Somehow I'd managed to lose all of my messed up emotions and be left with denial. Is that considered progress? I'm not too sure anymore. Denial wasn't hurting me, yet, but it's not something I should become accustomed to either. Denial wasn't going to help me in the long run.

In a sense, denial is what you make it, so far it's become a comforting cushion that I refuse to let go of. It's the only thing stopping me from hitting rock bottom at this point. I'd fallen and denial had caught me from crashing. I think it would be rude to throw away that pillow now.

Professionals? No, they could be wrong as well. I'd probably only believe it the moment it starts to happen. Denial probably means I've completely lost the plot, but it means I keep moving on... Denial is the one thing keeping me from curling up in a ball crying. Well, I'm already crying a lot.

However, denial wouldn't last forever, even if you wanted it to.

Kyle taught me that it was always better to face the world head-on, even if it's just a baby step at a time. The world could knock you down, but you'd be resilient like a baby, and get up seconds after falling to try again. Right now it feels like a colossal jump off a freaking cliff and I don't know how to get back up. Denial was comforting.

I open the front door and shuffle inside. The smell of roasting meat wafts down the hallway and sets off the hunger in my stomach. At least my appetite has finally returned after a couple of days. I'd been eating as a necessity rather than by will.

Taking off my coat jacket, I hang it on the hook by the door and then make my way towards the kitchen. As I peer around the corner, I find Blake standing behind the stove cooking with a large pot in front of him.

"Hey, baby, hungry?" He softly smiles.

"Starving, actually." I slowly nod my head.

I didn't know how to act in front of Blake anymore. I wanted to laugh, to smile, and jump around, but part of me didn't feel like it. That part of me felt like an anchor sinking in the ocean away from Blake. I felt like we'd stepped into new territory and I couldn't figure out a way back to him.

Well, I should be less dramatic. We wouldn't always be lost or apart. At some point, we'd find that same place together. We're on the same island, so of course, we'd make it back together. I hope we do at least. This boat ride through life isn't worth much without him.

"That's good," he replies. "I'm just about to cook the vegetables." As I bypass the kitchen bench, I look across and see the large tray on the table along with the seasoning and oil to go with the vegetables.

"All this for me?" I half-smile.

After spending a long day at work and then having to troop down to the doctors, I'm glad I've got the chance to come home to this. Blake was going to leave work early to come with me. But, I felt as if this was something I needed to do by myself. I needed to take that first step of independence and try to be strong without having to lean on Blake for a change.

Somehow, I wanted to find the Ava I was before. The one who's self-dependent and could tackle things without having to lean on someone else's shoulder.

I didn't want to go back to the girl who couldn't do anything because nothing phased her. She couldn't feel the emotion inside of her because she'd locked it up in fear of hurting, in fear of accepting the hurt pulsing inside.

"Of course." He opens his arms and I dash into them. As Blake wraps his arms around my body tightly, I nuzzle my face into the crook of his neck and breathe in the smell of his scented body wash.

"Hm." I sigh with content.

Blake squeezes my body and picks me up. We walk to the end of the bench and settles me on the edge. I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his body to prevent him from walking away.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks.

"I –" I shake my head and frown. My gaze drops to his chest and I pull in a deep breath to calm myself. The thought about talking about this sends me on edge. I want to cry but I also don't want to keep breaking down in front of Blake.

"It's okay." Blake's finger hooks under my chin and then forces my head up. His beautiful green eyes gaze into mine. I see the love and adoration consuming every inch of his glistering eyes.

"But, I, oh."

"I wanted to tell people to get it over with –"

"No," I shout, shaking my head in the process. "Please Blake, promise me you won't tell," I beg, tears streaming down my face.

I want to lock this mess away and deal with it another day. I want to spend my freedom connecting to the people we were once before... just a boy and a girl in the hallway with the promise of an uncertain forever.

"Shh... Ava." Blake crushes my body against his chest and cuddles me tightly. I sob into his chest as I think about the reaction of our friends and family. I can just imagine the disappointed looks on my parent's faces... and Kyle, what would he do? Worse, what would he say?

"I just, I need to get my –" I sniff. "– my head around it first."

"We're a team, Ava baby, we'll do things when we're both ready." Blake rubs his hands up and down my back in a comforting gesture. Somehow, the feeling of his warm chest against my cheek and his hands rubbing my back, the world feels a little less dark. My sun had come back into orbit.

"Thank you."

Blake pulls my body away from his and looks me in the eyes.

"Are you okay if I finish dinner quickly?" he asks.

Snuffling, I nod my head and smile, "Sure."

Blake kisses my forehead and walks back to the food. He lays out the vegetables and seasons them with herbs and oil before putting the tray into the oven to cook. When he returns to me, he wraps his arms around my body and picks me off the table.

We walk into the lounge room and he places me on my feet. Blake sits in the corner, while I lay across his lap and snuggle into a cushion. Blake rubs my back while he flicks through the channels on the television.

"It's so quiet without London," I comment.

"I suppose it is," he agrees with me.

"Just think, we'll have two babies to look after soon," I groan.

"Could be worse, Ava. It could be twins and London."

"True." I sigh.

"Do you think London is old enough to train? We could have her babysitting our little one." He laughs. Oddly, the thought of this makes me laugh with him.

"And the housework as well." I smile. "I'll need someone to cook dinner and do the washing."

"See? Everything will be okay." The more I hear those words, the more I come to believe that perhaps Blake and I could do this together. We've got our parents and our friends behind us... things wouldn't always be a struggle.

I just needed to survive telling people about it.

"What will your parents say?" I ask.

"Probably the same as last time." He shrugs.

"And that was?"

"You should have been safe, what are your plans, how are you going to raise a child? And that was mainly my father there." He sighs dramatically. "Mum wanted to know everything, due dates, gender, how far along Tori was," Blake lists off.

"I can imagine Angela like that." I nod my head with a smile. "She's pretty chill about most things, heck, she let me swim around the pool in my underwear." There were many things I liked about Angela, she just seemed to get it without having to go too far into it all. I'm glad Blake's like that too.

"It's probably where I get my chillness from. We just roll with it. I imagined we'd have kids in our white picket fence house, but this works too. I've never been one for conventions either, but I promise to give you the life you deserve, Ava."

"But you already give me everything I need." I half-smile.

"Not in my eyes." He shakes his head. He gaze drops from mine and I see she sheer sadness consuming his features. "I didn't do right by you."

I shuffle up and grab his face, tugging him towards me so that our foreheads rest against each other. I look into his eyes and smile with true happiness that comes from the thought of Blake.

"Blake Rivers, you do right by me every day. All I need is your unconditional love, and you've already given that to me." My heart begins to thump in my chest, a noticeable pulse that sends my arm hairs on end. "You're my slice of always."

The mention of always rustles old feelings in my heart once more. It's been a while since I'd thought of Logan, but his notion of always never made sense until I got my chance with Blake. With always, there was no going back, all in, all the time. The promise of always is a settling word for my feelings.

We wouldn't always be the same Ava and Blake, and perhaps we'd tried too hard to cling to our former selves. Life will continue to change, but Blake will be my always.

"Always you," I whisper.

"Always you."

Blake presses his lips against mine and I lose myself to another world, a world where I didn't need to fear the consequences of today, but to enjoy the prospect of what's to come.

Anyone else in denial?