My head cracked painfully against the window.

"Shit, sorry," Noah winced as he glanced over at me, hands tight on the steering wheel as he guided the Porsche over what felt like the worst paved road in all of America. 

I pressed my palm against my head, the knot from yesterday throbbing once again, and closed my eyes against the sun shining brightly through the windshield. Fumbling for my sunglasses that I had set somewhere in the center console, my fingers became entangled in his as he attempted to hand them to me. 

"Just trying to help, Reggie."

My teeth ground together at his use of my nickname again. It hit some pretty raw nerves after the dream I had just experienced. Pushing my hair out of my face, I stared straight ahead, trying to figure out where we were exactly. We were no longer on the highway, which explained all the potholes. Trees lined the sides of the small two-lane road, just endless rows of tall snowless pines. There were no signs to clue me in to our whereabouts.

"Are we lost?"

Noah laughed and shook his head, pointing to the screen on the dash. His GPS was up and running, leading the way. "No. Not at all. Just avoiding an accident on the highway."

I turned to find Joshua and Mal were still right behind us. 

"How long was I sleeping?"

"Close to two hours, I think. It was pretty boring there for a while but then you started saying my name and moaning in your sleep. Then you practically screamed Mal's name and things got exciting."

Damn my sleep talking! And why did my brain feel it necessary to inundate me with thoughts of Noah while I slept? Probably because I had been on Noah overload the past few days but still, give me a goddamn break already. It was super embarrassing for him to keep catching me dreaming about him. I couldn't even look at him right now, blushing at what I had been remembering.

The dream wasn't about any one particular event that Noah and I had shared. My mind seemed preoccupied with what it would have been like if we hadn't been interrupted by Beth in the kitchen so it just unloaded a ton of erotically charged images and sensations of he and I together, with Mal.

Naked and together. 

So naked. 

I couldn't help the small tremble that passed through me. 

"You aren't going to tell me?" he sounded a little surprised. "You fessed up about the last dream you had of me, why not this one?"

I gave him a measuring look over my sunglasses before pushing them back up. He would not be hearing about our kitchen fantasy sexcapades. 

"You owe me ten years' worth of information. Start spilling."

He sighed. "The history is best told when all three of us can tell it together."

"Why? You're the one who left me for another girl."

"I didn't leave you for her." His voice dropped to a low, annoyed, growl.

"Changing your story already?"

"No -"

"Then you did leave me for her."

"Reggie, I swear to God," his hands tightened on the wheel as if he was trying not to reach over and strangle me. 

"What? If I say one more word, you'll turn the car around?" I grinned at him, enjoying myself.

Without answering, he shot a hand out and I jumped, but he reached behind my seat, pulled out a red binder, and dropped it in my lap. "You have thirty minutes to read through that."

My grin faded when I saw the silver R&R logo embossed on the front. Riley and Regan.

A little R&R is never a bad idea.

My dad used to say that to us when we were young. The first thing he'd do when coming back from one of his photography gigs, after giving our mother a kiss, was engulf us in a huge hug and say that. 

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Jump out of the car.

I traced with logo with my fingers. "What is this?"

"It's a summary of all of Riley's assets, along with the paperwork you're going to review with John, our attorney. We're meeting with him as soon as we get to the city."

Grumbling, I flipped open the binder. Meeting with Riley's lawyer was the last thing I wanted to do today. It needed to be done, I knew that, but it also made everything a bit more real. Talking about my brother's Will and my inheritance felt like the final step in accepting he was dead. 

Wait. "Did you say 'our attorney'?"

Noah looked uncomfortable. "Yeah."

He expertly guided his Porsche around a slower vehicle and back into our lane, then continued, his tone slightly unsure. "There was a major piece of information I had hoped to tell you yesterday. Riley and I owned the marketing company together. R&R"

The flood of emotions and possible reactions to this news overtook me and the only thing my body would allow at the moment was to just stare at the binder. I knew Noah was watching me and waiting. Waiting for an outburst. Waiting to get yelled at, to get cursed out. Waiting for my tears to come. 

But none of that was going to happen. 

I was already so tired of this. So tired of discovering all these little lies Riley had been telling me for a decade. 

Stupid, gullible me. 

My brother tricked me. Noah had hid from me. Stephen conned me.

"You're not angry about this?"

I flipped open the folder, trying to act indifferent even as the anger roiled within me. But I continued ignoring Noah as I recalled how on the two visits I had made to Boston, Riley never wanted to take me by the office. His reason?

"It's my day off, Zig.  Why would I want to go into the office?"

The pages within the binder blurred while I casually flipped through them, my mind too far away to absorb any of the words on the pages. Noah's voice gradually weaved its way between my thoughts.

"...inherited my Dad's company and offered Riley a job. Since I wasn't able to be there, I needed someone to look over things. He eventually pretty much took over the whole operation, the staff loved him, clients adored him and he grew our customer base so that it was almost doubled. We agreed to rename it to R&R about a year ago."

Details on the pages started to come into focus as Noah kept on about their company. He was spouting off trivial details like what the building looked like, how many employees they had, and some of the names of their accounts - it was all nervous babbling, I could tell. He was still waiting for me to lose it. 

I was losing it. Just not in a way he could see. When I saw a very complicated and confusing document that either gave me the option to sell Riley's part of the company to Noah or be appointed as the new co-owner, my hands began shaking.  Then I saw the real estate documents and bank statements and my panic started to bubble up from within me. My nausea punched me in the gut when I noticed the life insurance forms, and then his living will. 

My fingers fumbled with the window control. "Air, I need air."

Noah lowered the window. His brow was creased in concern. "Do you want me to pull over?"

"No. Just need air." The window was halfway down when I unbuckled my belt and shoved as much of my torso out the window as possible.

The wind was brisk against my skin, the sun warm, and the air magnificent. My urge to vomit all over the car subsided almost immediately as I breathed deeply. 

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Repeat.

Noah had slowed the car a bit, whether it was out of concern that I'd jump or to cut down on the wind whipping, I didn't know but it was appreciated nonetheless. My thoughts became clearer and my heart began to calm while I watched the trees fly by us.

Riley had been a millionaire. He owned a Brownstone in the city worth millions of dollars. His bank statements had more commas between the numbers than most sentences did. He had multiple cars. There was even a fucking boat. 

My brother never hid the fact that he had been well off. I knew he was working for a successful marketing firm. It had been his dream ever since he had met Noah's father as a kid. His cars were always a little fancy and the apartment I had stayed in when visiting was pretty posh with great views and even better parking. 

But millions? And now it was mine.

If Riley hadn't already been dead, I'd kill him.

A call came in and Mal's deep, slightly amused voice filled the vehicle. "Please explain why our girl is hanging out the window like a dog?"

Our girl. I shouldn't like that so much.

"I gave her the folder," Noah said.

"Hmmm," Mal mused. "Hundred bucks she loses her breakfast all over your pretty car."

I threw a middle finger in his direction.

His low chuckle was like a caress. "It's okay, baby. We'll all get you through this." The music came on as Mal hung up the call.

I stayed out of the window for a few minutes longer, making sure my stomach was under control before settling back into my seat. Noah rolled the window up, keeping silent yet continuing to watch me as closely as he could while driving. 

My fingers massaged my temples as I closed my eyes and forced in a few deep breaths. Except the numbers from the papers still danced behind my closed eyelids like some trippy cartoon. Huge, fat, hot pink and purple numbers floating by, dancing happily and waving at their new master. 

"He has a boat," I muttered. "What am I supposed to do with a boat?"

"You can do whatever you want with it. Keep it, sell it, sink it - the choice is yours."

"Can I donate it? Do people donate boats?"

His forehead scrunched as he gave it some serious thought. "I'm sure there's someplace in the world that needs a boat you can donate it to. I'll help you find them."

We smiled at each other then. Small, tentative smiles and the awkwardness of it didn't sit well with me. Why was it so hard for me to just let the last ten years go? I could laugh and carry on with Joshua without any issues. Mal was able to wrap me up in his hugs without me cringing or fighting to get away. And they had both lied to my brother about what had happened the last time we were all together.

Lied to save their own asses. 

Noah had taken the brunt of the punishment yet I could hardly smile at him.

Noah picked up on my quickly rising level of anxiety and placed his hand over my own on my thigh. Other than giving it a small squeeze, he didn't do anything else. Just gently rested his hand on mine, offering whatever reassurance or comfort I would take from it. Damn him, but it felt nice to hold his hand and it did actually help keep my brain from getting swamped with all the uncertainties I still had about him. 

"Do you have a boat?"

Noah let out a surprised laugh. "God, no. I'm not a total asshole."

I started to laugh a little with him. "It is kind of an asshole thing to have, isn't it?"

"Completely pretentious," he agreed. "You'll never guess what he named it."

"Oh no, what?"

Noah rolled his eyes. "Seas the Moment. Seas, as in, a body of water. S-e-a-s."

I groaned at the pun. "Maybe I'll just burn it."

Our eyes met and we both burst out in loud laughter. It felt amazing. It wasn't just about the boat but so much more and how ridiculous everything was for us. Our fingers threaded together, hanging onto each other, clinging to the comfort of sharing uncontrollable, slightly hysterical laughter. We had laughed so much together when we had been friends. I had missed this so much. 

I missed him so much.