"Thank you", I said as I looked at everyone. They were so kind to me, they care. They know what I'm like when I'm alone. Still, how could they help me?

"But... what are you going to do?"

That's what stopped them. My question. She said they would help, I guess they didn't think much about it.

Vastra paused. Her eyes flickered as she thought of something.

"The one word test!"

I looked at her. She couldn't be serious.

"A one word test?" my voice was filled with shock.

"Yeah! That's brilliant!" Jenny joined.

"No..." I insisted.

Vastra let go of my arm, holding her hand in the middle of the air, "Why not? Do you have an idea?"

"Well if I did would I be here asking for help?" I laughed. Then I started thinking about how I'm still alone. Why? Because I've been doing nothing. My smile faded. I looked at Vastra in the eyes.

"Would I still be alone?"

Vastra retreated her arm from the air and to her lap.

"Doctor, lets not think about that. Let's focus on the fact that you're not going to be alone for any longer."

Vastra, focusing on the positive. That's when you start questioning yourself, when you see others doing their best. And if you're like me, those people don't necessarily have to be your enemies or strangers. No. They could be your best friend.

Like how Rory was actually more qualified as a Doctor. Or how Amelia gave hope to anyone and everyone. River could do anything. Well, that includes killing, which I don't really support, but that is still included in anything. She knew what to do in situations where I would probably just mess things up. Donna was the super temp. She may not know it now, but she's the most important woman in the universe. And right now, she's saving lives without even realizing. She inspired me to save lives when I thought I couldn't-- example one, in Pompeii. So everyday, when I think I can't save someone, I rethink it; I look at it
from Donna's eyes. Why, how, when. Martha was absolutely brilliant. She spoke her mind. Racism was no problem to her; even if we were in a time where there was still that trend, she wouldn't care. She once recited all the bones in the hand just to prove it. Now that-- that's brilliant. And Rose. The heart warming, brave, beautiful Rose. Change anyone's mind; stop anyone from doing something they would regret later regret. She would save them from the aftershock; all the terrifying pain that no one should have to deal with. No human, no alien race, not even any of my enemies. She could stop wars by talking.

Then there's little. Old. Me.
The one Rose has to talk to to get them out of regret.
The one Martha would talk back to, the one she would hate. She wouldn't have to stand up to someone who was nice all the time. She'd stand up to me. Out of everyone in the universe, she'd have to stand up to me. Without Donna, I would be merciless. You could beg for thousands of days and nights, billions of hours, but I wouldn't care. I wouldn't be important. Compared to River, I've still done a lot, but really, not that much. She's taken part of many evil schemes that I have never done or could ever do. Other than Gallifrey, of course. But if I destroyed Gallifrey, no one else would be able to. Without Amy, I have absolutely no hope. Which is very accurate as you can see right now. And compared to Rory, I have no reason to call myself a doctor. Not really why I chose the name, though. Hence the difference between 'a' and 'the'.

Even then, I'm only taking a sample. There are so many people I didn't take into consideration. So many.

That's why I beat myself up, why I have trust issues. Why I feel as though I can no longer call myself the Doctor. They can't help me, I thought. I've lost all my hope. I've lost the voice saying how I am the Doctor, lost the fact that I've done so much. I've forgotten to save people, forgotten to use my voice. I couldn't talk myself out of this, this time of regret. I've walked right into it, this chamber of sadness and guilt; the chamber of torture. I couldn't talk myself out of coming here; if you can't talk yourself out of it, then you need someone else to be there and do it for you. No one was there for me.

I remember when I used to ask why Vastra had to beg, and look at what I'm doing now. I'm here at her doorstep asking her-- no, begging her, to help me. I used to ask why Vastra used to beg when, really, I should've been asking about myself.

"Doctor... Doctor? You still there? Are you alright?"
Vastra.

"I think he's coming back into it."
Jenny.

I blinked my eyes a few times, focusing on the image that lay in front of me. It was Vastra standing directly in front of me, and Jenny kneeling at my side with a wet cloth. How long had I been out for? How long had I slipped from reality into my own thoughts without even realizing?

"Yes," I spoke up, "Why wouldn't I be okay?"

Vastra looked over at Jenny and Jenny put the wet cloth back on the table. They both looked at me. Why were they looking at me like that? I get why they were looking at me, that part made complete sense, but why like that? They looked at me like when parents look at their child after they find out their child is diagnosed with cancer. The child doesn't really understand what's going on and the parents don't know exactly how to phrase it. So, what type of cancer do I have right now? What am I not getting?

"Umm...", Jenny started to speak. "Well... Doctor... You've been crying."

"What?" I touched my hand to my cheek and there they were, the soft tears rolling down my cheeks. I kept wiping my face till it was completely dry again. I looked around the room for the first time since I had come back into reality and saw that Strax was missing.

"Where did Strax go?" I asked them. If I was feeling like myself, or had the audacity to pretend to be someone else, I probably would've said 'where's my favourite homicidal potato?' Yeah, I probably would've acted like someone else if I were to say that. It's just that I haven't been like that in a very long time; too long.

"Probably blowing something up", Jenny joked.

"He doesn't have the grenades to do it", I countered. Jenny smiled. She probably thought that I was getting better. But no, I'd need a lot of help to get out of this mess.