Walking into my former bedroom didn't bring the comfort I thought it would. The emptied, unchanged room brought a sense of loneliness to my heart. With the colder months setting in, the room left a cold feeling rendering my body. However, this room was spacious, and that's what I wanted. Space from everything that seemed to be clogging my life.

As I move through the space, flashes of memories come to mind. I think about the time Blake and I laid on the bed and spent hours talking and asking questions about each other. The fading glimpse of our carefree selves leaves a warming impression on my heart.

I place my bag by the end of the bed before I take a seat. My eyes scan over the empty walls, taking in the small details of life. I notice the small scratch just beside my dressers. Kyle and I were fighting when I felt into the dressers, which scratched the wall. My parents were so mad at us.

This was, will always be my room, but it certainly doesn't feel like it anymore. I don't feel the attachment to the space, or the former life I lead in this room. I feel out of place like a tomato in a fruit salad.

Damn Blake and his comfy bed.

My phone buzzes in my back pocket, which makes me jump. I pull the device out and find a message from Blake on the screen.

                'I miss you already.' – Blake.

                'I miss your warm arms.' – Ava.

                'I miss your cute smile.' – Blake.

                'This will be good for us, I promise.' – Blake.

Jumping up from the bed, I stash the phone in the top draw of my side table. I need to turn my attention away from the buzzing screen before I find myself marching back into Blake's arms. I needed to be strong for me – for us.

Maybe I could read a book? That would help get me motivated to do something else, and obsessing over someone else's problems would be really nice. I'm sure my parents still have books tucked away somewhere in the study. I'm not sure if they're any good, though, so that worries me.

I open the bedroom door and step into the hallway. As I move down the dark space, I see a figure motiving towards me. I almost scream with fright until I notice the figure before me is my mother. Pressing my hand against my racing heart, I take a deep breath and smile.

"Hi, mum, what's up?" I ask, flipping on the hallway light behind me.

"Dinner is almost ready," she explains. "I wanted to tell you I invited Kyle over." The sound of Kyle's name sends my skin crawling – please no. After spending that time together yesterday, I know Kyle is going to be on my tail about what this secret is. I might pop if he keeps pestering... I'm not very good at keeping secrets.

"Uh, why?" slips out of my mouth.

My heart begins to thump unevenly inside of my chest, like a ball bouncing off walls. I came to my parents' house to seek refuge from the bloody outside work, Kyle included. Now she'd gone and invited him into our house.

Why can't I seem to find the space that I need?

"What's wrong?" asks mum. "Your father and I haven't seen Kyle in months, we just wanted to catch up with him." She frowns.

"Oh, okay, that's fine then." I slowly nod my head.

"I can uninvited him if that makes you happy," she offers. But the glowing look in her eyes tells me she wouldn't, even if I did request it. She seemed liked she was up to something, and it wasn't just a general catch up either.

"No." I shake my head, a pleasant smile forming on my lips. "It's alright."

"Great." She smiles. "Can you come and set the table for me?" Before I can even think about objecting to her request, I notice the sly smile on her face, the kind that makes you guilty if you say no.

"Sure, I'd love to."

I follow my mother downstairs and into the kitchen. The pasta dish she's cooking smells amazing, which makes my stomach rumble. At least I wouldn't be missing out on good food because that would be sucky. I bet Blake's ordering in food right now...

Pushing the delightful smell from my mind, I grab out the plates and cutlery. With the equipment in my hands, I carry it to the room next door. I start placing it on the table as I walk around in a circle.

From the corner of my eye, I catch the family photo of us pinned against the wall. I quickly look down at the table to straighten the knife next to the plate. Coming home isn't going to be good for my emotions after all.

The sound of the front doorbell ringing snaps me out of any pity party I'm about to begin. I push my shoulders back and smile. I'm alright.

As I step around the table to answer the door, mum comes flying past to do the job herself. Seconds later, I hear the dark rumble of Kyle's voice as he enters the house. I stand inside the dining room with anticipation – I hope things go well between us.

Kyle storms inside the room with a bright grin on his face, and the same mischievous brown eyes I've come to know so well. Instead of just a normal greeting hug, Kyle lifts me off my feet and swings me around in a circle.

"Hello my, Ava baby," he cheers excitedly.

With a slight wince, I jerk backwards and frown. "Where are you always so loud?" I ask.

"Because that's how my momma raised me." He laughs.

"Now don't you lie to me," interjects mum. "Your momma raised to be a gentleman, so what happened there?"

"Wow, you're stabbing me in the heart woman, what did I do wrong?" Kyle clutches his chest, a hearty laugh filling the air.

"You didn't give me a proper hug!" Kyle walks towards my mother and picks her up in the air. When he places her on the ground, she smacks his shoulder and smiles.

"You two sit, I'll grab dinner." Mum dashes into the kitchen while Kyle and I take a seat on our side of the table.

Mum and dad soon return to the room. Dad has a cold beer in his hand, while mum has a pot of pasta to place in the middle of the table. When we're all seated, we start serving our plates and chattering about how good the food smells.

Dad jumps in first with talk about work, and how he's going to catch up with Thomas on the weekend to watch the sport. Mum rolls her eyes with distaste as she eats her pasta.

When dad stops talking about sport, mum asks Kyle about his studies. Their chatter allows me to slump into my chair and return to the inner workings of my mind. I should be enjoying my meal, but my mind strays to the image hanging behind me. Spending some time with my family is nice, but it reminds me of Logan. With the addition of Kyle, it just makes me even more nervous than I should be.

"It's nice to have you both at the table," says mum, "just like old times."

The mention of, old times, sends my emotions into overdrive once more We'd never be able to do this without Logan. I miss his lame jokes, I think he's have something witty to say about my sudden situation. I bet he would have made a great uncle to. He'd always loved children, almost as much as I did. Logan was always going to be a family man, even if he wouldn't admit it sometimes... just sucks how life can take it all away from you.

With so much time passing and things moving in a hazed blur, it reminds me that I haven't been to his grave in a while. I'm starting to feel like a bad sister for not frequently visiting him.

"How about you?" asks Dad.

"Hm?" I frown.

"Are you okay?" Mum asks.

"I um, I need some air." I place the knife and fork on the table and stand up. They give me weird looks, but I brush that off. I walk around the table and straight out the front door to take a seat.

The cold night air sends my skin prickling with superficial goose bumps. However, it's the sound of the door opening behind me that has my hairs standing on end.

"Are you okay?" asks Kyle.

"I really wished people would stop asking me," I admit sheepishly.

"Sorry," he mumbles in reply.

Kyle takes a seat beside me and wraps his arms around my body. As he tugs me closer towards him, I slightly refrain from collapsing in his arms. But with the warmth radiating from his body, I can't resist snuggling in close. He's my best friend after all.

"It's not your fault," I explain.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he offers.

"Uh." I sigh, hiding my face in his chest.

"Why can't you tell me?" I wanted to tell Kyle, deep down inside, this secret burned to come out, but that same passion didn't follow through. I couldn't find the words, even if they were so simple. I couldn't hurt him, not yet.

"You wouldn't understand," I say.

It wasn't a lie, I could sense Kyle wouldn't understand what's happening or how I felt. I wasn't the same girl he was clinging onto, not anymore. This Ava baby has a baby on the way.

"Why don't you try me? Why were you upset at dinner?"

"Logan," I whisper, his name a fading noise in the air.

That wasn't a lie either, I'd been worried about Logan. Somehow, being back in our house brings back those memories. I know that I've moved passed his death, but it certainly didn't mean I wasn't going to miss him from time to time.

Not seeing him just made me feel like a shitty person. Adding the fact I'm a pregnant hormonal woman on top my crazy self, it made things incisively hard.

"What about Logan?" he asks.

"I haven't gone to see him in a while," I say.

"We could go right now," says Kyle. I look towards his face to see the solid truth in his features. He'd drive me there right now if that's what I wanted.

"I'm scared of the dark," I whisper.

"But I'm here to save you, Ava baby." He chuckles, squeezing my side in the process.

"Are you sure?" I don't know if he can save me right now.

"Let's do it." Kyle climbs to his feet and grabs my hands.

"We're insane, Kyle."

"Insanely mad." He winks. "Now let's go to a graveyard before I lose my nerve." With a chuckles, Kyle and I walk inside to grab our belongings. As I walk up the stairs and gaze at the images hanging on the walk, my mind ticks over.

Perhaps staying alone wasn't' the space I needed, but what I wanted. Somehow, I could see myself feeling better after this experience.

What are you afraid of?