The black dress clings to my body like iron chains wrapped around my chest. Tight enough to feel the pain of their cold iron grip, but not enough that I pass out. I'm strung in between. Lifeless even.

The dress brings memories of Logan's funeral to mind. I remember standing in my bedroom crying. It hurt to know Logan had passed because I blamed myself for it. Then, I couldn't find anything to wear. My dresses weren't suitable for a funeral and I didn't want to cause my mother any more trouble by asking her for advice. I'd felt trapped and confused.

Then the door squeaked opened and my mother walked inside. She was holding a wooden coat hanger with a black dress hanging from it. Her puffy red cheeks and sad eyes told me everything I needed to know. I didn't say thank you, but from the weak smile on her lips, she knew I was grateful. I never imagined I'd return the dress for another funeral.

I grab my jewelry out of the box and slide it on. A pair of diamond earrings and a shiny bangle for my wrist. As I look in the mirror, I tug on a fake smile.

"There we go, Ava, just like that."

Stepping into my heels, I wander to the bed and take a seat. I look towards the bathroom to see Blake struggling with his black tie. He smacks his hand on the bench when it doesn't work. He takes a deep breath and tries again. On the second attempt, he manages to get the length correct. He buttons his suit jacket and walks into the bedroom.

Blake bypasses my position on the bed to grab his phone from the dresser. London stands in her cot and begins screaming. Her fists hit the wooden railing on her cot as tears trickle down her cheeks. Instead of jumping to her aid, I sit and watch. Somehow, I can't move.

He rushes to her cot and scoops her up. Blake pats her back and snuggles her into his chest.

"Are you ready, Ava?" he asks.

"Hm?" I shake my head. "Yeah."

I get off the bed and we walk down the stairs. Blake grabs the car keys and London's bag as we walk towards the door. As we step into the backyard, Angela comes running out the house. She takes London from Blake's arms so that his hands are free.

"Are you both ready?" she asks.

"As I'll ever be." I nod my head.

"Thomas has the car running. I thought it might be easier if we went together?" she offers.

"Yea, thanks." Blake nods his head.

Blake and I follow Angela down the side of the house and out to the front yard. Thomas is already in the running vehicle. Blake takes the front seat while Angela and I get into the back. She straps London in her car seat and then we're off.

Once we arrive at the venue, Angela unstraps London and passes her to Blake. He takes my hand and tugs me through the front doors. People send their best wishes as we shuffle towards the front seats.

The room is beautiful. It's a simple touch with vibrant flowers to remove the cold eerie feeling of the room. Mum and Angela had invited a small group of our family - most of Blake's that I hadn't met.

My parents are at the front with Thomas and Angela. Then Jude, Ben, Kyle, and Tori are across the room by themselves.

The service begins with Angela and Thomas sharing a few words about Ivan. Their brief meeting through a window and how magical and precious he was. This is followed by my parents sharing a few touching words. They never really got the time to spend with Ivan but I can see they really cared for him.

Despite their touching words, I couldn't cry. Perhaps the running river finally dried up?

It's only when Blake gets up that he hands London to me. As she sits on my lap kicking her feet about, I notice how wrong it feels. It hard holding his child knowing the surrounding circumstances. I'd never be able to hold Ivan again.

Blake grips the side of the podium and tugs on a brave face. "The moment Ava told me the news, I was shocked. I was terrified but there was no regret. Then Ivan was born and I realised I had so much love to give. I held this perfect bundle in my arms for a brief second and I never wanted to let go."

He chokes up in the middle of his speech, so Blake takes a moment to compose himself.

"I never anticipated this would happen to us. We were so happy. Despite that, Ivan Kyle Rivers will always live in our hearts. I will always love you, Ivan. Always."

Some people clap and some people sniffle. Blake gets off the stage and Kyle steps up. I'm shocked but I wait and see what happens. Blake retakes his seat next to me and I pass him London. I hold onto Blake's hand and squeeze it tightly.

He awkwardly clears this throat and then pulls a piece of paper from his coat pocket. In the process, he knocks the microphone and it makes a funny noise.

"I'm not great at this, so here goes nothing." He smiles uneasily. "It was a shock when my best friend told me the news. I was worried. But time passed and she changed my mind. As this little baby grew he brought so much joy to our lives."

This part of the speech makes me internally smile. Kyle's a bugger, but I'm glad I could change his mind on the baby.

"Then I received the call. By the time I arrived at the hospital, I found Ava looking through the window at this incubator. Inside was this baby. I knew he'd be trouble." Kyle chuckles. " Ava told me his name, Ivan Kyle Rivers. I almost collapsed. Definitely trouble, he's named after me. When I looked at Ivan, I got it. I saw the way she looked at him, the love she instantly felt. Anyways." He coughs. "He's up in heaven with Logan looking down at us." Kyle sends me a smile before walking to the side.

Before he can grab a seat, I take his hand and drag him to the podium. I had no idea what to say despite having a page full of thoughts. But I know I need him by my side. Instead of reading from the page, I screw it up and toss it over my shoulder.

"I spend the last couple of days trying to write the perfect speech," I explain. "And I've realised there isn't anything perfect about this. You know, I'd spent so much time learning how to be a good mother. I never imagined I would be learning how to let go of someone I love so much, yet know little about."

I look at Blake and he nods his head to continue.

"It was a surprise myself. I thought I was sick and then Tori mentioned the possibility to me. I wasn't like Blake, I couldn't just accept it. I was terrified. And then the moment came. I gave birth and held this tiny baby in my arms."

Kyle's hand presses against my back. A slight comfort which keeps me going.

"That was a perfect moment for me. I didn't mind the fact I was exhausted and aching or the fact he was covered in muck. I was holding this perfect miracle in my arms. I felt a love like no other. It pains me to know that Ivan will never experience life but I promise to do it for him. To get out, to enjoy, to laugh, to love, to always remember his adorable self," I say. "Because we only get one life."

I sniffle and remove the stray tear from my cheek.

"We spend every moment of our lives dying, and I don't want to see it like that. I want to live for the both of us."

Kyle and I walk off the stage and to our seats. Blake passes London to Angela so that he can wrap his arms around me. I bury my face in his neck and sob. We hold onto each other tightly. When I calm down, I take a seat. Blake on one side, Kyle on the other.

A few other people say some things and then the service is closed. People scatter to the reception room while I stay seated. Kyle and Blake remain beside me while everyone else leaves.

Blake wraps his arm around me and kisses the top of my head.

"We can make it through together," whispers Blake.

I pull away from him and shake my head.

"I don't think we can, Blake. I can't look after your child knowing I've just buried mine." The tears stream down my face like an overflowing flood. I don't know how to stop them.

"I'm not expecting you to be fine, Ava. But I want you to come home with me so we can work through this together." Blake's vibrant green eyes beg me to stay. Yet the deception of fright shows me he know's what's going to happen.

"I don't want to go home with you. I can't do it. Can't see everything there or go back to how we were. I can't pretend this never happened. I'm sorry, but I can't do it." I shake my head.

"What are you saying? You can't be with me?" he asks.

"That's exactly what I'm saying." I nod.

I stand up and shuffle out of our row of seating. I don't look back, I just walk. Shoving the doors open, I run down the steps and keep going. Someone tugs my arm and I'm pulled back. I slam into a warm chest and look up.

"Where are we going?" asks Kyle.

"Just drive me somewhere." 

With a numbness uncosoulable, Kyle drives into the distance that's my despise. 

I decided on this ending because I want a realistic series that covers a broad range of topics. I think it's important to show that in life, you don't always ride into the sunset. You have your heart broken, you lose people you love, you fall down, and you screw up, it's normal. 

I'm sorry this ending isn't everything people hoped for, but I promise, there's a lot more happiness to come in the series :)