Sometimes, our anger 😠 shows what others are thinking about us. It may be about our presence in their life or about they miss us in their life or maybe about we leave them or maybe even they are looking for a reason to break up🤔. Being angry is not always as bad as they put it. Sometimes, being angry is worth a try 😉😁    - JAS

This chapter is dedicated to A_book_Lover3456, 37SpreadYourwings, ExcaliberReturns, and PurpleStarz_101 Thank you for your support, means a lot to me 🥰

Shanaya P.o.v

I was just counting the hours of ignoring Aakash till now. As soon as I realized its been 9 hours since. I just wanted to see what is he up to? I just want to understand his perspective of asking me my photo and also I am in my self analyzing mode, like did I react too much for such a little thing, maybe saying I might not send a photo right now might have been ok in that situation? or maybe not? I don't know, I am confused about all these things running in my mind. Then I thought maybe if he likes to chat with me again, at least he should have sent me some messages. With that thought, I opened my Orkut account, and found myself flooded with his messages, and seeing them I am impressed by this guy. He sent really cute sorry pictures and quotes, and also sent some lovely musical greetings. Seeing all those I realized sometimes reacting too much or showing anger is not that bad at all. I also got a confirmation, from his messages saying he thought I might be a fake profile. He sounded genuine, I am not angry anymore, but I decided not to reply for a couple of days and see his reaction. Because I wanted to know, whether he is reacting in the heat of the moment, or he genuinely wants to be friends with me? and he uploaded his new photos with letters S O R R Y individually with 5 different chocolates from my favorites list Munch, Bournville(Raisin and nut), Dairymilk (fruit and nut), Kitkat, 5star and made a beautiful collage out of it and posted on my wall adding a few lines like " I am sorry didn't mean to hurt you... Can we please be friends? I really want to talk to you and get to know more then you can get to eat all these chocolates.."

Seeing all the things, I felt happy and thought he is stupid smiling to myself for a second. But, I still want to give a benefit of the doubt. I thought he is cute, a little dark skin guy but his smile is mesmerizing and his face has some kind of attraction that is taking my attention. with that thought, I logged out of my Orkut account and started listening to some music and my thoughts automatically started thinking about Aakash. I thought it is weird but I felt good at least there is someone that awaits to talk to me.

My thoughts automatically went to when my mom used to say you're not supposed to laugh out loud and asking me to go inside when my brother's friends come home in my 8th class and the interesting part is that my brother is 7 years older than me and his friends about the same age and used to call me little one... I never understood the over protecting nature of my family. Even seeing someone on the road you know and smile at them just to be formal is also used to cause me trouble after going home. Mom used to be like How did you know that guy? who is technically 20 years older than me and son of an uncle who owns the stationery shop opposite to my home... I used to feel wow what a trust factor my mom has on me. And this all started when I am 8 years old and I wrote a love letter to my imaginary boyfriend Advay 😁(who never existed on Earth, except in my head lol) and I didn't even know how that thought came into my head but the worst case was mom finding it out when I went to school and after coming back she thrashed me without even knowing about it and burnt the letter.

Later I told dad all truth and he was like stunned, but couldn't do much because it already happened and from that moment I hated my mom and my secret life started. I never shared anything with anyone after that, I felt my family is judgemental and never understood me and once I used to have a habit of writing a personal diary but after that, I never put my feelings in a paper or anywhere visible. Happiness or sadness I buried it deep in my heart and learned acting everything is good even after nothing was and putting a smile on my face. My family has very specific rules like No friends allowed at home, No going out on weekends. ON Weekdays I should be home by 5.30 pm. If I ever want to go out with friends I used to bunk school and go and by mistake, If any extra classes will be there it is solely my mistake according to my mom. Even if I bunk school, my family would never find it. Unless some relatives saw me on the road and brought it to my mom's notice, that day will be my worst nightmare of the week. Being a girl in the Orthodox Indian family sucks, and all my friends know that I can't invite them over and whenever we want to bunk we can't roam around on roads.

So, they used to call their parents and say I am coming over and I used to ask aunties to make whatever I feel like eating, and by the time I go home food will be ready. I used to sit in my friends' houses and all their parents are super cool. I used to wish why can't they be my parents and used to feel envy of friends in my heart. With all these thoughts rushing in my head, tears pooled up in my eyes, I dragged myself to bed and cried to sleep. My last thought was my prayer to god to make Aakash a person who will understand me and never judge me without knowing me with that I drifted off to deep sleep.

Author's Note:

Hi friends, I hope you enjoyed today's chapter. I know its long but it's the flow of emotions and I didn't know where to end. Because understanding every thought of shanaya is really important through the book because it shows how she turned out in future chapters based on this tini tiny details.

Here is the letter my mom found out... It is kind of funny now but back then it is a big deal and that is how I imagined my prince charming to be at that time 🥰😍😊 I will never forget this letter even in my dreams haha 😂

Hey don't judge me I just 8 years old then 🙈😆

To Dear Advay,

How are you? I am doing good as usual but today I have so many to tell you. You know today a lot of magic happened to me want to know what, I went to math class after 2 days and as u know I hate math class and math teacher but today she was all sweet with me and she praised me for the sum I solved I was wowed. I got All rounder certificate in sports and I am first in all sports they conducted but lost in volleyball and got qualified for state-level sports. I wish you were here, we may celebrate it. And as you know my happy day never end with happiness it all ends with sadness :( mom found my personal dairy and its all about u and me but as she doesn't know you don't exist, she punished me by hitting for 20 minutes non-stop and said stop doing it so this will be my last letter for u 😞 I cried and told her the truth that u never existed but, she didn't, believe me, 😭 she thought I am lying but u know right I never lied 😥. I am sad and wanted to go somewhere but without u I don't want to do anything I will wait for u always wherever u are, just take care and be the best at what u do and come to take me from here as soon as possible I love u with all my heart 💗 and will always keep loving. Stay Safe Love. I am tearing the letter now. One day I meet u for sure...

From your Jas.

------------------------------------------------------------ End Of Love Letter and this chapter 😆

see you soon guys... #StayHealthy #StaySafe