"Thank you, though. Really. It's hard", I start fixing my bow tie.

When I fix my bow tie, it can be for so many different reasons. I could be bored or thinking, I could be nervous or insanely happy. I could have done the complete wrong thing right at the moment and was thinking of how to fix it. Therefore, starting on something small, I fix my bow tie. Or I could be nervous. A 'why did that just happen?' probably popping up in my head. Or sad. Definitely sad. When you're sad the only thing you want to accomplish is being happy again; nothing else really matters. Obtaining happiness is probably the hardest thing you can do if you've been sad for so long. Everyone has bad days, but right now, this isn't just a bad day. And to obtain that happiness, what do you do? I haven't quite figured that out yet. I don't know if I ever will. Even with my friends helping me.

"I know", Vastra answered, looking right into my eyes. Into my soul. "And we'll be with you through it all. Helping you. Staying by your side."

I could tell she wanted to say something more, her mouth was still opened. She looked away from my eyes and closed her mouth, she swallowed absolutely nothing. No-- wait, not absolutely nothing, she was swallowing the words down so they wouldn't come back up.

"Okay, well, I better get going", I stood up. "Got some things I have to take care of."

I guess it must be obvious what those 'things' are. You lock yourself in a blue box that has a soul, isolating yourself from the rest of the world, leaving only two possible people that you would have 'things to take care of' with. That box and yourself.

"See you", Jenny said while following me to the door.

I turned around to face her before I heard the door close. I stuck my foot between the door and the pane, not wanting to hear the noise of the door closing.

"Jenny?"

She turned around to look at me. Probably because of my voice, but also slightly because she didn't hear the usual noise one would when closing the door; the actual closing of the door. The expected 'bang' that should always follow.

"Yes?"

"If I ever need you guys, I'll say one word." Might as well stick with the one word pattern, I thought. They are using the one word test to help me. Should probably help them, too, so why not in one word?

"What's that?" She furrowed her brows in confusion. She wasn't even guessing my answer, she was just waiting for me to say it.

"Something I haven't said in a long time."

I took my foot out of the door and Jenny quickly ran forward to keep the door open. She held the handle, keeping it open just slightly. Just so she could hear me. I turned around in a swift motion and starting walking away.

"Well? What is it?" she called after me.

"Geronimo."

___________

"Come on Sexy! You still can't be mad at me!"

I was pacing around the console, visibly frustrated.

"Look, I gave you false happiness before and everything, but now I'm getting help. The Paternoster Gand. You can trust them, can't you?"

She hummed an irritated hum.

"Listen, this isn't another one of my false happiness tricks. I swear! This also isn't a guarantee to get better, this is just a fact that I'm trying. Is that enough happiness for you right now?"

I didn't mean to seem cross, I really didn't. It just sort of came out like that.

"I'm sorry", I whispered.

I've been saying that a lot, haven't I? I'm sorry. That seems like the only to words in my vocabulary. It really does seem like that, doesn't it?

I started to go to my room, defeated by the TARDIS's stubbornness, but stopped when I heard something. Did I actually hear something? Or was it just my imagination? No, I don't think it's my imagination. Not this time. I dropped on my stomach and put my ear on the floor. If I was going to hear whatever noise that was, I would have to listen closely. There it is. It's steady, it's quiet. But... wait... wrong. It's not something, it's someone. And if it can't be me, that leaves only one person; the TARDIS.

A small little hum, no louder than the sound of a pin dropping. An apologetic hum, a sympathetic hum, a hum that said, 'I believe you!' I brought my head up, smiling. Wait... no... something wrong again. I put my ear back to the floor. That hum didn't say, 'I believe you!', it said something way better than that.

I believe in you.

"There you are! Yes! Finally! Yes!" I fixed my bow tie. This time not out of sadness and pain, but out of happiness and hope.

I laughed to myself. Oh baby, we're back. Just the Doctor and the TARDIS. Off to travel the universe.

I looked at the other side of the counsel, seeing if everyone was ready to go. But no one is there. Stupid Doctor, why would anyone be there? I was looking for Amelia, or any companion really. Too bad I messed them all up. Showed them the universe and took away their life, would you choose that path? 900 years of time and space and I've screwed up more than fifty people. All my companions. Those were only my companions.