity. You shine so bright, brighter than the moon and stars. And you know people hate things that shine for no reason. And so they drag you down. They spread lots of rumors about you. They make bad stories about you."

Her eyebrows furrow. "And?"

"There are people who think na katulad ka ng ibang celebrity. Ang sabi nila . . . ginamit mo ang katawan at kagandahan mo para makarating ka sa kung nasaan ka ngayon." I look her in the eyes. "It's not true, right? You're different. Right?"

Lumipas muna ang ilang segundo bago siya nakapagsalita. "What do you think?" She averts her gaze. "Ano sa tingin mo ang totoo? Ano ako sa paningin mo? Do you believe what you hear? Do you think I am like that and I can do that?"

"No, you're not like that. You can't do that. You're not one of those celebrities. You're a queen. You shine because you were born to shine. You're a woman with dignity," I say with conviction. "That's what I believe."

She looks, and stares at me. She smiles. "Thank you, France. Thank you for believing that. Hindi ko alam na ganyan kataas ang tingin mo sa akin."

"At tama ako, 'di ba? What I believe is true. Right? Right?"

She nods. "It's true, France. Hindi ko ginamit ang ganda, katawan, o kaluluwa ko para marating ang kinaroroonan ko ngayon. I've worked hard. I've sacrificed. 'Yon ang nagdala sa akin dito. 'Yong pag-o-audition ko nang maraming beses. My mistakes, my failures, my efforts, my patience, my courage, and my dreams. Those are the reasons why I am where I am right now. The reasons why naging si Bea Hernandez ako."

I break the silence, and say, "You're beautiful. You've got everything a man wants from a woman. I'm sure you have plenty of suitors. I'm sure marami ka ring naging boyfriend."

Gusto kong tanungin kung ilan na ang naging boyfriend niya, at kung totoong naging magkarelasyon sila ni Evan Ryle Diaz, pero yumuko na lang ako. I decide not to ask it not because I can't, but because I'm afraid of the answers. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko kapag hindi ko gusto ang isinagot niya.

"Nope." I look at her right when she says that. She shakes her head. "Isa lang ang naging boyfriend ko."

She had a boyfriend. That breaks my heart. Pero at least hindi marami ang naging boyfriend niya, 'di ba? And she uses the word naging. It's in the past. She's single. I smile. My smile fades when I suddenly remember Evan Diaz. Siya ba 'yong naging boyfriend niya? Gaano katagal ang relationship nila? How did she fall for him? He's not that handsome. Hindi rin malaman ang katawan niya. What did she like about him? May pandesal ba siya sa tiyan?

I don't want us to talk about her ex-boyfriend so I change the topic. "Ang gandang pagmasdan ng sunset. Nakaka-relax," sabi ko.

"Yeah. I miss this," I hear her whisper. "Sa city, hindi ko ito nagagawa. Halos wala nga akong pahinga. At kapag hindi ko naman time para mag-work, ang ginagawa ko'y i-improve ang sarili ko. I exercise. I improve the way I look, talk, and act. 'Yong performance ko, kailangan gawin kong mas panalo. Nagsusulat din ako ng bago kong kanta at gumagawa ng sarili kong dance moves. That's what I always do. Paulit-ulit. Bawal kong baguhin. Exhausting. And . . . complicated."

"Thank God I wasn't born to be a celebrity."

She laughs. "I don't think we become who we are because we were born to be like that. I believe we are who we are because that's what we choose to become. Kaya kung sino ka ngayon, it's not because of tadhana. I believe it's because of your choices. You're the reason why you are who and what you are right now."

I stare at her, and clap. "That's a wonderful speech!"

She laughs. "Thank you for saying that."

"I mean it," I say. "Do you know that I am one of your fans? I admire you." And I love you.

Her cheeks turn red. She smiles. "Thank you."

"You're perfect. You're wonderful. You're amazing. You're more beautiful than the sunset. You're more untouchable than the blue sky. You shine brighter than the moon and stars. You're a queen. You deserve to have a crown and a kingdom." And a king.

Mas namula ang kanyang mga pisngi. "Thank you. And you're amazing too. You're a simple man and that's what makes you amazing."

I feel my cheeks turn hot so I look away. I try to hide the smile on my face. "Thank you, Beatrice."

Para kaming mga bata. Para kaming 'yong mga batang wala pang kailangang isipin at alalahanin. Para kaming 'yong mga batang wala pang mga responsibilidad. Para kami 'yong mga batang kami sa nakaraan na sobrang lapit sa isa't isa at hindi mapaghiwalay. Para kaming bumalik sa nakaraan.

"Everyone's amazing in their own way." I look at her right when she speaks again. "Everyone has abilities, talents, and skills. Everyone's smart and speacial. No one's better. Kahit sino ka pa at kahit ano pa ang buhay mo, espesyal ka at mayroon kang halaga. I wish everyone believes the same thing. I wish there's no one who looks down on themselves, and thinks they are useless. Ang bawat buhay ay may saysay. Ang bawat tao ay mahalaga."

"That's one of the things I love about you," I say. "Ang taas na ng naabot mo, pero hindi mababa ang tingin mo sa iba. You're humble. Masyado kang down-to-earth. Ikaw lang yata ang ganyang celebrity na kilala ko."

"Bakit mo ako pinupuri, France? All I did was say the truth." She laughs after she says the same sentence I used. I laugh too. She puts her eyes on the beautiful sunset. "Totoong lahat ay mahalaga at espesyal, pero dahil sa mapang-insulto at mapanghusgang mundong ito, most of people believe that they are useless and worthless. Nahihirapan na tuloy silang makita ang worth at purpose nila. And that makes me sad."

"Pero kung lahat tayo'y alam ang halaga natin, siguro lahat tayo'y successful na. At hindi ko alam kung ano ang mangyayari kapag successful ang lahat," I say. "Maybe that's just how it's supposed to work."

"Maybe."

Inilabas ko ang aking cell phone upang tingnan ang oras. "Umuwi na tayo? Maggagabi na."

She stands up, and so do I. "Sige."

"Um, Beatrice, pwede bang ulitin natin 'to? Pwedeng pumunta tayo ulit sa Beach Resort?"

She laughs. "Mahilig kang magpunta sa mga beach, 'no. Sige ba, saan mo ba gustong pumunta?"

"Sa Cocos Beach Resort."

***

WHEN THE door opens, the first thing I notice is the hair clips on Beatrice's hair. Tinitigan ko ang mga 'yon. Those look like the same clips I gave her when we were young.

"'Yan ba 'yong--"

Before I can finish what I am about to say, she nods and says, "Yeah, ito 'yong hair clips na ibinigay mo sa akin noon. I still have them."

I stare at her in disbelief.

"I keep it because it came from you. Ilang beses na itong muntik masira, pero inayos ko." Umalis siya sa harapan ko, at sinenyasan akong pumasok. "Ihanda na natin 'yong mga babaunin natin."

"Ah, oo." Itinaas ko ang plastic bags na naglalaman ng mga gagamitin namin sa paggawa ng babaunin natin. "I brought the ingredients with me."

Sinimulan na naming gawin ang mga babaunin namin. I don't love cooking, but I enjoy it with her. I can't help smiling while we are cooking. Mukha kaming mag-asawa. Anak na lang siguro ang kulang. Kapag nagkaroon kami ng pamilya, ano kaya'ng magiging itsura namin? I'm sure that would be perfect. Parang gusto ko tuloy siyang yayaing magpakasal ngayon na mismo. Pumasok kami sa kotse matapos naming ilagay sa loob ang aming mga baon.

"Do you really wanna be the one to drive?"

Nagprisinta ako na mag-drive. Hindi naman maganda kung siya ang magda-drive. And I want to impress her. I want to show her that I can also drive car even though I don't have one. I want to show her my driving skills.

"I do," I answer. "You're a queen, and a queen doesn't drive. I'm the driver today. Don't worry, I'll make sure hindi magagasgasan itong kotse mo."

"Hindi ko iniisip ang kotse ko. Parang nakakahiya lang kasi na ikaw ang pagda-drive-in ko."

"Hindi mo ako pinagda-drive, okay? I insisted." I look at the back of the car over my shoulder. "Nandito na ba ang lahat ng kailangan natin? Wala ba tayong naiwan?"

"Wala na," umiiling na sagot niya.

I smile. "Let's go to the Cocos Beach now! Queen Beatrice!"

"Okay, let's go! King France!"

My smile grows wider. Kinikilig niya ako. Tinawag niya akong king matapos ko siyang tawaging queen. Pareho kaya ang nararamdaman namin? Mahal niya kaya ako? I wish she does.

"Mahilig ka pa rin talaga sa maaasim." Pinanood ko siyang kainin ang lumpiang gulay na isinawsaw niya sa suka. "Gusto mo yata lahat ng pagkaing isinasawsaw sa suka."

Nandito na kami sa Cocos Beach Resort. Pagkarating na pagkarating namin dito, agad kong naalala ang nangyari noong araw na pumunta kami rito ng family ko kasama niya at ni tita. Parang kahapon lang ang araw na 'yon. Napakabilis talagang lumipas ng panahon. Marami namang napapatingin kay Beatrice kahit pa nakasuot siya ng sunglasses at face mask. She's really attractive. Mabuti't walang nakakilala sa kanya.

"Ganito ako, eh," sabi niya. "Ito ang tunay na ako, pero sa city, I can't show who I really am and what I really want. Sa city, I always gotta pretend and look perfect. Hindi dapat ako magmukhang normal na tao."

I laugh. "Kailangan mong ipakitang alien ka, gano'n?"

She laughs. "I love your joke, it's funny."

I stare at her. She's so beautiful when she's laughing. Naniningkit ang kanyang mga mata. Malawak ang ngiti sa kanyang mukha. Kitang-kita ko ang mapuputi niyang ngipin. Malakas ang tawa niya. Hindi fake ang tawa niya. She doesn't pretend to be happy. She's really happy. Around me. With me. Masaya akong malaman 'yon.

"That's alright," I say when she stops laughing. "With me, you don't have to pretend. With me, you can show who you really are. With me, you can be yourself."

She stares at me.

I feel my cheeks turn hot. I look away. "Gusto mo pa ng lumpia? Kain ka lang nang kain. Hindi kita pipigilan."

"Busog na ako," sagot niya. "Ikaw? Ayaw mo na bang kumain?"

I shake my head. "Busog na rin ako. Sapat na sa akin 'yong pansit na kinain ko."

I stare at the blue sea, then at the blue sky. Napaka-peaceful sa lugar na ito. Pakiramdam ko na naman, bumalik kami ni Beatrice sa nakaraan. Nakalimutan ko ang responsibilities ko. Nawala sa isip ko ang doubts at worries ko. Ang walang katapusang possibilities at uncertanties ay unti-unting naglalaho. Ang mahalaga sa mga sandaling ito ay magkasama kami ng babaing mahal ko. Hindi ko alam kung kailan ito magtatapos. And that's the scariest thing about this. But that's also the best thing about this. Plus, I don't know if this is going to end. Sana'y hindi.

Lumingon ako sa kanya noong mayroon akong maisip. "Maupo tayo sa buhangin." Tumayo ako, at inilahad ang kamay sa harapan niya. "Tara?"

Tumango siya, at inilagay ang kanyang kamay sa ibabaw ng aking palad. Magkahawak-kamay kaming naglakad papunta sa buhangin. Naglakad kami papalayo bago kami naupo. Inilabas ko ang panyong dala ko, inilapag 'yon sa buhanginan, at sinabing doon siya maupo. Ayokong marumihan siya.

"Thank you."

I just smile.

Binasag niya ang katahimikang nabuo. "Everything seems to unbelievable. It's hard to believe. Parang hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang nandito na ako, sa mismong moment na 'to. You know sometimes, I wish I'd never grow up. Sometimes, I wish I could back to the past and stay there."

"Naisip ko rin 'yan. Sadyang mabilis lumipas ang panahon. We are here now. We are in this moment. We can't change the past, and we can't go back there. But there's still something we can do. We can stay in this moment and make better than the past. We can do it, Beatrice."

"Thank you for saying that." She stares into my eyes. "Yeah, we can't go back in time, but we can make the present better than the past."

I look away.

"I miss the old times," she says. "Na-miss ko 'yong mga panahong mga bata pa tayo at laging magkasama. I miss you, France. That's the reason why I wanna go back in time. That's the reason why I wanna stay in the past. I wanna stay with you forever."

Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko kaya hindi agad ako sumagot. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong maging reaksyon kaya hindi ko siya tiningnan. I look up to the sky. I feel the wind upon my cheeks. Then I close my eyes for a moment.

"What's past is past. It's done. It's gone. It's dead," I whisper, but make sure she's going to hear it.

"I've kept our memories. It's always been in my heart. Hindi ko ito kinalimutan. Our memories are the best memories I have. Sa 'yo, France? Mahalaga ba sa 'yo ang memories natin?"

I look at her when I think I finally can. I smile. "Siyempre, mahalaga 'yon sa akin. Ang memories natin ay kasing-halaga mo sa akin. Our past is full of beautiful memories, but it ended with a sad ending. I don't wanna talk about it, Beatrice. It's gone."

"Have you kept it in your heart?"

I nod my head. "I have, pero ang memories ay mananatiling memories. Let's not talk about it, Beatrice. Mahalaga ang nakaraan, pero hindi 'yon kasing-halaga ng kasalukuyan. Ang mahalaga'y nandito ka, nandito ako at magkasama tayo. The now is all that matters right now. We shouldn't be thinking or talking about the past or the future. Ang dapat nating ginagawa ngayon ay itsini-cherish ang mga sandaling ito."

"Yeah, you're right."

Natatakot ako. Natatakot akong pag-usapan ang nangyari noon. Natatakot ako sa nakaraan. Kahit natapos na ito at hindi na ako nito masasaktan, natatakot pa rin ako rito. Hindi ko kayang balikan ang nakaraan. Even though it's filled with beautiful memories and moments, I know I don't have to courage to talk about it. Sa oras na pinag-usapan namin ito, kakailanganin naming halungkatin ang lahat. Kaya kong amining kasalanan ko kung bakit nasira ang mayroon kami noon. Pero hindi ko kayang alalahanin ang napakasakit na katapusan nito. Hindi ko kayang alalahanin kung gaano ako nasaktan matapos niyang magpaalam.

I look at her. "Pwede mo ba akong kantahan?" nakangiting sabi ko.

She looks at me, and says, "Ano'ng kanta? Why do want me to sing a song for you?"

"Kailangan ba lahat ng bagay may dahilan? Hindi mo ba pwedeng makuha ang isang bagay kung wala kang dahilan?"

"Maraming bagay ang hindi mo makukuha kung wala kang sapat na dahilan," sagot niya. "Katulad ng mga bagay na gusto mo o pinapangarap mo. To get those things, kailangan mayroon kang sapat na motivation and inspiration. 'Cause if you're not motivated enough, you'll surely give up and stop. Kaya sa huli, hindi mo ito makukuha."

I almost roll my eyes. "We're not talking about dreams. It's just a song. Kantahan mo na ako, dali! Gusto kong marinig 'yong Huling Sandali by December Avenue."

"It's an old song. Why do wanna hear it? Favorite song mo ba 'yon?"

Kinilig ako dahil mukhang interesado siya. "Oo, siguro? Kumanta ka muna, then after mong kumanta, I'll tell you why."

Tumingin ako sa dagat noong magsimula siyang kumanta. Kasabay ng pakikinig ko sa kanya ay ang pag-alala ko sa mga ala-ala namin. I forget the sad ending we had. Ang inalala ko lang ay ang mga masasayang ala-ala. She has an amazing voice. Para sa akin, siya ang best singer. I really admire her.

"I'm done singing. Sabihin mo na kung bakit gusto mo ang kantang 'yon."

Binuksan ko ang aking mga matang hindi ko alam na isinara ko pala. Sa sobrang ganda ng boses niya, hindi ko namalayang napapikit na pala ako. "The day we went here, that's the day I liked that song. Kinanta mo 'yon, natatandaan mo pa?"

She nods.

"Pakiramdam ko noon, para sa atin ang kantang 'yan. I didn't know why. Now I know."

"Why?"

I smile. "'Yong kwento kasi natin, parang isinasalaysay ng kantang 'yon. We loved each other, at maraming naging hadlang sa pagmamahalan natin. I've loved this place. I've always wanted to stay. Simple lang ang gusto ko. Iba naman ang gusto mo at nararapat para sa 'yo. You had to leave. Sandali lang ang panahong mayroon tayo. Nakagawa ako ng pagkakamali. Naging masakit ang katapusan ng nakaraan natin."

Hindi ko alam na kaya ko 'yong sabihin. Sinabi ko 'yon ng hindi nag-iisip. Parang nagkaroon ng sariling utak ang mga labi ko. Sa tingin ko, hindi ko 'yon sinabi dahil gusto ko. Sinabi ko 'yon dahil alam kong kailangan.

"You said you don't wanna talk about the past. You don't have to force yourself, France."

I smile. "Kaya ko na," sabi ko, at tumingin sa malayo. "Katulad ng sinabi ko, the past is gone. It's dead. It can't hurt me anymore. Where was I? Ah! Maraming hadlang sa pagmamahalan natin. Ang panahon, ang mga bagay na gusto natin, at ang mga mundo natin. Magkaibang-magkaiba tayo, pero naniniwala akong darating din ang araw na walang pipigil sa ating dalawa. Naniniwala akong darating ang pagkakataong magiging malaya tayong magmahalan."

There's the silence. This is the perfect moment. I have to confess now. I have to tell her that I love her. Now. Dumating na ang pagkakataong pinakahihintay ko, at hindi ko ito maaaring pakawalan. It's now or never.

I look at her. Her eyes are on me. I stare into them. "Katulad ng nasa kanta, hindi ko mapigilan ang bugso ng aking puso sa tuwing papalapit ako sa 'yo. Tumitibok nang mabilis at malakas ang aking puso sa tuwing nakatingin ako sa 'yo. Ayokong magkahiwalay tayo. Ayokong mawala ka. I want you to stay with me. I want you to stay by my side. I want us to be together. I want you." I pause and swallow. I give her a small smile. "Maraming pumipigil sa atin ngayon, pero darating ang araw na wala nang hahadlang. Everything's going to be okay. We live in different worlds now. The time's against us. Everything's against us. But that's alright. You have my heart. My love is yours. I love you, Beatrice."

"I--"

I don't let her finish what she's going to say. Inilapit ko ang aking mukha sa kanya, at agad kong pinagdikit ang mga labi namin. I close my eyes, and kiss her. Ginawa kong mabagal ang paghalik sa kanya, ngunit siniguro kong sa bawat paggalaw ng aking labi, mararamdaman niya kung gaano ko siya kamahal. I feel her kiss me back. That's the moment I know she still loves me. She loves me too. She loves me. And so do I. Mahal na mahal ko siya. My heart is hers. She is the queen of my heart. She is my queen.

COME BACK TO MY SIDE
TiffGRa (Tiffany)