I have no idea how long it's been, but I'm still kneeling on the ground. At least I finally finished crying.

I stand up, facing Madame Vastra and Jenny. Strax makes his way around me, so he, too, is in front of me. Why must it always be like this?

"Doctor?" Madame Vastra asked me. I looked at all three of them. Jenny had been crying. Why must it always end like this?

I looked between Madame Vastra and Jenny. Madame Vastra looked at Jenny, but Jenny never moved her gaze from the floor. In fact, she hasn't been crying, she was crying. At this very moment. She was staring at the ground crying, all because of me.

"Come here", I choked. She slowly looked up and saw I was talking to her. We walked towards each other and wrapped our arms around each other.

In the embrace, we were both crying. No sound was heard except for our escaped sobs. We were both holding onto each other so tightly that, if any tighter, we wouldn't be able to breath. It's all my fault. She saw my distress and she cried. What could I do other than hug her?

Her head was on my shoulder and I felt my jacket become wet with her tears. I leaned my head on the side of hers, and we just stood there in silence. All I thought about in those minutes were Amelia.

I hugged her like this sometimes, when she needed a friend. I would've had to hug her again like this, if she didn't go back in time to see Rory. She wouldn't have been able to live with herself. I don't even know how I can live with myself right now. Sure, I make people happy, but in the end, they're always sad. I always end up sad in the end.

Jenny pulled back to look at my face.

"It's not your fault, you know."

"I know. I know." No, I really didn't. Thats just not how it was in my mind. But if it'll get her to stop crying, then that's what'll happen.

Jenny is usually so strong. Seeing her cry like this, it tears me apart even more.

"There's nothing you could do", she continued.

She was trying to make thing better but I don't know if she was helping or not.

"She would want you to be happy."

No. Don't say that to me! You don't think I know? You don't think I replay that sentence in my mind everyday and feel terrible? Or did you not think?

"Shhh...." I whispered into her hair. Vastra, I could tell at. Jenny, never. She was strong, but she cared so much. And if I yelled, she wouldn't be so strong. She's very smart, and very kind. If you screamed at her, she'd take it personally but not show it. But she'll forget after a while. She doesn't see a reason to dwell, only reasons to move on.

I tightened my grip and then let go.

I had no idea what to say, "Okay. Thank you".

Thank you? Thank you? Seriously? Why was So dumb? Why can't I be like Jenny, and move on?

I turned around and headed for the door, but a hand gripped my shoulder.

A caring voice spoke to me, "Doctor, why are you leaving? Why won't you stay?"

I guess my one word test wasn't over.

I grabbed her hand and turned around to face her.

I glimpsed over at Jenny, "Sadness."

I kissed Vastra's hand and left. People were just starting to come outside. I can either go back to the TARDIS now, when no one will see me, or wait all day, and go in the night. I guess I could finish that map.

I looked right and left. I went left the other day, I'll go right this time.

I walked down the streets, stopping at each building and writing down the name. I numbered all the houses, titled all the stores. Walked by pubs and restaurants, and people having conversations. Such innocence around me. No one here has felt pain like I have. Oh, how I wish I was them.

I walked all day. I sat in some dark alleys to think or cry, or both. I felt my hair and realized that it had grown way too long. I'll cut it in the TARDIS tonight. I felt my face and realized that my mouth had been in a frown for way too long. Not much I could do about that, I stopped being fake-happy years ago. I felt my suit, and let my fingers slide over every hem and stitch. I made this. I got bored again. I get bored a lot, but now I don't make anything. It doesn't interest me. Nothing really interests me, anymore. I guess I've given up.

It's not easy going on when you know there's no point.